Hoosier Pride

Total fucking genius Alejandro Valencio of Evansville, Indiana got stuck in the chimney of the house belonging to his girlfriend Connie Deweese when he got drunk and tried to go all Santa on her ass after she locked him out. He was rescued without injury, but the fire department had to tear a massive hole in the wall to do it, and Connie was not pleased: ''I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die." Oof!

Good fucking lord. It's really the FUBU shirt that puts the icing on this delicious cake of supertrash.

These are the questions I have: Why on earth doesn't he call the cops—or at least move!—when she starts throwing bottles at him? Why is she hitting him with a garbage can in front of rolling TV cameras? Didn't I see this sketch on Mr. Show once? And, most importantly, why do I live in Indiana?

This is why I find My Name Is Earl about as funny as a documentary on coin collecting.

[Via Michael K, who declares Connie "a true American icon."]

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