"Despite the anger of the homosexual community, the anus is not a vagina." — Patrick Wooden, in an interview with Peter LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality.
Okay then.
Quote of the Day
That's a Big Teaspoon
Gates donates $750 million to fight AIDS, TB, and malaria.
Yeah, I know all the "drop in the bucket of his fortune" and "tax deductible" and "Windows stinks" stuff that inevitably goes along with anything good Gates does, but I don't give a shit. Anyone who doesn't think giving more than a billion dollars to fight global disease is fucking cool, irrespective of whatever legit and totally stupid caveats one might make, is too cynical for my comprehension.
Bill and Melinda Gates have a mighty big teaspoon, and they know how to use it.
Top Chef: Texas Open Thread
Guest judges Robocop and Jimmy (A Unicorn) do not like your donuts!
Top Chef is an American reality competition show that airs on the cable television network Bravo, in which chefs compete against each other in culinary challenges. They are judged by a panel of professional chefs and other notables from the food and wine industry with one or more contestants eliminated in each episode. The show is produced by Magical Elves Productions, the same company that created Project Runway.
Number of the Day
1.5 million: The number of women and other people with uteri seeking abortions who wouldn't have access to a safe one if Roe v. Wade were overturned.
Let's say, thought experiment. Let's say Roe v. Wade got overturned. There'd be 1.5 million women who had been seeking abortions who can't have a safe one. Someone will have an unsafe one and will die or be damaged for life; some women will have the child and not be capable of taking care of it. And we know that women who have unplanned pregnancies who go on to deliver have a higher risk of complications in pregnancy, high rate of pre-term birth, a higher rate of the children having behavioral difficulty, poor achievement, cycles of poverty, domestic violence. And the whole idea that somehow adoption can solve it all is just not how the American public thinks. Only 1% of women with an unplanned pregnancy go forward with adoption in the US—very, very small. And I hear it from my patients for all different reasons: they never could do it, the interesting thing they say is that they don't trust anybody else to raise their child. Will the child be loved? Will the child be well cared for? Again, it gets to the idea that they understand how important motherhood is—I don't necessarily see out there the American public ready to adopt 1 million babies. So just from a practical point of view, if you do a thought experiment of making it illegal or ridiculously more restricted than it is now, more women will die, more families will suffer, and that's not good. That is not a moral good.—Dr. Nancy Stanwood, an obstetrician/gynecologist, abortion provider, mother, and board member with the Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health, in an interview with Lola McClure, a registered nurse, about what she does and why.
Primarily Awful
Bert Shadowen of Port St. Lucie, Florida holds an American flag as he listens to remarks by Republican presidential candidate and former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum at a Treasure Coast Tea Party campaign rally in Stuart, Florida, January 24, 2012. [Reuters Pictures]Awwwwwwwwwwwww LOL! How can we turn that frown upside-down, Mr. Shadowen? By electing Rick Santorum? Well, that's probably not going to happen. How about I get you a tin of peanuts and a nice cold soda?
That picture reminds me of this biology teacher I had in high school, Mr. Looft, who had the reputation of being a total humorless hard-ass. He was suuuuuuuuper grumpy, and he never smiled, and he always held his wiry body very rigidly under his ratty old lab coat. For some reason, my best friend and I suspected he was actually a very witty and fun-loving guy underneath that seemingly impenetrable exterior, and we undertook the challenge of unearthing his wild side.
We called him Loofty. We teased him good-naturedly about how grumpy he was. We screeched and hollered with delight when he'd do something that previous classes had received as evidence of his hardness—like the time a fish was floating belly-up in his classroom tank, and he responded to reports of its death from proximate students by marching to the tank like a drill sergeant, pulling up the sleeve of his lab coat, sticking his arm elbow-deep into the tank, and stirring so hard the fish began to swim again. "Fish ain't dead; just being lazy," he said, marching back to the front of the class. We told him he was a superhero.
One day, he came to class wearing, instead of his ancient, tattered, fatigues-green lab coat, a bright, crisp, new white lab coat. "Loofy, looking FOXY!" I said. C and I made exaggerative "sexy" gestures, hands against our foreheads as we pretended to faint, licking our index fingers and sizzling them against our butts. Loofty stopped in his tracks and looked us with his usual look of consternation, bewilderment, and disdain. I thought, for a moment, we might actually get in trouble this time. And then his face broke into a huge blushing grin, and he laughed and laughed and laughed.
