Question of the Day
Originally suggested by Shaker Quinalla in April 2012: What is one of the important turning points in your life and how did it play out?
Starting this blog was certainly one of the most important turning points in my life. I guess I don't need to elaborate on the how'd it play out part, lol.
Recommended Reading
[Content Note: Transphobia.]
Amy McCarthy: #FreeAvery: Transgender Woman Avery Edison Housed in Men's Jail While Twitter Reacts.
You can follow the hashtag here, and get updates from Avery's Twitter feed here, care of Avery's partner RahRah.
I literally cannot put this any more simply or clearly: Women don't belong in a men's prison. Period. In isolation, in general population, wherever, doesn't matter. #FreeAvery
It Is Time for a Flula Break!
Video Description: Flula, a young, thin, white man speaking in German-accented English, is in his bed in winter clothes, covered by a blanket. He holds a microphone, and there's recording and amplifying equipment in the bed with him.
Shivery noises. He emerges from under the blanket and turns on the backing beat, which is a looped recording of his own voice. And then he sing-raps: The temperatures are low. / Why are they so very low? / It is a POLAR VORTEX! / A what? / POLAR VORTEX! / Oh! / POLAR VORTEX! / Eh. / POLAR VORTEX! / Kick it hah! / POLAR VORTEX! / Yeah, yeah. / POLAR VORTEX! / Oh yes! / POLAR VORTEX! / Oh yeah! / POLAR VORTEX! / Ahh! / POLAR VORTEX! / I need some Gore-Tex! / You're freezing my booty, my face, and my cortex! / POLAR VORTEX! / You are not my buddy! / I would give you the finger, but it's hiding in my snuggie! / POLAR VORTEX! / Go away! / POLAR VORTEX! / I do not like you! / POLAR VORTEX! / Why are you here? / POLAR VORTEX! / I hate you WHAT / POLAR VORTEX! / You are freezing! / You're causing much coughing, much frostbite, much sneezing! / POLAR VORTEX! / I do not crave you. / But if you was on a plate I would microwave you! / POLAR VORTEX! / You are so cold! / POLAR VORTEX! / You make me freeze hard. / POLAR VORTEX! / Your temperatures are low. / POLAR VORTEX! / You suck it! / Ahhhhh / It's time for hibernate! / Ahhhhh / It's time for hibernate. / Ahhhhh / It's time for hibernate! [he crawls under the covers] / Ahhhhh / It's time! / Ahhhhh / Spring! / I need you spring. / Dance!
Then he speaks, still buried beneath the blanket, with an echo effect on his voice: "Spring, please hurry. I want your flowers and butterflies also."
Quote of the Day
"There has been a significant environmental impact."—Harold Ward, acting director of the West Virginia Department of Environmental Protection's Division of Mining and Reclamation, following a "significant" spill from a Patriot Coal processing facility in Charleston, in which "more than 100,000 gallons of coal slurry poured into an eastern Kanawha County stream."
Initially, Dale Petry, director of emergency services for Kanawha County, said that an eight-inch slurry line between the preparation plant and the company's refuse impoundment ruptured, sending an underdetermined amount of coal waste into the creek before the flow was stopped.Whooooops!
Later, DEP officials said they had determined that the spill was caused by a malfunction of a valve inside the slurry line carrying material from the preparation plant to a separate disposal site, not to an impoundment.
...There were also conflicting reports about when the incident occurred and when it was reported to the state.
Petry said that the incident occurred at about 6:15 a.m., and the company reported it to the state at 7:12 a.m. He said the incident should have been reported more promptly to local officials.
"I have problems with that," Petry said. "I need to know about it a little bit sooner."
The Patriot Coal (I know) facility "uses the chemical Crude MCHM in its coal-cleaning process," for which DEP officials are testing, and coal slurry "contains a variety of substances that could be more toxic than Crude MCHM, including other coal-cleaning chemicals and various metals."
Laura Jordan, a spokeswoman for West Virginia American Water, issued a statement to reassure the public that the slurry spill would not impact the company's regional drinking water plant in Charleston -- which is located about a mile upstream from where the Elk River empties into the Kanawha.I would say that's reassuring, except, you know.
