News from Shakes Manor

During a marathon Trivial Pursuit session this evening, I unexpectedly tapped into a heretofore undiscovered talent: I can talk like a cattle auctioneer—and, unaccountably, reading everything superfast and in the flat, nearly-robotic monotone of an auctioneer totally circumvents my usual propensity to stutter like a gormless douchenozzle; instead, every word comes out with otherwise elusive crystal clarity.

I began reading all the questions that way, which sent Mr. Shakes into an absolute fit of hysterics. He was laughing so hard he was coughing and sputtering and alternatingly begging me to stop and declaring it the funniest thing he's "ever fooking heard!"

There's pretty much nothing in the world that satisfies me more than making him weep with laughter, so this is definitely a skill that I will call upon in future, even if I never stumble upon a corral full of adoptable calves and eager livestock consumers looking for someone to make their collective dreams come true.

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