The Stars in Our Eyes

Mannion’s taking a poll of the Sexiest Movie Stars. Top 5 male and/or female. He hasn’t completed his list yet, but is fairly certain that Uma, Halle Berry, and Teri Hatcher would make his Top 5 list. (I have politely suggested that he needs to pick up a recent magazine. I’ll give him Teri Hatcher circa Seinfeld—“They’re real, and they’re spectacular!”—but now she is Botoxed into expressionlessness, and ergo has precluded herself from inclusion on any Top 5 lists henceforth. But that’s just my opinion. Ahem.)

On any given day, I could easily name 20 or more women and men who could be put on either list; how can you really narrow it down to just 5? So I picked 10 of my favorite sexy moments to represent both sexes, on film or in some public appearance, although even that is too limiting. When is Liv Tyler not sexy? Or Ewan McGregor? Or Holly Hunter? Or Colin Farrell? You get the idea. Anyhow, here’s my list.

The Girls

1. Sigourney Weaver, Working Girl

The absolute queen of drop-dead gorgeous in her white lingerie. Of course, Sigourney is so unrelentingly hot, she looks good sweaty and shaved-headed, too.

2. Catherine Deneuve and 3. Susan Sarandon, The Hunger

The scene which had the greatest probability of making me shed all remnant of my heterosexuality. Luckily for Mr. Shakes, the Bowie-lust held me in hetero thrall. Which is kind of amazing, considering Bowie’s practically a lesbian.

4. Queen Latifah, in this dress

Come on now. That is just one stunningly beautiful woman. The first time I saw Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fuck him, or be him. I recall, upon seeing the Queen sail down the red carpet in this dress, I had a very similar quandary.

5. Rosario Dawson, Alexander

It’s not really fair that Rosario Dawson’s unbelievable sexiness is lost among the ruin that is the rest of Alexander. Her body is amazing. The rest of the movie is so appalling, however, I’m still not sure I’d recommend renting it, unless you’re willing to fast forward just to see her in action.

The Boys

1. George Clooney, the Oscar Speech

He’s a classic. He’s a tux. He never goes out of style. He’s George friggin’ Clooney.

2. Gary Dourdan. CSI

A rather recent and highly sustainable crush. The ever lust-worthy Warrick on CSI, and I don’t care even if it really were the crappiest show on television (which John Howard will continue to tell me from here to eternity); I’d still watch it just to drool over Gary Dourdan, who is just all kinds of hotness.

3. Christian Bale, Batman Begins

Yeah, he was hot shit as Batman, but check his ass out as Bruce Wayne. Not too bloody shabby. I was barely deterred from wanting to do him when he was a bag of bones in The Machinist, even though his rib cage would have punctured my lung.

4. Liam Neeson, in anything

Obviously, this picture isn’t from a movie. I chose it because it shows off his hands, which are criminally sexy. Also, I’ll watch any piece of shit film if he’s in it; as proof, I submit to you that I have seen both Darkman and Satisfaction each more than once. (I also, as an aside, adore his wife, Natasha Richardson.)

5. Colin Firth, Love Actually

Rounding out the group (and saved as best for last) is Colin Firth, who is so utterly charming in Love Actually that I am reduced to loopy fawnfulness the levels of which I’m embarrassed to admit. Just look—a tall, broad-shouldered man in a cable-knit sweater sitting at a typewriter!

(Okay, maybe I’m biased. But come on, there’s no typewriter.)

There’s just something about a guy who looks great in a big, wooly jumper, or a big scarf, with a big head of curls.


All right—so that’s my list. Whatcha got?

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