Seeking Help for Midnight

[Content Note: Animal neglect.]

Yesterday, Iain and I dropped off some donations—garbage bags, paper towels, bleach, SOS pads—at the local humane society where we adopted Zelda (and where I also adopted my late cat Jimmy). It wasn't much, but it was what we could afford, and they were grateful for what we could give.

While we were there, we spent some time with the dogs and cats housed there. It is not an easy thing for either of us, to see animals in need of homes for whom we cannot do more, but that little bit of snuggling and cooing and telling them how lovely they are is a little bit of affection they wouldn't have had otherwise, which feels worth it, even though it is so hard to walk away.

We were both taken with a white Husky ironically named Midnight, who was so shy it took forever for one of the workers—a wonderful, gentle, empathic, passionate young woman—to get him on a lead. He cowered and shook, but had no aggression. He was visibly underweight and was deeply lacking in socialization with humans. The person who dropped him off at the shelter cited as the reason for abandonment that "he wouldn't do anything."

We got Midnight on the lead and took him outside for a walk in the falling snow. His tail was tucked firmly between his legs, but he stayed first at Iain's side, and then at mine, and slowly his tail began to relax, followed by the rest of him. He did not know come, or heel, or sit. He cringed away in fright if anyone reached out to touch him. Midnight reminded me a lot of Dudley, once upon a time.

We took him into the little dogpark the shelter recently built out back. He walked with us, back and forth, and we did not try to pet him or make him do anything he did not want to do. We simply walked beside him and let him know there were people who would not hurt him.

Eventually, we stood. We let the lead slack, and he began to investigate us. He sniffed our hands, and we offered closed fists. He lowered his head and we stroked his ears and his chin. He wasn't sure whether he liked it, but he was pretty certain he didn't hate it.

image of Midnight the white Husky with Iain, who is leaning down and scratching his neck, while Midnight looks up at him

Midnight is a great dog who will not show well at the shelter and would profoundly benefit from being fostered. Iain and I very seriously considered fostering him ourselves, but he's so shy yet that he can't be properly tested with cats or fences. I felt pretty sure he'd be fine with cats, because he's so submissive, especially in a house with other cat-respectful dogs, to whom he'd be looking for behavior cues. But Huskies are notorious escape artists, and we only have a four-foot fence. For his own safety, we left him there.

I put out the word to people I know in local animal rescue that there was a dog in great need of fostering. Most of the people I know are, however, involved in greyhound and pitbull rescue. They're sharing the information—hopefully someone can rescue Midnight.

After we left, Iain moaned miserably, "I don't know why I do this to myself." To which I can relate. It is hard to feel so sad and helpless.

"We gave Midnight an opportunity to spend time with people who won't hurt him," I said. "Next time he sees the lead, he'll associate it that little bit more with good things happening and be that little bit less reluctant to be leashed."

Iain murmured his agreement. It is small consolation.

He is already a great dog. I hope someone sees what a great pet he will be, once he's given the chance to build his confidence through a trust-building routine in a safe home.

We went home and hugged the furry residents soooooooo tight.

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime



Neneh Cherry: "Buffalo Stance"

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Gross

[Content Note: Rape culture; violence.]

1. I fucking hate Law & Order: SVU. I hate the way it purports to be a show that condemns sexual violence, yet continually reinforces rape culture tropes with dramatic reversals that contradict everything we know to be true about sexual violence. If everything you knew about rape had been learned by watching L&O:SVU, you'd believe that women and girls lie about sexual violence at an alarming rate, that most rapes are committed by strangers, and that about half of all sex crimes are committed by women.

2. I fucking hate the entertainment industry's rehabilitation of Mike Tyson. (By which I mean the rehabilitation of his reputation, because HA HA let us never even mention the crime of which he was convicted or ask him to reflect upon it in any way.) Tyson is a convicted rapist, an abuser of at least one spouse, and a person who seriously assaulted a man in a professional setting, when he bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear during a boxing match. But, like fellow violent misogynist Charlie Sheen, there are seemingly unlimited opportunities for Tyson to maintain his wealth and fame.

So you can imagine how thrilled, ahem, I was to hear that Mike Tyson has been cast in an upcoming episode of L&O:SVU:

In his TV acting debut, former boxer Mike Tyson is going for some dark, dramatic stuff with a guest starring role on NBC's Law & Order: SVU. He will play Reggie Rhodes, a murderer on death row whose violent actions may in part be the byproduct of a horrible childhood.
HA HA I hope this puts paid the execrable lie that L&O:SVU is not, in fact, remotely concerned with anti-rape advocacy. You don't get to claim to be anti-rape when you're giving a fat paycheck to a convicted rapist to be a guest star. Sorry.

