Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is still considered to be a leading contender for the 2016 Republican presidential nominee, and I have no idea why. As soon as voters get a look at what this guy is really like, they're going to see what a reprehensible bully he is, and, although there is certainly a contingent of voters who get off on that sort of thing, it didn't work for John McCain and it ain't gonna work for Chris Christie.
In the last two days, I have seen a video of Christie screaming at a Superstorm Sandy victim who was interrupting a press conference to "sit down and shut up," and another video of Christie responding to a reporter saying he may have to fight his Ebola quarantine policy in court with: "Well, whatever. Get in line. I've been sued lots of times before. Get in line. I'm happy to take it on."
Trying to explain this sort of shit with "my comments are never almost universally interpreted the way I mean them" is only going to go so far. There's lot a lot of room for nuance in "sit down and shut up."
Good Grief
Discussion Thread: Whispered Warnings
[Content Note: Sexual harassment and abuse.]
Last night, after reading Melissa Martin's terrific piece, "Do You Know About Jian?", which Aphra also linked below, I was texting with Jessica Luther about it, and I told her: Reading that piece, I was thinking about all the professional (and educational, and social, and other) spaces in which women whisper warnings to each other about men who have already hurt women or have sent up red flags that they might hurt women.
And then I thought about the traditional professional spaces in which I've worked, and how, in each one, the women have whispered warnings to each other about certain men. And, in those same spaces, (some) men have whispered about which women were "easy."
Women whisper about which men will try to take advantage of us, while (some) men whisper about the women they can take advantage of.
That's a pretty stark disparity between many women's and men's experiences of shared spaces.
Later, Jess tweeted: "I would bet almost every single woman can think of a man that she has had to whisper warnings about."
I have written previously on my experience of male coworkers about whom women in the office whispered warnings. They are two of many about whom I could write.
I've warned and/or been warned about coworkers. Classmates. Peers in social groups. Participants in gaming groups. Family members.
I suspect, like Jess, that nearly every woman has a story she could tell.
Here is a space to tell them, if you are so inclined.
Follow Up: More Women Speak About Jian Ghomeshi
[CN: physical abuse, sexual assault, verbal abuse, BDSM discussion, rape apologia]
More women have come forward with allegations against Jian Ghomeshi. One woman, actor and Royal Canadian Air Force captain Lucy Decoutere, agreed to use her name. (Decoutere is best known for her recurring role on Trailer Park Boys as "Lucy.") In her statement to the Toronto Star, Decoutere describes abuse similar to previous allegations:
She first met Ghomeshi at a barbecue at a Banff television festival in 2003. They chatted and, in time, she visited Toronto and they had dinner at a restaurant on the Danforth. She recalls him telling her how famous he was and “how lucky you are to be with me.” They went back to his house in Riverdale. DeCoutere said they began making out and then she alleges he pushed her against the wall, choked her with his hands around her neck and then slapped her three times.“That was something I had never experienced before,” DeCoutere said. She left his house shortly after that in a taxi. “It did not escalate; it stopped,” she said.
If you have the spoons, I recommend reading all of the women's accounts. They are depressingly familiar, and must have been very difficult to talk about. The CBC has a longer interview with Decoutere here.
In addition, yet another woman was interviewed on CBC's "As It Happens."
And also, the Huffington Post reports that a Twitter account called "Big Ears Teddy" made detailed allegations against Ghomeshi in Apil. "Big Ears Teddy" is referred to in in some of the allegations made in The Star's pice. It is the name of Ghomeshi's stuffed teddy bear that he keep in the bdroom. According to their accounts, he has referenced it during their encounters, turning the bear away so he cannot "see" what's going on. The Twitter account predates those allegations; its tweets about Ghomeshi come from April of this year.
Eight. Nine. Ten, if the Twitter account is not from one of the women who have come forward. Ten women. I am sure there will be more.
