Monday Movie Reviews: The Iron Man

Hey assholes, it's Kenny Blogginz here, with another one of my steamy Monday Movie Reviews! This week I'm going to be talking about "The Iron Man" starring Robert Danny Jr. and Jeff Bridge. This was a real great American film for the family. "The Iron Man" is the first official blockbuster of the summer, and boy did it bust my blocks!

"The Iron Man" is all about Toni Starks, played by Danny Jr., a loveable alcoholic arms dealer who sleeps with ladies and supplies Our Boys with missiles to shoot into the families of The Bad Guys. Everything changes when Starks's H3 gets attacked by The Bad Guys after he gave a presentation about how sweet his missiles are.

Needless to say, Starks gets captured by the Bad Guys and builds a robotic exoskeleton to help him escape. When he returns to God's Country, he has a real epiphany about arms dealing...and how he doesn't want to anymore. Pretty standard summer movie fare here. Danny Jr.'s performance really sets this film apart from all the other exoskeleton-themed films of this year, however. He really captures the essence of an arms dealer with a laser-heart.

Jeff Bridge does a great job playing Starks's bald mentor, Obadiah Stank. He also ends up losing his shit and building a larger, douchier version of The Iron Man's armor. Gwenyth Paltrow really lights up the silver screen as Starks's personal assistant and possible buttsecks interest, Pol Potts.

Not unlike most other movies out right now, "The Iron Man" ends with Jeff Bridge being atomized in a huge explosion of unstable energy. Oh yeah, Spoiler Alert. "The Iron Man" may be made out of iron, but I know what type of metal his heart is made out of. Gold. Hero's Gold.

Go and see "The Iron Man" if you like things that are great. If not, you could just see "Made of Honor" (GET IT?) starring America's Male Sweetheart, Patrick Dumpsey.

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus