Portly Dyke's Guide to Things That Do Not Exist

The Following Things DO NOT Exist

(Please update your records)

Thing Which Does Not Exist
First Foisted on the American Imagination ON/BY:
Santa Claus

1881 -- Thomas Nast

War on Christmas

2005 -- Bill O'Reilly

Tooth Fairy

1900 -- Rosemary Wells

1949 -- Lee Rothgow

The Gay Agenda

1992 -- Family Research Council

Also not existing -- Gay Destruction of:

1) Marriage

2) Family

3) Western Civilization

4) The World

in Iraq

2002 -- George W. Bush

Liberal Fascism

2007 -- Jonah Goldberg and others

When people decide to
A) Graduate from MSU (Making Shit Up), and then
B) Go around distributing their Master's Thesis from MSU as if it is fact . . .

Well, that really pisses me off. This technique is called "The Big Lie"

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”~ Joseph Goebbels

"It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously." ~ Mein Kampf

Case in point: There is no "War on Christmas" -- it doesn't exist. It never did exist. There are no brigades of people vandalizing Creche scenes across the nation or participating in gang assaults on individuals who say "Merry Christmas" on public transit.

Case in point: There is no "Gay Agenda" -- it doesn't exist. It never did exist. There are no queer parents kidnapping their children and forcing them to enter homosexual-indoctrination programs, and no school administrators attempting to shut down student organizations that promote acceptance of heterosexuality.

Case in point: There are no "WMDs in Iraq". They don't exist. They never did. (I believe that this one needs no further explanation.)

Case in point: There are no "Liberal Fascists" -- they don't exist. They never did. There are no true liberals who are advocating wire-tapping, illegal imprisonment, false arrest, or allowing one person to become supreme leader of the entire government in case of an "emergency" -- and all for the "Greater Good" -- a justification used again and again by Fascist regimes. (Under National Socialism, Hitler used this justification for all four of these activities.)

So, the next time someone wants to toss these MSU phrases around, I suggest that you say:

"Well, I'd be glad to talk to you about the [War on Christmas/Gay Agenda/Liberal Fascists], but first, we're going to have to establish whether Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy exist or not. You better pee first. I have a feeling it's going to be a long conversation."

(I'm guessing the whole WMDs thing probably won't come up --even the staunchest winger seems to avoid the subject these days, but if it does, the phrase above should work just fine.)

This has been another educational moment and Rebuttal-Readiness tool from PortlyDyke. [crossposted]

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