"The Constitution vests in the President the power to appoint judges to the Supreme Court. It's a duty that I take seriously, and one that I will fulfill in the weeks ahead. It's also one of the most important decisions that a President will make. Rulings handed down by the Supreme Court directly affect our economy, our security, our rights, and our daily lives. Needless to say, this isn't something I take lightly. It's a decision to which I devote considerable time, deep reflection, careful deliberation, and serious consultation with legal experts, members of both political parties, and people across the political spectrum. ...A sterling record. A deep respect for the judiciary's role. An understanding of the way the world really works. That's what I'm considering as I fulfill my constitutional duty to appoint a judge to our highest court. And as Senators prepare to fulfill their constitutional responsibility to consider the person I appoint, I hope they'll move quickly to debate and then confirm this nominee so that the Court can continue to serve the American people at full strength."—President Barack Obama, in a post for SCOTUSblog: "A Responsibility I Take Seriously."
The ball's in your court, Republicans.
Quote of the Day
Primarily Speaking
[Content Note: Racist violence.]
Yesterday was the Republican Nevada Caucus, and Donald Trump won it handily, with 46% of the vote. Terrifying. His closest competitor was Marco Rubio, with 24%. Cruz came in third, with 21.4%, and Ben Carson and John Kasich trailed a distant fourth and fifth, with 5% and 3.6%, respectively.
Trump is now well on his way to earning the delegates he'll need to secure the nomination, so any space to indulge hail mary hopes of sliding in a moderate candidate at a brokered convention is quickly disappearing.
There was all kinds of fuckery at the caucus:
Turnout was high on Tuesday, and organizers were reportedly overwhelmed at some locations. There were also complaints on social media about caucus workers wearing Trump paraphernalia, prompting the Nevada Republican Party to release a statement noting, "Volunteers went through extensive training & are doing a great job."Across social media, there were reports of people voting multiple times, because no ID was required to get a ballot, and of completed ballots just scattered around.
Sounds terrific. Republicans are great at democracy!
Meanwhile, on the other side of aisle, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders met for another town hall in South Carolina last night. CNN doesn't appear to have made a complete transcript available.
Clinton, who is on a 10-city Breaking Down Barriers tour with mothers of black women and men lost to racist violence—Sybrina Fulton, mother of Trayvon Martin; Geneva Reed-Veal, mother of Sandra Bland; Gwen Carr, mother of Eric Garner; Maria Hamilton, mother of Dontre Hamilton; and Lucy McBath, mother of Jordan Davis—spent the afternoon in Greenville, South Carolina, with the mothers, who also appeared at the town hall. And they stood as she spoke about Jordan Davis' death, racialized violence, and white people's responsibility to challenge systemic racism:
These five women have lost children to police actions and to random, senseless gun violence. And there's no doubt that, in each case, as they said at the church earlier, there is a racial component to it. A young black teenager, 17 years old, playing the music in his car too loud with a bunch of his friends, and a white guy comes up and tells him to turn the music down; they exchange words; the man pulls out his gun and kills him. [looks pained] So, we have serious challenges, and I think it's important for people—and particularly for white people—to be honest about those. And to recognize that our experiences may not equip us to understand what a lot of our African American fellow citizens go through every single day.I don't like that Clinton said this gun violence was "senseless," because, in a white supremacist culture with a long history of racist eliminationism, crimes like these absolutely "make sense." Their being heinous doesn't make them inexplicable.
But I do like, very much, that Clinton said white privilege leaves white people unequipped to understand black lives. Yes, because privilege limits empathy by design.
I also like that she is telling white people that it takes work to understand, which undermines that pernicious notion of objectivity conferred by privilege.
Basically: If a white candidate is going to be talking race, telling white people to stop being fucko creeps ought to be a big part of that.
