No means no.
The absence of a yes also means no.
The absence of a no does not mean yes.
The only thing that means yes is yes.
And if you are privileged enough to be a neurotypical person who hasn't any problems interpreting non-verbal communication in a long-term relationship with another neurotypical person who hasn't any problems interpreting non-verbal communication, and the two of you have managed to define and maintain good boundaries around sexual activity, have ongoing conversations and negotiations about consent as your relationship grows and changes, and have developed an intimate shorthand of verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate consent that would almost look like "implicit consent" if there were such a thing, congratulations to you! You are very lucky!
But that doesn't change the fact that you're saying yes. And it really, really doesn't change the fact that the only thing that means yes is yes.
Today in Rape Culture
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by revving motors.
Recommended Reading:
Veronica: Tweet & Rally Against Attacks on Women's Health in Illinois
Dahlia: Virginia's Proposed Ultrasound Law Is an Abomination
Timothy: Jeremy Lin, Ping Pong Playa, and Asian American Dreams
Scott: Me, APD, and 'Babysitting While White,' Part Deux [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of racism, rape culture, and police harassment.]
Line: I don't want to be a feminist anymore. [Content Note: The post at this link includes references to lots of different anti-feminist tropes.]
Mike the Mad Biologist: The Economics PhD Job Market As a Reality-Distortion Field: STEM PhDs, We Made a Bad Career Move
Melissa: Sexism Watch: Gender Disparities in Actor Salaries
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
Good Luck with All That
by Shaker Moderator Aphra_Behn
[Content Note: Religious-based oppression, anti-choice rhetoric, misogyny, homophobia.]
I hope the Obama administration will reconsider just how much of the birth control issue they're willing to concede to the nice men in the white collars and red pointy hats, because the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has big plans—VERY big!
Catholic bishops, energized by a battle over contraception funding, are planning an aggressive campaign to rally Americans against a long list of government measures which they say intrude on religious liberty ... The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops plans to work with other religious groups, including evangelical Christians, on an election-year public relations campaign that may include TV and radio ads, social media marketing and a push for pastors and priests to raise the subject from the pulpit.In other words, the Catholic Bishops are signaling their intent to become the new Jerry Falwells, the new PLAYERZ!!!! in the GOP-Religious Right power structure. How is this new? It's true that the U.S. Catholic bishops already wield influence and power. But in the recent past, the Bishops have maintained some semblance of nonpartisanship, with moderately supportive statements for the broad outlines of the Affordable Care Act, and moderately condemnatory statements about the Iraq war. Not anymore.
Since the fall, the UCCB have been planning a full-court press reminiscent of Jerry Falwell's 1979-1980 Moral Majority campaign in support of Ronald Reagan :
Last fall, the conference bulked up its staff, hiring a lawyer who had devoted his career to religious liberty cases and a lobbyist to press the cause in Washington. The group also created a special committee on religious liberty...If you thought that contraception was the only "religious liberty" issue, you would be wrong. Wronger-than-a-David-Brooks-column kinda wrong. No, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops have plans to oppose the Obama administration on many
An HHS requirement that USCCB's Migration and Refugee Services provide the "full range of reproductive services"—meaning abortion and contraception—to trafficking victims and unaccompanied minors.... US Agency for International Development, under the Department of State, is increasingly requiring condom distribution in HIV prevention programs....The Justice Department's attack on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)....New York State's new law redefining marriage, with only a very narrow religious exemption.To sum: Archbishop Dolan objects to condoms for HIV prevention, wants to force trafficking and statutory rape survivors to give birth against their will, and hates the idea that anybody, anywhere, might be holding gay weddings . Great issues! Your priorities are so very Jesus-y!
I mean, they must be Jesus-y, because so many of Jesus' followers agree that the rabbi from Nazareth was TOTES about opposing birth control! Take Archbishop Dolan's good friend Richard Land, head of the Southern Baptist Convention, for example. Sure, for years white evangelical Protestants have taught that Roman Catholicism is a cult, and its central sacrament a "death cookie," and Catholics worship Mary and wev, but all that is forgiven! "The Obama mandate is a Baptist issue!" thunders the headline Richard Land's recent editorial. (Bonus: He also blames, tragilariously, the influence of "female ideologues" for the birth control mandate Ha ha ha! Women are so "ideological" in their support for their own bodily autonomy!)
The Religious Right is rotating on its power axis to include the Bishops along with fundamentalist Protestant leadership. It's not an alliance to be taken lightly in terms of the sheer number of pulpits they can command, the media presence they are already putting forth, and the size of the political machine their combined forces can muster.
As Liss noted in an email, it's also not an accident that the Obama vs. Catholics groundwork is being laid just as two very conservative Roman Catholics (Santorum and Gingrich) vie for the GOP presidential candidacy (and will need to garner many conservative evangelical white Protestant voters). You can almost hear the glee echoing from the GOP halls of power. It's candidate Rick Santorum! Of the youthful looks and
(Are you done imagining? Are you done laughing? I know I am not. Because LOL forever!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAH-hhahahaHahahahahahahaha!!!! No. *wipes eyes*)
And therein lies the paradox. The Bishops like to huff and puff, but can they blow the White House down? If you want to be players, guys, ya gotta deliver the votes, ALL the votes. You can deliver some of them, but I think you have three serious obstacles in your goal to take home the political jackpot:
1. The Myth of "The Catholic Vote." Catholics aren't a political monolith. Despite the fervent efforts of the U.S. Catholic Bishops in the last decade to turn Roman Catholics into single-issue voters focused on abortion, they just aren't. Despite hints, or even outright threats, of excommunication for supporting pro-choice politicians, a majority of Catholic voters supported Obama in 2008. In the fall, the UCCB is threatening that Obama could lose "the Catholic vote." While I'm sure that a year of political sermons will definitely shave off some voters, there are still liberals and moderates in the pews. There are still Kennedy Catholics and Vatican II Catholics, the people for whom serving the poor and needy is more important than controlling women's wombs—indeed, there are Catholics who object to these draconian attempts to control the bodies of women et. al.
2. The Privacy of the Catholic Conscience. I know I am just a godless Episcopalian and all, but I did learn something from 8 years of straight As in religion classes at Catholic schools (thanks, Sister Barbara Marie)! The Catholic confession, repentance, and reconciliation with God is largely private. Unlike evangelical Protestants, whose confessions of sin and professions of faith are witnessed by entire congregations, Roman Catholic confession is mediated privately, by a priest. Now, I don't want to downplay the pressure a priest can put on parishioners to confess to particular sins, but it's fundamentally different from Evangelical-style community pressure. There are community aspects to all the sacraments, but it's all very different than the community-driven worship of Protestant Evangelicals. Even taking communion, the most central act of regular worship for Roman Catholic is, literally, largely internal. And you know what else is largely private in the United States? The bedroom and the voting booth.
3. Finally, U.S> Catholics Are Used to Tuning Out Their Leadership. C'mon guys. Have you LOOKED in your pews lately? You don't need the Guttmacher poll to tell you that your flock isn't listening to you on birth control. Just look around. Yes, there are some very large families. And yes, some of the smaller families may indeed be the result of extremely diligent Natural Family Planning. But look closely at all those 1, 2, and 3-child families, and tell me again just how subservient U.S. Roman Catholics are to the reproductive teachings of their church hierarchy. Your flock is ignoring you, Your Graces and Eminences.
So, okay, players. Unleash your media blitz and sit down at the table with your good friends the Southern Baptists; I'm sure your differences won't cause any friction AT ALL! (whoooops Bishops! your church bingo!) Go ahead and promise the GOP "the Catholic vote," despite the fact that there is no such thing. And be sure to plan a political strategy centered around the very theological point that 98% of your female adherents completely ignore.
I'm sure that will work out splendidly!
The Parks and Rec Open Thread
[Content Note for video: Hunting imagery.]
Above: The video for Leslie Knope's campaign song, "Catch Your Dream (And Shackle It to Your Heart)," featuring excellent saxophone and deeply inappropriate metaphors. Lyrics here.
(Hereafter be spoilers.)
So many laughs in last night's episode! Lady Presh-Presh! O Captain, my Captain! I dropped all of the hotdogs, like a thousand. Memories…of Now. God, that was hot nonsense. Whizzingham Manor. He's a gorgeous genius, people—don't question his methods! I think you sound like an angel, and everyone else sounds like demons. I would like to eat at the game! Maybe if I hit my head against the floor; that's worked before. Pretty sweet sauce in there, eh, Ace? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to endorse ten beers into my mouth, because this has been an incredibly stressful evening.
I also endorse ten beers!
I have two confessions to make: 1. Although, as we've discussed in comments, the picking on Jerry (Gary!) is uncool, I nearly pissed myself laughing when April crashed those cymbals at him to stop his observing the similarity between Duke Silver and Ron Swanson. OMFG. 2. At first, I really did not like the whole Leslie-Ben-Dave storyline. AT FIRST!
But then there was the juxtaposition of Ben telling Leslie that he understands if she'd like to have dinner alone with Dave to catch up, with Dave cuffing Ben in the men's room so that he can speak to Leslie alone. And Ben said to Dave: "I'm not going to give you permission to try to win my girlfriend away from me." Which is really precise language that leaves Leslie as the decision-making person in the triangle, once again turning a familiar rom-com trope of two dudes fighting over a woman as if her will doesn't even matter on its head.
You did it again, Parks and Rec!
There was a lot of rom-com trope subversion happening throughout the Ann-Tom arc, too. Two exchanges in particular stood out:
Tom: "Ann, I caught feelings for you, and I want you to be my girl, and I don't care who knows."
Ann: "I know you don't care, dummy. I care!"
The "I don't care who knows!" shout-it-from-the-rooftops meme is so pervasive in rom-coms, accompanied by shots of a lady cringing with outward embarrassment while simultaneously grinning with inner delight, and Ann's utterly contemptuous response was awesome. Later came this:
Tom: "I was waiting outside in the rain for you, because I thought you would come out and be like, 'Awwww, he's all wet. That's so romantic!' But you didn't! And now I've got the sniffles."
Ann: "What on earth would make you think I would like that?"
Tom: "Movies."
Ann: "Oh, god, Tom!"
SO! PERFECT! So absolutely perfect. I love that Parks and Rec is exploring the reality that there are a lot of men who get their (terrible) ideas about love and romance from romantic comedies, too.
And finally, I have to give some love to the scene in which Leslie and Ben are in the car after the disastrous dinner with Dave, and Ben is talking Leslie down off the ledge because she's considering skipping the party for the retiring captain. Ben says wryly: "Leslie, let's not let your terrible decision-making get in the way of this election." And then they turn and grin at each other. Nice.
A Tiny Bit of Good News
As we could all use some after this week, right? Very refreshing to post some good news for a change!
Last Tuesday I posted about how Planned Parenthood in Tennessee is suing the state because the state revoked grant funding for HIV & syphilis testing. Yesterday, Judge William Haynes granted a preliminary injunction to stop the state from halting funding.
[H/T Shaker scrappy1]
Project Runway All-Stars: Open Thread
Listen, I am aware there are other designers on Project Runway All-Stars, and I even love one of them (Mondo!) almost as much as Austin Scarlett, but Austin Scarlett just has my heart in a way no one else does. He is dashing! And he is witty! And he is talented! And also: He is very nice! He embodies what the definition of a gentleman should be.
Anyway! Let's talk about the show!
I loved this week's challenge, even though really only Mondo and Austin seemed to get it right. What did you think?!
Quote of the Day
"I can understand how I confused people with the way I worded the joke and their taking offense is very understandable. To all those who took my joke as [a] modern day approach I deeply apologize and seek your forgiveness. My wife constantly tells me I need new material—she understood the joke but didn't like it anyway—so I will keep that old one in the past where it belongs. ... To those who applauded my comments and remembered the joke, thanks for your encouragement. To those who thought I was callously encouraging that as a prescription for today, I kindly ask your forgiveness."—Santorum surrogate Foster Friess, apologizing for his "aspirin between the knees" comment yesterday.
I remembered the joke, understood it to be a joke, and didn't assume Friess was making a serious "modern day" recommendation—and I don't believe that I'm alone. He's apologizing to a strawperson.
And, in doing so, he's intimating that we're too stupid to distinguish between a "callous" policy prescription and a misogynist joke.
Dude, we got that it was a fucking joke. The issue is not that we were mistaking it for a policy prescription; the issue is that your "joke" was representative of the attitude underlying the actual policy prescriptions of your contemptible candidate: That women should keep their legs shut, unless and until there's a good Christian husband ready to make babies who gives the Open Sesame.
Call me when you're willing to apologize for supporting that retrofuck idea of female sexuality.
Note about Subscriptions
Luckily, we all know already that I am a dildobrain, so this should come as no surprise to anyone: I coded the subscriptions wrong on the Donate Via Subscription page during the last update, so they were set to be annual donations instead of monthly. So, if you signed up to donate $20 monthly, you are instead donating $20 annually.
The buttons are working correctly now.
If you subscribed via the dropdown in the sidebar, you're fine. But if you subscribed via the Donate Via Subscription page, you may have to cancel your subscription and resubscribe because of my mistake, if you do indeed want to be donating monthly.
I am desperately sorry for the inconvenience.
My profound thanks to Shaker ChocoholicBec who noticed my error and took the time to tell me. Thank you so much.
Primarily Gross
![Image of Mitt Romey with a 'zuh' look on his face: 'Republican presidential candidate, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum meets with business leaders, Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012, in Tioga, N.D. [AP Photo]'](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/shakespeares_sister/shakes4/610x-26.jpg "Buh?")
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE! I hope your enthusiasm for the ongoing clusterfucktastrophe that is the Republican Primary is just as boundless and fervent as it was yesterday! And the day before! And the day before that! And each and every day of the approximate two hundred billion years that this primary has lasted so far!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Barf bags for EVERYONE!
So, yesterday, the Big News was Rick Santorum surrogate and sugar-pop Foster Friess recommending to the "gals" of America that we keep an aspirin between our knees as cheap contraception. It's neat how he thinks it's impossible to fuck with your knees together! What a lucky lady his wife is!
Anyway! Lots of women were unimpressed with Friess' advice, by which I mean every woman in the United States snorted derisively with such collective force that we may not have to worry about climate change anymore. Sorry about the pollution, Neptune! But don't worry, ladies! Rick Santorum assures us it was just a "bad joke." O RLY? No shit, Sherlock. Your whole campaign is a bad joke! BOOM!
In other Santorum news, dude made a shit-load of cash after being retired from the US Senate by Bob Casey: "Rick Santorum grew wealthy over his four years working as a corporate consultant and media commentator after leaving the Senate in 2006, his newly released federal tax returns show. He made more than $3.6 million."
Everyone leaves the US Senate with a golden parachute of limitless opportunity to make filthy money from corporate consulting, media commentary, and/or lobbying. Great retirement plan if you can get it! But Rick Santorum is still a youngish man. He has lots more
Newt Gingrich is still in the race! He has not dropped out yet!
Hey! Here's some fun news: Mitt Romney and Ron Paul are totes BFFs! CUTE! Ro-Ro is the new Brangelina! PASS IT ON!
In a move showing their new solidarity as besties, Ro-Ro have declined to participate in a scheduled debate immediately before Super Tuesday. WHUT. I cannot believe there's going to be one less debate! How are we supposed to know which one of these highly privileged and super wealthy straight cis able-bodied white dudes to vote for if we don't have at least ten thousand more opportunities to watch them petulantly needle each other while peacocking their reprehensible credentials as rightwing extremists?!
It's called DEMOCRACY! Look it up.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.
I know it's early, but trust me, it's not going to get any worse than this—James Poulos at The Daily Caller: What are women for?
At least, I hope not.
LOL FOREVER
Darrell Issa Compares His All-Male Anti-Contraception Panel to Martin Luther King, Jr.
I couldn't make this stuff up.
Photo of the Day
Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa Jackson is introduced by Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, at the State Department in Washington, Thursday, Feb. 16, 2012, where Clinton announced the Climate and Clean Air Coalition to Reduce Short-Lived Climate Pollutants initiative. [AP Photo]You know, I get the feeling that this picture went out over the wire with some editorial snickering, but the fact that this two ladies are totes making what look to be "TWINSIES!" faces at each other over their amusingly similar garb only makes me like them MORE. Funny how that works.
Ouch
The Detroit News—Rick Santorum leads Mitt Romney in Michigan: "Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum has a slim lead over Mitt Romney, an indication the Michigan native son has yet to convince state voters he should be the Republican nominee for president, a Detroit News poll shows."
Yep, Mitt Romney is now falling behind in his home state, a state of which his father was once governor. Whoooooooooops!
In good news, he's at least polling higher than "Undecided," which is more than Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul can say!
Daily Dose of Cute
The dogs stare at me. Not just me—Iain, too. They study us intently, watching us walk and watching us eat and watching us cuddling on the couch. As a result of all this concentrated study, the dogs have become such experts in our body language, rhythms, and impulses that they are virtual mind-readers. Both of them know when I am going to give them a little bite of my leftover dinner and are already seated politely in front of me before the thought has even fully formed in my own brain.
"I see you, Two-Legs."
"I've got my eye on you, Two-Legs."
So the other day, when we were out for a walk, and I had some weird inner ear bedlam in my troublesome left ear that caused me to list rightward uncontrollably and fall to my knees in the neighbor's yard, the dogs were ready for it. They circled calmly around me as I slipped into the snow on the verge of unconsciousness, and stood quietly by as I reached for my phone. They watched me pull out my phone, and watched me punch a 9 and a 1 into the keypad, and watched my spine suddenly straighten as the feeling went away as quickly as it had come over me. They watched me as I sat with the snow soaking my jeans, assessing whether I was okay.
"I'm just going to sit here a moment and make sure I'm okay, puppies," I said. They looked back at me stoically. We know.
We were not twenty yards from the front door, at the end of our walk, the place at which they're usually pulling to get back inside because that means TREATS! But they stood, quiet and still, watching me.
I stood up, fine once again. "Okay, puppies: Let's go," I said, but they were already walking. We know.
Quote of the Day
"Back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly."—Santorum supporter and conservative corporateer Foster Friess, during an interview with Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC earlier today.
Andrea Mitchell, MSNBC Anchor: Do you have any concerns about some of [Rick Santorum's] comments on social issues, on contraception, on women in combat, and whether or not that would hurt his viability in a general election campaign, would he be the nominee?[H/T to Misty.]
Foster Friess, Fuckhead: Well, I'm [laughs] I get such a chuckle when these things come out. Here we have millions of our fellow Americans unemployed, we have jihadist camps being set up in Central, in, uh, Latin America, which, uh, Rick has been warning about, and people seem to be so preoccupied with sex. So I think it says something about our culture—we maybe need a massive therapy session so we can concentrate on what the real issues are. And this contraceptive thing—my gosh, it's so, it's such inexpensive—you know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly.
[Dead air while Friess sits there grinning like a jackass.]
Mitchell: Uh, excuse me; I'm just trying to catch my breath from that, Mr. Friess, frankly.
[Friess laughs heartily.]