He was secretly a fun dude. And also a great teacher. Loved that guy.
Anyway! To the candidates!
Heading into the Florida primary next week, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney are now virtually tied, although we've got ANOTHER DEBATE! to look forward to, which is another chance for Gingrich to distinguish himself as not-a-Mormon. What will happen in Florida?! Will it be the super rich and super privileged white guy, or the OTHER super rich and super privileged white guy? IT'S A REAL NAIL-BITER!
Gingrich thinks he can win by channeling Ronald Reagan. Romney, who everyone definitely hates, thinks he can win by not being Newt Gingrich. Good strategies, both.
Money Talk! Romney brazenly bullshits about paying a "45 or 50 percent" tax rate. Okay, player. Gingrich's SuperPAC is being bankrolled by a billionaire Las Vegas casino tycoon. I know what you're thinking—that cannot be healthy for democracy! But just think of it like this: Money is free speech, and that guy can really bellow.
Is Ron Paul even campaigning anymore? Where is he? Somebody look inside his debate jacket—I think he might have gotten lost in there.
Rick Santorum's campaign strategy continues to be positioning himself as the grossest asshole on the planet, defending TSA profiling and accusing "the left" of indoctrinating people at universities. (Hey, it's not our fault that education tends to make people more progressive, dude.) These are two of the least offensive things he's said in ages. You're really losing your horrible, horrible edge, Rick Santorum!
In other news, Jeb Bush has some hot advice about how Republicans "can win Hispanics back." Here's my hot advice: Start with not using immigrants as a political football in gross campaign ads.
Meanwhile, Fidel Castro called this Republican primary "he greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been." LOL! I guess "Work It" didn't air in Cuba.
Finally! According to the new NBC/WSJ poll: "Americans are growing more optimistic about the state of the economy and direction of the country...and President Obama is receiving better grades on his handling of the economy and job as a result." Too bad, Republicans! Looks like you just didn't ruin the country ENOUGH to beat this guy!
Sad trombones all around, I'm sure.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
Question of the Day
If you discovered a new planet, what would you name it?
I recently asked Deeky this question via text, which prompted the following exchange:
Anyway! I would totally name my planet something real snazzy and shit, like Alpha Cooter-69.
Quote of the Day
"By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American."—Newt Gingrich, dreamer.
The permanent base on the moon is more likely than a two-term Newt Gingrich presidency.
News I Don't Want to Write About
Here are all the news items I don't want to write about today!
[Please Note: This is sarcasm. I am actually writing about them! Mostly, I just don't have very much to say about them. Saying I don't want to write about them is just a literary conceit, which I find amusing! You are not obliged to feel the same.]
There is the news about Google's new privacy policy, which will probably be very scary and/or rage-making for some people and probably not scary and/or rage-making for others, owing to various individual thingies like privilege, personal history, and levels of cynicism regarding privacy in the technological age. I don't like it! For at least four different reasons! But I also feel very resigned about it. Google's probably counting on lots of people feeling that way, which makes me feel guilty. I'm sorry, the part of my brain that is very disappointed in me! I only have so many spoons!
There is the report, right from the Tim Geithner's mouth, that Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner prooooooobably won't be asked back by President Obama, if he is reelected. Tim Geithner says he'll do "something else." That's good. I don't really like Tim Geithner, but I would be sad if Tim Geithner just laid down on the ground and never did anything ever again just because he can't be Treasury Secretary forever.
There is the news that this jerk mayor in Connecticut has apologized "for saying that he would help Latinos in his town by eating tacos" in response "to the arrests of four East Haven police officers by FBI agents Tuesday for their alleged roles in abusing Latino residents and business owners, performing illegal searches, making false arrests and harassing immigrant rights advocates." He's very sorry. "Unfortunately, I let the stress of the situation get the best of me and inflamed what is already a serious and unfortunate situation." True Fact: Stress makes you racist, just like alcohol. No word on what Mayor Jerk T. Jerksworthy actually will do to help Latin@s in East Haven. (Resign, maybe?)
There is the terrible news that the Marine squad leader charged with alleged war crimes in connection with the Haditha massacre in Iraq has been sentenced by a US military judge to "a maximum of 90 days in prison and a reduction in pay and rank. But because of a plea deal with prosecutors, Staff Sgt. Frank G. Wuterich won't serve any time in the brig. The military judge was obligated to abide by the plea arrangement between prosecutors and the defense. In the end, Wuterich's sentence amounts to a reduction in rank—to private—and a pay cut." To paraphrase the othering parlance of my friends on the other side of the aisle, maybe "they" hate us for his freedom.