I will never get over this idea that a creep who is rich and famous deserves to be rich and famous once again, once zie's "paid hir dues," and that taking issue with idolizing people convicted of violent abuse is tantamount to saying they don't deserve a second chance at life.

Sure, Mike Tyson deserves the opportunity to make a life for himself. I'm just not convinced it has to be a life in which he regains his fame and fortune.

If you're rich and famous, it appears you can be wicked enough to be sent to prison, but not so wicked as to be sent to the working class. I have a problem with that.

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I Am Not Available for Your Consumption

by Shaker Mod aforalpha

[Content Note: Racism; othering.]

About once a year, in celebration of the existence of cocoa butter and taste buds, I order a couple bars of vegan white chocolate. This is a Big Deal. It's a big deal because it involves shipping & handling and possibly cold packs.

I waited until December this year, hoping to save some money on the cold packs and have some lovely, lovely candy to enjoy during finals, but my favorite store was sold out. No worries, I'll try another. I immediately thought of Food Fight Grocery in Portland, OR. It's an all vegan grocery store that I may or may not have fantasized about playing supermarket sweep in. (Don't judge me.) I pulled up their online storefront page, typed "white chocolate" into the search and found this:

Image of a product page for Oppenheimer White Chocolate Chips. Includes price, brand, rating (four out of five stars), current stock, and options to add to cart, or join two people in liking this on Facebook. The product pictured is a yellow bag with black and white Hebrew writing, a cartoon yellow bear with white chef's hat surrounded by white chocolate chips and what appear to be red cookies, and a handy viewing window so you can see the actual baking chips inside. Under the heading Product Description there is a tagline that reads 'When you feel like white is right. Or mix with dark chocolate chips to eracism.' and a list of ingredients.

"When you feel like white is right. Or mix with dark chocolate chips to eracism."

I read that and I didn't want candy anymore. I wanted Alka-Seltzer. And equality.

There are so many things wrong with those two sentences, I hardly know where to begin. I think maybe the place to begin is a reminder that there are way too many people in the state of Oregon who do feel like white is right. The Southern Poverty Law Center lists 12 white supremacist hate groups in the state of Oregon.

You know, I only like white chocolate. You know what I don't like? What I find completely and utterly abhorrent? The ideologies of all of those hate groups. And all of the actions in the 11 pages of hate incidents (racially motivated or otherwise) reported to law enforcement in Oregon from 2003-2012. That someone would make a joke about my candy preference being about white supremacy, eliminationism, and, in my case, self-hatred, isn't humor—it's racism.

This product description further makes light of institutionalized racism and racial violence by presenting white supremacy as two equally valid options. They're just preferences! Today white chocolate macadamia; tomorrow triple chocolate chunk. It's not like people die because of this or anything.

And, while we're on the subject, I am not a dark chip. Marginalized people aren't mix-ins. Society isn't some sort of make-your-own-sundae bar. "Hmm, this board of directors tastes a little racist." And trust, adding a couple people of color is not enough to...eracism. Almost certainly the person responsible for this gem of a product description is someone who counts POC among hir friends (or perhaps "friends"). Perhaps zie is hirself a person of color. And yet.

No, I am officially done with people referring to people, especially people of color, as food. No chocolate, mocha, caramel. No "you look good enough to eat." People are not food. And yes this product description refers to white people as a baking product, too, but in a culture with a long history of dehumanizing and othering people of color, referring to people of color as food only serves to reinforce the idea of POC as existing for the benefit and pleasure of white people.

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Daily Dose of Cute

The Many Ears of Zelda McEwan:

four pictures of Zelda the Black-and-Tan Mutt with her tiny triangular ears in various silly positions

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Monday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by owls.

Recommended Reading:

Jess: Daily Gun Violence in the US: January 12th and 13th Edition

Michael: I Was A Misogynist Comedian [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of rape jokes and other violent misogynist jokes.]

Megan: Zero Dark Thirty Raises Questions on Gender and Torture, Gives No Easy Answers

Ragen: But What About REALLY Fat People [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of fat bias and body policing.]

18MR: What Happens When You Make Asians "Asian"? [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion and imagery of racism.]

Andrew: Illinois Business Leaders: Marriage Equality Makes Cents

Helen: Sex & Disability

Steve: Lost Boy Kept Warm by Dogs

Nick: Not Exactly How I Remember It

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

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Quote of the Day

"Young people can only aspire to be what they see."—Marvet Britto, founder of the Britto Agency, on the Melissa Harris-Perry Show yesterday, during a great roundtable on the lack of gender parity in entertainment.

