Empathy! How the fudge does it work?

[Content Note: Homophobia.]

Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss is soon to retire from the US Senate, to Eastsidekate's and my eternal disappointment, because he has been our Generic Republican Dipshit in SO MANY TEXTS AND EMAILS for years. We are still on the hunt for a sufficient replacement, but Saxby's leaving a real hole in our hearts.

Anyway. Before he goes, he's still being SO GREAT by giving us a terrific example of how the Republican Party establishes its policy platform:

With mounting evidence that support for same-sex marriage continues to grow throughout the country, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) offered a simple take on why he's not budging in his opposition.

"I'm not gay. So I'm not going to marry one," Chambliss, who willl retire at the end of 2014, told Politico in a piece published Thursday.
HA HA PERFECT. See also: "I already HAVE government-sponsored healthcare, so why do I need to make it available to other people?" and "Well, I could always use more money, so I support more money for people who look like me and share my tax bracket!"

Good grief.

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Open Thread

image of WKRP character Dr. Johnny Fever passed out on a couch

Hosted by Dr. Johnny Fever.

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Question of the Day

What is your favorite sweet treat?

As always, "I don't like sweets at all" is a perfectly cromulent answer.

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Cherry Life Saver

All the blubs. All of them:

A woman in Indiana has decided to adopt the dog she was fostering after she saved her life.

Amy Donaldson was fostering a ginger pit bull named Cherry after a family decided not to adopt her. She was sleeping when Cherry desperately tried waking her up. She jumped and licked Amy's face until she arose. When she got up, she noticed that her space heater had caught fire, and her home was quickly filling up with smoke.

"She's my favorite flavor of Life Saver, now. She's Cherry Life Saver," Amy said.

She only intended to foster the dog, but after her heroism, Amy knows that Cherry was meant to be part of her family.

"I think she showed me yesterday that she wants to be with me," Amy said.
From another article on this story:
Last summer, Donaldson says she wanted to make a difference, so through the Indiana organization, 'Bullie Nation,' she started fostering dogs, helping them find a forever home.

"After seeing so many pictures, it's like somebody has to step up, and I don't understand why that can't be me. So, we did, and we started fostering, and it looks like fostering just might have saved my life," said Donaldson.

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More Today in Rape Culture

[Content Note: Sexual violence; rape apologia; victim-blaming; bullying.]

Shaker JF emailed me earlier today a heads-up about this story out of Connecticut about a 13-year-old girl who was raped by two 18-year-old high school football players, and was then subsequently harassed, bullied, and shamed on social media by "dozens of athletes and Torrington High School students."

Further, the school administration and athletic director are essentially using the existence of rape culture to defend what's happened:

School officials claim that the sexual assault charges against 18-year-olds Edgar Gonzalez and Joan Toribio, the hazing and other incidents are isolated problems and don't signal a deeper issue with the culture of Torrington High School, its athletic programs or football team.

Athletic Director Mike McKenna said, "If you think there's some wild band of athletes that are wandering around then I think you're mistaken."

"If you look at crime statistics these things happen everywhere and we're not any different than any other community," said McKenna.
Oh well, this stuff happens everywhere, boys will be boys, girls are worth shit, nothing to see here, move along.

What a breathtaking exhibition of cruel apathy to suggest that the ubiquity of rape, and the harassment of raped children, is justification for doing fuck-all about it.

There is something deeply wrong with a person who takes a long look at the rape culture and decides its vast entrenchment is an excuse for doing nothing, rather than a clarion call urging dismantlement.

Yeah, your community isn't special, Mr. McKenna. But if it was full of people who saw this incident as an incitement to radical action instead of a PR inconvenience that requires shitty defenses of the indefensible, it could be.

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I Write Letters

[Content Note: Homophobia.]

Dear Holy Father Your Grace Pope Francis,

After reading about your "pragmatism" in relation to same-sex unions, I am confused.

Am I supposed to like you better because, behind closed doors, you were willing to voice support for civil unions, while publicly calling gay marriage the work of the devil and adoption by same sex couples child abuse?

I am sincerely hoping you can clear this up for me.

Not Yours,

Aphra

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So Here's What Happened

[Content Note: Misogyny; fat bias.]

1. I wrote a piece about being a female atheist alienated from movement atheism.

2. I got the usual pushback—I'm hysterical, I'm overreactionary, I'm looking for things about which to get angry, it's my own damn fault for not working to change movement atheism from the inside, it's a "small but vocal group," blah blah fart—as well as lots of support from people who felt I represented their experiences, many of whom in turn got systematically ignored and/or pushback of their own.