I know that misogyny is infinite, so what should be more and more evidence that Ghomeshi is an abuser will be turned around and used as evidence that more and more women are angry, evil deceitful harpies.
This should also be damning evidence about how many women (correctly) deduce that the legal system will be of absolutely no help if they are assaulted (a) by a famous man (b) on a date (c) after they have consented to ANY contact with said man.
Yet I know, depressingly, that this will simply be used to task MORE individual women with solving a systemic problem, blaming them for not going to the police without the TINIEST bit of empathy for how difficult and useless that is, how much MORE they will likely be hurt by the system itself.
If you've not read it, Melissa Martin has a brilliant piece about people "knowing about" Jian Ghomeshi, and all the ways it's made near-impossible to really "do anything" about people like him. And I want to know: how many women have to come forward before we CAN start Doing Something? How many women have to get hurt before those misogynistic assumptions and misogynistic systems get shaken? Eight? Nine? Ten? A dozen? Two dozen?
It should be one. But it sure seems like infinity.
[H/t to Liss for Melissa's piece.]
In the News
Here is some stuff in the news today...
[Content Note: War on agency] Fuck fuck fuck: "The North Dakota Supreme Court yesterday upheld a set of misguided restrictions on medication abortion, allowing what is effectively a ban on early, non-surgical abortions in the state to go into effect immediately. ...The clinic may decide to appeal the decision to the US Supreme Court." I'm sure there will be a lot of weighing whether appealing the decision would be wise, given the current ideological make-up of the court. To have this one go the wrong way at the Supreme Court would be devastating.
[CN: War on agency] Meanwhile: "Chances are good that, if Republicans seize control of the U.S. Senate on Election Day, they will try to push through a bill banning abortion after 20 weeks' gestation nationwide." You know I am not in the business of telling people how, or whether, to vote. But if you're in the US and on the fence about voting in the midterms, well, this is a pretty compelling reason to head to the polls.
Protests, protests everywhere:
* In Spain, "a massive feminist strike paralyzed the streets of Barcelona, with thousands of women and their allies shutting down traffic and the subways, spray-painting feminist slogans all over city walls and occupying the offices of powerful political and economic institutions." The protest "brought together more than 600 different feminist and community groups over the course of a year of organizing that culminated in one riot grrrl-like takeover of Barcelona." Wow!
* In Burkina Faso, demonstrators have taken to the streets in protest of a planned (and now canceled) parliament vote which "would have paved the way for extending the president's 27-year rule."
* In Hungary, 100,000 people protested a per-megabyte tax on Internet traffic proposed by the government. "The issue has come to stand for the alienation of Hungarians from the mainstream political parties, and has left the government backpedalling, now offering to cap the maximum monthly tax bill at about $3/connection—down from the approximately $294 that the original proposal would have levied on each household (this being equal to the monthly rent on a nice apartment in Budapest)."
* In Hong Kong, a photo booth with a yellow backdrop is being used to try to capture the spirit of the now month-long democratic protest. "'We wanted to use what we know to get involved in this movement, to let people know what is happening here. Because in the news, people will see some violent actions involved and maybe in our photos, we show other faces of the people here,' explained Max Wong, one of the organisers."
* In Minnesota, thousands of protestors are expected to participate in a protest of the Washington R*dskins team name, when they show up to play the Vikings.
* In New York, hundreds of students protested Columbia University's mishandling (ahem) of rape cases, in solidarity with Emma Sulkowicz, who pledged to carry her mattress around campus until her rapist is expelled.
[CN: Illness] In other news, Kaci Hickox, the nurse who was forcibly quarantined in an unheated tent in New Jersey for three days after returning from working with Ebola patients, went for a bike ride, so cue everyone losing their shit.
[CN: Sexual violence; war on agency] Republican Ohio Governor John Kasich "repeatedly refused to answer questions about why he signed into law a budget that included a provision prohibiting state-funded rape crisis counselors from referring women to abortion services." Huh. Maybe that's because there's literally no legitimate reason to have done such a thing.
[CN: Sexual violence] Roman Polanski was questioned in Poland but "Deputy Foreign Minister Rafal Trzaskowski said the charges against Polanski have expired in Poland, providing no grounds for an extradition." Shocking.
[CN: Misogynist terrorism] Anita Sarkeesian was on The Colbert Report last night. Yay!
And finally! This story about Lentil, a French bulldog who was born with a cleft palate who has become a therapy dog for children with craniofacial differences, is pretty much the best thing ever. Lentil got surgery to correct his functional issue, thus allowing him to eat and drink on his own, but not to correct his physical difference, so children with facial differences can bond with a dog who also has facial differences. Blub.
Quote of the Day
[Content Note: Sexual and domestic violence; failure to support survivors.]
"The negative impact of college dating abuse is not limited to a survivor's academic career. There can be a literal cost to being a victim. I have more than $80,000 in private student loan debt used to attend a school that didn't care that I had been raped and abused. Think paying back your student loans is traumatic? Trying doing it when every payment reminds you of your abuser."—Wagatwe Wanjuki, in a powerful and intimate piece about the costs to students when colleges fail to seriously address gender-based violence, in flagrant violation of Title IX.
Wagatwe's writing and activism on this subject is just continually terrific. If you're on Twitter, follow her here to keep up with her work.
Apple CEO Tim Cook Publicly Discloses He Is Gay
Apple CEO Tim Cook has been out to people in his personal and professional life, so it's not really right to say that he's come out, as if, previous to this statement, he's been not out. We tend to use language that treats coming out like an on/off switch, instead of acknowledging that it's an ongoing process of assessing one's safety and balancing it against the need for disclosure. He just hasn't previously made a public statement about being gay, which is something he doesn't owe the public.
But he decided to make one, anyway, and he explains why:
I believe deeply in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, who said: "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'" I often challenge myself with that question, and I've come to realize that my desire for personal privacy has been holding me back from doing something more important. That's what has led me to today.There's much more at the link; Cook talks about how being gay has been a gift that has helped him be a more empathetic person, and it's definitely worth your time to read the whole thing.
For years, I've been open with many people about my sexual orientation. Plenty of colleagues at Apple know I'm gay, and it doesn't seem to make a difference in the way they treat me. Of course, I've had the good fortune to work at a company that loves creativity and innovation and knows it can only flourish when you embrace people's differences. Not everyone is so lucky.
...Countless people, particularly kids, face fear and abuse every day because of their sexual orientation.
I don't consider myself an activist, but I realize how much I've benefited from the sacrifice of others. So if hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay can help someone struggling to come to terms with who he or she is, or bring comfort to anyone who feels alone, or inspire people to insist on their equality, then it's worth the trade-off with my own privacy.
...I will personally continue to advocate for equality for all people until my toes point up.
When I arrive in my office each morning, I'm greeted by framed photos of Dr. King and Robert F. Kennedy. I don't pretend that writing this puts me in their league. All it does is allow me to look at those pictures and know that I'm doing my part, however small, to help others. We pave the sunlit path toward justice together, brick by brick. This is my brick.
This is my brick. I like that.
* * *
And, yes, I realize that some of Apple's corporate practices are deeply exploitative and explicitly trade on the lack of equality among people globally. A valid and necessary criticism that needs to be made in places other than this thread on this day.
He Seems Nice
[Content Note: Privilege; white/male supremacy.]
Ha ha jokes!
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) joked in a private meeting this month [with the Hibernian Society of Charleston] that white men would "do great" under his presidency, according to audio obtained by CNN.Okay, player. So, what's the punchline then? Is it supposed to be that white male supremacists aren't going to "do great" in your hypothetical presidency? Because I think we all know that, uh, they would.
..."If I get to be president, white men who are in male-only clubs are going to do great in my presidency," Graham says in one audio snippet as the audience laughs.
"I've tried to help you with your tax status," the senator says in another recording. "I'm sorry the government's so f*cked up."
