I Write Letters

Dear Hollywood,

I am officially calling a moratorium on straight male actors "playing gay" until they can do it without acting like it's a Big Fucking Deal.

I mean, you know, good for Jim Carrey for talking about his internalized homophobia, but no one needs a humanitarian award for making out with Ewan McGregor, okay?

Additionally, the moratorium will not be lifted until gay-playing hetero superheroes can refrain in toto from describing kissing another man as prickly, scratchy, stubbly, or itchy, or making reference in any other way (e.g. "beard burn") to the skin irritation allegedly involved in every dude-on-dude liplock.

Please also note that love scenes are not to be described as "gross" or any equivalent, nor men as "smelly" or any equivalent, particularly by men who, in their daily lives, expect women to engage in sex acts with them without thinking they are "gross" or "smelly," and who simultaneously want us to believe they're "cool" with homosexuality.

Thank you, and have a queer day.

Warmest regards,

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