Sanders made the excellent point that the Republican campaign to prevent President Obama from nominating a Supreme Court justice is a "racist effort" to delegitimize his presidency. It was such an excellent point, in fact, that Clinton made it in her speech in Harlem a week ago. Which is something I wouldn't even make a shitty comment about, had Sanders not just accused Clinton of "adopting his message and starting to use the same language he does."
During the town hall, Sanders also "paid tribute to 'wonderful people' he has met on the trail and told of how some said he had rekindled their interest in politics and democracy."
"If I let those people down who have faith in me—that's a scary thing when so many people have faith in you and believe you can do something," Sanders said. "It scares me very much. If I ever let those people down, it would be a terrible, terrible thing."Welp.
Overall, my summation is the same as always: Either of these two Democratic candidates would be eleventy million times preferable to Donald Trump, or any of the Republican candidates.
[Note: Although I mention the mothers of victims of racist violence who are supporting Clinton, I want to make clear there are relatives of victims of racist violence who are supporting Sanders, too. I noted their participation here, because Clinton referenced them in the comment I quoted. To be perfectly blunt, I'm trying to be really careful about how/when I write about black people who support Clinton, especially black people who are survivors of those killed by racist violence, because I don't want to appear as though I'm doing that increasingly ubiquitous White Person thing of appropriating their experiences to say "support my candidate!" That said, I also don't want to conceal what they're saying, because what they are saying is important. But sometimes I just can't tease out a way to amplify voices like these women's without communicating, even if inadvertently, that I'm appropriating their grief. And if not feeling secure about talking about them was just because of my privilege, no problem. Not everything is mine to write about. Sometimes I just need to listen. But when it's complicated because of the aggressive cynicism and appropriation marking this campaign, that's really frustrating, because it's unfair to them. So I'm struggling to find a balance, and I will probably do that imperfectly. But let me just say very straightforwardly: What they are saying is important to me, irrespective of whom they support.]
Question of the Day
What is your favorite dessert?
For the record, "dessert" doesn't have to be a traditional item. It's whatever you like for dessert, if you like dessert at all. Something savory, like cheese, or a beverage, like coffee or cognac, or something completely outside the box, like cereal, totally counts, too.
I love desserts that combine chocolate and citrus, with chocolate + lime and chocolate + orange being particular favorites.
Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime
[Content Note: There is a strobe editing effect in this video.]
Rihanna: "Don't Stop the Music"
Sure
[Content Note: Class warfare; food insecurity.]
A Yelp! employee wrote an open letter to the company CEO detailing how her wages left her unable to afford even basic essentials, like enough food to eat.
About two hours after posting the piece, she was fired.
The CEO offered a statement which said in part: "I've not been personally involved in Talia being let go and it was not because she posted a Medium letter directed at me. Two sides to every HR story so Twitter army please put down the pitchforks."
Just a big old coincidence. Cool.
An Observation
[Content Note: Misogyny.]
The thing about assuming that I'm supporting Hillary Clinton for no reason other than our both being women is that, when you come at me with that bullshit, you're going to embarrass yourself.
Especially if you come at me with the posture that I don't know anything about Clinton's record.
I am intimately familiar with her record. Good and bad.
At least once a day, someone brings up to me—favorably or unfavorably—something Clinton has said or done, and I'm like, "Yep, I wrote about that," and whip out a link. (Because I'm also a lint trap.)
Case in point: Just earlier today, someone mentioned to me the time Clinton said she would not channel her husband, and I was like here 'tis!
Despite that, I'm routinely approached from go as someone who hasn't done her research.
(And I'm certainly not the only one subjected to this shit. See also, as but one example: Susan Sarandon hectoring Dolores Huerta, as if she's new.)
I've done my research. I've been doing this for a minute.
And experience tells me that not only do I know more about the candidate I support than you do, I very likely know more about your candidate than you do.
The Make-Up Thread
Here is your semi-regular make-up thread, to discuss all things make-up and make-up adjacent.
Do you have a make-up product you'd recommend? Are you looking for the perfect foundation which has remained frustratingly elusive? Need or want to offer make-up tips? Searching for hypoallergenic products? Want to grouse about how you hate make-up? Want to gush about how you love it?
Whatever you like—have at it!
* * *
The quickest of quick looks: Juice Beauty's Stem Cellular CC Cream in Natural Glow; Too Faced's Perfect Flush Blush in Something About Berry; Almay's Black Steel mascara; some grey Almay eyeshadow the name of which I don't know (and inexplicably isn't on the package); and Ardell's clear Brow Sculpting Gel.
This is a super easy daytime look for basic coverage, nothing fancy and certainly not an attempt at "flawless," but it's a quick routine which I've now gotten down to about five minutes. Which suits me just fine, because I can't be arsed with much longer than that, anyway, lol, but it took some practice. At least for me, since I failed at make-up for about three decades previous!
Anyway! What's up with you?
* * *
Please note, as always, that advice should be not be offered to an individual person unless they solicit it. Further: This thread is open to everyone—women, men, genderqueer folks. People who are make-up experts, and people who are make-up newbies. Also, because there is a lot of racist language used in discussions of make-up, and in make-up names, please be aware to avoid turns of phrase that are alienating to women of color, like "nude" or "flesh tone" when referring to a peachy or beige color. I realize some recommended products may have names that use these words, so please be considerate about content noting for white supremacist (and/or Orientalist) product naming.
Daily Dose of Cute
FUZZY MONSTER!
As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.
In the News
Here is some stuff in the news today...
[Content Note: Rape culture] So, I read in the Guardian today that "Democrats in the Senate on Tuesday introduced a sweeping new bill to guarantee and standardize certain rights for people who have experienced sexual assault. ...The Sexual Assault Survivors' Rights Act draws from legal rights that already exist in patchwork form in different states across the county." That sounds promising, but I can't find the text of the Senate legislation anywhere. I tweeted at Senator Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire, the bill's primary sponsor, asking for text, but no reply. If and when I ever put my hands on the text, I'll have a look and let you know what I think of the legislation.
[CN: Rape culture; sexual assault] Dr. Luke has "broken his silence" on the Kesha case, and, in news that should shock exactly no one, it is terrible: After wholesale denying the allegations, he said, "Imagine if you or somebody you loved was publicly accused of a rape you knew they didn't do. Imagine that. I have 3 sisters, a daughter, and a son with my girlfriend, and a feminist mom who raised me right." Dr. Luke, imagine being raped and no one believes you. Imagine that. P.S. Being related to women doesn't make you not a rapist.
[CN: Video may autoplay at link] Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell "issued his most definitive statement on Tuesday: There will be no Supreme Court nominee confirmed in President Barack Obama's final year in office. In a sharply worded statement on the Senate floor, McConnell bluntly warned the White House that the GOP-controlled Senate would not act on anyone he chooses to sit on the high court. 'Presidents have a right to nominate just as the Senate has its constitutional right to provide or withhold consent,' McConnell said. 'In this case, the Senate will withhold it.'"
Meanwhile, Pew Research Center finds: "In the high-stakes battle over replacing Justice Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court, a majority of Americans (56%) say the Senate should hold hearings and vote on President Obama's choice to fill the vacancy."
[CN: Climate change] Well shit: "Sea levels on Earth are rising several times faster than they have in the past 2,800 years and are accelerating because of man-made global warming, according to new studies. An international team of scientists dug into two dozen locations across the globe to chart gently rising and falling seas over centuries and millennia. ...'There's no question that the 20th century is the fastest,' said Rutgers earth and planetary sciences professor Bob Kopp, lead author of the study that looked back at sea levels over the past three millennia. 'It's because of the temperature increase in the 20th century which has been driven by fossil fuel use.'"
