Sanjaya Must Be Stopped

Last week millions of nervous Americans gathered around their televisions to see if Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old Indian-American contestant with the face of an angel and the voice of…something else, would finally be kicked off of American Idol. But once again Sanjaya defied all expectations and common sense and survived another round in the contest that defines this country as much as Nascar, the Superbowl, presidential elections and monster trucks. It is finally time to acknowledge that the inexplicable and frightening Sanjaya juggernaut has reached crisis proportions and something must be done about it before it is too late.

Sanjaya seems like a nice kid and his singing is really no worse than many pop stars, including American Idol judge Paula Abdul herself. But this is not a small-town talent show we are talking about, it is American Idol, the number one show in the country, and increasingly people around the world are asking themselves, What is wrong with American voters? Have they gone completely insane to vote for someone who is clearly so incompetent and dim-witted and has gotten as far as he has on little more than charm and luck?

"He stunk less than usual," said perplexed conservative pundit Dean Barnett. "One thing that all us Sanjaya-bashers should understand -- there's something about this nice but creepy young man that appeals to a lot of people." Remarked Dr. Steven Taylor: "All of this may indicate that it is a good thing that young folks don't vote en masse in US elections." Blogger and sitcom writer Ken Levine lamented, "Sanjaya is now just humiliating himself every week. This is like when people dress up their dogs."

The Anchoress zeroed in on why the continued success of Sanjaya is so worrisome for our image abroad. "Is it just me or is there a dearth of "manly men" everywhere in pop culture?" she wondered, giving us a glimpse into the thought processes of a cloistered woman who has the time and solitude to contemplate the deepest mysteries of life. "All the men seem to be feminized or wispy-looking…on the radio they all sound like they're 16 years old…whatever happened to manly men in pop music?" If the unthinkable happens and Sanjaya actually wins the competition, what are terrorists going to think of the United States? Will the "feminized" image of Sanjaya displace the swaggering machismo of our President landing on that aircraft carrier in the minds of those who would destroy us? Or perhaps they see us as a nation of crying little girls like the one who was overwhelmed by Sanjaya's performance of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me."

Although it may be true that the little girls understand the charms of Sanjaya, the rest of us are completely in the dark. Theories abound to explain Sanjaya's surprising victories, which may actually have been engineered by our enemies to weaken us. Some believe that Sirius Radio shock jock Howard Stern, who long ago demonstrated his disloyalty to this country when he turned against President Bush, has aided and abetted Sanjaya's success by throwing his support behind the teenager. That theory, however, assumes that Sirius Radio actually has listeners. Others speculate that Indian calling centers have been voting en masse for Sanjaya. "We took away your jobs by dangling better profit margins in the face of your companies and now -- now, we're going to take American Idol!" ominously intoned Indian-American critic Amrita Rajan, whose immigration status should probably be looked into. I don't think I need to point out that Osama bin Laden is hiding in that part of the world and he may even be behind the apparent hijacking of the American Idol vote.

Even more shocking, Vote For the Worst, a website that proudly proclaims to be dedicated to destroying American Idol and possibly our way of life, has been urging its visitors to vote for Sanjaya. "Votefortheworst.com was started in 2004 to support voting for the entertaining contestants who the producers would hate to see win on American Idol," the site explains. "Vote for the Worst encourages you to have fun with American Idol and embrace its suckiness by voting for the people who the general public and the producers are rooting against." Many Americans are understandably outraged. "Thousands of Americans are giving their lives for our country right now," wrote a visitor named Katie. "America is free because of them, and I don't think our founding fathers would see this website as an intelligent use of our democracy. For all those voting for Sanjaya, please don't be ignorant, and remember what is REALLY important in our world and make a difference by helping those who are helping our country."

Katie is right. Our soldiers are fighting in Iraq so that Americans can stay at home and watch America's best and brightest young talents entertain us on television, not to be subjected to the cynical electoral manipulations of those who mock the principles and ideals this country was founded on. Disturbing images of out-of-tune singers on our televisions could have a devastating effect on the morale of our citizens. And imagine if Americans embraced the philosophy of voting for the worst candidate in presidential elections! It's almost too horrible to think about.

Some patriotic Americans are trying to do something to stop Sanjaya. A young California woman has gone on a hunger strike until Sanjaya is voted off and others have joined her. While it is gratifying to know that some Americans have their priorities straight, I'm afraid her well-meaning effort is the wrong approach. A hunger strike is actually an un-American tactic, one that is embraced by leftists and the terrorists at Guantanamo.

Perhaps Fred Thompson, who recently attacked Gandhi, will tackle this even more dangerous menace from the subcontinent. But I think there may only be one solution to the Sanjaya crisis: Intervention by the Supreme Court. They should step in immediately to stop the voting and kick Sanjaya off the show. There is, of course, precedent for the Court's taking action when votes seem to be going the wrong way: the landmark Bush v. Gore decision. In fact, I think the Court should have stepped in earlier to prevent Sanjaya from making it into the Top Ten, which means that he will now go out on the American Idol tour, prolonging America's Tiger Beat nightmare. If the Supreme Court stepped in, it would provide a valuable lesson to nascent democracies in places like Iraq about the limits that sometimes must be placed on voting for the good of the country. And it would reverse some of the damage that has already done to our image abroad before it is irreparably destroyed.

Crossposted at Jon Swift