Why Girls and Boys Shouldn't Drink

Girls: Because they "could do things they don't really want to do"—or that their moms don't want them to do.

Boys: Because they "could make some serious mistakes" or—get hurt.

That's according to some hawt new PSAs from the US Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council. (If you can't listen, I transcribed them below.)

Shaker Joe sent me the link, noting that he's a father of daughters—and a former teenage boy—and he was struck by the differences between the two ads. As was I, once I gave them a listen. The differences are understated, but undeniable—and what a coincidence that the subtle differences in script seem to reinforce sex-based stereotypes: Girls need to be obedient ("honey, trust me, if you drink, you could do things you don't really want to do, that I don't want you to do"); boys need to be independent thinkers ("just cuz [some kids] drink, doesn't mean you have to"). Girls need protection ("Listen, I'm just trying to protect you., all right?"); boys need stern advice ("You may think you can handle it, but…it's dangerous."). Even the differences in tone in Mom's and Dad's voices are telling.

Also: I'll no doubt be accused of hearing things that aren't there, but "if you drink, you could do things you don't really want to do" sounds to me like rape prevention with built-in victim-blaming. Unless by "do things you don't really want to do," Mom just means "accidentally puking on your boyfriend's dick while consensually blowing him." Or something.

* * *
Mom: Careful at the party, hon. Remember what we talked about?

Girl: I know, Mom.

Mom: No alcohol, right?

Girl: Yeah, I knoooow.

Mom: Honey, seriously—I know you're in high school now, but you're still too young to drink and you're still my daughter. I don't want anything happening to you.

Girl: I know. I know.

Mom: Really—drinking is different with kids. You're still growing; you're still developing. It messes with your judgment.

Girl: I knoooow.

Ominous Voiceover: Teenagers know everything. So talk about underage drinking before they know it all, before they're teens.

Mom: And you could do things—honey, trust me, if you drink, you could do things you don't really want to do, that I don't want you to do.

Girl: Yeah, Mom. I know.

Mom: Listen, I'm just trying to protect you., all right? If you're a grown woman, it's different, but you're not.

Girl: I know, okay? I know.

OVO: Start talking—before they start drinking. And keep talking. To learn more about the dangers of underage drinking, and what to say to your kids, go to stop alcohol abuse dot gov. Brought to you by the US Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council.

* * *
Dad: Son, I want you home by ten, all right?

Boy: I know.

Dad: Hold on—listen, we need to talk about drinking.

Boy: [sigh]

Dad: You know how I feel about alcohol.

Boy: Yeah, I know.

Dad: Seriously—you're way too young to drink. I know some kids are drinking, but you're my kid. And just cuz they drink, doesn't mean you have to.

Boy: I know.

Dad: I mean, you're still growing; you're still developing. You may think you can handle it, but you're not a grown-up yet. It's dangerous.

Boy: I know, okay?

Ominous Voiceover: Teenagers know everything. So talk about underage drinking before they know it all, before they're teens.

Dad: Listen, when you drink, it screws up your judgment. I don't want you getting hurt. You could make some serious mistakes.

Boy: I know, I know.

Dad: Listen to me—this is real.

Boy: I know, okay? I know.

OVO: Start talking—before they start drinking. And keep talking. To learn more about the dangers of underage drinking, and what to say to your kids, go to stop alcohol abuse dot gov. Brought to you by the US Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council.