Clean coal, y'all.
"My Brother's Keeper"
In his State of the Union address, President Obama said, "I'm reaching out to some of America's leading foundations and corporations on a new initiative to help more young men of color facing especially tough odds stay on track and reach their full potential." This Thursday, he will unveil that initiative:
Obama on Thursday will announce a new White House initiative called "My Brother's Keeper," which will bring foundations and companies together to test a range of strategies across the country to support young male minorities, taking steps to keep them in school and out of the criminal justice system, a White House official said. He will also announce that his administration will launch a more vigorous evaluation of what policies work best and publicize results to school systems and others across the country.Okay, all of that sounds pretty great! I mean, as great as I'm ever going to think a social justice initiative that invites the participation of corporations is ever going to sound!
...Administration officials say that the White House has been searching for better ways to address the plight of young men from disadvantaged groups since at least last summer. While the White House will release more details about the initiative on Thursday, an official said Tuesday that "My Brother's Keeper" would consist of two main parts.
First, the official said, businesses and foundations will join together to test strategies across the country. The efforts, he said, will focus "on key moments in the lives of these young men where interventions have been shown to have the greatest impact — things like making sure children arrive at school ready to learn and reducing negative interactions with the criminal justice system."
Second, Obama will also launch an internal administration effort to more rigorously evaluate what programs work at helping these young men.
For instance, the Departments of Education and Justice recently updated guidelines provided to school districts on the most effective disciplinary policies — what the official called "a powerful example of the kinds of actions the federal government can take to bolster outcomes and reduce disparities for this population."
(Aside from the name, which is a Biblical reference that may feel alienating to some young men of color whose beliefs don't include an appreciation of Genesis. The marginalized among the already-marginalized. But I digress.)
So I'm wondering why it is that the anonymous administration official tasked with feeding this story to the Washington Post felt obliged to do this shit:
The effort will seek "to make sure that every young man of color who is willing to work hard and lift himself up has an opportunity to get ahead and reach his full potential," the White House official said, speaking on the condition of anonymity ahead of the announcement. "The initiative will be focused on implementing strategies that are proven to get results."Like, was it really necessary to lend credibility to racist narratives about young men of color and their supposedly terrible work ethic? Was the literal bootstraps allusion strictly required? "Don't worry! We're only going to invest in the ones who are WILLING TO WORK HARD and LIFT THEMSELVES UP BY THEIR BOOTSTRAPS!" Was it possible to get through a single article about an initiative for one of the country's most underserved populations without reassuring racists that it won't "cost more money," or could we maybe indulge the radical idea that vulnerable young men of color are worth uplifting, even if it costs a few bucks?
...The official said the new measures will not cost more money and said they will include Republicans working on criminal justice reform, faith leaders and corporate leaders.
Well, now that we've made sure the delicate egos of "Republicans working on criminal justice reform, faith leaders, and corporate leaders" haven't been bruised by too much caring about young men of color, let's get this initiative to value young men of color rolling!
Anyway. I'm picking at the language of promotion because I want this initiative to be successful. And because I don't think that white racists and their lazy strawman fantasies need to be indulged at the expense of young men of color.
Video of Police Brutality Ruled Inadmissible Because of Missing 11 Seconds
[Content Note: Police brutality; images of bruises at link.]
Aloni Bonilla, a young Chicana from Los Angeles, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and was taken to a hospital for a blood test. Once there, she alleges that the arresting officer roughed her up after she threatened to get an attorney to contest the charges. A video from the hospital shows Officer Jose Ramirez grabbing Bonilla and pushing her against the wall, before throwing her to the floor and pinning her under his knee.
But the video was ruled inadmissible at Bonilla's trial, during which she was convicted of resisting arrest, because 11 seconds of video are missing, including the immediate few seconds before the "altercation," which Officer Ramirez asserts was provoked by Bonilla having "waved her arms around and approached him to try to head butt him." The video shows Bonilla sitting in a chair, with Ramirez leaning over her, when the attack begins.
There is much more covered here by Jorge Rivas, in a story about how Bonilla has published the video on YouTube in a bid to increase awareness of her case through social media, as a panel of appellate judges consider her request for a new trial where the video can be shown as evidence.
