Just In Time For Valentine's Day

We are the goon squad and we're coming to town... Beep beep!

Because masturbation is a gateway drug, leading to dirty, dirty sex, the same way smoking weed means you'll inevitably end up snorting pancreas through a silly straw and mainlining nuke. Don't believe me? Well, it's a fact. Just ask read this article written by a "doctor." Or don't. It's painfully stupid. (That too is a fact.) Whatever. Just stop jacking off. And buy a shirt.

(Via Gawker.)

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