Sunday Eddie Izzard Blogging

Eddie Izzard on Lying:

Everyone fucking lies! When we were kids we lied our heads off! “I didn’t do it! I was… I wasn’t… I was dead at the time! I was on the moon! With Steve!” And your dad’s going, “I haven’t even accused you of anything yet.” “Oh, all right. Well… what is… what’s the que– well… I – I – well… what?” “Did you brush your teeth?” “No… yes… what’s correct? I was dead at the time!” Then when you’re more mature, you do start telling the truth in odd situations. “I’m sorry, I’ve broken the glass, see… I’ve broken this – is that a – an – expensive? I’ve – I’ll – I’ve broke it – I’ll pay for that, I’m sorry.” And you do that so people in the room might go, What a strong personality that person has. I like to have sex with people with strong personalities. “And I’ve broken other things! I smashed that, and… and that’s gone, and I’ve just thrown the cat out the window and…” Ooh, yeah.

So, perjury, umm, you know. If you commit perjury, I don’t care. Don’t give a shit. I don’t think you should because you grade murder. You have murder one, murder two. You realize that there can be a difference in the level of murder. So there must be a difference in the level of perjury. Perjury one is when you’re saying when you’re there’s no Holocaust when, you know 10 million people have died in it, and perjury nine, is when you said you shagged someone when you didn’t.

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