Oh, You Wanted to Clean Your Whole Body?

So, I get this new body wash, and I'm just about to use it for the first time in the shower yesterday when I notice the WARNING:

[For those who can't view the image, it says: "Keep out of reach of children. Avoid contact with eyes and intimate areas. Keep out of direct sunlight. This product has not been tested on animals." I love the idea of no animal testing being reported not as a selling point, but as a warning, btw. lol your progressive marketing fail.]

Now, because this product smells like plumeria, has a purple flower on the packaging, and has "shimmer" added to the gel (which I did not notice when I purchased it), and because I am fluent in the language of Feminazese, I know that this product is for girlz.

Which means that "intimate areas" means "ladybits."

Which means that I purchased a body wash which I now cannot use to wash my cunt.

Which, as it happens, I consider part of my body.

Which makes their instructions to "massage over the body" rather too broad, as what they really mean is "massage over the parts of your body that aren't your cunt."*

One wonders if the makers of this soon-to-be-found-in-the-trash body wash are in league with Summer's Eve, whose accountants must despair that not enough women are ashamed of their dirty, smelly snatches these days because of all the nasty, cooter-positive feminism.

Luckily, I still have some St. Ives at the bottom of the bottle, which is happily cunt-friendly.


* Or eyeballs!

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