Gonzo the Superknob

Good lord. Yesterday, in spite of blaring headlines announcing that Maher Arar had been sent to Syria and tortured for 10 months though he was guilty of nothing, Attorney General Alberto “Superknob” Gonzales said: “We were not responsible for his removal to Syria” and “I’m not aware that he was tortured.”

So the clean-up crew was sent in to explain this embarrassment, and here’s what they came up with:

On Wednesday, a Justice Department spokesman said Mr. Gonzales had intended to make only a narrow point: that deportations are now handled by the Department of Homeland Security, not the Department of Justice.

The spokesman, Charles Miller, said the attorney general forgot that at the time of Mr. Arar’s deportation, such matters were still handled by the Immigration and Naturalization Service, which was part of the Department of Justice.

“He had his timeline mixed up,” Mr. Miller said.

Yeah, that’s it. It’s not that he’s a lying douchebag who deflects responsibility like bullets off Wonder Woman’s wristbands—he’s just Chronologically Challenged.

Wev wevvy wev whatever.