This guy: "Justin Trudeau will become the first Canadian Prime Minister to march in a gay Pride parade later this year. Trudeau has previously marched in Pride parades in Vancouver and Toronto. However, this will be the first time he has participated as Prime Minister. Toronto Pride shared the news on Twitter. Trudeau responded saying he was looking forward to taking part in the parade again in his new role as the country's elected leader."
GOOD GRIEF: "Spare a thought for the Catholics of St. Louis, Missouri, weighed down as they are with ponderous spiritual matters. [T]hey must now wrestle with a new moral conundrum: Girl Scout cookies. The ethical dilemma is put pithily on the website of the archdiocese of St. Louis under the headline: 'Can I still buy Girl Scout cookies?' The equally punchy answer states: 'Each person must act in accord with their conscience.' The spiritual crisis over the selling of Thin Mints, Trefoils, and Do-si-dos on Catholic premises has been triggered by the archbishop of St. Louis, Robert Carlson. In a letter circulated to the region's priests and scout leaders, he questions whether the Girl Scout movement is spiritually in line with the teachings of the Catholic church. ...'Girl Scouts is exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior and it is clear to me that as they move in the ways of the world it is becoming increasingly incompatible with our Catholic values,' the archbishop writes. 'We must stop and ask ourselves—is Girl Scouts concerned with the total well-being of our young women? Does it do a good job forming the spiritual, emotional and personal well-being of Catholic girls?'" LOL.
YES!!! "Audra McDonald made history when she won her sixth Tony Award—the most of any performer—for her portrayal of the iconic Billie Holiday. Two years later, she's bringing her winning performance to the small screen. HBO's Lady Day at Emerson's Bar & Grill is set to air on March 12 at 9 p.m." There's a video trailer at the link.
Gor $6.1 million to spare? Then maybe you'll be interested in buying Byfleet Manor, the 17th century mansion which has served as home to Downton Abbey's Dowager Countess, and is now for sale.
And finally! I love this so much: "Veterinarian Eats in Kennel to Comfort Scared Shelter Dog." This reminds me of the work I had to do with Dudley when he first came to live with us. And now the dog who was so scared he'd pee on himself if I got near him sleeps on top of me every chance he gets. Timid dogs just need patience and love. ♥
That's Not How It Works
"That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works!"
Last night, Eastsidekate directed my attention to this tweet from candidate Bernie Sanders: "If we can import tomatoes from Mexico, there is absolutely no reason why we cannot import affordable prescription drugs from Canada."
Produce. Prescription drugs. Same thing.
Now, don't get me wrong: I agree with the idea that prescription drugs should not be as costly as they are.
But one of my consistent criticisms of the Sanders campaign has been that he trades on people newly engaged in the political process not understanding how things actually work—and this is another perfect example.
We'll magically catapult over an obstructionist Congress! We'll magically repeal Citizens United! We'll magically import prescription drugs from Canada just like we import tomatoes from Mexico! Poof revolution!
This annoys the shit out of me.
It annoys me for a lot of reasons, not least of which is, as I've previously mentioned, I'm keenly aware that nothing more quickly disillusions, discourages, and demoralizes people new to the political process than making them promises on which there is no way to deliver.
I'm not suggesting that there are no Sanders supporters who are not veterans of electoral politics; there certainly are. And they tend to understand that these things are rhetorical flourishes. But I have interacted with a whole lot of Sanders supporters by this point who are political newbies and don't understand at all that these aren't rhetorical flourishes. They have huge expectations on which Sanders couldn't possibly deliver.
And I'm guessing there's an enormous amount of crossover between the people who don't understand that's not how it works and the people who are loudly shouting their refusals to vote for Hillary Clinton under any circumstances if Sanders is not the nominee. Because they are reflexively hostile to her incrementalist strategy, which is predicated on, as she has now said on numerous occasions, her unwillingness to make promises she can't keep.
