Shakesville

The "I Voted!" Thread

Jordan Banks (@jordanbks) posted THE GREATEST picture after he voted today, and when I told him how much I loved it, he suggested that I open "a voting YAY thread" and kindly allowed me to use his picture.

So, without further ado, here is Jordan (with Naomi the Bunny) celebrating voting! Please feel welcome and encouraged to leave pictures of yourself celebrating having voted in comments! (Please do NOT take/post pictures of your actual ballot, which is against the law in most places.)

image of Jordan Banks, a young black man, sporting his ballot receipt on his forehead and grinning broadly while he holds his pet bunny, Naomi

Jordan voted! Woot!

In The News

[Content Note: Homophobia, violence]

News and Shit on Election Day:

If the margin in the presidential contest is narrow in Ohio, the winner may not be known until well into December, thanks to a labyrinthine recount procedure that ensures weeks of delay. Good lord.

Here are some recent poll numbers on the four marriage equality issues up for vote today. Some of them aren't looking too good.

Watch a voting machine refuse to accept a vote for Barack Obama. Oof. Electronic voting machines.

Being black is now a form of voter intimidation. Just FYI.

Dear Instagram users, showing your marked ballot to other people is actually illegal in many states.

Five Muslim extremists attacked a gay club in Paris beating the bouncers and spraying some attendants with tear gas.

A charity for abuse victims will use donated copies of Fifty Shades of Grey as compost and toilet paper. Neat!

No Doubt has pulled its latest music video after and issued an apology for its insensitive portrayal of Native Americans.

What's up with Molly Ringwald? Click here to find out!

Closeted Power-Bottoms for Romney!

Speaking of: Here is a great clip from a recent Romney campaign stop.

Photo of the Day

image of President Obama, with tears on his cheeks,

NBC News: Tears were visible on President Obama's cheek during his final presidential campaign rally in Des Moines, Iowa, on Monday. [Jason Reed / Reuters]

During the address, the President said: "I've got a lot more fight left in me. But to wage that fight on behalf of American families, I need you to still have some fight in you too. ... We've come too far to let our hearts grow faint."

My heart couldn't be less likely to grow faint, Mr. President! I PROMISE! My heart is so far from faint that I barely know what to do! I want the President to win! I want John Gregg to beat Mike Pence to be my governor! I want Joe Donnelly, who is a nightmare, to beat Richard Mourdock, who is a garbage nightmare, and be my Senator! I want marriage equality to win in Maryland, Minnesota, Maine, and Washington! I want New Hampshire to get the first all-female House and Senate delegation plus female governor!

HAPPY ELECTION DAY! I MAY EXPLODE!

Biden Voted, and He's Really Happy About It!

image of Vice President Joe Biden walking away from a voting booth, grinning broadly

In typical Biden style, the Vice President declared upon exiting the voting booth that "it's always a kick" to vote.

[Thanks for the heads-up in comments to Shakesville Mod Scott Madin, who saw it on Joe Biden's Twitter feed.]

Random Nerd Nostalgia: Wonder Woman for President

[Image description: The cover of the first Ms. magazine from 1972. Smaller headlines read "Gloria Steinem on How Women Vote," "Money for Housework," "New Feminist: Simone de Beauvoir," "Body HaiR: The Last Frontier." The large headline, in read, reads "WONDER WOMAN FOR PRESIDENT" There is an image of a GIANT World War II-era Wonder Woman, striding across the landscape towards the reader. In one hand she holds her magic lasso, which is cradling a home and community. On that side of her, there is a peaceful suburban community: houses, buildings, cars. With the other hand she reaches out to a battle landscape--a plane is crashing, tanks are firing, parachutes dropping, and explosions. A large sign reads "PEACE AND JUSTICE IN '72."]

I could use a little peace and justice in '12. Here's to expecting more.

Election Day!!!

Well, it's finally here: Election Day in the US, and, as of 4:00am this morning, this is where we stand according to renegade pollster Nate Silver:

image of trending charts currently showing Obama with a 91.6% chance of winning with a predicted 314 electoral votes

From your calculator to the voters' ballots, Gandalf the Silver!

If you are in the US and you need information on where to go to vote today, the League of Women Voters has a nifty little website that will give you your polling station and other important voting information.

You can also call the Election Protection Hotline at 1.866.OUR.VOTE or email the hotline at info@866ourvote.org.

If you have any trouble voting, if you encounter an unreasonably long line or you get any resistance when you try to vote of you're told you're not registered after confirming you are, if you are hassled or in any way discouraged from voting, or if you see anyone else having problems, call the Election Protection Hotline at 1.866.OUR.VOTE immediately. They have volunteers who are ready to help where needed.

Election Protection's website is here, for more info.

You are not obliged to vote, but YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE and no one is allowed to take that powerful teaspoon from your hand. It is YOURS.

image of President Obama voting

image of President Obama voting

President Barack Obama, center, casts his 2012 vote during early voting at the Martin Luther King Community Center on October 25, 2012, in Chicago. [Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP Photo]

Shakers, our President would have been denied the right to vote at this nation's inception. And now he is voting for his own reelection. That is the story of this nation, all the good and all the bad, wrapped up in the act of voting.

I will be voting late this afternoon, and I can't wait!

Happy Election Day.

[Shakesville is an independent space run entirely on donations. If you have enjoyed or appreciated the campaign coverage provided in this space, please consider making a donation.]

Happy Birthday, Iain!!!

image of Iain as a baby

It's my burfday!
Today is not only Iain's birthday, but also the first day he is able to vote in a US presidential election! And all he wants for his birthday is for President Obama to be reelected, so LET'S MAKE THAT HAPPEN!

Oh, that and also Halo 4.

Happy Birthday, Iain. You are my favorite person on the planet. Even though I haven't met every person on the planet, I am totally confident that even if I had, I would still say the same.

I love you more than Chuck Norris loves kicking things. And, as we all know, that is A LOT.

image of Chuck Norris kicking with text reading 'BOOM!'

image of Chuck Norris kicking with text reading 'BOOM!'

♥ ♥ ♥

Blog Note

It's not just you: Comment numbers are not showing up on the main page and comments are not reliably loading. I have notified Disqus and hopefully the problem will be resolved very promptly, because it sure would be nice to have fully functional commenting today.

Open Thread

President Lyndon Johnson signs the Voting Rights Act of 1965 into law while a group of people, including Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., look on

Hosted by the Voting Rights Act.

Question of the Day

So, who's gonna win tomorrow?

This does not have to be limited to the presidential election. Discussion of state races, local races, ballot initiatives, ideologies, etc. are all welcome.

Generally Speaking: Election Eve

Well, I feel like I should say something smart and clever as this is the last Generally Speaking 2012 election post I will ever write. But I am all out of smart and clever things to say about this election. I am also all out of tedious and banal things to say. I have definitely said every single thing I can think of to say about this election. RIP my will to write about this election.

For what feels like the last 100 years of my life, I have covered every last detail of the truly barfinating Republican primary, their fully one million heinous primary debates, the drop-outs (Rick Perry is definitely still out of the race), the hangers-in (Ron Paul is still technically running—see you in 2016!), the gaffes, the laughs, the condescending campaign staffs, the GOP veep nomination, the conventions, the state fairs, the terrible interviews, the contemptible photo-ops, the presidential and veep debates, the press conferences, the stump speeches, the desperate searches for a sufficiently huge US flag, the good, the bad, and the ugly of both candidates (full disclosure: there was never any good to report about Mitt Romney), the surrogates, the financiers, the movers, the shakers, the candlestick makers, the ups, the downs, the motorcades shutting down entire towns, the wire photos, the campaign ads, the viral videos, the memes, the racism, the war on agency, the party platforms, the policy differences, the lies, and more lies, so many lies, the the agony and the ecstasy.

And now, on the eve of the day that will decide some piece of all our of fates, I have nothing left to say but this:

picture of Mitt Romney grinning

This fuckin' guy thinks people aren't entitled to food.
May Maude bless America. In the name of our lord Jesus Jones. Amen.

[Shakesville is an independent space run entirely on donations. If you have enjoyed or appreciated the campaign coverage provided in this space, please consider making a donation.]

An Observation

Here is something I have noticed about coverage of the devastation Sandy wrought on Staten Island (and elsewhere, though particularly re: Staten Island the past few days): Lots of images of white people cleaning up devastated homes, and virtually none of the victim-blaming horseshit from the accompanying pundit voiceovers that was the soundtrack of images in New Orleans after Katrina.

Something else I have not heard, which I heard in sickening abundance after Katrina demolished the Ninth Ward: White anchors/reporters seriously posing as a debate question whether the devastated should even be rebuilt.

Monday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by envelopes.

Recommended Reading:

Jessica: How to Help in the Wake of Hurricane Sandy

Casey: Good Riddance: Halo 4 Creators Threaten Permabans for Sexist Comments

Katie: Obama Responds to Letter from Girl with Two Dads

Trudy: Wherefore Neil deGrasse Tyson?

Rainicorn: Trans* People on TV

Steph: Down Under Feminists Carnival: 54th Edition

And some voices on voting...

Peter: Does the Left Have a Viable Choice on Election Day?

crunktastic: Black Women Rock the Vote. Black Men Mock the Vote?: An Election Day Story

Min Hyoung Song: The Morning After the Presidential Election

David: The Desperate Need to End the Sham That Is the Electoral College

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Radio Shakesville

A couple of weeks ago, I was a guest of Cat Pause, who hosts the Friend of Marilyn radio show on Access Manawatu in New Zealand. Her show is "a fat-friendly programme, with interviews, blog spotlights and news from around the Fatosphere." We spoke about fat as a feminist issue and other good stuff!

If you'd like to listen to it, go here to find the link to the free podcast. It's "Friend of Marilyn 17-10-12."

If and when a transcript becomes available (I've had a volunteer, but it's a long one), I'll update the post.

Photo of the Day

All the blubs. All of them.
I want to tell you a secret: I love watching people participate in democracy more than just about anything else. Even people who are excited for candidates I can't stand. Even despite the multitudinous legitimate criticisms of the many ways in which the American Democratic Experiment is fucked-up, including how some of our votes will count more than others because the way the system is rigged. In spite of all the flaws and failures, I love images of people excited to participate.

I am not in the business of telling people how to vote, or whether to vote at all. I am a firm believer that there are people who undertake the decision to abstain with a lot of thoughtfulness and deliberation, and I recognize that not voting is sometimes an agonizing choice for deeply principled people.

For me, voting is about the closest thing there is to a sacrament in my secular little world, so I will vote as long as I can find reason. Even though the vote I cast in the last presidential election was the first time my vote (mine) ever mattered on a national scale—because Indiana went blue for the first time in my life—I have always been excited to vote. I take the right and the responsibility seriously; I learn about the political and cultural issues in every campaign down to the infinitesimal details, and I consider just what I'm voting for as well as what I'm voting against.

I've told the story before of my dad's (half-joking) concern for my social future when I was 17 and focusing my energies on knowing the politics of Tennessee Senators, mentioned during the last election my firm childhood belief that memorizing the list of American presidents was a great patriotic act, and was moved to tears as a child by a Schoolhouse Rock after being awed by the realization that one day I'd get to help elect the president.

I come from a family of teachers and cops and mail carriers and government bureaucrats and social workers and political strategists and soldiers and war protestors and poets and journalists. We are Democrats and we are Republicans and we are Independents, leaning either right or left; we are Americans and ex-pats and immigrants; we are religious and atheist; and we are all engaged with our government, even those of us whose paychecks aren't signed by Uncle Sam.

I despair at the existence of citizens who don't care, who are derelict in their duty of paying attention and holding their government accountable and being informed enough to make wise decisions. I despair at the state of our media, that requires plowing through ten tons of shit to get good information. I despair at our two-party system, and both the Democrats' and the Republicans' intractable determination to thwart a more vibrant democracy to retain their stranglehold on the government.

And because I despair at these things, I feel joy when I see people who are engaged despite them. I admire people who try to make a difference in this world, who understand intimately that the personal is political and that politics are—and should be—personal to us all. I love seeing people who are enthusiastic about and inspired by a candidate, people who are fired up, and I love getting fired up about a candidate myself, even though I know there's no such thing as a perfect candidate, and I will always be disappointed to one extent or another.

Democracy at its best is, after all, unlimited optimism shot through with a cold streak of cynicism. Deliver your candidates to their offices on your shoulders, to the sound of hopeful cheers, then hold their feet to the goddamned fire with the ruthlessness of someone whose very life depends on competent and compassionate governance.

Because it quite possibly does.

That is the way I have always practiced democracy. That is the way I will always practice democracy. Celebratory. Cynical. I am, on the eve of another important election, feeling celebratory and cynical once again.

Tomorrow, I am going to vote for the man whose name is on that handwritten sign.

[Photo via.]

Quote of the Day

Recently, Janelle Monáe was presented with the Young Gifted and Black Award at the 2012 awards ceremony for BLACK GIRLS ROCK!, which celebrates the achievements of women of color in the arts, politics, and social welfare.

Nearly every line of her acceptance speech is worthy of a quote of the day, so here is the whole thing.

[Monáe's name is called and she takes the stage to much cheering and applause.]

Thank you. Thank you all so much. Wow. I'd like to start off by thanking BET; Ms. Debra Lee; Beverly Bond—you're uplifting young girls even when no one is watching. [applause] And I'd like to thank BLACK GIRLS ROCK! for acknowledging me at such an early stage of my career.

I'm from Kansas City, Kansas—ah, the poorest county, Wyandotte County. When I started my musical career, I was a maid—I used to clean houses. My parents—my mother was a proud janitor; my step-father who raised me, like his very own, worked at the post office, and my father was a trash man. They all wore uniforms. And that's why I stand here today in my black and white, and I wear my uniform—to honor them.

[cheers and applause as Monáe gets choked up]

This is a reminder that I have work to do. I have people to uplift; I have people to inspire. And today I wear my uniform proudly as a Covergirl. [cheers and applause] I—I didn't— I want to be clear, young girls: I didn't have to change who I was to become a Covergirl. I didn't have to become perfect, because I've learned through my journey that perfection is the often the enemy of greatness.

Embrace what makes you unique, even if it makes others uncomfortable. I believe it's our uniqueness, and our unique ideas, that make us rock.

So, I look at this [looks at award] as a baton being passed down to me from all the electric ladies in this audience who were honored tonight and who have come before me, who opened doors—I didn't get here by myself. And so I'm running with this. And I'm doing my best to make you proud.

Thank you. God is love. God bless you. [standing ovation]

My thanks, again, to Shaker neintales for introducing me to Janelle Monáe.

Daily Dose of Cute

Yesterday morning, Iain and I woke up before dawn, wiped the sleep from our eyes, and headed out into the rain and cold for one of the only things that could persuade us to such antics: Greyhound rescue.

A half-hour drive away, we and a few other intrepid volunteers, along with the president of the local greyhound rescue from which we adopted Dudley, gathered in the parking lot of a huge outdoor sports store long before it would open, and met a trailer full of greyhounds who'd been saved after retirement from a track in Florida.

image of the trailer in which the greyhounds arrived, with the driver standing with a black female greyhound

The trailer in which the dogs arrived.
There were 8 of them who were coming into our rescue. Their foster families were already lined up and awaiting their arrival. It was our job to unload them after their 15-hour journey, walk them, and help load them into our rescue's trailer so they could be taken to be bathed.

image of greyhounds on leashes, standing amongst a group of people

image of greyhounds on leashes, standing amongst a group of people

Note the "bald thigh syndrome" common to many recently retired racers.
They were so stinky and so skinny. Life at the track is not a good one, and some of the dogs have arrived near starvation and/or covered in as many as 70 ticks, because they are given no preventatives at the track to ward off parasites. Most of them have deep scars from injuries sustained while racing.

Still, even after all they'd been through, they came out of the trailer and sought out affection, leaning against our legs and snuggling in looking for reassurance.

First out was a big brindle male. He surged at the end of his leash for Iain. "I guess he picked me," Iain said, and took him for a walk while the rest of the dogs made their way onto leashes and into the hands of volunteers.

image of the brindle male greyhound in Iain's charge

image of the brindle male greyhound in Iain's charge

Who's such a handsome boy?
I took a small female, who had an unusually striped tail. She was highly alert, anxious, and, after her overnight journey, took the longest piss I have ever seen any living thing ever take. Gallons of pee.

image of the small red greyhound in my charge

image of the small red greyhound in my charge

Who's such a gorgeous girl?
Welcoming these dogs into rescue is a deeply moving experience. I got choked up (shocking, I know) at the sight of one of the dogs, who was Dudley's doppelgänger.

image of a greyhound who looks like Dudley

image of a greyhound who looks like Dudley

"Except my legs are shorter!"
Seeing this lookalike coming out of the trailer evoked the first picture I ever saw of Dudley, which was taken in a moment exactly like this one. The rescue's president, and Dudley's foster dad once upon a time, recalled Dudley being the most fearful dog he's ever rescued. "Dudley would have peed on himself six times by now," he said, laughing in celebration of Dudley's transformation.