Graham, who has said that he'd consider launching a 2016 bid, explained to CNN that he was just making fun of the Hibernian Society's all-male membership.
Question of the Day
Suggested by Shaker itchbay: "When you can't sleep, what do you do to try and help yourself fall asleep?"
I count backwards from 100, very slowly. Like when a doctor asks you to count backwards when you're going under anesthetic. Especially after years of doing it, so that my body/mind associate backwards counting with falling asleep, it works like a charm. I rarely see 70.
Fair & Balanced
[Content Note: Violence; Christian Supremacy; anti-atheism; Islamophobia; imperialism.]
This is what passes for "fair and balanced" discourse at Fox News: Fox's Keith Ablow: 'It's Time For An American Jihad.'
"An American jihad would embrace the correct belief that if every nation on earth were governed by freely elected leaders and by our Constitution, the world would be a far better place," [Fox contributor and conservative psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow wrote for Fox's website].This is so fucking gross. I don't even know what else to say besides that. It's terrifying how many people read and listen to shit like this and think it's reasonable.
...The screed demanded that America pressure countries, including allies such as Germany, Sweden and Italy, to "adopt laws similar to our own." Ablow even suggested U.S. politicians obtain dual citizenship so they may run for office in other nations.
"We might even fund our leaders' campaigns for office in these other nations," he wrote.
Ablow admitted that you can't have a crusade without war: "We would accept the fact that an American jihad could mean boots on the ground in many places in the world where human rights are being denigrated and horrors are unfolding," he wrote.
"[W]e have a God-given right to intervene," he added.
...Ablow appeared on "Fox & Friends" on Wednesday morning to further discuss his proposal for "jihad."
"I looked it up, to make sure I was being consistent with the spirit of the word, which is a struggle against nonbelievers," he told co-host Steve Doocey.
"We need to again embrace the fact that we have Manifest Destiny as this country, as Americans," Ablow said, "to not only remain American — fundamentally, in our own national character — but to spread our national character to other nations."
The Wednesday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by stars.
Recommended Reading:
Mallory: We Regret to Announce That Your Request of "Gotta Hear Both Sides" Has Been Denied
BYP: Marvel Announces First Black and First Female Superhero Movies
More here. CN for disablist language.
Bobby: Is an LGBT Superhero Film Far Off?
An oldie but a goodie: Laverne Cox as Wonder Woman
Nellie: With How to Get Away With Murder, Black-ish, and Jane the Virgin, Diversity Scores for Broadcast Networks This Fall
Adrienne: [Content Note: Racism] Missing the point on the Red Mesa Redsk*ns
Melissa: [CN: Fat hatred; body policing and shaming] Five Reasons Why We Need to Stop Thinking of Skinny-Shaming as 'Reverse Discrimination'
Veronica: Day 300 of #365FeministSelfie!
Angry Asian Man: Are you Asian American and Drink Alcohol? Science Needs You!
Leave your links and recommendations in comments. Self-promotion welcome and encouraged!
Ink
We've previously had super fun threads (the most recent) in which we share images of our tattoos and discuss the process of choosing art and what it's like to get tattooed, etc., so here's another one! Share your ink, talk about your tattoos, ask questions of inked folks if you're considering getting a tattoo, whatever you like!
Last night, I got my latest, which is a comic-style POW!, care of Jake Crozier, who also did my scarab and my abstract leg piece. He apprenticed under Lui, who did my other tattoos, and now they have their own shop together. (The contact info for which I'd be happy to pass on to anyone who wants it. Just email me!)
Possibly because I've known Jake for awhile, he virtually read my mind about what I wanted. I had sent him an example POW! off of which to base his drawing, and he literally made every single change I would have made to it without my even asking, and I arrived to see a drawing that was exactly what I wanted. A big part of it is that he just has a damn good eye.
I don't even know what face I'm making in that picture lol! I was so sleepy when I took that this morning to send to Jess. Enjoy my nincompoopery!
