Last-Minute SuperTues Helpful Hints for Hils

Care of Meta Wagner (via lyzurgyk):

• It's okay to appear ambitious. Ambitiousness shows that you're confident and secure—a leader.

• Don't appear too ambitious; it freaks men out and offends less accomplished women.

• Don't cry, or it will expose you as too weak to lead our fine nation. And, remember, if you cry, then Jesse Jackson, Jr. will accuse you of crying out of self-pity, rather than for Hurricane Katrina victims.

• Do cry, because you don't want to appear unfeeling and robotic; crying humanizes you! And even if you simply well up a bit, they'll call it crying, anyway, so you may as well let the waterworks flow.

• For God's sake, don't laugh. Your laugh is a crazy cackle, and whenever you let loose, you'll be accused of deflecting attention away from an issue you don't want to confront.

• Do laugh, or else people will think you have no sense of humor, and the last president to lack a sense of humor was Nixon—you certainly don't need that comparison.

• Don't allow fine lines to appear on your face, or Rush Limbaugh, that paragon of GQ handsomeness, will question whether the nation is ready to witness a woman age in office.

• Do age naturally, because if you go for cosmetic surgery or even Botox, it will reinforce the perception among some voters that you are not genuine.

• Flash some cleavage to remind us you're a woman.

• Cover it up because it's unseemly for a woman "of a certain age" to dress like a slut.

• Wear pantsuits because they make you look both fashionable and authoritative.

• Don't wear pantsuits, because Anna Wintour says not to, and you don't want to mess with the devil.

• Use Bill Clinton to campaign on your behalf because he's the best there is (or at least he used to be) and people still like the two-for-one deal.

• Don't use Bill Clinton because you ought to run on your own record and, besides, he's really annoying the crap out of a lot of party leaders.

• Refer to yourself as 'Hillary' because it makes you seem accessible.

• No, refer to yourself as Senator Clinton because it reminds people of your experience.

• No, call yourself Hillary Rodham Clinton to show you maintain an identity separate from your husband's.

• No, call yourself Hillary Clinton (without the Rodham) to show you are committed to your marriage despite all the whispered rumors.

• Oh, hell with it, call yourself 'Hill'. It's a win-win-win: it makes you one of the gals and it reminds people that you work on Capitol "Hill" and it lets you avoid the whole 'Clinton' imbroglio.

• And of course no list of advice for Hillary Clinton would be complete without the following: Above all else, be yourself.

I totally agree, Hils.

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus