[Content Note: Reference to animal cruelty.]
"He not only couldn't be confirmed as a cabinet secretary, he couldn't be confirmed as dog catcher."—Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, on Mitt Romney's career prospects if he had to be confirmed by the Senate, after the recent revelations about Romney's tenure at Bain Capital.
[Content Note: Rape culture; bullying.]
Get over it.
That's what survivors who object to rape jokes are routinely told. Over the past few days, I have been told to get over it, and I have seen other women who identify as survivors told to get over it.
Ostensibly, we are being told to get over the rape joke, but because the implication is always, irrespective of its accuracy, that our objections are inextricably linked to having been raped ourselves, we are ultimately being told to get over being raped.
I don't think anyone ever "gets over" being raped. The best we humans do with any traumatic event is find a way to process our feelings about it, and integrate into our lives moving forward whatever changes with which trauma leaves us.
Getting over it, in the way it is used by rape joke defenders, rape apologists, and silencing bullies of various stripes, is really an exhortation to pretend it never happened. To stop having and expressing feelings about rape. Which is about other people's comfort, not about a survivor's needs.
Although I am rarely, if ever, triggered by rape jokes anymore, I am, by their definition, not "over it," because I continue to talk about surviving rape and contribute what very little I can to dismantling the rape culture. To "get over it" means to shut the fuck up already.
But supposing, for a moment, that such a thing as "getting over it" exists, that returning to a pre-rape state of blissful nonconcern about rape culture (which presupposes no one cares about rape culture unless and until they are raped—another fallacy) were possible, I'd like to quickly note a few things that might serve as impediments on such a journey.
1. A lack of justice. Most people who are sexually assaulted never see their attackers charged, no less convicted. Reporting rates are low, and convictions even lower. It is hard to "get over it" when you have no closure, when the person who raped you is still free. Bumping into your rapist at the grocery store, or being obliged to work beside hir, or seeing hir at a family reunion, or hearing zie's raped again, maybe even someone you know—these are things that might make "getting over it" difficult.
2. Being disbelieved. Cops, social workers, family members, friends, colleagues may or may not believe a survivor. Some might fail to do their jobs; some might be indifferent and merely fail to be supportive; some may be actively hostile. Because most survivors are raped by people they know, reporting rapes to intimates can force people to choose sides. Having your kin, social, and/or professional networks meaningfully altered by your sexual assault can make "getting over it" difficult.
3. Secondary trauma. Being silenced and dissuaded from talking about your rape, or being obliged to pretend like nothing happened, can create a secondary trauma—a wound that won't close because it cannot heal. Being surrounded by people who actively discourage healthy processing can make "getting over it" literally impossible.
4. Anxiety disorders. Many survivors of sexual violence are left with anxiety disorders, on a spectrum from low-level anxiety in certain situations to full-blown post-traumatic stress disorder. Being physically triggered as a result of a psychological disability left as the shittiest gift ever by a fucking rapist can make "getting over it" difficult.
5. Disrespect of boundaries. Of those survivors who are left with serious anxiety disorders, many of us must hold firm boundaries around consent and emotional honesty in order to feel safe. Those of us with the sorts of families who fail to support us in the wake of an assault are exponentially more likely to also have boundary-breaching issues with our families. Constantly battling to hold firm boundaries can make "getting over it" difficult.
6. Rape threats. That rape threats, or rape wishes ("I hope you get raped"), are the go-to response in reaction to criticism of rape culture, constantly piquing thoughts of having been raped and/or fears of getting raped again, can make "getting over it" difficult.
7. Rape jokes. Rape jokes that diminish and normalize rape, that trigger survivors and empower rapists, are both ubiquitous and the least likely of any rape-related content to carry a warning or context that heralds its arrival. To be regularly caught off guard by humorous quips that evoke a personal trauma can make "getting over it" difficult.
8. Rape culture. All the jokes, the narratives, the imagery, the idioms, the hostility to consent, the denial of justice, and every other piece of detritus that facilitates the rape culture are unavoidable. It's easy to say "stay out of comedy clubs" or "don't read blog comments" or whatever (as if it is incumbent upon survivors to isolate, rather than for the world to be more accommodating of decency), but moving through the world without encountering some aspect of the rape culture is truly impossible. That reality can make "getting over it" difficult.
9. Rapists. We know the statistics. We know that rapists do not announce themselves. We know that the only way to avoid being raped is to never be in the presence of a rapist, which is something virtually impossible to control at all times. That lack of control can make "getting over it" difficult.
10. Rape. Many of us have been victimized by sexual violence more than once. Repeated assaults can make "getting over it" difficult. As one might imagine.
That is not a comprehensive list.
It's not like I was raped, and it was an isolated event with a neat ending, and that was that. I was stalked. My best friend was attacked. I was left with scars and with PTSD. The enforced denial in my family resulted in profound fractures.
My experience is not terribly unique. Rape reverberates.
"Get over it" elides a reality that sexual violence is usually not a contained incident, but a starting point on a divergent path along which lie pebbles, stones, emotional landmines that one otherwise might not have encountered.
Rape did not turn me into a survivor's advocate; I was a survivor long before I was an advocate. But even if it had, I don't know why on earth I would want to "get over" that. I am not keen to abandon my position that rape is vile, nor silence my voice from speaking that truth.
Tweeted from the account of Jan Ebeling, trainer for Ann Romney's dressage horse, Rafalca. The accompanying text reads: "Here is a picture of the beautiful barn where Rafalca is living and preparing for the big event!" The "big event" is the Olympic dressage competition.
[H/t to TBogg.]
Here is your topic: Top Five Countries You Have Never Visited But Would like To. Go!
Please feel welcome to share stories about why your Top Five picks are what they are, though a straight-up list is fine, too. Please refrain from negatively auditing other people's lists, because judgment discourages participation.
[Description:Bill and Ted sit atop their time travel device in an iconic pose, with the head of George Carlin to their left. Text at top reads: "Bill and Ted on NES? Truly Excellent!" "Hey dudes! How'd you like to ride your Power Phone Booth to six different worlds. Galactic, Man! Search for famous historical dudes through space and time. Most Cosmic! Party with the likes of Joan of Arc (NOAH's WIFE)and Napoleon (THE SHORT,DEAD DUDE). Then send them back in time or you'll miss the Wild Stallyns concert- starring you! HEAVY. Save the world in this bodacious adventure. And remember- Be excellent to each other! A MOST EXCELLENT ROLEPLAYING ADVENTURE! Also look for Bill and Ted's most excellent Gameboy adventure!"]
Scanned from DC's 1992 War of the Gods mini-series.
Sorry, Mitt Romney, You Can't Be Chairman, CEO, and President of a Company and Not Be Responsible for What It Does.
The article is recommended reading, not just for the great headline.
Hi everyone! It's been a while. Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss Goldberg?
You might have noticed that I took the LIBERTY of renaming reimagining renaming this series. I did this for two reasons. First, I'm desperate to attract new readers. (Titties!) Second, I get off on the idea of y'all throwing up in your mouths.
I hate to start this week's installment on a down note, but Goldberg didn't mention Nazis in this chapter. Interestingly enough, this is also the chapter (a chapter) in which Goldberg argues that nothing could possibly go wrong by letting assholes with literal figurative axes to grind run the show.
In this chapter, we learn that liberals hate religion, and all have boners for separation of church and state. Also, this is bad because of all the arguments that bigots always make against atheism. Oh, and at no point in this chapter does Goldberg actually consider atheism (or agnosticism) to be a thing. As far as he's concerned, freedom of religion is about the freedom to choose a religion. Yawn.
Basically this chapter is some shit that Pat Robertson used a crayon to scribble on a place mat during an especially interminable wait for his Eggs Over My Hammy. How it got into this book, I'll never know. I mean, where's my Congressional hearing*?
This is also the point in the book where I finally figured out Goldberg's M.O. ('mo. heh.):
1. Write crap.
2. Get paid.
1. On the basis of because Jonah Goldberg said so, accuse liberals (or Mayor Bloomberg) of claiming that conservatives do such and such. (e.g., Liberals hate ideology.)
2. Point out (correctly) that some liberals (or David Frum) do the same thing. (e.g., Liberals have ideologies.)
3. Conclude that liberals are the worst things ever because for fuck's sake liberals do that one thing. (e.g., LIBERALS HAVE IDEOLOGIES!!!11!)
(4. Get paid.)
At his "best", Goldberg remembers to spend a bit of time fleshing out step two. (Step one's a non-starter with him.) Mostly, this book is just the last step (or two). Liberals are horrible because they are tired cliches. Bigger yawn.
As Jesus would say, let's get on with this shit:
[Content Note: Rape culture; sexual violence; abetting abuse.]
Ken Belson in the New York Times—Abuse Inquiry Faults Paterno and Others at Penn State:
The most senior officials at Penn State University failed for more than a decade to take any steps to protect the children victimized by Jerry Sandusky, the longtime lieutenant to head football coach Joe Paterno, according to an independent investigation of the sexual abuse scandal that rocked the university last fall.There is much more at the link, including the report that, after Sandusky sexually abused a 10-year-old boy in the shower at the football facility, the university's president, Graham Spanier, and athletic director, Tim Curley, decided that "the 'humane' thing to do would be to speak to Sandusky and warn him not to bring children on campus any longer."
"Our most saddening and sobering finding is the total disregard for the safety and welfare of Sandusky's child victims," said Louis J. Freeh, the former federal judge and director of the F.B.I. who oversaw the investigation. "The most powerful men at Penn State failed to take any steps for 14 years to protect the children who Sandusky victimized."
Freeh's investigation — which took seven months and involved more than 400 interviews and the review of more than 3.5 million documents — accuses Paterno, the university's former president and others of deliberately hiding facts about Sandusky's sexually predatory behavior over the years.
One new and central finding of the Freeh investigation is that Paterno knew as far back as 1998 that there were concerns Sandusky might be behaving inappropriately with children. It was then that the campus police investigated a claim by a mother that her son had been molested by Sandusky in a shower at Penn State.
...The investigation also presented evidence that in the wake of the 1998 case, top university officials contemplated the possibility that Sandusky could be a serial pedophile. A university vice president, Gary Schultz, took notes related to that case and ended them with the questions: "Is this opening of Pandora's box? Other children?"
"In order to avoid the consequences of bad publicity," the most powerful leaders of Penn State University, Freeh's group said, "repeatedly concealed critical facts relating to Sandusky's child abuse from the authorities, the board of trustees, the Penn State community and the public at large."
How about a little good news for today?
The Episcopal Church has approved a liturgy that will allow priests to bless same-sex couples, making the church the biggest in the United States to endorse such a rite.80%! Feel the homomentum!
Starting on Dec. 2, the first Sunday of Advent, priests whose bishops give the OK will be allowed to bless the unions of gay and lesbian couples, whether same-sex marriage is legal in that state or not. (It’s currently legal in six states, as well as in Washington, D.C.)
The church’s two voting bodies approved the rite by nearly an 80% majority Tuesday at the Episcopal General Convention in Indianapolis.
Also, on Monday, the church approved a policy that will allow transgender people to become priests.Woo-hoo! Feel the trans*momentum!
In an era when many U.S. Christian denominations are either openly hostile to LGBT*QI folk or deeply divided, it's good to see these strong messages of inclusion. While these developments are not the end-all of equality, this is definite progress. I hope the Episcopal Church (and other faith groups and philosophical communities) continue to evolve towards a message of full love and inclusion.
[Content Note: Rape culture.]
So, last night, I was basically a Twitter monster all evening, writing about rape culture and various narratives that were being invoked in association with the Daniel Tosh stuff and rape jokes generally. I've had a couple of requests now to synthesize my tweets into a single post, so here they are, as posted (aside from fixed typos). I've not included my direct responses to rape apologists or those wishing I would get raped.
* * *
Personally, I'm no longer triggered by rape jokes. And I'm not "offended" by them; I'm contemptuous of them. B/c they are fucking gross.
And by fucking gross, I mean they diminish and normalize rape, uphold the rape culture, and empower rapists.
Rape apologists deliberately misconstrue "empower rapists" as "cause ppl to rape." But rape culture is a continuum of hostility to consent.
A rape joke isn't released into a void. It's released into a culture in which 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men are raped.
One can't argue "MY rape jokes don't facilitates rape" any more than a single raindrop in an ocean could claim never to have drowned anyone.
Each one contributes to a culture of hostility to consent that tacitly condones rape and silences its survivors.
Congratulations, people who defend rape jokes and argue they're "harmless." You are the climate change deniers of social justice.
Be prepared for contempt if you ask me to play abstract thought experiments about rape. I am a survivor. That shit ain't abstract to me.
If rape jokes are so insignificant, then why are so many people so intent on defending them? #thatsrhetorical
"Safe space" & "space w/o rape incitement" aren't the same thing. Latter is a reasonable expectation of any space.
Re: the argument ppl shouldn't react to rape jokes @ comedy clubs: Lots of survivors have PTSD. *Whether* to react is not always an option.
That was not the case re: Tosh, but the argument that people should choose not to react to triggering material misunderstands triggers.
Being triggered isn't getting your fee-fees hurt. It is a physical reaction that is outwith one's control.
An argument that no one, ever, should react out loud to unexpected rape content elides that many survivors react in ways they can't control.
And if comics are unhappy that someone might get triggered by a rape set, they can take that up with rapists, not survivors.
No, I am not advocating censorship. I'm advocating people giving the bare minimum fuck about other human beings. Christ.
I mean, if telling rape jokes is more important to you than not triggering survivors of rape, you're really just kind of a dirtbag. Shrug.
Free speech. Censorship. Art. Whatever. It's bullshit. Telling rape jokes is a choice that deprioritizes survivors & their safety.
If you don't care about survivors, fine. But be honest about it. Don't make bullshit arguments about artistic freedom.
I write tens of thousands of words every week, and I'm not compromising anything by not making rape jokes. It's a choice.
[Rape jokes] physically hurt people, and they communicate tacit approval to rapists. They are not neutral humor.
If you don't care about survivors, fine. But be honest about it. Don't make bullshit arguments about artistic freedom.
If you argue not telling rape jokes compromises your artistic integrity, I have news for you: You don't have any integrity. Artistic or otherwise.
Exhibit A of Rape Culture: Female critics of Tosh are getting "hope you get raped" responses. Male critics, not so much.
And guess what, knuckleheads? I've already been raped. AND I'M STILL FUCKING HERE. So your rape wishes are as pointless as they are cruel.
[Not all rape jokes are equal.] I love Wanda Sykes' "Detachable Vagina" and Tig Notaro's "No Moleste."
Also: Dave Chapelle's bit about how Pepe LePew is a rapist. I find that brilliant.
I think of aforementioned Sykes, Notaro, & Chappelle jokes as rape culture jokes, rather than rape jokes.
Rape jokes uphold rape culture, while rape culture jokes seek to examine, challenge, dismantle it.
And even still, I understand and respect that some survivors do not and cannot find any rape-related humor funny.
I don't think that makes them "oversensitive." I think that means they've got a different sensitivity than I do.
You know, not for nothing, but I didn't think rape jokes were particularly funny before I was raped, either.
I have been the Most Humorless Feminist in all of Nofunnington for fully 200 years.
Fin.
Here is Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney doing some important 'splaining at the NAACP annual convention yesterday:
Since we haven't done this one in awhile... What question would you like to see asked as a future Question of the Day?
From the Telegraph's Pictures of the Day for 11 July 2012: A baby chimpanzee looks a little unsteady on his feet as he takes his first steps away from his mum. Photographer Konrad Wothe captured the youngster at play in the Mahale Mountains National Park in Tanzania, Africa. [Konrad Wothe/Minden Pictures/Solent News]
Here is your topic: Top Five Pop Songs with a Person's Name in the Title. Go!
Please feel welcome to share stories about why your Top Five picks are what they are, though a straight-up list is fine, too. Please refrain from negatively auditing other people's lists, because judgment discourages participation.
[Content Note: Rape culture.]
From Twitter:
Monica @shutupmonica: When you say "it would be funny if this woman was raped" you mean "it would be funny if someone DECIDED to rape her."
Monica @shutupmonica: Statistically, someone in that room is likely to be a rapist. Statistically, you just gave a rapist your blessing.
Brian @red3blog: When comics tell rape jokes, some are laughing cuz they actually do think its funny to rape someone. Where are the comics upset abt that?
Brian @red3blog: Comics have all this outrage over ppl who don't get that their rape jokes are just jokes, EXCEPT for the actual rapists laughing along.
Me @shakestweetz: @red3blog Who are easy to not think about because of rape culture narratives about how rare rape is and how rapists are identifiably creepy.
Me @shakestweetz: Dude who raped me (& other women) has been to comedy shows. He looks just like everyone else in the audience. And he laughs @ rape jokes.
Me @shakestweetz: In fact, he loves them! Dude who raped me cannot get enough rape jokes! HE THINKS THEY ARE SO GREAT!
This blogaround brought to you by thistles.
Recommended Reading:
Rachel has a great idea about documenting rape jokes.
Pam: Pelosi, Nadler, 130 House Members File Amicus Brief on Fed Case Against DOMA—See the 60 Who Didn't Sign On
Linda: Obamacare's Misfire on Weight—New Workplace Provisions that Deserve a Pink Slip [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of legislated fat bias.]
Indian Homemaker: "If I am around people who think that having or giving birth to sons is everything in life how should I behave?" [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of systemic misogyny.]
Andrew: Wealthy, Influential Lesbian Activists Form Super PAC, LPAC
Steve: Support for Affordable Care Act Increases After SCOTUS Ruling
Letters of Note: Oh My Ass Burns Like Fire!
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
[Content Note: Rape culture; defense of rape jokes.]
Comic Louis C.K. tweeted the following in defense of Daniel Tosh, after he incited rape against an audience member:
@danieltosh your show makes me laugh every time I watch it.And you have pretty eyes.
— Louis C.K. (@louisck) July 11, 2012