This tattoo was the second part of my two-part plan to encourage myself to continue to wear sleeveless tops. Part one was, of course, the tattoo on my other shoulder.
My fat arms are still the part of my body with which I struggle the most. So, naturally, I figured the solution was to DECORATE THEM! And you know what? It worked.
Daily Dose of Cute
Wee Sophie.
As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.
On Street Harassment
[Content Note: Street harassment; misogyny.]
A bunch of people have emailed me about this video by Hollaback, which documents the street harassment directed at a young woman, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, walking through the streets of Manhattan for ten hours. Text at the end of the video reads: "100+ instances of verbal street harassment took place within 10 hours, involving people of all backgrounds. This doesn't include countless winks, whistles, etc."
I did some tweeting yesterday about street harassment in response to this video, and I've collected those tweets here, for anyone who didn't see them.
One of the things I want to note about this video, which I touched on briefly in my tweets, is that street harassment intersects with other axes of marginalization—fat women, trans* women, butch women, women with visible disabilities, women who deviate in some obvious way from the Beauty Standard—are subjected to both sexualized and bullying street harassment, often at the same time.
This is only one woman's experience (one woman with lots of privilege) of street harassment.
Another thing I want to note is that the video does effectively make street harassment visible to men who don't experience it. It's a compelling rejoinder to men (and women) who argue that street harassment isn't a problem; that women exaggerate the ubiquity of street harassment.
In my tweets, I reference a related instance of sexual harassment in which the harasser waited until I was alone before he sexually harassed me. This, too, is an important thing to recognize about visibility: Part of the reason a lot of men believe that women exaggerate incidences of harassment is because harassers are cunning about when and where they can safely harass without fear of censure.
This is true even of street harassment. In my experience, street harassment happens more frequently when it's just the harasser and me, or when there is a group of men familiar to one another who don't hold each other accountable for harassment.
So, every time I hear a man say "I don't see it" in response to a woman's reported experiences of street harassment, I think: "Of course you don't. The whole point is that no one who (ostensibly) cares is supposed to see it."
This video gives everyone a chance to have a look.
[Please also see discussion of criticisms of the video in comments.]
In the News
Here is some stuff in the news today...
[Content Note: Illness] Jeb Bush isn't even running for president yet, and I am already FURIOUS AT HIM: "[President Barack Obama's initial response to Ebola] looked very incompetent to begin with, and that fueled fears that may not be justified." Fuck you. Incompetent hell. The President has been on top of this shit like whoa, giving detailed statements (including yesterday's address) and explaining to people that they don't need to panic and exactly why. I honestly don't even know what President Obama could have done better than he has. Shut up, Jeb Bush.
[CN: Sexual violence; abduction] Gregory Lewis, a suspect in a "serial rape spree" which stretched from Massachusetts to Oregon, has been arrested in New York after a weeks-long manhunt. Lewis "has been accused of raping a 13-year-old girl in Massachusetts and a string of rapes, kidnappings, and robberies of female escorts in North Carolina, Colorado and Oregon." Gee, maybe it wasn't a good idea to order someone accused of raping a child to stay under house arrest with a GPS ankle bracelet, which he simply cut off before skipping town.
[CN: Natural disaster] In Hawaii, a lava flow from the Kilauea volcano in Pahoa has slowly been creeping toward residences, some of which have been in families for generations. It has now reached buildings in town, burning at least one building so far. "Pahoa residents have had weeks to prepare for what has been described as a slow-motion disaster. Most have either already left or are prepared to go." So sad. Although I'm glad no one is hurt, I'm so sorry for the people losing their homes to the lava.
[CN: Natural disaster] In Sri Lanka, about 100 people are feared dead after a landslide following heavy monsoon rains. Dozens of homes were destroyed, and continuing bad weather is hampering rescue operations. So awful. Maybe it's just my perception, but it seems like there have been a lot more massive, deadly landslides in the past year. Which I suppose is probably the result of heavier rains due to climate change.