I have a lot of questions about the police officer's report, which contains a version of events that does not appear to match the video at all. And I find it really weird that the hospital can't and/or won't comment at all on the camera, not even to confirm whether the missing footage is the result of motion detection, as has been suggested, or whether it's the result of tampering.
And I further question how it's possible that the officer claims Bonilla was waving her arms and trying to head butt him, but somehow that would have failed to activate a camera activated by motion sensors, while his merely leaning over to seemingly intimidate her did activate it.
None of this makes any sense. Except, of course, when it's filtered through a lens of a cover-up to avoid accountability. Then inconsistencies in the police report and the missing footage makes a whole lotta sense.
I also, once again, feel obliged to observe that, while I recognize and appreciate there are times police officers have to defend themselves, a physical response this intense should require more justification than the public information officer for the force saying, "She was injured as a result of being combative with the officer." That isn't good enough.
Even if the police officer's version of events is totally accurate, I fail to see how waving one's arms and leaning forward in a chair necessitate throwing someone against a wall and then on the ground and kneeing them in the back so hard they are left with permanent disk damage. Even granting the officer's version, this response should be unacceptable.
Daily Dose of Cute
Dudley: Large and in charge.
As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.
AHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHHH!
If you don't like heights, if even thinking about going up in a hot air balloon, or walking a tightrope, or skydiving makes your butt pucker, do not watch the below video, because it has ALL THREE.
Ryan at Uproxx:
They're up there to tightrope from one balloon to another. The stunt is called "The Balloon Highline" and it's performed by The Skyliners, a team of French tightrope walkers.
This video is fantastic on so many levels. It manages to capture some pants-sh*ttingly terrifying shots via helmet cameras. It's also insulated from the internet's inevitable "FAKE!" calls, because none of the daredevils actually make it across. That's right, NONE OF THEM MAKE IT! The video is splat-free, however, because the daredevils are wearing parachutes. Which somehow makes the video even more vertigo-inducing — and more awesome.
(If you're the kind of person who hates buildup, skip straight to the two-minute mark for the action.)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahaa!!! <-- That's me watching this video and just scream-laughing while trying not to cry and shit my pants.
[Video Description: The first two minutes is just a montage of the team getting the air balloons ready for launch. And then it's another two minutes of team members trying to walk across a tightrope stretched between two hot air balloons high above the ground, failing, and falling off. With parachutes. At the end of the video, text onscreen reads: "We plan to try again in a few days."]
In the News
Here is some stuff in the news today!
RIP Shirley Temple Black.
The White House has relaxed the employer healthcare coverage mandate, pushing back required coverage for another year. Great news for businesses who aren't already covering their employees; terrible news for employees who were counting on mandated coverage to kick in this year.
[Content Note: Guns] The NRA is lobbying to expand Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law, even as Michael Dunn stands trial for killing Jordan Davis because Dunn "felt threatened" after asking a car full of teenagers, including Davis, to turn down their music in public parking lot and they refused. Of course they are, because the NRA is a terrible organization led by terrible people. "The new bill has been dubbed a 'warning shot' bill, and now a 'threatened force' bill, and it would extend Stand Your Ground-like immunity from both criminal and civil charges to those who point a gun at an attacker or fire a gun as a self-defense threat or warning." The bill removes "mandatory minimum sentences for those who would be convicted of gun and violence-related crimes; it also removes all criminal and civil liability for those who successfully invoke the defense in as vague and sweeping a manner as the original Stand Your Ground law, potentially opening the door for more judicial rulings of the sort we have already seen that excuse fatal shootings of unarmed victims." Let's call this exactly what it is: A bill that will allow privileged people to kill marginalized people with absolutely impunity.
[CN: War on agency; violence; self-harm] Republican Tennessee Rep. Phil Roe, the colorful congressman who suggested Republican candidates be issued duct tape to prevent them from saying stupid things, is basically a Cool Quote Generator: "During a session devoted to a bill sponsored by Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) that is designed to replace Obamacare, Roe suggested that the best way to 'tweak' the president's signature health-care reform law was with 'a nuclear bomb.' Then, addressing the topic of family planning, he veered into personal territory, noting, 'I have been 'fixed.' My wife has been 'fixed.'' He explained that after having three kids, if he'd had to raise another, he'd have thrown himself off the Capitol. (He didn't specify whether he meant the dome, a balcony, or down the steps.) These are interesting comments from a legislator who has supported defunding Planned Parenthood."