There is the settlement of $22 million for suffering inhumane treatment awarded to Stephen Slevin, who spent two years in solitary confinement in a New Mexico prison, without trial and denied necessary medical care, after being arrested in August of 2005 for driving while intoxicated. I can't decide whether it's our garbage priorities or our garbage prison system that's more screwed up. Let's call it a tie. Meanwhile, this story was filed under "Odd News."
And finally! There is the spectacular news that The Hangover 3 is close to being a sealed deal, with the impending trilogy's stars getting the big pay increases they definitely deserve. Handshake handshake backslap. Good negotiating all around, I'm sure. Couldn't happen to a nicer franchise. Barf bags for everyone!
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
Crazy For You
An Observation: When one is a person with a psychological disorder, who has disclosed having a psychological disorder, the people who are the most inclined to invoke one's being "crazy" tend to be the least inclined to make accommodations for one's "craziness."
That is, acknowledging my "craziness" is not the prelude to addressing the specific needs my psychological disorder has created, but is instead a way of deflecting accountability for ignoring them.
"Well, you're just CRAZY!"
Uh, yeah.
Conversely, the people in my life who never even make reference to my PTSD manage to effortlessly accommodate it.
(Which basically boils down to: Don't trigger me by doing the things I have communicated are triggering.)
This ultimately means that the only time my "craziness" gets explicitly or obliquely mentioned is when someone is trying to make sure I know there's something wrong with me, in order to convince me—and reassure themselves—there's nothing wrong with them.
Thus, I try to bear in mind that being angrily dismissed as crazy is not personal.
Still. It stinks.
[Note: This has not been posted in solicitation of sympathy, but as an offer of empathy to those who have the same experience, in order that none of us need feel alone.]
Photo of the Day
Lynn Coffin holds boxing hand puppets of Republican presidential candidate and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and Republican presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney during a campaign event at Dolphin Aviation on January 24, 2012 in Sarasota, Florida. [Getty Images]Ha ha sure.
Daily Dose of Cute
We've had quite the thunderstorm here in Ellis County, TX over the past 18 hours. On top of that, we are coming off of the worst heat wave/drought in 30 years or so. There is now a rushing river behind my parents' house, where before there was just a dry gulch. Storms after droughts spell flash-flood warnings, so that means even the kitties who usually stay outside get comfy indoor nesting areas during weather advisories. We don't want any casualties!
This was the scene at our place at 5:20 this morning, as lightning and sheets of rain raged over the floodplain outside:
Dougie, age 4: "You expect me to go squat where now?"
Frobozz, age 12: "I ain't going out there neither, human--I'm fine right here in my stroller. ANY QUESTIONS?"
Wednesday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by fatsronauts.
Recommended Reading:
Elizabeth: Prince Fielder! [Content Note: There is discussion of weight issues and fat hatred at this link.]
Norman: Cynthia Nixon on Being Gay: "For Me, It's a Choice."
Angus: Undercover UK Police Fathered Children with Activists on Which They Were Spying
Renee: The Animal Rights Group Which Shall Not Be Named Hopes to Turn O.J Simpson's Home into a Meat is Murder Museum [Content Note: There is discussion of violence at this link.]
Anna: Booknotes: The Lives of Transgender People
Echidne: Meanwhile, in the New Egyptian Parliament [Content Note: There is discussion of institutional misogyny at this link.]
Brian: I am the 95% of dieters who regain the weight.
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
Primarily Terrible
People wait to listen to Republican presidential candidate and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich speak during a campaign event at Dolphin Aviation on January 24, 2012 in Sarasota, Florida. [Getty Images]What, no Jesus? Obviously these people aren't Real Americans.
The Big News today is, of course, that President Barack Obama has started campaigning in earnest. But there's still some dribbly tidbits from the race to find out who will be losing to him later this year...
Frontrunner Newt Gingrich is now leading nationally, which means it's time to amplify the fuckitude! (True Fact: That is also what I shout when my Journey cover band, Tim Geitner Is Stoked, takes the stage.) Expect lots and lots of racism, everywhere he goes, along the lines of this uncovered gem during his time as Speaker: "For poor minorities, entrepreneurship in small business is the key to future wealth. This is understood thoroughly by most of the Asians, partially by Latinos, and to a tragically small degree by much of the American black community."