3. PZ Myers asked: "What can I do better?"

4. Taking his question in good faith, I made some suggestions for atheist men who genuinely wanted an answer to that question.

5. I got the usual pushback—go fuck yourself, fat cunt, stupid cunt, cunty-cunt-cunt, blah blah fart.

6. I wrote a follow-up that outlined why it is, exactly, that telling me it's just—just!—a "small but vocal group" is not useful, why "Hey, the rest of us aren't like those knuckleheads!" is not a comfort, why silence is not good enough, and why people who are keen to make movement atheism more inclusive have to get louder than the "small but vocal group."

7. I got the usual pushback—I'm a big meanie poopyhead for wondering why PZ would have "reservations" about my advice because it isn't tailored specifically to atheist men; I'm "uncharitable"; my tone is THE WORST and I am terrible; Shakesville is totes garbage; and the always-popular Hey, I think you're totally wrong, but feel free to explain basic feminism to me and try to change my mind.

I started out writing about why I didn't want to have anything to do with mainstream movement atheism, but, in the end, this entire endeavor has revealed that whether I want anything to do with mainstream movement atheism is irrelevant, because mainstream movement atheism doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Message received. I'll show myself out, etc.

Of course I don't actually mean me, per se. What I mean is people from various marginalized populations, who challenge the kyriarchal structures at work in mainstream movement atheism, despite its claims to aspire to better.

What I mean is that people are watching how this played out, and people watch how every iteration of attempting to have a serious conversation about inclusion plays out, and every time this happens, it's not just about shouting down one critic, but conveying to everyone following the totally predictable pattern that they still are not welcome, that they still are not safe.

This type of alienation has been a constant refrain of my life, as I have sought meaningful inclusion in male-dominated spaces: Geekdom is for boys; gaming is for boys; music superfandom is for boys; political blogging is for boys; god is for boys; not-god is for boys.

And across each area of interest, there are the cyclical wonderments from the gatekeepers about where all the women are and how do we—the Good Ones—make our space more inclusive for women.

The answer starts with this: You've actually got to want us there.

My admiration for the women who hang in and stick it out and fight the same fights over and over. That is a valid and commendable choice, even though it's not mine.

I'll be over here carving out my own space, in the shape of a fat cunt.

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Wednesday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by cows.

Recommended Reading:

Soulamami: Let's Talk About Names

Hayes: Report: CIA Losing Armed Drones Program to Pentagon

crunkadelic: On Kimani Gray—Or To Be Young, Guilty, and Black [Content Note: Gun violence; police malfeasance; racism.]

Sesali: A Short List of Ways White People Can Be Less Oppressive [Content Note: Racism; privilege.]

Living ~400lbs: Typing "Fat People Are" into Google [Content Note: Fat bias.]

Jim: Steubenville's Promising Young Rapists [Content Note: Rape; rape apologia; victim-blaming.]

Fannie: WBC Gets New Neighbors [Content Note: Homophobia.]

Trudy: On the Word "Womanist" Being "Made Up" [Content Note: White supremacy.]

18MR: And the Hipster Racism Award Goes to...Gavin McInnes! [Content Note: Racism.]

Jill: She-Ra Rides Again...as He-Man's Enemy

And last but certainly not least: Jay Smooth is joining the Colorlines team! How excited am I about that?! SO EXCITED! I love Jay Smooth! I love Colorlines! Yay! ♥

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

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Daily Dose of Cute

Zelda the Mutt sits with her head on the arm of the couch, with her face looking all mooshy

Puppy Moosh Face!

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In The News

[Content note: Homophobia, gun violence, gun culture, fat hatred, racism]

Aurora Borealis Comes In View:

Carly Rae Jepsen will perform closing night at gay dance festival in Palm Springs.

A new policy at CVS requires all employees who use the company's health care to report their weight or pay a penalty of $600 dollars.

Abu Dhabi is now home to the world's single-largest concentrated solar power plant.

Senate Democrats are abandoning a proposed ban on assualt weapons.

Sequestration is hitting Native American schools particularly hard.

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I Get Letters

[Content Note: Guns; rape culture.]

From a concerned correspondent:

You shouldn't advertise that you don't own a gun. It will make people know they are free to rape you.
Thank you for the hot advice, sir!

I hadn't considered that the only reason "people" aren't raping me is because of the possibility I own a gun, and now that I have eradicated that concern, I have communicated that "people" are free to rape me. I guess this is the endgame of "women should own guns to deter rape" arguments: Not owning a gun is construed as consent. Neat!

I have to admit, this is very confusing advice, since, despite having been raped, I am usually helpfully informed by concerned correspondents that no one wants to rape me because I am fat and ugly, since rape is totes a compliment.

Keep the excellent advice coming, friends!

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime



Sparks with Jane Wiedlin: "Cool Places"

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Today in Rape Culture

[Content Note: Rape culture; rape apologia.]

Alexander Abad-Santos at The AtlanticSteubenville Rapist to Appeal Because His 'Brain Isn't Fully Developed' (emphasis original):

Since his defense strategy, claiming that a 16-year-old rape victim wasn't "so" drunk, has failed, the lawyer for one of the two Steubenville football players convicted of rape plans to appeal a guilty verdict, and is now claiming that the 16-year-old rapist's brain wasn't "developed" enough and his client should not have to be on a sex offenders list for life. Walter Madison, the attorney for Ma'lik Richmond, went on Piers Morgan Tonight on Tuesday, explaining why he would appeal Sunday's verdict by 37-year juvenile court judge Thomas Lipps, and especially his sentencing of Richmond to at least one year in a rehabilitation center and the requirement to register as a sex offender. You can watch the video below, but here's the key "logic" from Madison:
I don't believe that a person at 75 years old should have to explain for something they did at 16 when scientific evidence would support your brain isn't fully developed ... when evidence in the case would suggest that you were under the influence.

[...]

"We have the right to appeal and that is a right we will be exercising," said Walter Madison, Richmond's attorney.
To review: Madison is arguing that a 16-year-old's brain is not fully functional enough to determine whether raping an unconscious girl is a bad decision. This comes after Madison made news during his last media tour, when he insisted before last week's rape trial that the Jane Doe victim's silence and unconsciousness amounted to consent. He said before the trial that the girl "made a decision to excessively drink... and leave with the boys," and that an Instagram photo of the girl being dragged by the then-suspects "doesn't suggest that a person is substantially impaired." The defense team for Richmond and Trent Mays then went on to argue in court that the girl's level of drunkenness should determine consent.

Also, as Judge Lipps reminded the perpetrator and his family before delivering the sentencing (which may not include extra time in juvenile detention or a lifetime on an offenders list based on behavior), if Lipps had decided to try Richmond and Mays as adults, they would have faced first-degree felony charges and much harsher penalties.

And finally, just to be clear: neuroscience says that teenagers have "underdeveloped decision processing centers," which is why teens take risks like stealing or doing drugs. Though, science doesn't say that you can blame the rape of an underage, unconscious girl on this kind of poor decision making.
Note: The sentencing "may not include...a lifetime on an offenders list." This barrage of bullshit is being unleashed on the possibility of Richmond ending up on a sex offenders registry as a result of being a convicted sex offender.

This impulse control rape apologia has been tried before, and failed, and it should certainly fail again.

Leaving aside the reality that there are legions of teenagers who engage in consensual sexual activity and legions of adults who do not, thus suggesting that the primary issue underlying rape is not, in fact, "immaturity" but hostility to consent, to pursue this line of argument is to elide the capacity of the human brain to understand the concept of "no" as young as six months of age.

By a year old, most humans have a basic grasp of "no," and, while enthusiastic consent takes a bit longer to grasp—that the absence of a "no" does not translate axiomatically into a "yes"—it is rank mendacity to suggest children much younger than 16 cannot comprehend simple lessons on not harming centered around individual agency. "Don't hit your brother" and "don't squeeze the puppy" are entry level lessons on the consent spectrum that most very young children have the capacity to embrace.

I'm guessing Richmond had those ideas, or some variation thereof, imparted to him along the way. What he doesn't seem to have been taught is that young women are no more his to harm than a sibling, a classmate, or a family pet.

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Headline of the Day

The GOP Faces 2 Stark Choices: Change or Go Over the Cliff. Oh dear. What is a party to do when its leadership has absolutely no principles besides upwards wealth redistribution, but the garbage nightmare base it's spent decades cultivating has become a colossal liability? Poor Republicans. Well, at least there's always gerrymandering and voter suppression!

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How to Blow Up the DudeBro Internet

by Amy McCarthy, an editor, writer, and feminist who can be found playing Top Chef in her kitchen when not causing all kinds of trouble on Twitter. Follow Amy.

[Content Note: Transmisogyny, misogynist slurs, fat hatred, rape, violence, exhortations to self-harm.]

Before I will have finished writing this, hundreds of men will send tweets that refer to me as a "stupid c*nt," or tell me to go kill myself, or that I should lay off the Big Macs. There will be men who tell me that I should be violently beaten. There will be men who follow me on Twitter exclusively to tell me how fat, ugly, and hairy I am.

I "deserve" these tweets because I chose to tell comedian and mixed-martial arts announcer Joe Rogan that transphobia is unacceptable. I hope you missed it, but in a recent episode of his (thoroughly disgusting) podcast The Joe Rogan Experience, he described Fallon Fox, a trans woman seeking to fight in the women's division of MMA, as a "man without a d*ck."

Rogan went on to make other disgusting comments about Fox. FightOpinion, an MMA news site, transcribed Rogan's comments:

You can't fight women. That's fucking crazy. I don't know why she thinks that she's going to be able to do that. If you want to be a woman in the bedroom and you know you want to play house and all of that other shit and you feel like you have, your body is really a woman's body trapped inside a man's frame and so you got a operation, that's all good in the hood. But you can't fight chicks. Get the fuck out of here. You're out of your mind. You need to fight men, you know? Period. You need to fight men your size because you're a man. You're a man without a dick.
I don't even know where to begin, honestly. Rogan's transphobia and profound ignorance of gender identity issues are crystal clear, even though he claims to be "100% in support" of a person's right to be transgender and speaks about transitioning as though he's an authority on the subject, despite the fact he evidently believes transitioning is a decision akin to choosing a new accessory.

I called him out.

I bet I don't have to tell you what happened after that—because we all know already that when you call out hatred on social media, whether you're talking about transphobia, racism, fat hate, homophobia, misogyny, whatever, there's always a backlash, particularly when you get involved with a celebrity. Melissa has blogged about her experiences with, for example, Daniel Tosh. If you follow @PiaGlenn on Twitter, you saw her exchange with Firefly actor Adam Baldwin and his Twitter minions.

Yesterday was my turn. After seeing someone retweet a link to the transcript of Rogan's podcast, I tweeted:


Instead of initially responding to my tweet, he decided to retweet it to his "#Deathsquad." #Deathsquad is a Twitter community of Joe Rogan fans, and they took it upon themselves to defend his alleged honor. The blowback was intense.

Within seconds of Rogan's retweet, the hateful comments starting coming in. Fat. Ugly. C**t. Dumb slut. Chick with a d**k. Go kill yourself. Most interesting were the men who asked me if I would like it if they "chopped their dicks off" for the purpose of kicking my ass.

I've chosen to not publish any of these tweets in this space, because the majority of them are terrible and I don't believe that their words should be given another microphone. If you're interested in seeing them, though, a Twitter search for my handle should do the trick.

There were funny tweets, there were the usual "your dumb" tweets, and then there were the really dark and descriptive ones, detailing exactly how I should kill myself. How I should be raped or beaten.

I pointed these tweets out to Joe Rogan. He told me, in a tweet that he has since deleted, to "enjoy" what was coming, and "welcome to the Internet." Maybe to his part of the Internet, where speaking out against hate, as anyone other than a cisgender privileged white man, is a perfectly good reason to threaten and demean a person.

Now, I've been writing online for a long time, and it's going to take a lot more than a bunch of insecure assholes making threats through Twitter to silence me. It did amaze me, though, that there were hundreds (maybe thousands by now) of men who took time from their day to hate me. To suggest that I should be assaulted because of a tweet.

When feminists talk about a war on women, we're not just talking about the wars being fought in Congress and state legislatures. We're talking about the battles that we walk into every single day for having the nerve to open our mouths or wear clothes or walk in public.

Or to be a female MMA fighter who wants to fight other female MMA fighters like any other female MMA fighter, without some loser comic publicly spewing hatred and falsehoods about her body.

Joe Rogan is a D-list celebrity, but he has a powerful mouthpiece through his involvement with MMA. Tons of men and women watch MMA fighting, and almost a million of those fans follow him on Twitter.

When someone with that large of an audience is engaging in vicious (and inaccurate) transphobia, it's important for social justice activists to make it known that their actions are not okay. Whether that comes through a tweet, blog post, or real life protest, the call-out is an important tool in the fight against that behavior.

And because of the consequences created by "passionate" followers, calling out offensive and oppressive rhetoric has a steep cost. Most women—most people—just aren't willing to spend their entire day reading how horrible, stupid, fat, and ugly they are, and no one can blame them for that. Even the most innocuous call-outs can enrage these communities, and their rhetoric escalates quickly.

I can't say I was entirely shocked at the reaction I got from Rogan's fans, but the volume of tweets was remarkable. I genuinely expected today that my tweet would be ignored by Joe Rogan and that, at worst, I'd see maybe 1-2 tweets from MMA junkies.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case. But these kinds of responses from Joe Rogan's fans show me that there is much work to be done, and I'm up for doing it.

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Nooooooooooooooooo!

image of Laura Dern and Mike White looking out a window in a scene from Enlightened

Despite fans' pleas to keep the show going, HBO has canceled Enlightened after two seasons.

Enlightened is a show I love very much, for a lot of reasons. It only got better during its second season, as Laura Dern turned Amy Jellicoe into one of the most amazing, frustrating, lovable, annoying, deeply hopeful and brave characters on television, and Mike White's profound character studies explored every central character in beautiful and moving ways.

The show passed the Bechdel test all over the place, and made me laugh and cry with every episode. I am going to miss it immensely.

White wrote the finale of Season Two knowing it might not get renewed, so there is closure to the arc of the story, which is about Amy becoming a whistleblower against her corporate employer. If you have the opportunity to watch the two seasons the show was given, I encourage you to give it a go.

I'm bummed that the show isn't getting a third season, not just because I will miss watching it—and miss all its wonderful characters; Maude help me, even Dougie—but because HBO's lack of investment in a show like Enlightened, while continuing to back and massively market Girls, which doesn't have superb ratings, either, and hates its characters as much as Enlightened loves its, is disheartening.

Mike White recently said in an interview about the possible demise of the show: "I'm afraid this will be the best thing I ever do. I think it will be."

If it is, what a legacy. I'd sure rather be the guy who did two seasons of Enlightened than the guy who did eight season of Entourage.

RIP Enlightened. I will miss you.

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Open Thread

image of Bailey Quarters, a white female news reporter character from the sitcom WKRP

Hosted by Bailey Quarters.

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Question of the Day

Suggested by Shaker ShiraG: "What 'eggcorn(s)' have you used/misunderstood at some point in your life? For example, in elementary school and middle school, I heard a lot of gym teachers tell us to stand 'shoulder with the part' and couldn't figure out what on earth that meant. At some point I saw it written down, and realized that they had been saying 'shoulder width apart' the whole time. Epiphany."

[Deaf readers who may not have had this exact experience are welcome to reinterpret the question as appropriate, e.g. What idiom completely flummoxed you the first time you encountered it?]

I'm sure this has happened to me dozens of times in my life, but the two that spring immediately to mind are:

1) When I was really little, I thought matzo ball soup was actually called mothball soup. I didn't understand why anyone would want to eat it. (I now love matzo ball soup, btw.)

2) The Lutheran Confession of Sins and Absolution is:

"O almighty God, merciful Father, I, a poor, miserable sinner, confess unto Thee all my sins and iniquities with which I have ever offended Thee and justly deserved Thy temporal and eternal punishment. But I am heartily sorry for them and sincerely repent of them; and I pray Thee of Thy boundless mercy and for the sake of the holy, innocent, bitter sufferings and death of Thy beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to be gracious and merciful to me, a poor, sinful, being."

Every week this is intoned by the whole congregation during the service. (To this day, I remember exactly where the "breath breaks" were: "O almighty God, merciful Father (breathe!), I, a poor miserable sinner (breathe!)…") I had it memorized before I could read it.

For many years, I wondered why we were all confessing that we were "hardly" sorry for our sins.

Funnily enough, I know of at least one other person with whom I grew up who thought the same thing, and I've met two Lutherans since who laughed with recognition when I shared that story.

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Of Course

[Content Note: Guns.]

Senate Democrats Concede Odds Still Against Sweeping Gun Control:

Senior Senate Democrats bluntly acknowledged Tuesday that a proposed federal ban on assault weapons will not become law, bowing to the inevitable political calculus that only lesser gun control measures stand a chance of passing Congress, despite three months of emotional national debate since the Connecticut school massacre.

In separate remarks to reporters, Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., and Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., both said they do not see Feinstein's far-reaching proposal on assault weapons passing the Senate, let alone the Republican-led House, where opposition to the measure is even stronger.

"I very much regret it. I tried my best, but my best, I guess, wasn't good enough," Feinstein, a senior member of the Judiciary Committee, said of her bill (S 150), which would ban the future production of 157 specific kinds of guns, as well as ammunition magazines holding more than 10 rounds.
I realize this legislation was not a panacea, but it would have been a start.

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La La La rainbow icon heart icon puppy icon

Here are some more pictures from the set of the film Animal Rescue, starring Tom Hardy, Noomi Rapace, and an awesome puppy (or two). You're welcome.

image of actress Noomi Rapace snuggling with an adorable grey pit bull puppy

image of Rapace and actor Tom Hardy snuggling with the puppy inside a pet store

image of Hardy kissing the puppy while cradling it in his arms

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