This week's open threads have been brought to you by windup toys.
Open Thread
This week's open threads have been brought to you by windup toys.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
And don't forget to tip your bartender!
BushQuotes!
Chapter 3, page 32: "I began detailing a series of substantive policy proposals. The first was a comprehensive juvenile justice plan that called for increasing minimum sentences for violent offenders, building additional detention beds for violent juveniles, making juvenile records available to law enforcement officials, and prohibiting juveniles from possessing fireams except in supervised activities such as hunting."
That is certainly a juvenile justice plan all right.
Privilege, Balls, and Bad Ideas, by George W. Bush.
[From George Bush's A Charge to Keep, gifted to me by Deeky, because he hates me. In the US, all people who plan to run for president write a shitty book. (Some are less shitty than others, by which I mean the Democrats' books.) A Charge to Keep was George W. Bush's shitty I-wanna-be-president book, published in 1999. I am blogging one random quote per page every day until I have either made my way through the book or lost it behind a couch.]
Photo of the Day
Actress Amy Poehler and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton attend the TIME 100 Gala, TIME'S 100 Most Influential People In The World, cocktail party at Jazz at Lincoln Center on April 24, 2012 in New York City. [Getty Images]I've been saving this one for a special day. Squee doesn't even begin to cover it. LADIES!
Number of the Day
51%: The percentage of respondents in a new USA TODAY/Gallup poll who approve of President Obama's new position on marriage equality.
Which, not coincidentally, is the same percentage of USians who themselves support marriage equality.
Best. Birthday Present. Ever.
NBC Renews Parks and Recreation: "The Thursday night comedy starring Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman and Aziz Ansari will return for a fourth season (22 episodes) after boosting the network's fortunes in the Thursday at 9:30 slot after its midseason move." Joyblub!
Actual Headline
Actual Headline: Romney says Obama shouldn't fundraise off same-sex marriage.
Actual Lede: "The day after President Barack Obama publicly endorsed same-sex marriage, and later issued a call for donations, his Republican rival said the hot button topic shouldn't be used to raise campaign cash. 'I don't think the matter of marriage is really a fundraising matter, either for the president, and it is certainly not for me,' Romney said Thursday on Fox News."
My Actual Internal Response: LOLOLOLOLOL Romney says Obama shouldn't fundraise off same-sex marriage! OH DOES HE NOW? LOLOLOLOLOL McEwan says Romney should shut the fuck up! Last time McEwan checked, Obama already had campaign advisers so he PROBABLY DOESN'T NEED ROMNEY'S HELP. Romney should run along and NOT FUNDRAISE LULZ on his opposition to marriage equality!
Yeesh.
I really love the chutzpah of Republicans accusing Obama of turning marriage equality into a political football by giving the most milquetoast personal support for it, after they've tried multiple times to pass a federal amendment to the Constitution banning same-sex marriage. They are truly shameless.
Daily Dose of Cute
One of the special treats I save for Dudley and Zelly on hot days is meatcicles—unsalted beef stock cubes I've frozen in ice cube trays. They basically think this is the greatest thing ever. Last week, when we had a really sweltering, humid day, I sent them outside with the first meatcicles of the summer.
Video Description: Zelda lies on a path in the garden, licking the meatcicle she holds between her paws. She lifts her head at a sound, does a double-take as she notices me walking toward her, then goes back to her meatcicle. Chomp chomp chomp. I walk toward her. Lickity lick. "Is that good, Zelly?" I ask her. "Do you like that, Zelly Belly? Such a good girl." Munch munch munch. Cut to Dudley lying in the grass in one of his usual awkward positions, licking his meatcicle slowly, luxuriating in its delicious meatiness. As I get close to him, he grumbles and gives me the side-eye. "Go on, git it!" I tell him. He goes back to licking it. "I'm not taking it away. Ya little brat." Lick lick lick lick lick. Cut back to Zelda, who's got her butt in the air as she munches on the last bit of her meatcicle. She stands up when she realizes it's gone and sniffs the ground. Dudley comes harrumphing down the path toward us, licking his lips. "Did you enjoy that, Dudley?" I ask him. He looks around, and, once satisfied that Zelda's is all gone, too, he heads for the door. "Oh, what a good boy," I say. Zelly watches him walk by, then puts her nose back to the ground, searching for any little bits she might have missed.
