President, Shmezident

Dubya is really breaking out his A-list material on this Aussie trip. Prior to trotting Condi around as his main squeeze, he got off the money quote of the day:

[Bush] believes success is being achieved in Iraq and told the Deputy Prime Minister, Mark Vaile, upon arrival on Tuesday night that "we're kicking ass".

I know that we're not short on examples of Bush completely making a fool of himself (and us, by proxy) on the world leadership stage, but this one's off the charts. Apparently, those pesky GAO reports simply don't exist. If they're not in the bubble, they're just harmless vapor. Of course, maybe I'm just misreading the report title. Let's see:

Securing, Stabilizing, and Rebuilding Iraq: Iraqi Government Has Not Met Most Legislative, Security, and Economic Benchmarks

I don't see anything there remotely resembling kicking of any ass, unless Bush secretly declared today to be Opposite Day. Heck, that would even explain the Condi remark ("Heh heh... When I say she's my date, she's really not my date! Heh heh.").

For the end of his routine, Bush knocks it out of the park wishing all of his Jewish supporters a happy new year. A week early.

President Bush issued a statement last night that sends "greetings to those around the world celebrating Rosh Hashanah." Unfortunately, that holiday doesn't begin this week.

The Jewish new year -- 5768 -- begins at sunset on Sept. 12. In prior years, the president's message was released within a day or so of the holiday. This year, perhaps because they're in Australia, a day ahead of the rest of us, they sent out the greeting a week in advance.

Forget lecture circuits, George. With material like that, you should be headlining the Friars roast.