"After talking to some well-informed constituents, I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing."—Indiana State Representative and Professor of Smartology at Genius University Bob Morris (R-Eally?!), explaining his thoroughly reliable research process in a letter "to fellow Republican members of the Indiana House saying he will not support a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a 'radicalized organization' that supports abortion and promotes homosexuality."
Don't question him. He spent more than six minutes at Conservapedia. What have YOU ever done?! That's what I thought.
As for me, I actually was a Girl Scout in Indiana, and I can confirm that Morris is right. I could barely learn anything about the buddy system or the local flora or how to hawk cookies in between all the abortion demonstrations and lesbian pillow-fights at sleepaway camp!
[H/T to Deeks.]
Quote of the Day
Primarily Horrendo
[Thanks to Shaker Lysis for the inspiration.]
If there's one thing I hope in this world, it's that everyone is maintaining MAXIMUM ENTHUSIASM for the Republican Primary! G-O-P! G-O-P! Chant it with me, everyone! Give me a G! Give me an O! Give me a P! What's that spell?! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOPS FOR AMERICA!
Today's Big News is MONEY. I'm talking about cash money—dollar bills, y'all! (HA HA that song should definitely be the theme song of the Republican Party! Because it's about how money corrupts! That song is VERY MISUSED in LOTS OF COMMERCIALS!) Thanks to the awesome Supreme Court and their awesome decision in the awesome case of Citizens United, there is SO MUCH MONEY in this election! Which is GREAT, because if there's one thing I've always said is missing from the US Democracy, it's that the presidency should go to the highest bidder. It's only fair. FREE SPEECH!
Look at all this FREE SPEECH!
New York Times—GOP Campaigns Grow More Dependent on 'Super PAC' Aid: "Weeks of intense campaigning in the early nominating states have left the leading Republican presidential candidates increasingly dependent on millions of dollars spent on their behalf by outside 'super PACs,' reports filed with the Federal Election Commission on Monday showed. ... The spending reports revealed the breadth and power of super PACs as the campaign hits a critical and perhaps decisive period, with outside groups poised to pick up a growing share of political spending during the costly primary battle that lies ahead."
Politico—Pro-Rick Santorum PAC Picks Up Another Mega-Donor: "The super PAC supporting Rick Santorum's presidential campaign pulled in $2.1 million in January—half of which came from a relatively low-profile Louisiana energy executive, according to a report filed Monday evening with the Federal Election Commission. The Red, White and Blue Fund super PAC spent $1.4 million boosting Santorum's cash-strapped campaign last month, and was credited with helping him win the Iowa caucuses."
Forbes—Billionaire Sheldon Adelson Says He Might Give $100M To Newt Gingrich Or Other Republican:
Sheldon Adelson plays as stubbornly in politics as he does in business. So the criticisms that he's trying to personally buy the presidential election for Newt Gingrich are met with a roll of the eyes. "Those people are either jealous or professional critics," Adelson tells me during his first interview since he and his wife began funneling $11 million, with another $10 million injection widely expected, into the former speaker's super PAC, Winning Our Future. "They like to trash other people. It's unfair that I've been treated unfair—but it doesn't stop me. I might give $10 million or $100 million to Gingrich."HA HA GREAT!
Adelson, the 78-year-old CEO of casino giant Las Vegas Sands, certainly can afford to: With a net worth of roughly $25 billion, that $11 million, which jolted Gingrich's flatlining presidential bid back to life, equates to 0.044% of his fortune. For someone with a $1 million net worth, the equivalent would be $440, or a two-night stay at Adelson's Venetian casino. Adelson could personally fund an entire presidential campaign—say, $1 billion or so—and not even notice.
ABC News has all the fundraising info you can shake a comically oversized check at!
Perfection.
Newt Gingrich is still in the race! He has not dropped out yet! See above.
Something something Ron Paul, who likes his jackets like he likes his novelty checks: Comically oversized and paid for with GOLD!
Mitt Romney is still ceding ground to Rick Santorum, but he's just going to keep doing what he's doing—hanging around not being everyone else—until Santorum eventually implodes because he does things like compare President Obama to Hitler. Whooooooops your completely offensive and ALSO historically inaccurate metaphor!
In other news, my garbage governor Mitch Daniels still refuses to run for president. Don't worry, everyone—he'll run next time! FINGERS CROSSED!
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
Whooooooooops Our Infrastructure!
CNN Money—Sorry, America: Your wireless airwaves are full:
The U.S. mobile phone industry is running out of the airwaves necessary to provide voice, text and Internet services to its customers.There are a lot of reasons offered in the article about how we got here, but the reason we got here is because, in the Information Age, the US has decided that information, like healthcare and everything else, is a privilege, not a right, that should be managed primarily as a for-profit enterprise—so the US government has not assumed enough control of the business to justify expanding the infrastructure. That's left to the corporations, who don't give a fuck how they make their money, and they're quite happy to keep raising prices and price out more consumers to narrow the user base and decrease the tax on aging infrastructure, rather than invest profits they could otherwise profit in infrastructure to keep prices low for greater participation.
The problem, known as the "spectrum crunch," threatens to increase the number of dropped calls, slow down data speeds and raise customers' prices for cell phone service. It will also whittle down the nation's number of wireless carriers and create a deeper financial schism between those companies that have capacity and those that don't.
There are potential solutions, but none are inexpensive, easy to implement, or catch-all. And no major fixes are on the horizon.
The U.S. still has a slight spectrum surplus at the moment. But at our current growth rate, that surplus turns into a deficit as early as next year, according to the Federal Communications Commission's estimates.
The market may solve the problem, but it solves the problem for the profiteers, not the end users.
Question of the Day
What's your favorite fruit?
I don't know that I have a single favorite: I like most fruits, and I tend to go through stages where I can't get enough of one or another. Right now, I'm on a big green apple kick. The tarter the better!
Yum!
What I'm Listening To
Cornell, the lead singer of Soundgarden and a successful solo artist, performed the song, just him and his guitar, at the end of a set at a San Francisco fundraiser for President Obama over the weekend.
Photo of the Day
Awesome. Totally awesome.
[H/T to @scATX, who got it from Jorge at ColorLines.]
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by toast.
Recommended Reading:
crunklife: Tu(r)ning to Black Love [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of multiple incidents of misogyny against black women.]
Mónica: Talking with Kids about Race
Brian: Mush [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion and imagery of fat hatred.]
Angus: Twenty-Three Things You May Not Have Known About the Japanese-American Internment
Angry Asian Man: ESPN Fires Employee for "Chink in the Armor" Headline [Content Note: The post at the link discusses racism.]
Pam: On Caring [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of disablism.]
Autumn: Janet Mock Honored as One of The Grio's 100 Most Influential in African-American Community
Andy: Sheriff Babeu's Political Future in Doubt [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of sexual coercion, exploitation, abuse of police authority, and homophobia.]
Gabriella: Best Actress Oscar Nominees: Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams [Content Note: The post at this link discusses misogyny.]
The Heretik: The Thing with Feathers
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
Newt Gingrich's Unscheduled Campaign Stop In West Hollywood
Newt Gingrich's campaign made an unannounced and unplanned stop in West Hollywood last week. His bus came to halt after getting a flat in the heart of L.A.'s gay community. Whoops!
Needless to say, local residents were none-too-sympathetic to the homobigot's plight:
@panameragirl I saw the Newt Bus parked next to my hotel Hyatt Andaz yesterday, I put a hex on it. I had no idea my power. LOL
@RanCiel810 Newt Gingrich's bus breaking down in West Hollywood is the best belated Valentine's Day present anyone could ask for.
@DawnCorleone Is the Newt bus covered in glitter yet?
@Vazhkai First the bus, then the campaign.
LOLwhoops!
Garbage Treasures: The Movie
The reviews are in:
"Four and half thumbs up!" — Roger Ebert
"Tropetastic!" — Elvis Mitchell
"★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★" — Leonard Maltin
"Wevs." — Pauline Kael
Time to walk down the red carpet, Shakers! Here it is, the world premiere of my first (and likely last) animated short film. Emphasis on short; it's only a minute long.
Cue the paparazzi, I'm wearing my finest Jean Paul Gaultier tux and snockered on rum. And tune in for my exclusive interview with Leeza Gibbons after the gala! Do people still use the word "gala"? Let's all pinky swear to use "gala" in conversation at least once today, okay? Okay!
Anyway, press play, if you want to watch me and Liss in animated action. In the meantime I'll be collecting all the Oscars. And Grammys. Take that, Foo Fighters!
Garbage Treasures: A Liss & Deeky Adventure
Vague transcript: Deeky mails Liss a package, but Liss is unhappy with her gift.
Quote of the Day
"The Republican Party is extremely pro-women."—US Representative and former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann (R-Idiculous), on CNN's State of the Union this weekend, with a straight fucking face.
Primarily Dreadful
HAPPY PRESIDENTS' DAY!!! Let's mark the occasion by talking about all the resplendent gentlemen who want to be US President! They are so great! It's sooooooooooo hard to choose which one of them is the best! Will the dazzling candidate who is definitely the most reprehensible purveyor of gross rightwing garbage ideology please give me a confident Jersey-style fistpump?
Republican presidential candidate, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum speaks during a campaign stop at the Christ Redeemer Church, Sunday, February 19, 2012, in Cumming, Ga. [AP Photo]FUN FACT: I was voted the best fister in Cumming for ten years straight until Deeky W. Gashlycrumb came to town and stripped me. Of my title.
Anyway! Speaking of Rick Santorum being an enormo conservative extremist fucksack, here is a story about that! Executive Summary: Rick Santorum does not merely have an inappropriate level of religiosity for anyone running for the highest office in an ostensibly pluralistic society, but he also believes that there is only One Way to Be Christian, and it's his way, no doi. (Rhymes with moi. Extra Frenchy for maximum contemptlitude.)
Rick Santorum also continues to prove there is no one—NO ONE!!!1!!eleventy!—who is stupider about reproductive issues than he is. With the possible exception of whoever makes those fetus Christmas ornaments.
The award for the Best Santorum Article of the Day goes to Reuters, for this beauty: For Santorum voters, he's a candidate like them. The smirky picture is so tops it's the Coliseum (Hoosiers holla!), and I love the lede more than Mentos (full disclosure: I love Mentos A LOT): "Sporting his signature sweater vest and telling stories of his coal miner grandfather, Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has struck a chord in the Rust Belt that is helping propel his once long-shot candidacy. Although he is a millionaire, Santorum has found a common touch that has helped put him atop opinion polls." SO GREAT!
"Anyone who is falling for Santorum's Average Joe shtick is basically a total asshole."—Reuters.
I just love how it viciously slams Rick Santorum as a phony baloney while also pointing out that people who love baloney sandwiches are stupid.
(I'm sorry if you like real baloney sandwiches. I don't. Baloney just seems like a hotdog someone flattened with a rolling pin and it makes me want to barf. But don't let my dislike of real baloney sandwiches tacitly impugn your love of baloney! I mean, I like braunschweiger, which lots of people hate! Different barfmeats for different folks! Also: That was just a metaphor!)
Hey, speaking of soulless meat, Newt Gingrich is still in the race! He has not dropped out yet!
The race is Michigan has tightened back up, because no doi, even vaguely reasonable people who find out ANYTHING about Rick Santorum are terrified. So what was once a 15-point lead has now diminished to 4%, and Mitt Romney could actually win in Michigan after all. Huzzah! By which I mean: Who cares!
I bet Mitt Romney's feeling very lucky right about now, because he's got this guy campaigning for him!
Aces!
Something something Ron Paul, who keeps harping on how "liberal" Rick Santorum is, because he's basing his definition of "liberal" on the conservative strawliberal who wants to control every aspect of people's private lives, and not on anything resembling actual liberalism, which tends to be inclined to provide people with choices. Short Version: Ron Paul is still a fucko.
And finally: Here's a fun article about President Obama looking for a new campaign slogan. Whoooooooooooops your hope and change!
A HAPPY PRESIDENTS' DAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD FART!
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
Blog Note
Today is a public holiday in the US, and many of our contributors and mods are off today, so blogging will be lighter than usual. In honor of Presidents' Day, please enjoy thinking about how ridiculously close we are to having to utter the words "President Rick Santorum." JUST WHAT THE FOUNDERS IMAGINED, I'M SURE!
Open Thread
Hosted by fresh cut grass.
This week's open threads have been brought to you by scratch 'n sniff stickers.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
And don't forget to tip your bartender!
