Welcome to Weimar Wesley Acres

AP:

From the ground, the Wesley Acres Methodist retirement home looks like any other building. But fly over in an airplane, and the outline is unmistakable: It's one big swastika.

I'm sure that the top-notch architect on the job really did think that this looked good on paper. As Shakesville Heeb Laureate, I thought it would be appropriate to visit the facility to see what's going on.

Upon entrance, I could've sworn I saw some goose-stepping. Ah, never mind. Crutches. The people generally seem ok, even though some of them look at me kind of funny. I noticed a nice older woman knitting in her room, so I thought I'd take a quick look and say hello. When I saw the half-completed yellow star in her lap, I wished her a guten tag and ran down the hall.

What's this? Looks like one of the new wings they added to accentuate the swastika shape.

The "Leni Riefenstahl Wing."

Hmm. Well, I suppose they could've named it after worse people. Apparently, this is the on-grounds cinema. Well, that's kind of cool. I mean, it gives folks a chance to go to the movies without having to deal with the google-plex theatres these days. Let's see what the schedule says.

Triumph of the Will on a loop?

OK, that's enough of that. All of this propaganda is starting to make me a little hungry. Where's the cafeteria in this joint? I walked for seemed to be an endless time around the swastika-like maze of the place. Hope was almost lost until I finally found what I was looking for.

Man-O-Manischewitz that was tough, but now I knew where to grab some grub. There was a big board in front that listed today's specials:

• Bratwurst
• Knackwurst
• Weisswurst
• Wiener Schnitzel
• Jaeger Schnitzel
• Side dish: Fritz's Gritz and Sauerkraut

Damn - what's a Heeb gotta do to get some matzah ball soup, corned beef and pastrami and latkes here?! No matter. The bratwurst and sauerkraut were pretty good! I have to admit that I didn't feel so great after the gritz. Maybe there's a doctor here who can check me out real quick.

I found the doctor's office; it just said "Dr. M." I went in and told him that Fritz done me wrong at lunch time. He just looked at me curiously and said, "You're here a little early - the experiment session doesn't start until after the arts & crafts. Say, you don't have a twin, do you?"

Keeeeeeeeeeeeeep runninggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!

Phew... (pant pant). That was close. Well, I think I've seen enough of this place to know where they stand on things. I think my next stop will have to be the architect's home. My guess is that it's probably shaped like a Reichsadler (with a bunker downstairs).