Which underscored the importance of what we were doing. The rescue was accepting property—so much garbage that would have been otherwise tossed away—and there was paperwork to be signed to transfer ownership, like remanding a car to the junkyard. And the rescue and its volunteers were walking dogs who needed desperately to stretch their legs and relieve themselves, before loading them up for another (much shorter) journey. But we were also, and most importantly, welcoming these greyhounds with love and affection into their new lives.

image of the greyhounds waiting to be loaded into our rescue's trailer

image of the greyhounds waiting to be loaded into our rescue's trailer

I know it's scary, but it's about to get so much better!
I thought about Dudley, the scaredest greyhound ever rescued, and how amazing it is that the dogs we met yesterday will be grinny, galloping, galumphing goofballs soon, too. I felt very privileged and very joyful to be a part of that.

After the dogs had all been walked and loaded into the trailer, which the president had lined with hay to keep them warm and comfortable, they drove off to get bathed at a local vet, who had volunteered to bathe the dogs and do parasite removal. Usually it's just done in the president's backyard. He and his wife's dedication to rescuing these dogs is truly indescribable.

And we drove home, where Dudley couldn't wait to flop on my lap.

image of Dudley with his head on my lap, dozing off

image of Dudley with his head on my lap, dozing off

I hope all the greys we met this morning, who were fortunate enough to find their way into rescue, soon find their forever laps, too.

* * *

If you would like to adopt a greyhound or volunteer your time, find a rescue near you with this interactive map.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

David Bowie: "Suffragette City"

In The News

[Content Note: racism, homophobia, violence]

News and Things:

Paul Ryan says Obama would compromise Judeo-Christian Western Civilization values. Stay classy, Romney/Ryan campaign!

Oh, and there's this: Romney staffers refused to let rally-goers leave early in Pennsylvania last night, despite fears of frostbite.

And: Mitt Romney used church loophole to defer taxes for over 15 years. Great candidate!

Transgender citizens already face difficulties in voting because of voter ID laws in several states, but now a Tea Party–affiliated group is training volunteers to single out trans voters.

Question: Why isn't Jon Husted in prison?

One in four young gay people have been assaulted in England, and more than half have self-harmed.

The Ali Forney Center's drop-in center, an institution for homeless LGBT youth, was destroyed by Hurricane Sandy.

The blue gingham dress worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz will be auctioned to the highest bidder this weekend. Neat!

Speaking of Judy Garland: Watch this, it's great.

The Walking Thread

screen cap from the latest episode of The Walking Dead of Carl looking grim while Grimes crouches and flails in the background

Because I have no soul, this picture is making me laugh SO HARD.
(Spoilers lurch undeadly herein. And they are MORE SPOILERY than usual, even, so consider yourselves duly warned that I will spoil ALL THE THINGS!)

Oh, Walking Dead. I love to hate you SO MUCH, and you really delivered the love-to-hateable goods last night!

These are my actual notes jotted down during the episode last night, followed by some additional commentary AS IT COMES OUT OF MY HEAD. Amazeballs!

Remember the pact! HA HA yep remember the pact, T-Dog. The pact wherein once you got bitten by a zombie, which was definitely going to happen once a few other black people showed up, Carol would shoot you in the head so you didn't "turn." Not because having another zombie around threatens the lives of our ragtag group of asshole survivors, but because of the indignity of getting zombified. Even though it's maybe kind of cool? I mean, it IS an immortality of sorts. I assume. Or maybe not. That's kind of confusing. Because the zombies need to eat? Will they die eventually if they don't? It's unclear. Like everything else in this show where they seem to be making up the Zombie Rulez as they go along.

Andrea's a vixen now? I don't know why I wrote this down, because, upon reflection, I remember Andrea jumping pretty enthusiastically on Shane's billy club in that Prius or whatever. So I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she's getting all come-hither with Merle and Governor Niam Leeson, even though Merle is skeevy and the Guv'nah's an obvious dirtbag. By which I mean: It shouldn't surprise me that the stupid writers of this garbage show imagine women want to rub up against every man they see during a zombiepocalypse, even men with Cuisinarts for arms who once called you a whore.

Suddenly Rick loves Lori again. Sure. After spending the last nine months (or so) making Lori's life extra miserable IN THE MIDDLE OF A GODDAMN ZOMBIEPOCALYPSE with his brooding patriarchal angst, now Grimes is all "WAIT BUT I LOVE HERRRRR!" when he sees Lori at risk of getting bitten? Fuck off. Grimes. You're the worst! And P.S. that doesn't even make sense. Like they're not in life-threatening danger all the time?! It doesn't make sense that, all of a sudden, seeing Lori in danger would suddenly make Grimes realize how much she really means to him. It's just a really bullshit manipulation to make Lori's death all the more tragic.

Of course T-Dog. OF COURSE. Of course T-Dog, virtually the only character left on this show who I LIKE was going to go down. But not before being obliged to perform one last noble display by saving (?) Carol from the zombies. RIP T-Dog. I'm sorry you were the victim of zombies AND racism.

Michonne is an animal? Hey, speaking of racism! I really don't like how Michonne is written like she's basically a skittish woodland creature. Who, by the way, needs to be talked out of trusting her own instincts by a white lady (Andrea), who owes her life many times over to those very instincts. Gross.

Of course Lori is in labor. "The baby is coming!" What perfect timing! Someone get the producers of TLC's A Baby Story on the phone! What—they were all eaten by zombies? Oh. Never mind.

Lori's labor is 10 seconds. You know how ladies are in labor for 10 seconds? Sure they are. I mean, of course SOME ladies are in labor for a very short amount of time, but Lori was literally in labor for like 10 seconds. "Let's get your pants off!" Hey, that's what got her into this mess! BOOM.

Carl is obviously watching the delivery. Carl is obviously watching the delivery.

Blood during labor?! Oh noes! Immediately after Maggie declares that there's something wrong ("something!") with Lori's labor/baby/delivery/attitude, the scene cuts to Maggie's fingers dripping with fake blood, as EVIDENCE that something is terribly wrong. And once again we are reminded that the writers of Walking Dead know about as much about women's reproduction as Republican Congressional candidates, because some blood during a labor is not totally unusual. A puddle of blood on the floor would have been a genuine indicator of something wrong, but I can see why they would want to avoid something so graphic in an episode where we saw one of the main characters get his actual throat ripped the fuck out. That face.

Infantile convo abt trusting convicts. Let us debate in the most juvenile and heavy-handed way possible integrating two healthy survivors into our group since they are convicts even though we've totes murdered people left and right because GRAND PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS ABOUT MORAL RELATIVISM is as important to this show as GRUESOME EYEBALLS.

Noble black man. Again. Not 16 (?) minutes after T-Dog had to go down in a blaze of noble self-sacrifice (sort of; he was going to get shot in da head anyway because THE PACT), the black convict has to EARN his way into Grimes' trust by shooting another convict. Who is also black. Which doesn't make for problematic racial narratives AT ALL. That face.

"Pro-life" bullshit. Ugh this fucking show. Don't even get me started. Not only did Lori's decision-making and overwrought monologue regurgitate garbage anti-choice narratives, but it also played into every nightmare narrative about women and self-sacrifice and every nightmare narrative about women and consequences for being "dirty whores." (Which are not entirely distinct from anti-choice ideology.) That whole scene was so gross. It broadcast a reprehensibly conservative ideal of womanhood, and it was particularly infuriating to watch that shit after writing half a dozen times this election about male candidates who believe women should figuratively and literally sacrifice their own lives for "babies."

Would Lori bleed out that fast? She died immediately from a Caesarian incision, while Hershel managed to survive a severed leg. Okay. I guess we were meant to understand that Lori was hemorrhaging, based on Maggie's bloody fingertips.

What is this baby going to eat? They should just throw that baby in the prison poop fridge right now. "Sorry, Shane Jr.! We've got nothing to feed you and the last thing we need is a zombie whistle blaring every time you need to fart! IF ONLY YOUR MOM HAD TAKEN THAT PLAN B! Whoooooooops oh well! Goodbye!"

Discuss.