"Good luck with your Fucktologists."

Yesterday, Mannion wrote a post about how his dreams are boring, and about one specific boring dream in which he spent a little time with Robert Redford. Mannion and I have spoken about dreams before, because I have crazy ones. Vivid, elaborate, uncanny, crazy dreams. Not at all like his potato peeling dreams. As it happens, I had a rather strange one last night…

I dreamt I had started a new "religion" as a joke. There was a whole background sequence in which it was developed as a facetious competitor to Scientology, but that's neither here nor there. All you really need to know is that it was called Fucktology, and its adherents worshipped Keanu Reeves.

Then a long time passed, during which I completely lost interest in Fucktology, because the joke was so over, but then I realized people had started taking it seriously, and they'd forgotten that it had been started as a joke. Point Break was now considered a good movie, full of hidden meaning. The Fucktologists were fighting over interpretations of various scenes in The Matrix trilogy. It was totally out of control, and I didn't know what to do.

Then Jesus appeared and he said, "You think you've got it bad? Check out the shit I have to deal with."

I said, "Totally, I know." We watched a bunch of Fucktologists screaming at each other for a minute, and then I said, "Hey, so, are you like really the son of God and stuff?"

Jesus said, "Dude, I was just a guy trying to tell people to be groovy and shit, you know? God doesn't even exist. There's no afterlife, no heaven—I'm just a figment of your subconscious now."

"Oh," I said.

Jesus nodded and then clapped me on the shoulder. "Right, I'm outta here. Good luck with your Fucktologists," he said.

"Thanks," I said. "Seeya."


That was the end of the dream. Oh, and Jesus looked like Naveen Andrews. I loved how he called me "dude."

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