[CN: Racism. Video.] Samuel L. Jackson lets loose on an entertainment news anchor who gets him confused with Laurence Fishburne. Oof. (No, you do not need to let us know in comments that sometimes you confuse people and it's not because you're racist. Let us not ignore the context that this was a broadcast interview by a professional entertainment journalist, not a conversation with your mom about who was in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar. and let us further not ignore the historical context of white people publicly misidentifying black men, sometimes to deadly consequences.)
[CN: Homophobia; affected misogyny. Video.] Kids in the Hall's Scott Thompson revives Buddy Cole to be a Sochi correspondent for The Colbert Report. "Are buttons gayer than zippers?" OMG.
"Fred Armisen is joining Seth Meyers at Late Night. The musician and Portlandia star and his 8G Band are joining his Saturday Night Live friend as the band leader for the revamped NBC talker. 'Fred will curate and lead the band, and continue to run it even when he's off shooting Portlandia,' Meyers tweeted Monday." Whut? Okay.
Priorities
[Content Note: Rape culture.]
A recent study by the CCD found that Indiana ranks second in the nation for the rate of sexual assault against teenage girls. In Indiana, 17.3% of girls are sexually assaulted by the time they graduate high school, compared to a national average of 10.5%.
This finding prompted Rep. Christina Hale, D-Indianapolis, to propose legislation to investigate why Indiana's rate is so much higher than average and help define the right solutions. Said Hale: "We don't know where it's happening or why it's happening and we can't create the right programs or policies and laws unless we find out why this is happening."
Sounds reasonable enough, right? Welp.
As John Krull points out here [cn: description of sexual assault], the Republican-controlled legislature sure has some interesting, ahem, priorities:
The Indiana House of Representatives couldn't get to this bill to study sexual assaults, but the members - under the leadership of House Speaker Brian Bosma, R-Indianapolis - did schedule prolonged hearings in not one but two committees on a proposed state constitutional amendment to restrict marriage to one man and one woman.Indiana Republicans have wasted enormous amounts of time trying to codify discrimination into the state constitution, and have wasted more time passing heinous, disablist legislation that will surely be overturned just to try to deny assistance to people with addictions (to some drugs), and has further wasted time on anti-choice legislation that empowers anti-choice terrorists, but couldn't find time to pass a bill to find out why young Hoosiers are at a disproportionately high risk of being sexually assaulted. Perfect.
Bosma said, over and over again, that the marriage amendment wasn't a priority for him and his caucus.
Apparently there are things that aren't priorities for the House GOP members, such as the marriage amendment, and things that really aren't priorities for them - like figuring out ways to prevent teen-agers and children from being sexually assaulted.
...The House also found time to consider and approve a bill that would require welfare recipients to take drug tests - despite the fact that the courts have struck down similar measures around the country.
Maybe it was a priority.
Terrific priorities, Indiana GOP. You're really knocking it out of the park this legislative session. Assholes.
Richard Cohen Goes Full Rape Apologist
[Content Note: Rape apologia.]
Richard Cohen, in his continuing bid to be the country's most contemptible columnist, goes full rape apologist in his latest column, accusing the New York Times of "rushing to judgment" against Woody Allen. This is the actual opening paragraph:
The defenestration of Woody Allen started Feb. 2 with a column in the New York Times by Nicholas Kristof. He began by saying all the right things: that allegations against Allen of sexually molesting Dylan Farrow, the 7-year-old daughter of his onetime companion Mia Farrow, had never been proved and that Allen "should be presumed innocent." Then Kristof threw Allen out the window.Cohen thinks that undermining a survivor in the introduction to her first-person account of abuse is "saying all the right things." Of course he does.
