Harry Potter and the Half-Brained Dumbass: The Final Battle

Starting way back in April of this year, we started covering the saga of poor, persecuted Harry Potter. I mean, can't the guy catch a break? He just wants to get the kiddies worshipping Satan. Oh...wait, he's a fictional character who fights evil in the pages of books. As you may recall, a Georgia woman who has never read the books (of course) has been fighting to ban Harry from the library shelves.

Well, Ms. Mallory had her way and it has come to the State BoE in Georgia:

ATLANTA: The state Board of Education will decide Wednesday whether to keep Harry Potter books on library shelves in one suburban Atlanta school district, and the matter will be discussed in public rather than behind closed doors as previously planned.

The board will consider an appeal by parent Laura Mallory who is upset that the Gwinnett County school board voted to keep the best-selling books in its schools, despite her claims that the books indoctrinate children in pagan religion.


A hearing officer has recommended that the state board uphold the Gwinnett board's decision to keep the books on shelves. Mallory, of Loganville, has worked more than a year to try to get the popular novels pulled from schools because of their references to witchcraft. It is not apparent how much discussion there will be of the appeal before the state board votes.

Mallory did not immediately return repeated calls for comment Monday and Tuesday.

Ah, but I remember what Ms. Mallory has said:

"There are so many problems facing our children today — drugs, alcohol, violence and the growth of the occult, too. These books are helping to mainstream witchcraft. These books are dangerous and harmful to our children. I am a Christian. I feel that Christian rights are being abolished in this country. Everyone talks about our views being pushed on them. But what about our beliefs? Don't we have any rights at all?"

Oh? And what else did she say? You didn't read the books because why, again?

“They’re really very long and I have four kids.”

And what did you want to replace the Harry books with?

“Chronicles of Narnia” series or Tim LaHaye’s “Left Behind: the Kids” series

I bet Ms. Mallory also believes that soy is a devil food.

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