The thing is, Sanders could make all the same arguments—that we need more widespread political engagement outside of elections, that we need to get money out of politics, that we need to reduce the cost of prescription drugs, etc.—without encasing those arguments inside unrealistic, and frankly dishonest, rhetoric.
But he's choosing a strategy that not only sets up pie-in-the-sky expectations which will inevitably result in Hindenburgian disappointments, but also implicitly casts Clinton as, at best, a dorky and uninspiring square without vision and, at worst, an anti-progressive who is seeking to crush all dreams of a better and brighter future.
I'm not here for that.
For awhile, Sanders' substitution of rhetorical flourish for substantive plans simply made me less inclined to support him in the primary. But now I'm starting to get actively annoyed with how his pursuit of promise sans detail to deliver stands to potentially negatively affect the general election, no matter which one of them gets the nomination.
We're supposed to be the "reality-based community." So it would be terrific if we could stick to reality and leave the fantasy to the dipshits on the other side of aisle.
Ted Cruz Is a Nightmare
[Content Note: Carcerality; anti-immigrant sentiment.]
Republican candidate Ted Cruz continues to be super awesome:
Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz likes the thought of Hillary Rodham Clinton behind bars.Fuck. Off.
That's what the Texas senator suggested Monday when one of his supporters at a rally in Elko, Nevada, shouted that he should "put Hillary in jail" if he's elected in November.
Cruz paused, then responded, "With any luck, she'll be there already."
The capacity crowd cheered at the suggestion that the former secretary of state who's been dogged by questions about her private email use at the State Department should be locked up.
Cruz later added, "I am told the Democrats are opening up a new polling place at Leavenworth," a reference to the federal prison in Kansas.
Meanwhile, presumably after he's done "putting Hillary in jail," Cruz is fixing to deport 11 million immigrants:
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) is taking a sharp rightward shift on immigrant policy, affirming that he would send law enforcement agents to knock on undocumented immigrants' doors and round them up for deportation, even if that means arresting them in front of their children.Apart from the fact that this is aggressively indecent, it is also just flatly unfeasible. But Cruz doesn't give a shit. Being aggressively indecent is the whole point, and whether his heinous policy proposals are feasible is beside the point.
Appearing on Fox News on Monday night, Cruz told Bill O'Reilly that's exactly what Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is intended to do. "We have law enforcement that looks for people who are violating the laws that apprehends and deports them," Cruz said.
O'Reilly pressed Cruz on the issue, detailing a specific situation that often engenders sympathy for the estimated 11 million undocumented immigrants living in the United States: A parent who has overstayed their visa and now lives in the country with several U.S.-born children. O'Reilly asked Cruz whether he would "send the feds to his house, take him out and put him back on a plane."
"You better believe it," Cruz replied.
Feasibility and reasonableness and decency aren't useful when one's entire campaign is predicated on ginning up maximum outrage and exploiting hatred.
Obama to Deliver Statement on Guantánamo Bay
President Obama will deliver a statement this morning on Guantánamo Bay, and that statement is expected to address a plan for closing the Guantánamo Bay detention facility.
The president will speak from the Roosevelt Room at the White House at 10:30 a.m. ET, according to the White House. The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon's long-awaited plan to shut down the detention facility at Guantanamo will be delivered to Congress on Tuesday.Of course.
U.S. officials say the long-awaited plan, which has been on Obama's agenda since he took office in 2009, calls for up to $475 million in construction costs, according to the AP. The cost would in part cover the transfer of some of the remaining 91 detainees to facilities in the United States, but officials say it will ultimately be offset by as much as $180 million per year in operating cost savings.
The Defense Department hopes the plan will convince lawmakers to allow for the transfer of nearly 60 detainees to the U.S., but it provides few details, and may only further antagonize members of Congress who have repeatedly passed legislation banning any effort to move detainees to the U.S.
Rep. Mac Thornberry, R-Texas, chairman of House Armed Services Committee, has said his panel would hold a hearing on a closure plan. But he sent a letter to Obama warning that Congress has made clear what details must be included in any plan and that anything less than that would be unacceptable.
