Does anyone having even the most remote association with this administration have a mind of his or her own? Are they all such inveterate whores that they will toe the party line irrespective of what said line commands of them, even if they look like unmitigated knobends for contradicting their own previous statements? Or are they all robots programmed rather unimaginatively by Karl Rove?

The newest bleating loyalist to prove his mettle as an undeterrable Bush-fellator is UN nominee and alleged hardass John Bolton, whose testimony during his nomination hearing was shocking only in the fact that it excluded his jumping to his feet, dropping his drawers, and demanding to be immediately and brutally buggered by every conservative in the room.

BOLTON: The administration has submitted the Law of the Sea Treaty as one of its priorities, and I support that.

SARBANES: Simply because it’s an administration position, or does that represent your own view of it?

BOLTON: Well, I haven’t personally read the Law of the Sea Treaty. I don’t think I’ve ever read it, to be honest with you.


BOLTON: I’m not a golfer, but I think the metaphor is You have to play it as it lays. And I know what the president’s policy is and I’m prepared to follow it.


BOLTON: The administration’s position has been to support Taiwan becoming an observer in the WHO.

SARBANES: Is that your position?

BOLTON: Yes, I support that position.

SARBANES: I thought you supported them being a member?

BOLTON: As I said before, when I wrote as a private citizen during the 1990s, that’s what I said. And when I wrote it then, I understood it. The president has made his policy on this very clear and I support his policy.

All of which roughly translates to:

SARBANES: Could you explain to us why you believe you deserve this nomination, no less an appointment, to an organization which you’ve spent much of your career mocking and criticizing and deeming useless?

BOLTON: The administration told me that I should change my position on the UN if I didn’t want Karl Rove to distribute the photos of me giving moustache rides to Japanese schoolgirls, and I support that decision.

SARBANES: Does the term Orwellian mean anything to you?

BOLTON: I’m not really what you’d call a reader, per se, although I can definitely identify it as a word, which likely has some sort of meaning that I can infer from your tone is probably not flattering if used in association with my nomination. But I’m prepared to follow the president’s policy on not knowing the definition of big words.

SARBANES: Do you have any sense of irony, sir?

BOLTON: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

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