[CN: Sexual violence] In April, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) "emailed its nearly 11,000 graduate and undergraduate students a survey on campus sexual assault" and the results of the survey have found that one in six women at MIT "have experienced some form of sexual assault, but only 5 percent have reported it." Damn. Naturally, one of the proposed solutions to this will be mandatory reporting, instead of fundamental changes that make it safe and purposeful for women to report.
Fuck: A 13-story unpersoned rocket destined for the International Space Station and filled with "about 5,000 pounds of supplies and experiments" exploded immediately after liftoff yesterday. Luckily, no one was injured.
Whooooooooooooooops! "Hackers thought to be working for the Russian government breached the unclassified White House computer networks in recent weeks, sources said, resulting in temporary disruptions to some services while cybersecurity teams worked to contain the intrusion. White House officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss an ongoing investigation, said that the intruders did not damage any of the systems and that, to date, there is no evidence the classified network was hacked." Hahahaha like they'd tell us if it had been!
Here is a story about Hillary Clinton talking about women's issues. I like to hear that candidates are talking about women's issues!
Would you love to ride in "a windowless plane that nonetheless allows passengers to see what's going on outside," which basically means a plane that has no walls? I bet if you are afraid of heights, you would not love it. I would totally pretend I was Wonder Woman in my invisible jet!
And finally! Good news: Española Galapagos giant tortoises, which had dwindled to only 15 (!) in number in 1963, are now back around 1,000 in number, thanks to decades-long conservation efforts. Yayayayayayay!
Um.
[Content Note: Depression; self-harm; disablism; harassment.]
Eastsidekate sent me a heads-up about a new Twitter app called Samaritans Radar, which you can use to track whether any of the people you follow are distressed, depressed, or suicidal.
Samaritans Radar uses an algorithm to identify key words and phrases which indicate distress.The app, of course, cannot distinguish sarcasm, nor does it appear to distinguish between someone saying "help me" because they need support and "help me" because they need to find a rare Blur b-side.
They include "tired of being alone", "hate myself", "depressed", "help me" and "need someone to talk to."
Users who have signed up for the scheme will receive an email alert if someone they follow tweets these statements.
Kate noted to me via email (which I'm sharing with permission) that "more that one person in my TL has pointed out [that being able to sign up and get a notification anytime anyone you follow seems depressed] is a huge invitation to abusers."
I also find it really interesting, ahem, that there's an app designed to track people saying things that indicate distress, but not to track people saying things like "kill yourself," which is one of the most common exhortations lots of us get from trolls.
When I mentioned that to Kate, she replied: "Right. I'm not sure who developed the app, but I'm guessing they some help from Twitter. Clearly, Twitter could come up with an algorithm that flags potentially abusive accounts. Instead of working on that, they're promoting an app that makes it as easy as possible for strangers to know when I'm depressed/struggling with Office 2013? Fuck that."
I looked at Samaritans Radar's website, to see if there is a way for people to opt out of being tracked, and I couldn't find any option to do so.
Yeah. This is going to work out great.
EEOC Sues Honeywell over Employee "Wellness Program"
[Content Note: Disablism; fat hatred.]
This is very good news:
Federal officials are challenging new benefit rules at Honeywell Inc. that create monetary penalties unless employees and spouses take medical tests.It's really important that the EEOC is calling out that these "wellness programs" are ways of doing an end-run around illegal questions around disability.
A lawsuit filed by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in response to complaints from two Minnesota employees sets up a potential court case over how far employers can go to shift health costs and influence worker behavior.
The agency said in the suit, filed Monday in U.S. District Court in Minneapolis, that new health screening and penalties at Honeywell violate the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act.
"Employees will be penalized if they or their spouses do not take the biometric tests," the complaint said.
In response to the suit, Honeywell said its screening program is designed to encourage employees to live more healthfully and thereby create lower health care costs for themselves and the company. The company said the program complies with health care-related laws, including the Affordable Care Act.