You can watch the President's address live at MSNBC.
You Just Haven't Noticed
[Content Note: Misogyny; video may autoplay at first link.]
Republican presidential candidate Ohio Governor John Kasich non-apologized yesterday for his pathetic comments about women leaving "their kitchens" to support him early in his career:
"And how did I get elected? Nobody was, I didn't have anybody for me. We just got an army of people who, um, and many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door-to-door and to put yard signs up for me," the Republican presidential candidate said Monday, describing moments from his early career in the 1970s, during a town hall in Fairfax, Virginia.Take a breath, ladies! You're getting hysterical!
...Kasich, speaking to CNN's Wolf Blitzer later on Monday, apologized.
"I'm more than happy to say, 'I'm sorry' if I offended somebody out there, but it wasn't intended to be offensive," Kasich said. "And if you hear the whole thing, you'll understand the context of it."
..."When I was a new candidate, I did what I do now, which is to have a lot of town hall meetings. But they weren't in town halls. They were in kitchens, they were in living rooms and a big chunk of the people that helped me in my early days and throughout my career, even up 'til now, have been women," Kasich said.
He then said, "Everybody's just got to relax."
Between this shit and Bernie Sanders' advisor Tad Devine saying "women are getting more and more involved in politics," I'm just utterly demoralized and angry by the indifference to women's political history in this country.
Men think they invited women to join the fray, and men think they deserve the credit for women's political work, and men think the biggest barriers to women's participation is apparently our preference for being in the kitchen, rather than the heaping fucktons of misogyny that is unleashed against a woman who tries to run for office.
Or any woman, anywhere, who thinks she has a right to a public opinion.
I'm exhausted with straight, white, male gatekeepers pretending there's no gate. That women doing things don't exist until we come to their notice.
Women have always been doing things.
That we were denied the right to do them doesn't mean some of us weren't. That we haven't been paid to do them doesn't mean we weren't. That we have not been recognized and rewarded and celebrated for doing them doesn't mean we weren't doing them all along.
That women were long (and in many places, still are) denied the opportunity to participate fully in electoral politics doesn't actually make it a new development.
Women have always been doing things. Let's not mistake men not paying attention to women doing things for women not doing them.
Question of the Day
Since last time we did favorite fruit, it only seems right to now do: What is your favorite vegetable?
There are very few vegetables I don't like, so it's hard to pick a favorite. I love potatoes, because they are sooooo versatile, but that feels like a cheat, since they're botanically a vegetable but nutritionally a starch. So I'll say Brussels sprouts. (Controversial!)
Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime
Nina Nesbitt: "Don't Stop"
(This Fleetwood Mac track has been covered a lot over the years, but Nina's is definitely one of my favorite covers.)
Senator, This Is Wrong
[Content Note: Misogyny.]
Hey, remember when I wrote that piece calling bullshit on the contemptible narrative that Bernie Sanders has made Hillary Clinton a better candidate?
You probably do, since it was just last week!
And remember when I wrote that other piece about how, if anyone is to get credit, in addition to Hillary Clinton, for Hillary Clinton being a better candidate, it's the marginalized people who have spoken up and spent time and energy offering her their thoughts?
You probably do, since that was also just last week!
Well, I can tell you one person who definitely does not agree—Bernie Sanders! He's certain that Bernie Sanders is definitely responsible for making Hillary Clinton a better candidate!
Per New York Times reporter Yamiche Alcindor, Sanders said today that "he is 'delighted' that Hillary Clinton has been adopting his message and starting to use the same language he does." And not just that! He also said Clinton "is copying his message so well that he saw an ad for her & thought it was an ad for him until the end."
So not only is Clinton so hapless that she needs an old white magical man to make her a decent candidate, but she's so ruthless that she will simply plagiarize that man to win.