"Just want to make sure you gots no more treats in there, Two-Legs!"
Quote of the Day
[Content Note: Violent eliminationist racism.]
"The response is overwhelming. I sold out in 2 days."—An "unidentified entrepreneur" who is selling Trayvon Martin gun range targets. "Although Martin's face does not appear on the paper targets, they feature a hoodie with crosshairs aimed at the chest. A bag of Skittles is tucked in the pocket and a hand is holding a can resembling iced tea." The "unidentified entrepreneur" says his "main motivation was to make money off the controversy."
Post-racial America, in all its grotesquery.
[H/T to Deeks.]
U.S. Bishops Investigate Girl Scouts. Because McCarthyism.
[Content note: Misogyny, child sexual abuse]
Just when you thought Timothy Dolan and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops couldn't possibly get any more ridiculous, we get news that they are launching an "official inquiry" into the Girl Scouts:
At issue are concerns about program materials that some Catholics find offensive, as well as assertions that the Scouts associate with other groups espousing stances that conflict with church teaching.
Did you get that, McCarthyism fans? The Scouts "associate" with groups that might possibly conflict with church teaching! One wonders what form the investigation will take; I hear from reliable sources that it's a super idea to let people off from the inquiry if they promise to name the names of other witches Communists people who espouse the radical idea that women and girls are human.
But let's get this straight. The Girl Scouts' problem is their "association" with groups that don't conform in all respects with Catholic teaching. Funnily enough, this standard doesn't seem to apply to the Bishops themselves.
You might want to re-think that guilt-by-association thing, Your Excellencies, considering the reported connections between some of the most disgraced names in the child molestation cover-up and your crackdown on USian nuns. (Oh, that's just a rumor? Well of course you wouldn't be using any rumors or lies as the basis of your inquiry, now would you?)
Anyway, there's also your alliance with Protestant conservatives over the issue of birth control access. Or how about your open collaboration with the LDS Church in the service of defeating marriage equality? Because I'm no fancy-cassock canonical expert, but I think the Mormons and Baptists teach just a thing or two that is in "conflict with church teaching."
I mean, I know, I know. The nature of the Trinity, the means of salvation, and protecting children from abuse? SMALL POTATOES compared to making sure that queers don't have equal rights or that uteri-bearers don't get to control their own bodies or that girls don't get any ideas about their own self-empowerment. Small potatoes! Tiny! Pota-tettes, in fact.
But, just to be fair, I totally expect that the good bishops will promptly launch an investigation of themselves. You know, to make sure they aren't associating with anyone or any groups that contradict Catholic teaching, or violate Catholic canon law, or are just rumored to be icky. Otherwise, we might be forced to conclude that this investigation, which actually interferes with the National Catholic Youth Federation's dialogue with the Girl Scouts, is not actually about honest concerns. No, we might just conclude that this is part and parcel of the Bishops' wider attack on women LGBT*QI people anyone who dares to question the Bishop's kyriarchal power.
Anyway, have fun with the Red Scare, gents! I'm sure you won't make yourselves look at all like misogynist ass-mitred dinosaurs! Just don't be too red-faced when that list of "subversives" in your pocket turns out to be a cookie order. Whooooooooops!
[Commenting note: Please take care to distinguish between the leadership of the Catholic Church and "Catholics," many of whom are completely appalled by the actions of Dolan and his colleagues.]
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Divine. Obviously.
Recommended Reading:
Maya: Friday Feminist Fuck Yeah: Argentina Makes History with New Gender Identity Law
Andy: Romney Defunded Commission to fight LGBT Bullying as Massachusetts Governor
Mustang Bobby: Tales of a Ninth Grade Nothing [Content Note: Bullying.]
Maria: I Got Your Book: The Gilda Stories [Content Note: The post at this link contains descriptions of various forms of violence.]
Cazz: Are Libraries a Feminist Issue?
Tigtog: Friday Hoyden: Sady Doyle
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
Happy Birthday, Melissa!
It will be just DIVINE!
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
We love you and all of the work that you dooooooo....
And OMG SHOEZ!
Here's to another year of being completely fucking awesome.
Generally Horrendo
Breaking news today, as the No Shit Sherlock Times reports that GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is so terrible!
That's only partially a joke. Virtually every single thing I've read about Mitt Romney this morning is about how he was a bully, how he torched anti-bullying measures when he was a governor, how his apologyish for being a bully stinks, how his campaign is bullying old friends to tell the media he isn't a bully, how his campaign is spinning the story with lies, and how Mitt Romney is probably going to spend the weekend pouting in the gold-plated car elevator in his moon mansion.
Great candidate. Super person. Excellent choice as always, Republicans.
In other news, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly apologized to President Obama for being too progressive and forcing him to "evolve" on marriage equality faster than he wanted to, or something. I hope that apology was: "I'm sorry—I was under the impression you were a fierce advocate, sir. Whoooooooooops! MY BAD!"
Aaaaaaaaand that's about it for election news. Mitt Romney is terrible. Barack Obama is not as progressive as he should be. Rinse and repeat from now until November. The end. Praise Jesus Jones. Amen.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
The Parks and Rec Open Thread
[Click to embiggen.]
Is that a victory speech she's giving?! Or a concession speech?! OMG!!!
Since I realized the season finale of Parks and Rec was airing May 10, I knew I would leave the episode until the morning, so the second thing I could do (after making out with Iain) on my birthday was watch the episode that would reveal whether Leslie Knope had finally realized her dream of being elected a Pawnee councilwoman.
It would have been pretty much the greatest thing ever, except for the fact that NBC announced yesterday that NBC is cancelling Parks and Rec, giving it an "abbreviated 'send off' season" to wrap things up, and that's it and that's all. My heart is pretty much broken, and it made watching the season finale all the more poignant.
And by "more poignant," I mean I blubbed approximately three to ten times more than I would have already. Which is a lot.
I love this show. And I am not just sad that it's going away; I'm pissed. I hate that Entourage had fully one million seasons, and Parks and Rec is getting unceremoniously dumped after four. (And a half, apparently.) I don't want Parks and Rec to end: I want more. I want to follow Leslie Knope all the way to the White House in a series spin-off called Knope and Change!
And, for my birthday, I want everyone to sign this petition asking NBC to give Parks and Rec at least one more full season. VOTE KNOPE!
Did I mention I love this show? I love this show.
[Spoilers will be eating so many Sweetums in comments!]
Question of the Day
Suggested by Shaker 8junebugs: If you could've known then what you know now, what would you have gone ahead and done anyway?
Everything.
Everything major, anyway.
Photo of the Day
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 10: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton holds up the New York Women's Foundation Century Award during The New York Women's Foundation 2012 Celebrating Women Breakfast on May 10, 2012 in New York City. Secretary Clinton delivered the keynote address at the New York Women's Foundation Celebrating Women Breakfast and was honored with their 2012 Century Award. [Getty Images]I am not sure what the New York Women's Foundation Century Award actually is, and googling wasn't any help, but it looks to me like a bow—and when I look at that picture, all I can think is that Hillary Clinton is going to Hunger Games some shit out of the patriarchy.
You can read about today's other honorees, Ai–jen Poo and Merble Reagon, here.
50 Shades of Greyhound
[Flula, who is holding a copy of 50 Shades of Grey and standing in front of a white background with floating letters reading WTF, punches the air. Fireball. He makes an explosion sound.][H/T to Deeks.]
Flula: What's up, guys? Welcome to W-T-F with Flula! On this episode, I share with you a very big news story. It is erotic. 50 Shades of Grey—a very big book! Yes, an erotic love story for humans. But how many erotic love stories are there for animals? [Image of lynxes kissing.] Probably two? [Image from Lady and the Tramp.] The dogs with the spaghetti—and me, Flula, because I wrote a book! 50 Shades of Greyhound!
[Image of greyhound; Flula holds up the copy of 50 Shades of Grey which has two pieces of blue tape on the cover, one with "hound" written on it, and the other with "by Flula" written on it. He reads from the book.]
Sprinkles was staring at Spot. "No, you drink the water," say Sprinkles. Spot say, "No—let's drink it together." [slurping sound] "I love you, Spot. Touch me." And then the two doggies are dancing! "I like this—more water, more doggy biscuit!"
[image of greyhounds] I know doggies cannot understand English! So what! I provide for you translations in Dog as well! [lots of barking, whining, panting, and howling]
And then…! [He snaps the book shut.] That's it. You want more, you buy this book. 50 Shades of Greyhound, by Flula.