He spends the rest of his column regurgitating indecent (and mendacious) apologia, getting paid for collating the greatest hits of Woody Allen's Twitter Apologists and calling it a column. He goes after Ronan Farrow for believing his sister, and draws an utterly absurd equivalence between himself and Dylan Farrow's own brother:
I am not here today to settle the matter. I have no idea what happened, but neither does Ronan Farrow, the child of Farrow and Allen and soon to be an MSNBC television host, who has gone after Allen with the Twitter version of an ax. Ronan Farrow's sincerity is not in doubt. But he was not present when the alleged crime took place, and he was a mere 4 at the time.Oh my god. OH MY GOD.
And then he ends the mountainous heap of rank apologia thus:
The paper permitted a columnist to settle the functional equivalent of a personal score. He did not uncover a shred of new evidence; he did not provide us with a unique take on the matter. He simply believed his two friends, Dylan's mother and brother, and so, for a moment, did I. His was a powerful piece.Richard Cohen says he has "no idea what happened" and isn't "here today to settle the matter." But he's sure that Allen has been falsely accused and that the New York Times owes their readers an apology.
It's hard to imagine a more odious crime than child molestation. It's hard also to imagine the mortification of those falsely accused of it. If the Times thinks it has made matters right by printing Allen's rebuttal, it is both naive and wrong. It may or may not owe Allen an apology, but it owes one to its readers.
(The Times does owe their readers, and Dylan Farrow, an apology—though not for the reasons Cohen imagines.)
Cohen is hardly the first person to call Allen's rebuttal "persuasive." Which is a subjective term. It is not persuasive to me, but then I'm not looking to be persuaded. Many of the people who are saying in Serious Tones that Allen's piece was persuasive are people who just needed anything that sounded like a vaguely coherent denial in order to breathe a sigh of relief that their favorite filmmaker isn't a sexual predator.
And I'm sure many of the people who found Allen's piece persuasive weren't consciously seeking to be persuaded, either—but found themselves persuaded all the same. Which is maybe because Allen's piece neatly hits all the points for which rape culture narratives prepare us: It just sounds so gosh darn reasonable to someone who hasn't spend a moment deconstructing how this shit works to subvert our critical thinking around sexual assault.
But, in any case, here's the thing about being persuaded: Predators are persuasive. They are extremely adept at convincing people of their innocence, even when they aren't famous auteurs surrounded by people who want to believe they're innocent. That one finds Woody Allen, or any other accused predator, "persuasive" constitutes exactly zero evidence of anything. Except your willingness to be persuaded.
What does it even mean to say that Allen's account is "persuasive"? It means that Dylan Farrow's account was not, for one thing. And it means that the person who found it persuasive imagines themselves to be some sort of magical identifier of sex predators, imbued with a fantastical talent for discerning the innocence of accused abusers simply by auditing the "persuasiveness" of their self-defenses. They can identity predators.
Such certainly is a luxury of having never been a victim.
Contact the Washington Post's Reader Representative at: readers@washpost.com.
Question of the Day
Suggested by Shaker masculine_lady: What do you take with you when you travel somewhere you're staying at least one night, in addition to clothes, shoes, toiletries, and a phone and/or computer?
DIY: Cat Nook
One of the things about our house which has never worked is that there's not a great place for the litter boxes. Our laundry room is too small, our bathrooms are too small for more than one, and, even if I didn't like litter boxes in the kitchen anyway, our kitchen isn't really laid out to accommodate one, since our kitchen has four (!) doors in it.
As a result, the primary litter boxes have long been in the guest bedroom, which isn't ideal for several reasons, not least of which is that as soon as you close the door to the guest room, the cats scratch at the door to get in.
So, recently, I had the idea of turning our understairs closet into a cat nook!
First, Iain and I cleaned all the crap out of the closet. I wish I had taken a before picture, but just imagine approximately one million coats, hats, gloves, scarves, and assorted junk just piled in there haphazardly.
Sophie investigates.
Quote of the Day
"I would suggest, when we nominate people, we give them a roll of duct tape to put over their mouths so they don't say stupid things. Maybe we can win an election."—Republican Congressman from Tennessee Phil Roe, with a cool new suggestion for how to get Republican candidates to stop "saying stupid things," by which he presumably means "being too nakedly honest about our garbage policies that are so terrible."
