Some would say it’s spontaneous sex in atypical places, but I say it’s learning new things about your partner, even after you thought you knew everything there was to know about them, that keeps a relationship spicy. Last night was muy picante at Shakes Manor, as I discovered that the mere appearance of Regis Philbin’s face on our television screen is enough to send Mr. Shakes into an elaborate and passionate tirade.
“What is wroong with that guy?! Fooking goods, he’s soo bloody annoying! I hate joost looking at him! Everything he says or doos has to be soome fooking meloodrama, like he’s the woorst Shakespearean actoor oof all time! What a wankstain! Hoo did he get famoous, foor the loove oof good?! Who the fook is he? FOOK OOF, you wanker! Look at him—joost look at him! Ach! He makes me want to poonch him right in his smoog wee face! Grinning like a fooking baboon. If I stepped oon him, I’d think I’d stepped in a pile of shite!”