I can’t believe this is an actual press release.

Posted in full because it’s just too damn amusing not to!

WASHINGTON, April 26 /U.S. Newswire/ -- Following is the text of a memo released today by the Democratic National Committee:

To: Josh Bolten, Chief of Staff, Executive Office Of The President
Tony Snow, Press Secretary, Executive Office Of The President

From: DNC Communications

RE: Your Five-Point Plan And Your New All-Time Low Poll Numbers -- 32 percent (!)

Welcome to the West Wing! We know it's been a tough few months. So, as you head into the last thousand days of the Bush Administration, we wanted to offer some suggestions on Josh's five- point plan to help ensure you don't repeat the same mistakes.


Time Magazine noted that this move to focus solely on border enforcement, not comprehensive immigration reform, is "an unabashed play to members of the conservative base who are worried about illegal immigration." For five years, your Administration ignored America's borders, undermining the security of our country. But, why stop there? If you really want to convince the American people that you are "getting tough," how about addressing the need for additional resources for port security, first responders, chemical and nuclear plants? After all, Americans know that homeland security begins with hometown security.

It might help if President Bush would finally take a stand to show real leadership on comprehensive immigration reform. So far, he has failed to outline the specifics of his guest worker program, which without a legalization component would make immigrant workers indentured servants and depress wages for all American workers. Instead, the President punted the issue to the Republican-controlled Congress, which has already failed Americans on the issue.

As Congress returns to session this week, we suggest that President Bush, Republican Senate Leader Bill Frist, and Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert show the American people some real leadership on comprehensive immigration reform.


You might have missed the news reports, but we are pretty sure this one has already been taken care of. From the pork-laden Republican energy bill that helped energy companies profit handsomely, to the flawed Medicare prescription drug plan that will line the pockets of pharmaceutical companies and your failed scheme to privatize Social Security that would have handed financial firms billions in fees, Wall Street's been happy since the President first arrived from Texas.

Instead, how about helping out Main Street? Tony, the last thing we need is a PR campaign. Ensuring middle class tax fairness, raising the minimum wage, and jawboning whoever can help lower gas prices are all good ideas.


According to Time, "Bolten's plan also calls for more happy talk about the economy." We strongly advise against President Bush returning to his familiar role as "Campaigner-in-Chief." We suggest abandoning the "happy talk" about the economy and misleading rhetoric on Iraq.

How about recognizing the fact that median family incomes are down and that the minimum wage hasn't been raised in nearly a decade? We're pretty sure this straight talk coupled with real solutions to the everyday economic realities faced by millions of hard working American families will work better than bragging more.


Glad to see you've finally been able to admit what we've known for some time now, that this is no longer a winning issue for Republicans. That's a good first step. Must have been tough to admit, we know that. For decades, Republicans have controlled the debate over security but President Bush and his Republican Congress's failed policies and stubborn aides (Sorry, Karl!) have undone years of good, solid fear-mongering. No wonder the American people don't feel secure. Not to mention that Osama Bin Laden is still on the loose, sending us more videos than Netflix, and your Administration wanted to allow a foreign government-owned company to take over operations at a few of our largest ports. We've tried it your way, why not join Democrats and implement the recommendations of the 9/11 commission for starters? But, why stop there? Having undermined Americans' security across the board, isn't it about time that we properly equip our troops in Iraq, restore alliances with our allies, revitalize our military, and ensure our National Guard has the resources they need?


This one might be tougher than just changing flacks. What was it that you guys called the press corps? Irrelevant? A filter? We'd suggest it might be time to stop playing the blame game. The coverage of Iraq and your failing economy are not the problem, the policies are actually the problem. While we wish Tony well, we'd suggest a different tack. How about just telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? You might have noticed, the press doesn't like it when you cherry-pick the facts and then stonewall when you're caught. So, Tony, just remember honesty will be more appreciated than the kind of clever spin that puts a smile on Ari's face. (Remember "Freedom's taste is unquenchable"?) And Tony, don't forget you're on the taxpayers' payroll now. It's not about pushing Republican spin anymore, its about being accountable to the American people.


Paid for and authorized by the Democratic National Committee. This communication is not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Not to mention that Osama Bin Laden is still on the loose, sending us more videos than Netflix??? LOL!

Well done, DNC. That’s some funny shit, bitchez.

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