Shorter Michael Alvear

What Your Sex Life Will Be Like in 2009
Have more impersonal sex; do it whenever the urge strikes, no matter what the consequences. If you're single, porn is your only option. And above all, it's going to be awesome, because the shitty economy will force those greedy, golddigging women to fuck you out of desperation for cash. You can totally take advantage of prostitutes, dude.
No, really. I wish I was kidding. A sample:
3. You're going to be paying a lot less for it: Nobody's going to put call girls in a higher tax bracket this year. With a tanking economy, streetwalkers, pole dancers and gold diggers alike are going to have to give it up for less. So are the online dating sites, as they compete with free sites like,, and It's like they've been working a corner for years and now some hussy's going to do the job for free. Oh, my.
But I'm sure it's all a joke and I just need to get a sense of humor.

[H/T to Shaker Lee.]

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