An airboat
Question of the Day
Do you have any nicknames?
If anyone calls me by a nickname, it's usually Liss. Iain has an endless reservoir of goofy nicknames for me, but the one he uses most often is probably Nushtels. Which means "cuddles" in this weird, made-up babble-language we have.
Tom Hardy and a Puppy Visit Buckingham Fountain
"Tom," said the puppy, "what's your favorite animal?" And Tom hugged his arms around his front, gently squeezing the puppy to his chest, and said, "You are, puppy." And the puppy grinned a flop-tongued grin and said, "You're my favorite animal, too!"
I Am Filing a Complaint
[Content Note: Fat bias.]
Just because I'm fat and mega-booby doesn't mean I don't like cool t-shirts, people who make cool t-shirts that I want!
(It is really hard to find t-shirts in my size. Harrumph.)
Today in Terrible Ideas
[Content Note: War on agency; abuse.]
There is proposed legislation in the North Carolina state legislature which would "require teens to obtain notarized, written parental consent in order to access a range of health services, including testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections, birth control prescriptions, pregnancy care, mental health counseling, and substance abuse treatment." This is a terrible idea supported by terrible people.
HB 693 seeks to amend the state's existing parental consent law — which already prevents teens from getting an abortion without permission from their parents — to extend to a broader range of medical care that lawmakers have deemed potentially inappropriate for minors.This is more Perfect World bullshit being peddled by the same relentless nightmares who sell their garbage policies on fairy tales about a golden era that never existed outside of privileged fantasies.
...The bill's sponsor, state Rep. Chris Whitmire (R), claims it will simply help prevent "problems" from being repeated by involving parents in teens' health decisions from the beginning. Other supporters of HB 693 argue that it will help "restore parental rights and lines of communication within families."
But women's health advocates point out that not every teen lives in a family that has healthy lines of communication, and the policy could be disastrous for minors in abusive households. "Here's the bottom line: Everybody wants teenagers to talk to their parents, but public policy is not based on ideal families," Paige Johnson, the vice president of external affairs for Planned Parenthood of Central North Carolina, told the Huffington Post. "What if there's something happening in the home, some kind of abuse going on? If teenagers can't talk to their parents for whatever reason about their pregnancy or their STD or their substance abuse, they need to be able to access professional care."
We do not live in a perfect world, in which every parent has hir child's best interests in mind. We live in a world in which sometimes the least safe place for a child is hir own home. So we need to deal with the complexity that accompanies imperfection. And we need to deal with it in a way that doesn't empower abusers and pander to ignorant parents' fears about Big Government Intervention at the expense of vulnerable children tasked by neglect or harm with being their own best advocates.
Ode to a Nurse
[Content Note: Description of injury.]
I have been fortunate to have some very competent and kind doctors in my life, particularly around care regarding my constellation of back problems. When I had spinal surgery in 2001, the neurosurgeon who did the procedure was great, though I barely saw him during my five-day stay in the hospital. The people who provided most of my care were nurses. Fabulous nurses.
I realize, because I have a passing acquaintance with human behavior and diversity, that not all nurses are great, and I've probably had the occasional not-great nurse throughout the parts of my life that necessitated depending on their care, but I don't remember them. I remember, with gratitude, all the great nurses who have provided me such excellent compassionate care.
My primary healthcare provider is now a nurse practitioner, whom I like very much, and I have among my family and friends a handful of nurses, who share stories about their jobs that make me know with undiluted conviction I could not do what they do.
My ex-husband is a nurse—although he wasn't when we were together. He only figured out later that nursing was what he wanted to do with his life, following in the footsteps of his mother and aunt.
When a mutual friend told me that P had decided to go to nursing school, I said, without hesitation, that he would make an excellent nurse. "Do you think?" asked my friend, not with doubt, but perhaps with some bit of surprise at my immediate certainty. "Yes," I said. "And his patients will be lucky to have him."
P and I were in the process of divorcing, still living together as roommates, when I had to be admitted to the hospital for spinal surgery. I could barely walk, because the lower part of my sciatic nerve had been so damaged that I could not feel my foot, and the upper part was so rigid with pain that it had seized my leg into a curl. It was P who drove me to the hospital.