Two Facts
1. Republicans think people aren't entitled to food.
2. Republicans do not understand what it means to be human. David O. Atkins:
Republicans are very upset that people who are working just to hold onto health insurance might be willing to quit the labor force because the Affordable Care Act will allow them to. The notion that someone might devote their time to writing poetry instead of droning away at some awful job just to cover an insurance CEO's yacht fee positively incenses them...Go read the whole thing.
It is not inaccurate or extreme to declare that ideological Republicans do not understand what it means to be human. ...It's not so much that conservatives don't believe such a world of boundless human potential is possible. It's that they don't want it to be possible.
And then when you're done, check out Mannion: "Hard at work or hardly working?"
TV Corner: True Detective
[Content Note: Violence; misogyny. Spoilers for the first four episodes of True Detective.]
Has anyone else been watching HBO's new series True Detective, and want to talk about it?
I probably would not have watched True Detective at all, were it not for the fact that some feminist women whose opinions I trust said they were enjoying the show. And, right off the bat, it broke one of my cardinal rules for whether I will invest any further time in a television show or movie: It showed me a dead woman before it showed me a live one.
I've watched all four episodes now, and I wouldn't by any means call True Detective a feminist show, although it does have some interesting things to say about female agency and patriarchy. Episode Two had one of the best lines I've heard in a TV show in a long time, when a madam replies to Detective Marty Hart's sanctimony with this: "Girls walk this earth all the time screwing for free. Why is it you add business to the mix and boys like you can't stand the thought? I'll tell you: It's 'cause suddenly you don't own it, the way you thought you did." Boom.
Honestly, I'm not even sure yet if I think it's a good show, although it is certainly a compelling one. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are great in it, and, so far, there's no attempt in my estimation to make them super sympathetic despite their flaws. They're a couple of fucked-up characters, who may be (?) better than half-decent at their jobs, and that's about it.
I don't know what the hell even happened in last night's episode, holy shit, but fuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh how did they manage that six-minute tracking shot at the end of the episode?! Oh, that's how. Thank you, Google!
What I find interesting about the show is that it underlines why there are a lot of unsolved murders—people who commit murders disappear, sometimes into places that even cops can't or won't go to find them.
I'm not sure where True Detective is headed, but I'm along for the ride, at least for now. Are you watching it? What do you think?
(Btw, how much pot is smoked and how many bongos are played in the nude on the set of True Detective? SO MUCH, I BET!)
The Walking Thread
[Content Note: Violence. Spoilers are lurching around undeadly herein.]
Puddin'!
When last we left all our Zombiepocalypse Survivalists back in December, everything was a right fucking mess and Grimes had barely edged out Captain Murder in the the big Patriarchy Prize Fight for Grimes Jail. Captain Murder was finally dead, Grimes was making a break for it with his glittering prize belt, some number of Grimes Jailians had escaped on the Escape Bus, and Baby Zombie Whistle Grimes had fallen victim to hungry zombies. Or so we were led to believe—but I've still got ten cans of matzo ball soup on Carol having snuck back in to save her.
Now, if this were any other show, the Mid-Season Premiere would almost certainly answer some of our burning questions, like: Who survived? And: Where are they? But that sort of nonsense is for shows that do stupid shit like advance plot at a reasonable speed and respect their viewers, and The Walking Dead is not that kind of show, people!
Thus, the Mid-Season Premiere of The Walking Dead can be totally summarized losing no major plot points in six words: Carl thinks he's grown; Michonne walks.
Really, I should just let those six words suffice as the entirety of my recap, because THAT IS ALL THAT HAPPENED, but let's face it: The whole reason you're reading this recap is so you can laugh at my perplexed rage about the inconsistent density of zombie skulls and my epic contempt for the petulant tween harrumphing of an emergent patriarch in a gross hat, and I AM NOT GOING TO DISAPPOINT.
So, we pick back up in the clearing smoke of the battle for Patriarch's Gulch, and Michonne is strolling around surveying the damage when she comes across Hershel's zombified severed head, because of course she does, and I laugh for fully one million years, because it is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
Everything that should mean something on this show is terribly silly, and, in case you'd forgotten, here is a shot of Hershel's zombified severed head looking fucking ridiculous four minutes into the second half of this season!
