[Content Note: Descriptions of violence. Spoilers are lurching around undeadly herein.]
Oh, man. The preponderance of
plaid flannels are not the only beautiful leftovers from the '90s in
The Walking Dead anymore. We got so many extraordinary close-ups of Dr. Mulletsworth's Achy-Breaky hair last night, and I for one was utterly delighted by each and every one of them! That hair is like the crown jewel in the Nicolas Cage Wig Collection.
Anyway!
There was more walking,
so much walking, along railroad tracks in last night's episode. This show should be called
The Walking Grimes Gang and Friends, amirite?
Everyone (except Blonde Girl?) (who is still in a trunk?) (or maybe not?) is converging on Terminus. And they are FOR SURE doing a lot of walking along railroad tracks to get there!
If you are like me, you might be wondering how it's possible that there are fully one million signs directing people to Terminus, and none of the Grimes Gang, in any of their scavenging adventures, nor Captain Murder, nor anyone else we've met, has stumbled across a single one of these signs previously, but these are questions that need not be asked, because the writers of this show definitely know what they're doing.
So: Walk walk walk. Tracks tracks tracks. And that pretty much sums up the episode. But a few things happened along the way out of which I will try to eke some of my typically splendid commentary!
When we catch up with Sgt. Red Bull, Doctor Mulletsworth, Rosita Espinoza, Tara, and Glenn, they are walking down some railroad tracks. Glenn sees one of the signs Maggie left him on a This Way to Terminus sign, and he immediately goes running down the tracks, which is one of the nicest moments of this entire season.
Their group comes to a long tunnel, which is dark and probably full of zombies, and Sgt. Red Bull wants to walk around it, but that would take a whole day or more, and Glenn wants to go through, which he thinks will be faster. He gives Doctor Mulletsworth his riot gear to keep him safe, so he can get to DC and cure the world, and then Sgt. Red Bull, Doctor Mulletsworth, and Rosita Espinoza leave on their trek to go around, while Glenn and Tara, wracked with guilt over siding with Captain Murder, plunge forward into the tunnel, which is predictably full of zombies, as well as a nearly unnavigable cave-in.
Meanwhile, when we catch up with Grimes, Michonne, and Carl the Hat, they are walking down some railroad tracks. Something something candy. Carl the Hat drops a candy wrapper on the ground. Litterbug! "YOLO," says Carl the Hat.
In other news, Grimes is still very sweaty.
Meanwhile meanwhile, when we catch up with Daryl and the Dirtbags (their cover of "On the Road Again" is amazing), they are walking down some railroad tracks. Head Dirtbag Grody Joe tells Daryl all about the neat rules of their gang, one of which is shouting "Claimed!" when they want something for themselves. "CLAIMED! No reversals no backsies! Infinity!" says Second-Tier Dirtbag Grody Len, when he and Daryl both shoot a rabbit. Grody Joe cuts the rabbit in half, since Daryl is just learning the rules. He's a regular King Solomon, this guy.
That night, at the mechanic shop the Dirtbags will call home for the night, Grody Len tries to frame Daryl as a thief by sneaking his half of the rabbit into Daryl's
Louis Vuitton suitcase trashbag while he was peeing. But Grody Joe saw Grody Len's mischief-making, so, as per the rules, the Dirtbags kick Grody Len until he is dead. RIP Grody Len.
Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Sgt. Red Bull, Doctor Mulletsworth, and Rosita Espinoza find a van on a road with a walker inside. And we all have a good laugh remembering when Grimes Gang came across an entire traffic jam of cars with dead people inside who hadn't turned into zombies, because the writers of this show are awesome.
Sgt. Red Bull commandeers the car, and Doctor Mulletsworth and Rosita Espinoza have a great conversation about who's going to be the navigator, during which Doctor Mulletsworth says, "I cannot abide a reality where
you are the chosen navigator over a son of the South who has successfully negotiated the travails and vagueries of journeys both real and virtual." LOLOLOL! THAT IS REAL DIALOGUE! I DID NOT MAKE THAT UP! And somehow, it manages to convince Rosita Espinoza that she should allow Doctor Mulletsworth to be the navigator while she drives and Sgt. Red Bull takes a nap in the backseat. Okay!
And because Doctor Mulletsworth is a stand-up guy, he navigates her right to the other end of the tunnel, because he has perfectly calculated that their compatriots will be at the end of the tunnel at that precise moment. Oh boy.
Back in Zombie Tunnel, Glenn and Tara run into some trouble when Tara falls and gets her leg stuck between some rocks. The zombies begin to descend, and Tara tells Glenn to GTFO and leave her there, but Glenn refuses to leave her, because ain't no way she's gonna have time to
127 Hours herself outta that sitch before the zombies get her.
Just at the moment they are about to meet their collective demise, gunshots ring out, and IT'S EVERYONE! (Almost.) Sgt. Red Bull, Doctor Mulletsworth, Rosita Espinoza, Sasha, Bob, and MAGGIE! They kill all the zombies and rescue Glenn and Tara, and Glenn and Maggie hug each other tightly, and it is VERY SWEET.
Later, Maggie finds the picture of her that Glenn carried and burns it, because, she says, he'll never need a picture of her again. Which is, frankly, not so sweet and actually kind of creepy.
The next morning, they all decide to stop off at Terminus to see if anyone else from Grimes Gang is there, before they take off for DC and try to get Doctor Mulletsworth there in one piece.
Isn't Atlanta a major FedEx hub? They need to swing by HQ and wrap that guy in ten tons of bubble wrap!
Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Grody Joe tells Daryl that he saw the face of the man who strangled one of the Dirtbags. "Was his face extremely sweaty, by any chance?"—Daryl. Grody Joe explains they're not welcome at Terminus (no way! they seem so nice!) but they're headed there to try to find that man and kill him. Under Daryl's feet is the candy wrapper Carl the Hat dropped, so we know they're on the right track. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!) And I feel so conflicted, because I hate Grimes, but I ALSO hate Grody Joe, even though the enemy of my enemy should be my friend.
I don't want to be friends with Grody Joe. I'm pretty sure Daryl doesn't, either.
In the final scene, Team Maggie & Glenn arrive at Terminus, which looks like a nice place, and are greeted by a lady named Mary who has the same cadence as the wife on any TLC show about lots of wives or lots of children.
Next week: The season finale!
Open Wide...
Shut Up!