The video is viewable here. The full transcript will be here, when available.

The entire segment was great, and I encourage you to watch/read it at some point, if you can. But I particularly loved Britto's succinct and powerful observation about the importance of visible and meaningful diversity.

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Rape Is Not a "Sex Scandal"

[Content Note: Sexual violence; rape apologia.]

Via Women's Media Center, I read this story about an Air Force recruiter who is potentially facing trial after allegations that he raped recruits and colleagues in his office. This is not the first occasion I've had to mention a US military recruiter who used his position to sexually exploit recruits, and the culture of tolerance for sexual assault against female members of the military is A Problem, by way of cavernous understatement.

The particular way in which sexual violence has been tolerated in the US military is, in some ways, specific to the military culture and chain-of-command rules, which has frequently left rapists the gatekeepers of accusations against them. But the US military doesn't exist in a void: It's part of a larger rape culture, which is facilitated in many ways, not least of which is media that continually refers to rape allegations as "sex scandals."

That is always, always, a contemptibly diminishing euphemism for multiple rapes, but check out this passage in the above-linked article for one of the most absurd juxtapositions around that infuriating phrase possibly ever published:

Rodriguez faces six charges and 35 specifications of misconduct. Prosecutors say he had illicit contact with 18 women and had sex with four in what may be the Air Force Recruiting Service's worst sex scandal ever.

The most serious charges are rape, aggravated sexual assault and forcible sodomy.
Pivoting from "sex scandal" to that list of charges should be profoundly jarring. The phrase is so discordant with the charges that I actually laughed mirthlessly when I read it.

Only in a rape culture, where rape allegations are routinely presumed to be some sort of "miscommunication" or a sex act gone wrong, could most readers casually pass by the identification of a sex abuse scandal as a "sex scandal" and not bat an eye.

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In The News

[Content note: Gun violence, homophobia, Nazis]

All Your News in Fits and Spurts!

Chicago is already on a grim pace this year to not only continue the bloody trend of an elevated homicide rate — but to surpass it.

For future reference: The Hitler gun control lie.

Texas Lt. Governor calls for gun training for teachers. Obviously.

Ohio school board approves carrying of handguns by custodial staff. Great idea, guys!

Maryland Delegate Don Dwyer blames his DUI on gays getting married.

Johnny Marr still isn't speaking to Morrissey.

Air pollution in Beijing has reached levels hazardous to human health.

Want to watch a music video directed by Pierre et Gilles? Of course you do!

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Golden Globes

image of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting the Golden Globes

So, the Golden Globs (typo but I'm leaving it) were last night, and Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were the first ever all-female hosting duo. Maybe it was just me, but it felt like when Ricky Gervais hosted, he was all over the place, whereas Poehler and Fey seemed to disappear a bit after the opening. Anyway.

The highpoint of the evening for me was Anne Hathaway's acceptance speech, particularly this bit, where she addressed fellow nominee Sally Field: "Sally, I have to thank you so much for being a vanguard against typecasting, because as the girl who started out as the princess of Genovia, I can't tell you how encouraging it was to know that the Flying Nun grew up to be Norma Rae." Amazing.

There is lots more to discuss—Girls! Jodie Foster's odd speech! Lucy Liu's amazing dress! Hugh Jackman!—so I will turn it over to you. Have at it in comments!

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Open Thread


Hosted by an oboe.

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Sunday Shuffle

Fleetwood Mac, You Make Loving Fun

How about you?

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Open Thread


Hosted by cinnamon and sugar.
This week's open threads have been brought to you by oatmeal toppings.

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Bonus Weekend Cute

image of Sophie the Cat stretched out on her back on the ottoman, her legs dangling over the edge; Zelda the Mutt and Olivia the Cat can be seen napping in the background

Sophie is totally wasted.

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Open Thread


Hosted by diced apples.

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The Virtual Pub Is Open

image of a pub Photoshopped to be named 'The Bossy Bar & Grille'
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!


And don't forget to tip your bartender!



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Dog School

Care of Shaker Sammyx, here is a video of a six-month-old lab mix rescue teaching the family's eight-week-old foster puppy how to do stairs. All the blubs ensue.