Senator Sanders, this shit has to stop.
Because it is wrong. Factually and ethically.
Because this sort of misogynist messaging that casts a female candidate as an evil, Machiavellian liar (who is somehow simultaneously too weak to be a good candidate on her own) catches every woman in your rhetorical buckshot.
Because there are consequences—serious consequences—to engaging in such inflammatory and demonizing rhetoric against Hillary Clinton.
Just days ago, a Sanders supporter, and host of a volunteer phone bank for Sanders, was escorted from the Las Vegas Review-Journal's lobby and contacted by the Secret Service after attempting "to place an obituary notice for the former secretary of state."
Naturally the man claimed it was just "political humor," hahaha, "a predictive reference to Clinton losing Saturday's Nevada caucuses." (Which she didn't.)
It is not okay to make fucking "jokes" about the death of a presidential candidate. It is not okay to make fucking "jokes" about Hillary Clinton's death.
None of this is okay. And Senator Sanders needs to immediately stop with the demonizing rhetoric, before some dangerous jackass wants to make more than a "joke" out of it.
Not that it needs to reach that level for this despicable campaigning to be out of line. It's out of line from the get-go to deny a female candidate her agency; to take credit for anything and everything you will begrudgingly grant she's doing "right."
Sanders claims he isn't running a nasty campaign, but that's about as nasty as it gets.
The Walking Thread
[Content Note: Spoilers are lurching around undeadly herein. Descriptions of violence.]
"I'll get you for your soda-ruining ways, buddy!"
This was for sure the grossest episode of The Walking Dead ever, and there were barely any murderous zombie rampages in it! I was warned I'd need a barf bag, and THAT WAS CORRECT.
But before I get to one of the most horrible things I've ever seen, here's what happened in the first 59 minutes of the episode!
We pick up weeks after the last episode and begin in Casa Optimus Grimes, where everybody's getting ready for the day. Optimus Grimes is getting dressed to go on a supply run, and Michonne comes in, wearing a bathrobe and head-towel, and requests that he try to get her some toothpaste. WHAT THE FUCK THESE TWO AREN'T DOING IT ARE THEY?! I internally scream with horror. But they're not. Phew! They're just very cozy. TOO COZY, if you ask me. DON'T LET OPTIMUS GRIMES' COMPLETE LACK OF CHILL AND DECENCY ACCIDENTALLY RUB OFF ON YOU, MICHONNE!
Daryl is going on the supply run with Optimus Grimes, and he gets a list of wanted items from Doctor Zoey, who requests, in addition to medical supplies, some soda to give to her girlfriend Tara as a gift. Merritt Wever, who plays Doctor Zoey (Denise) is the embodiment of adorkable, and I love her.
Doctor Mulletworth tells them to find some sorghum. Okay. As luck would have it, they find a barn marked with SORGHUM in giant letters. What serendipity! And behind the door is a truck full of supplies. Sweet!
Optimus Grimes, always the excellent decision-making machine, proposes that they leave their car at the barn and come back for it later. Why? Whyyyyyyyy? That is such a bad idea! There are two of them: One should just drive the car and the other should just drive the truck! In case the truck breaks down, for one thing, and, for another, surely gasoline is at a premium! Why the hell would you waste gas doubling back for the car later? GODDAMMIT, GRIMES, YOU ARE THE WOOOOORST!
Back in Aarontown, some boring shit happens. Maggie tells Enid she should hang out with them. Can everyone just leave this chick alone and stop telling her how to live her life for two seconds?! Michonne follows Spencer into the woods and begs him to tell her what he's up to. Pirate Carl and Enid go into the woods, and encounter Zombie Deanna, and Pirate Carl can't kill her, but he leads her toward Spencer and Michonne, and Spencer kills her. Now we know why he was walking in the woods. Michonne tells him he's still got family. Later, Michonne confronts Pirate Carl about the whole situation, and he explains that he feels like zombified people they know should be killed by family, and he'd totes kill her if he had to, because she's family.