Good grief, this show.
Michonne relieves two zombies of their arms and jaws, then puts them on a leash, in a throwback to her entrance into the series, so she can travel among roaming bands of zombies with her docile zombie-slaves throwing off her human scent or whatever. There are plenty of scenes elsewhere in the series that contradict the idea that zombies are tamed by the removal of arms and jaws, and/or by restraints, but NEVER MIND THIS IS IMPORTANT GROSS IMAGERY OF A BLACK WOMAN MAIMING WHITE MEN TO ENSLAVE THEM DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST GO WITH IT.
In other Michonne news, Michonne has a dream about the two black zombie men she'd similarly maimed earlier in the series, who were her boyfriend and his friend or her brother or something? I don't know. I don't care. Michonne is tough and will do (almost) anything she needs to survive. Which we already knew, because we have seen Michonne being tough and doing (almost) anything she needs to survive. SHOW DON'T DREAM-TELL, WRITERS OF THE WALKING DEAD.
Also: Michonne, whilst traveling with a band of zombies, notices a zombie who looks kinda like her and freaks out and kills all the zombies.
Most of this episode, however, is about Carl the Hat, which makes sense if you think about it (please don't think about it), since the show is down to one patriarch, who's currently in bad shape, and we need MOAR PATRIARCHS STAT.
When we meet back up with Grimes and Carl the Hat, Carl the Hat is walking down the road while Grimes limps behind him with a nasty leg wound. "CAUURHHHHHL!" yells Grimes. "CAUURHHHHHL! HEY, CAUURHHHHHL!" ("Hey, Cauurhhhhl!" is the "WAAAAAAAAAALT!" of The Walking Dead.) They come to some abandoned restaurant, which is somehow within wounded-leg-walking distance of Grimes Jail, but far enough from Grimes Jail that the Grimes Jailians hadn't already pillaged it for supplies. Sure. Space makes as much sense in this show as time does.
Anyway. Grimes and Carl the Hat have some testy argument about not wasting bullets on zombies, and I swear I am just like WHATEVER WHO CARES USE ALL THE BULLETS, because if the shoot-out at Grimes Jail taught us anything, it's that there are literally SO MANY BULLETS.
But, much like the density of zombie skulls, which are as soft as butter when the situation calls for a quick kill and as hard as steel when the situation calls for some crush-resistant tension, the availability and scarcity of bullets, and concern thereabout, varies depending entirely on what suits any given moment in the show.
"Let's have Grimes decide to take a stand against Captain Murder and waste enormous amounts of ammo against someone with a fucking tank who is intent on killing everyone! Ha ha cool! Now let's have Grimes scold his annoying kid for using a single bullet to kill a zombie whose skull was inexplicably resistant to an at-all-other-times totally effective axe attack! Ha ha neat! We are making THE BEST SHOW FOR SURE."
Grimes and Carl the Hat take up residence in some house, in some neighborhood, which has also not been ransacked by anyone yet apparently. Something something bicker fight tween angst. Grimes is gurgle-breathing because he's badly hurt. He collapses onto the couch. Carl the Hat doesn't care if he dies. (You and me both, kid.)
Carl the Hat kills some more zombies outside the house and finds a big tub of pudding and eats it. I wish I could find a way to make recapping any of this shit funny or interesting, but I am proficient at sarcasm, not MAGIC.
In the middle of the night, Grimes wakes up and is super gurgly, and Carl the Hat thinks he's been zombified. He can't kill him, though (I mean, it's one thing to kill your mom, but this is HIS FATHER we're talking about!), and awaits his fate, but there's no fate, because Grimes isn't zombified. "You're a man," Grimes tells him, which is literally the exact same piece of dialogue I'd make up to mock this scene, so it is official: This show is beyond parody.
At the end of the episode, Michonne follows their footsteps from the restaurant to the house, and knocks on the door. "It's for you," Grimes tells Carl the Hat. Ha ha ha! You see, it's FUNNY because Grimes has been a terrible garbage nightmare to Michonne, and recently wanted to exchange her life for the lives of people he'd known slightly longer. Ha ha ha! This fucking show.