The EEOC has requested a temporary injunction to stop the employee testing, which was scheduled to begin last week at various sites across the country.
...The suit is the third one in three months that the EEOC has filed accusing companies of setting up "involuntary" employee medical or wellness programs, said Laurie Vasichek, an attorney for the agency. Honeywell's tests and threatened penalties go too far because they are not job-related and are not consistent with any business necessity, she said.
"The thing that is important about these cases is not that they are wellness or health programs, but that the company is requiring testing and asking disability questions when it's not job-related," Vasichek said. "They can only do that in situations where it's voluntary for the employee to answer."
Especially because there no laws protecting fat employees from discrimination. And if you think that isn't part of the objective, well: "The EEOC said that Honeywell's new program creates up to $4,000 in penalties for employees unless they and their spouses take blood and medical tests that can identify smoking, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity and other health problems." One of these things is not like the other!
"Obesity" is not in and of itself a "health problem." And yet companies are routinely trying to find ways to penalize employees if they don't lose weight. Irrespective of their ability to do so.
People with disabilities and/or fat people are being illegally/unfairly targeted by "wellness programs." And not just financially penalized by them, but stigmatized. And expected to change things about their bodies ("influence worker behavior") that they may not be able to change.
I desperately hope the EEOC stays all over this one.
[H/T to Eastsidekate.]
This Is Rape Culture
[Content Note: Sexual violence; rape apologia.]
Yesterday, in many discussions of the allegations against Jian Ghomeshi, there was another round of "rape allegations ruin men's lives." Never mind that people weren't even waiting to find out what, exactly, the allegations were before unleashing this omnipresent bit of rape apologia. And certainly never mind that it isn't even true.
Last night, convicted rapist Mike Tyson was a guest on The Tonight Show. I watched it and tweeted about the segment.
Jimmy Fallon welcomed Tyson onto the show with a warm greeting, dancing with him. They yukked it up about Tyson's childhood Halloween costumes and other nonsense. During the segment, Tyson—against whom there were not merely allegations, but who was tried, convicted, and served time for raping Desiree Washington (among other violent acts)—promoted his book, his new animated series, his Hard Rock Cafe tour, and his video game.
Book. TV series. Tour. Video game.
That's a lot to promote. For someone whose life should be in ruins.
At the end of the segment, following a demonstration of Tyson's video game, Fallon and Tyson were laughing and hugging. Mike Tyson pretended to bite Jimmy Fallon's ear because ha ha that one time he assaulted Evander Holyfield is now just a punchline to him. Jimmy Fallon laughed and laughed.
(This bit has been edited out of The Tonight Show's online clip.)
Naturally, when I tweeted about this last night, I got pushback, largely along the lines of men telling me that Tyson isn't a good example of men whose lives are ruined by rape allegations (again: tried, convicted, served time) because he is famous.
But I could tell the same story, on a less visible level, about the man who raped me. (And at least one other girl.) His life is fine.
And I have multiple friends who could tell the same stories, on less visible levels, about the men who raped them. They're just fine, too.
And I'm betting that lots and lots of women (and men) could tell the exact same stories about their rapists' fine fucking lives.
Because, see, that's the thing: Mike Tyson isn't actually a bad or atypical example. The only thing that makes him an unusual example is that he was convicted—and he's still fine.
Book. TV series. Tour. Video game.
And here's the other thing: Many of the men who tell apocryphal tales of former brothers-in-law and distant cousins whose lives were "ruined" by rape allegations (which are always, always, presumed to be untrue) really mean that those men were inconvenienced for a little while. Embarrassed. Not that their entire lives were ruined. Or even meaningfully changed.
But there are a number of survivors who can tell real stories about how OUR lives were legit derailed by reporting.
The "Ruined Lives" canard is rape apologia. And it gets the truth precisely backwards.
[Related Reading: I Write Letters.]