Video Description: A tiny puppy (Daisy) stands at the top of a short interior staircase. She whimpers as she tries to figure out how to get down the stairs. An older puppy (Simon) runs up the stairs toward Daisy. Offscreen, someone says, "It's okay! Simon will show you how to do it." Simon runs down the stairs. Daisy hovers dubiously on the top step. "Simon, go show her again." Simon runs back up and circles around Daisy, guiding her to the stairs' edge. As she puts her front paws on the first step down, Simon does the same, then keeps going, looking at her to encourage her. Daisy whimpers. "You almost got it!" Simon runs back up and tries to corral her down the stairs underneath him. Daisy runs away and Simon goes after her. He goes back to the stairs and starts down them, then looks back at her. "Come on, come on." Daisy sits at the top of the stairs and whimpers. "Oh, sweetie." Simon runs back up and mouths her head gently. "Simon's gotcha." She starts down the stairs, and Simon meets her halfway, gently mouthing her head and guiding her down safely. "Good girl! Yay! Good job!"

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The Feminist and the Abusive Asshole

[Content Note: Sexual and emotional abuse; domestic violence.]

At Salon, Tracy Clark-Flory has the story of Alisa Valdes, the author of The Feminist and the Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story, which is "a romance-memoir about a hardcore feminist who falls in love with a cowboy who teaches her to reconnect with her 'femininity'—and to never talk back, open her own car door or walk on the street side of the sidewalk."

It's a big hit with the anti-feminist crowd, even though, as some critics have rightly observed, the Cowboy was not so much "teaching" Valdes as "emotionally abusing" her. Yesterday, Valdes published a blog post reporting that, after the completion of the memoir, the Cowboy became physical abusive and raped her.

[D]uring one fight [he] "simply dragged me down the hall to the bedroom, bent me over, and took me, telling me as he did so that I must never forget who was in charge."

Come this morning, the post was gone. In an email, Valdes tells me that, although she doesn't dispute the truth of what she originally wrote in the post, she removed it at the request of her publisher. (Update: Valdes now says the request came from her agent.) Speaking of her publisher, in the blog post in question, a cached version of which is still searchable online, she claims that her publisher has "essentially shunned" her as a result of the inconvenient real-world demise of her written fairy tale and writes, "I am deeply wounded by the stonewalling from my editor, as wounded as I ever was when the cowboy did it to me." (I have yet to get a response from her publicist at Gotham Books to an email request for comment.)

..."[W]hile I set out to write a memoir that was a love letter to a man I was deeply in love with, a man who challenged me in myriad ways, a man who changed my life profoundly, a man I respected and honored greatly at the time, what I actually wrote was a handbook for women on how to fall in love with a manipulative, controlling, abusive narcissist," she writes.

...[Valdes' relationship with the Cowboy] finally ended in September of last year. "I do think the relationship continued longer than it should have in part because I wanted to make it at least to the publication date," she explains. "I eventually had to recognize that this was not a good reason to force something that didn't work."
There is a lot to unpack here, but my primary reaction is this: Did Valdes' agent, editor, and publisher really have no idea of the brewing trouble behind this memoir? Were all of them totally incapable of seeing the pattern of emotional abuse at the center of this story, which is patently evident to reviewers who do not even personally know Valdes?

Valdes will be subjected to a metric fuckton of criticism for ignoring or tolerating abuse (which, I will observe, was at the hands of a man who had been explicitly grooming her to ignore and tolerate abuse), and for having what is a pretty gross agenda in the first place, but she didn't make this happen on her own. There were people who ignored signs of abuse in service to an anti-feminist agenda, to make money from the work of the women enduring that abuse. That seems worth a mention, too.

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Mods Get to See the Darnedest Things

In response to my having asked someone to move on after leaving a bunch of comments advocating a view of violence that was not especially conducive to a safe space, as it was embedded with victim-blaming, came this thoughtful retort:

Fine. Then ban me.

You don't get it, and you don't want to discuss. Be as bossy as you want, you have all the power here.

Sorry my understanding is so deviant that it causes you all distress merely to explore it.
I actually would not have banned this person, if my request to move on had been respected, but, since zie asked, I happily obliged.

But a tedious discussion of moderation decisions is obviously not why I posted this comment for everyone to appreciate. I mean, hello:
Be as bossy as you want, you have all the power here.
That? Is amazing.

And I really want to thank this generous commenter for giving us the title for our long-awaited and highly-anticipated by no one debut album.

image of a photoshopped album cover featuring a picture of me flipping the bird in front of a brick wall which has graffitied onto it: 'BOSSY as i wanna be -- M2 and the Mod Squad'

Not coming to record stores near you ever.

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Daily Dose of Cute

image of Matilda the Cat licking her nose

Matilda demonstrates her ability to touch her nose with her tongue.

I keep telling her it's not that impressive for cats, but she won't listen.

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