I wish I could make all of that more interesting, but I can't! It was super boring! The only good thing about any of it was Michonne, because Danai Gurira is THE FUCKING BEST, and I love her.
Meanwhile, Optimus Grimes and Daryl make a stop at a gas station, so Daryl can hunt for soda. While they're trying to pillage a soda machine, some dude literally runs into them. They pull guns on him, but he explains he was running away from a herd of zombies, and they'd better run, too, because they'll arrive soon. His name is Paul, but his friends call him Jesus. Okay.
Optimus Grimes and Daryl are having a minor bicker over whether to find out more about this guy and potentially wrangle him back to Aarontown, where they can police his choices and tell him they're his new family, when they hear what sounds like gunshots. They run to the back of the gas station to see fireworks exploding in a metal trash can. Uh-oh! Looks like Jesus stole Optimus Grimes' keys when he bumped into him, and now he's absconding with the truck full of supplies!
TOO BAD THEY LEFT THE CAR AT THE SORGHUM STATION!
Optimus Grimes and Daryl take off running down the road. They get very sweaty. After a long while, they catch up to Jesus, who is repairing a busted tire on the truck. They pull guns on him again, and then Optimus Grimes ties him up, telling him the knots are loose enough that he'll be able to extricate himself when they're long gone.
Hahahahaha what an interesting conversation! So you're telling me he will instantly release himself and stow away on the truck, then? This fucking show.
Cut to Optimus Grimes and Daryl driving in the truck when they hear a noise and realize Jesus is on the roof of the truck! Who could have seen THAT coming?! Optimus Grimes slams on the brakes, throwing Jesus into the field in front of them. Daryl chases Jesus while Optimus Grimes keeps some zombies at bay. Daryl and Jesus end up wrestling in the truck, and someone hits the gearshift, and the truck rolls backwards into a lake.
Haha whoooooooooops! It's like a regular Keystone Survivalists around here!
Daryl knocks out Jesus and petitions to throw him up a tree, but instead they tie him back up and drive him back to Aarontown. Which I'm sure will turn out to be another excellent idea.
They bring Jesus to Doctor Zoey, who wraps his head in a bandage or some shit, and then they dump him in Prisoner Townhouse. Tied up, once again.
Optimus Grimes returns home and flops on the couch, exhausted from his wacky day of highjinks. Michonne joins him and they both say they had wild days that they don't even feel like talking about. Optimus Grimes hands her some mints, in lieu of the toothpaste lost to the bottom of the lake.
Their fingers intertwine around the mints, and then OH MY GODDDDDD NO NO NOOOOOOOO they start kissing.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And then it gets EVEN WORSE!
Cut to Optimus Grimes and Michonne lying in bed together naked after DOING IT. NO! NO! NO! MICHONNE! NO! PLEASE! NO!
Suddenly they jump out of bed, because Jesus has escaped YET AGAIN. What in Houdini hell?! He stands at the end of their bed (INAPPROPRIATE) and says, "We should talk."
Yes, starting with your lack of manners, SIR!
Next week: More of this garbage.
The Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by a wintery chill.
Recommended Reading:
Jenn: [Content Note: Racism; internment] #DayOfRemembrance 2016: A Legacy of Change Agents
Andrew: [CN: Animal harm] Pushing Back Against Technological Puritanism in Ocean Conservation
Kara: [CN: Racism; misogyny; classism] How Tech Business Models Come from Marginalized Communities, But Startups Are Still Mostly White
Suzanna: The Feministing Five: Mia Birdsong
Veronica: Stopping HIV in the Latino Community One Conversation at a Time
Olga: Playing Videogames to Save the World
Genevieve and Javier: Meet the Creators Who Are Masterminding the Return of Xena: Warrior Princess
Leave your links and recommendations in comments. Self-promotion welcome and encouraged!
