[Content Note: Misogyny, Patriarchal Relationships, Disability]
You know what is not fun? I am still stuck in bed for pretty much all the times I'm not at work, because my back hates me! This is me giving a seriously negative look at my back! (ಠ_ಠ)
But the happy part is that being trapped in bed means I get to watch more Friends and now I have another disc analyzed thanks to the magic of typing! And positive thinking! ✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❋
An Annotated Index of Ross Geller: Disc 2
Episode 107: The One With The Blackout
Synopsis: A blackout over all of Manhattan results in wacky hijinks; Ross makes a belated move on Rachel but is interrupted by a cat which turns out to have an attractive Italian man (Paolo) as its guardian.
Analysis: This is the infamous "friend zone" episode (which I've covered in part in the mega-post). The Friends pass the time by playing the "weirdest place you've ever done it" game, and Rachel confesses to Ross that she's never had a deeply passionate sexual relationship--the weirdest place she's ever done it was "the foot of the bed". This doesn't really fit super well with Rachel's characterization throughout the series and backstory so far. It will be mentioned in just a couple episodes (Episode 117) that she had sex on her parents' bed with a boy whose father was a major financial rival to the family--that sounds somewhat more passionate than "the foot of the bed" with (we presume) Barry. Also, in the pilot (Episode 101), we had this exchange:
Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
So if none of this fits with Rachel's characterization and backstory, I feel entitled to ask why it is here. For one, obviously, this is a setup to her falling for Paolo and dragging out the Ross Nice Guy / Will They Won't They storyline. But I also have a sneaking suspicion that this is here so that Ross can continue to be superior to Rachel.
We learned a few episodes back that Ross was a virgin until he slept with Carol, and we the viewers may choose to assume that he's only ever been with her. Whereas we already know about a couple guys in Rachel's past (Barry and Tony DeMarco) and will learn about a third one (Billy Dreskin) in a few episodes. None of this definitely adds up to Rachel being more sexually experienced than Ross, but it's interesting to me that here we have Rachel turning to Ross (of all the Friends on offer!) for advice on whether there is the possibility for passion in her future. And Ross typically lectures her on how the thing she wants isn't that important ("Passion is way overrated.") before then turning cryptic and promising her the thing she wants ("See, I see.... big passion in your future.") with the subtext that she'll get that if she does things his way.
Anyway. Joey lectures Ross that he's "in the friend zone" and that he needs to go make his move on Rachel now. And so of course Ross has to do a big buildup ("OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.") instead of just saying, "Would you like to go out on a date with me this Saturday?" or whatever. And it feels like he can't straight-up say that and instead must do this circuitous confessional not merely because he's afraid of hearing No, but maybe also because he thinks he needs to do a confessional infodump of all his many feels for Rachel right there. And no doubt scare the poor woman to death.
Which sort of brings us back to the problem that Ross has spent so long building up this crush he has on the idea of Rachel (or, and here I quote LucyChi, his Rachel Goal), that he is officially in the Creepy Nice Guy Zone. Rachel would be starting this relationship from square one; Ross has been around the Monopoly board in his head for at least eighteen laps riding the little top hat. That's a fundamental mismatch of relationship expectations. But I digress, and a cat leaps on Ross' shoulders and startles him into a failure to ask Rachel out. And while Rachel and Phoebe try to find the cat's guardian, Rachel also finds Paolo who is supposed to look like sex on a stick and the episode will end with her in his arms, passionately making out.
The interesting thing here is how Ross reacts in order to head off the Paolo situation. He could go to Rachel and have an honest conversation: "Look, this might be a bad time now, but earlier I was hoping to ask you out on a date and I just really wanted to get the offer on the table. I really think we would be great together, but I understand if that's not something you want to try right now." But that would make Ross vulnerable and put the option to say No on the table and we're not going to have that. (Also: it would give a woman agency. Slippery slope.)
Instead, Ross tries to appeal to Paolo, which makes literally no sense in the world unless you think of women as objects owned by men. Ross tells him that "See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together." and that "if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad." Paolo has literally no reason to care if Ross is very sad. He doesn't know the guy from Adam! He could be a creepy stalker who tries to control Rachel's sex life. (Oh wait.) And yet I think we're supposed to see Paolo as kind of a jerk (and probably some xenophobic tropes about foreigners seducing our women) for not respecting Ross' dibs.
Furthermore, Ross' attempt to scare Paolo off is a huge trespass on Rachel's agency to pick which man she wants to be with. Ross wants to narrow the pool of available men (one man at a time, via heart-to-heart talks with them, apparently) until Rachel's only options are Ross vs. No One. Whereas if Ross were honest with her about his feelings and respected her agency to pick, then her options would be Ross vs. Everyone Else Who Might Be Interested. Because he refuses to extend her that agency, Ross is trying to control Rachel's love life by tampering with her available choices.
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