The next bit is a blur. My memory picks back up with P visiting me in my room and my breaking down in tears because I was dirty. I hadn't been able to shower in days—I stunk, and my hair fell around my shoulders in greasy ribbons. I was mortified that I was to go to surgery in the morning without having bathed. I recall thinking: I can't be fat AND dirty, too. This was before I was okay in my own skin. I felt double gross.
I sobbed because I wanted a shower, and I couldn't get myself there. I poured all my embarrassment and all of my fear into those sobs, which P accepted without judgment.
I don't remember if I mustered the wherewithal (or audacity—it was I who'd asked for the divorce) to request his help, or whether he volunteered. I just remember his sliding his arm around me to support me on my heaving stumble to the bathroom, where I sat on a built-in shower bench while he helped me undress and then helped me bathe.
I have rarely been in a moment more vulnerable, and the profound humanity of his assistance allowed me to retain my dignity in a most undignified circumstance.
It was one of the great kindnesses of my life. And it was the reason I knew, instantly and certainly, that he would make a wonderful nurse.
The best nurses I have had embody this magnificent balance between gentle compassion and fierce competency. They have looked me in the eye, and they have listened to me, and they have patiently explained what I need to know about my care, and they have provided that care with efficiency and decency, and they have respected my agency, and they have made me laugh and made me well.
It is a difficult and demanding and necessary job, often without sufficient recognition, done by lots of amazing people.
This week is National Nurses Week. If you know a nurse, please tell them thank-you for their service. If you are a nurse, thank you.
Thank you, P.
[Commenting Guidelines: Please note that this is a nurse appreciation thread, and if you want to tell a story about a bad experience with a nurse, this is absolutely not the time or space to do it. Stories about awesome nurses welcome! Thanks.]
In The News
[Video description: Every Ray Harryhausen animated creature in feature films, presented in chronological order, set to a Tito Puente song]
Ray Harryhausen passed away yesterday. The special effects pioneer was 92.
The Dow closed above 15,000 for the first time ever. WELCOME TO OBAMA'S AMERICA!!!!
DJ Peter Rauhofer has died. Let's all dance tonight in his honor.
CNN remains just a brilliant organization.
Daily Dose of Cute
Dorito Ears at attention.
I have almost certainly mentioned before that when Zelda wants to be pet, she curls up beside me and nudges my arm with her nose. Pet me, Two-Legs! Because I usually sit on the couch in a place where she snuggles up to my left, and because her bed is to the left of my desk, it's usually my left arm that gets the nudge.
For a few days, my left arm has been really sore, after being tattooed. I have no earthly idea how Zelda knew this—neither of the dogs seemed the slightest bit interested in it after briefly sniffing at the ink upon my return. But she did know, and took to gently licking my arm when she wants pet, instead of giving me a nudge.
This morning, my arm was starting to feel better. Zelda knew that, too. The nudging has returned.
* * *
As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.
Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime
[Content note: This video contains violence, nudity and disturbing imagery]
David Bowie: "The Next Day"
Wednesday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by dandelions.
Recommended Reading:
The latest in the naming and identity series: Annamarya.
Bill: Are Men to Be Trusted? Thoughts on Sexual Assault and the Chain of Command [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of sexual violence, misogyny, racism, and aggression.]
Alanah: 30 Days Of Sexism [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of and quoted misogyny, objectification, and harassment.]
Seth: Senate's Amendments on Same Sex Couples Draws Battle Lines in Immigration Reform
BYP: Does America Care About Murders in Black Communities? [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of violence and racism.]
Tiffany: Why I Don't Diet—An Ode to My Father [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of fat bias, medical malfeasance, disordered eating, and death.]
Angry Asian Man: Spoken Word by Jason Chu: "A Thousand Names"
Veronica: IMOW Muslima
Spectra: Five Core Self-Care Principles
Ana: Quote of the Day: Helen Keller on Privilege
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
Minnesota and Marriage: An Update
by Shaker GoldFishy, our regular correspondent from Minnesota.
Here in Minnesota, we defeated an anti-marriage-equality amendment to our state constitution in November. We were the first state to do so. The campaign to win that election hinged on personal conversations between Minnesotans, and, in the final days of the campaign, thousands of volunteers made phone calls, knocked on doors, and wrote letters pleading with our friends, families and neighbors to vote no. We made an impact because we made it personal. It was a huge rush, for sure – and we celebrated a clear victory.
(I just have to encourage you to visit the above link and watch that moment of victory by Richard Carlbom, Minnesotans United's Campaign Manager. Oh, the JOY.)
Unfortunately, our "victory" didn't actually win us marriage equality, but rather it just kept us from having a permanent ban on same-sex marriage. Since that time, our opponents have warned not to read the defeat of the amendment as a sign that our state is ready for same-sex marriage. "Don't overreach," they say. I've seen threats of political retaliation against any legislator who supports marriage equality. We've had multiple bills for civil unions, including one that would convert all existing marriages to civil unions.
Even so, Minnesotans United for All Families shifted gears the day after the election. The message changed from "Vote No" to "Vote Yes" overnight. The phone calls, the conversations, and the personal stories have continued. In these intervening months, a steady campaign for marriage equality in Minnesota has led to bills in the state House and Senate, each of which have cleared all committees.
On Tuesday of this week, the Speaker of the Minnesota House announced that he was confident that the marriage equality bill had the votes they needed to pass, and it would reach the House floor for a full vote on Thursday, May 9. If the bill passes as they seem to anticipate, the corresponding Senate bill will have a vote on Saturday, where support for it there is said to be slightly stronger. Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton is a vocal advocate for marriage equality and has repeatedly requested a bill for him to sign this session.
Holy. Crap.
I recently had dinner with a friend who previously lived in Minnesota and now resides in upstate New York. He was living in New York the day marriage equality took effect there, and he talked about how when he woke up that morning – even though he didn't have immediate plans to be married – he felt different. He told of feeling like he belonged there now.
I'm trying not to put our cart before our horse here in Minnesota. State leaders feel they have the votes, but the vote hasn't happened yet, and there is an enormous amount of pressure being put on these legislators from all directions right now. Many state Democrats are hesitant to support marriage equality (though there have been a few announcements of support in recent weeks, which has been very encouraging).
I'll save my cynical rants about my frustration with anyone elected to lead who can't – or won't – see the gross injustice we endure without marriage equality, especially when they are clearly making excuses for not voting the way their conscience tells them they should. And I'll not even give more than this one sentence on my contempt for those who repeatedly speak out against marriage equality. And I'll only acknowledge in passing how awful it is that we have to fight this fight, and that we find ourselves feeling happy and grateful when we get support from our fellow citizens and leaders. Not cool.
Instead, I'll focus on what is possible. It's possible that very soon, I could be legally married to the man I love and have been with for over ten years. It's possible that my state might welcome us, might value us, might actually celebrate us. It's possible that I might truly belong in the state in which I've lived my whole life. It's possible that we could be equal – not just in our hearts, but in law.
It's not over yet, and I'm nervous. It would only take a few miscalculated votes for this to fail. But the possibilities…they give me great hope.
If you live in Minnesota, I encourage you to contact your legislator TODAY. Visit Minnesotans United for a very easy and quick contact form that will enable a direct message to your legislators in as little as a few minutes. Thanks so much.
Today in Rape Culture
[Content Note: Sexual violence; victim-blaming.]
Yes, it remains a real fucking mystery why the US military has what is euphemistically referred to as a rape problem:
An Air Force brochure on sexual assault advises potential victims not to fight off their attackers.Contemptible, victim-blaming horseshit. The implication that victims of sexual violence should have been able to "spot" a rapist is both ethically reprehensible and factually wrong. Further, providing information about what "rapists look for" serves absolutely no purpose other than to admonish potential victims that they should not be those things and to shame survivors for having been those things, as if someone has control over being "young" or "new to the base."
"It may be advisable to submit [rather] than resist," reads the brochure (.pdf), issued to airmen at Shaw Air Force Base in South Carolina, where nearly 10,000 military and civilian personnel are assigned. "You have to make this decision based on circumstances. Be especially careful if the attacker has a weapon."
The brochure, acquired by Danger Room, issues a series of guidances on "risk reduction" for sexual assault. Among others, it advises people under sexual attack in parking lots to "consider rolling underneath a nearby auto and scream loud. It is difficult to force anyone out from under a car." A public affairs officer at Shaw, Sgt. Alexandria Mosness, says she believes the brochure is current.
While the brochure also explains that sexual assault is not always committed by people who "don't look like a rapist" — attackers "tend to have hyper-masculine attitudes," it advises — it does not offer instruction to servicemembers on not committing sexual assault. Prevention is treated as the responsibility of potential victims.
"Rapists look for vulnerability and then exploit it in those who: are young (naive); are new to the base, deployment, area, etc.; are emotionally unstable," the brochure (.pdf) continues.
And given that servicemembers, especially female servicemembers, of all ages and statuses (and emotional states, for fuck's sake) can be and have been victims of sexual violence, it's a victim-blaming strategy masked as "rape prevention" that doesn't even have any basis in reality. Or, to put it more charitably, ahem, is not "advice" with universal application, rendering it utterly pointless—aside from redirecting accountability for rape away from rapists and onto victims, of course.
If only that were the worst of it.
The brochure is "an affront to victims," [Brian Purchia, spokesperson for Protect Our Defenders, an advocacy group that raises awareness of sexual assault within the military] told Danger Room. "The Air Force should be passing out pamphlets to our men and women in uniform on how not to commit sexual assault..."If you gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, then why would Santiago be in danger?
The military does some of that — not without controversy. An artistic group called "Sex Signals" has performed for airmen to teach scenarios about sexual assault in what an official Air Force release called "a 'lively and humorous' way." (The group's founder, Gail Stern, says the effort "utilizes the strategic and intentional use of humor to reduce the emotional and cognitive resistance audiences have to the subject of rape.") The Army has a video game designed to instruct soldiers about the dangers of "alcohol-induced date rape." The military has also come under criticism for a poster advising servicemembers to "Ask When She's Sober," which the New York Times blasted as a "grotesque parody of an etiquette poster."
...Purchia continued: "Fundamental reforms are needed — the reporting, investigation and adjudication of sexual assault must be taken out of the chain of command."
That's a step that the military has been reluctant to take. At today's hearing, [Gen. Mark Welsh III, the Air Force's chief of staff] and [outgoing Air Force Secretary Michael Donley] expressed concern that doing so might pose a risk to "good order and discipline," as Donley put it. ("This is not good order and discipline," replied Sen. Kirstin Gillibrand of New York.)
Welsh and Donley can't have it both ways. Either the US military is communicating that sexual violence is absolutely unacceptable and servicemembers are ignoring that order, or the US military is failing to communicate that sexual violence is absolutely unacceptable. If servicemembers are ignoring orders, "good order and discipline" are already compromised. If the chain of command is failing to issue unequivocal orders about sexual violence, they aren't fit to retain oversight of reporting, investigation, and adjudication of crimes they don't take seriously.
Either way, it's time to get serious about sexual violence. Because one thing that rapists really do look for? Organizations that abet rape.
[H/T to Jordan.]
Quote of the Day
[Content Note: Kidnapping; sexual violence.]
"You've got to put that being a coward and 'I don't want to get in nobody's business' — you got to put that away for a minute."—Charles Ramsey, the Cleveland man who helped rescue Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight from their captor, Ariel Castro, who had held them for a decade.
There have been some reports that various neighbors contacted police about Castro at different times in recent years, but that the police did not take the reports seriously. The police dispute those claims: "Cleveland officials said Tuesday that they have no record of anyone calling about criminal activity at the house, but that they are still combing their records."
It's not clear yet what happened—whether reports really were made and ignored, or whether people are saying they made calls at times when they should have but didn't, for fear of getting involved. Maybe some combination thereof.
What is clear is that Charles Ramsey got involved. He says he's not a hero, but stepping up and stepping in is heroic in a world plagued with cowardice and indifference.
Congratulations, Delaware!
Yesterday, Delaware become the 11th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Woot!
The marriage bill passed the State Senate by a vote of 12 to 9 Tuesday afternoon.Not only does legalized same-sex marriage not demean or diminish my different-sex marriage, I am of the very firm opinion that expanding legal access to marriage makes my marriage worth more, not less, by virtue of the value conferred by inclusivity.
"It's a great day in Delaware," said Gov. Jack Markell, a Democrat, who signed it within minutes of passage before an overjoyed crowd of activists. "I am signing this bill now because I do not intend to make any of you wait one moment longer."
Same-sex couples will be eligible for marriage licenses on July 1.
Delaware adopted same-sex marriage just five days after a similar decision in Rhode Island and after ballot-box victories last fall in Maine, Maryland and Washington.
During three hours of emotional debate before the vote Tuesday, State Senator Karen Peterson, a Democrat, said she had lived with a female partner for 24 years, and she challenged opponents of extending marriage to gay couples. "If my happiness somehow demeans or diminishes your marriage, then you need to work on your marriage," she said, eliciting cheers and laughter.
I have absolutely none of the desperate insecurity held by privileged bigots about their super-special relationships losing the shimmering, golden glow that only denying equality to same-sex couples conveys upon their gloriously gilded unions. They want marriage to be a members-only country club. I want it to be a rave under the stars across an expansive desert, to which anyone who wants to dance has an invite.
Welcome to the party, Delaware.
Question of the Day
When was the last time you did something courageous or bold you never thought you'd do?
Tom Hardy and a Puppy Visit the People's Daily HQ
"Tom," said the puppy, licking its nose, "for some reason I can't quite put my paw on, I really want to go sniff that building." And Tom laughed.
[Note: The building, the new headquarters of the People's Daily in China, is currently under construction and that's just the scaffolding. It looks like it's going to be pretty awesome when it's finished.]
Photo of the Day
From the Telegraph's Photos of the Day: A baby monkey, a lion cub, and tigers cubs play at the Guaipo Manchurian Tiger Park in Shenyang, China. [Reuters]Squee!
Quote of the Day
[Content Note: War on agency.]
"You're disadvantaging young people, African Americans, the poor—that's the policy of the Obama administration?"—District Court judge Edward Korman this morning, "in a charged and dramatic two-hour hearing in which the Obama administration defended its arbitrary policy to limit contraceptive access."
Korman was explaining why, when previously ruling on access to Plan B emergency contraception, he had initially waited for the administration to act on its own and make the drug widely available based on scientific evidence, rather than on politics. "The process had been corrupted by political influence. I remanded because I thought with a new president," things would be different, Korman said. But in 2011, Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius overruled, with the president's explicit blessing, the FDA's recommendation to lift all age restrictions, which Korman ruled in March was a decision made in "bad faith" because of the politics around sex and contraception. He ordered the administration to lift all restrictions, but instead, it accepted a manufacturer's petition to make Plan B available over the counter only with photo ID showing the purchaser was at least 15, and the Department of Justice is appealing.Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Irin Carmon's got much more here.
This morning, Korman repeatedly slammed his hand down on the table for emphasis, interrupting the government counsel's every other sentence with assertions like, "You're just playing games here," "You're making an intellectually dishonest argument," "You're basically lying," "This whole thing is a charade," "I'm entitled to say this is a lot of nonsense, am I not?" and "Contrary to the baloney you were giving me…" He also accused the administration of hypocrisy for opposing voter ID laws but being engaged in the "suppression of the rights of women" with the ID requirement for the drug.
...The government didn't argue the merits of requiring a photo ID or that the drug only be sold in locations with an on-site pharmacy, but Korman made clear why he found that to be an inadequate compromise: "You're using these eleven and twelve-year-olds to place an undue burden on women's ability to access emergency contraception. If it's an impediment to voting, it's an impediment to get the drug."
He cited Brennan Center statistics — which he said Eric Holder had also cited in a speech before the NAACP — showing that 25 percent of African-Americans of voting age don't have a photo ID, and also dismissed the government's suggestion that 15-year-olds, who usually aren't eligible for a driver's license, could use a birth certificate, since that's not a photo ID. "You're disadvantaging young people, African Americans, the poor — that's the policy of the Obama administration?" (He didn't mention it, but immigrants would also face additional barriers.)
...[Frank Amanat, arguing on behalf of the administration] argued that making a hormonal drug like Plan B over the counter was unprecedented, and that the public interest was served "when the government acts deliberately and incrementally." Korman cut in sarcastically, "Tell me about the public interest. Is there a public interest in unplanned pregnancies? Some of which end in abortions?"
Korman, a Reagan appointee, said he would rule on the administration's request for a stay by Thursday evening. He is expected to deny it but defer on the stay's enforcement to the Second Circuit, where the case goes next.
[H/T to Jordan.]