Newt Gingrich draws such pretty pictures of people who are different from him. I love his monolithographs.
Rick Perry is still definitely out of the race. *sadface*
Mitt Romney is, perhaps you've heard, very rich. Tax returns, tithing to the Mormon Church, multiple homes. I don't know how a Republican primary got to be about how one rich asshole among a field of rich assholes is SUCH A RICH ASSHOLE, but there you go. I guess that's what happens when it's considered inappropriate to say, "Ew—he's a MORMON!" as if Mormonism is SO GRODY, even though it's no weirder than any other religion but is somehow considered by most other religious people to be unacceptably weird.
In related Romney news, the detestable Jay Leno is being sued after making a Mitt Romney joke, because he took (yet another) swipe at Sikhs in the process, reminding us once again that he is being paid millions of dollars a year to be a gross schoolyard bully.
Something something Ron Paul. Hey, know what Ron Paul and Barack Obama have in common? Neither of them gives a flying flunderton about limits on reproductive rights when they say words like "freedom."
I'm sure there is some very scintillating news about Rick Santorum in the world. I bet he's out there ruining sock garters and bowler hats for everyone, just like he's giving sweater vests a bad name. TEAM SWEATER VEST!
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
So the President Gave a Speech Last Night...
And I really hoped you watched it, because, if you didn't, you sure missed some exciting stuff! Like Speaker of the House John Boehner projectile vomiting chunks of half-digested star-spangled bald eagle at the OUTRAGEOUS suggestion that "shared responsibility" is an American Value. It was quite an alarming night.
Ha ha just kidding. It was a very routine evening of our Democratic president sounding more encouragingly populist than he'll ever actually be, Republicans being stony-faced monuments of contempt at the mere mention of raising taxes or federal spending to generate jobs for the working classes, and heaps of despair slowly engulfing every vaguely progressive viewer at the thought that even the President's discouragingly milquetoast proposals will be obstructed by the Republicans.
Yay for America!
The text of the President's address is here, and the text of my garbage governor's rebuttal address is here. Below are my Executive Summaries.
President Barack Obama: I killed Osama bin Laden! The American Dream is so dead, but I'm going to spend a long time now pretending with a straight face that I can revive it, if only the Republicans will behave like grown-ups and cooperate, because the one dream that ISN'T dead is my pipe-dream about radically changing the way our profoundly broken government works by scolding Congressional Republicans as if they have any shame, integrity, or decency. Taxes. Outsourcing. We'll stop outsourcing with MORE CORPORATE TAX CUTS! We'll fix unemployment with MORE EDUCATION, because the problem is definitely a lack of education and not that jobs which paid livable wages have been decimated by outsourcing, deregulation, the erosion of workers' rights to enable exploitation of skeleton staffs, and Wal-Mart running out of towns all over the nation any employer in manufacturing, production, distribution, or retail that prioritized community sustainability over ginormous profits. Teachers, amirite? Boots on the border! Clean energy. Let's do some nation-building at home. No more irresponsible homeowners! Oh, and irresponsible lenders, but DEFINITELY irresponsible homeowners. Freedom. I killed Osama bin Laden! Jesus.
Executive Notes: Barack Obama is definitely running for president! He also definitely does not think that a record number of restrictions on reproductive rights affecting more than half the nation's population is worthy of mention in a STATE OF THE UNION address. Does President Obama know that women are part of the union? I'm pretty sure he does, because I distinctly remember him noting that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is "a woman who ran against me for President." (GOOD DESCRIPTION!) See also: End Summary.
Governor Mitch Daniels: Welp, at least President Obama hasn't abandoned his wife and kids! I'm racist! President Obama is divisive! I am such a liar! "The plain truth" is something I would not recognize if knocked on my door begging to be privatized. Everything President Obama does is stupid, and I am obviously a genius because JUST LOOK AT INDIANA. President Obama stinks the end. Jesus.
Executive Notes: Mitch Daniels is a jerk.
I think Herman Cain also gave a rebuttal? On behalf of the Tea Party? Ha ha they are not a real party. And unlike CNN et. al., I'm not going to pretend like they are.
In Summation: It is very obvious, and disappointing, that the President still has not learned that Republicans cannot be reasoned with and convinced to do what is right for the country; he still believes they care about the quality of life of this nation's people (men) and just have good faith differences of opinion about how to achieve that goal. This is not the case. They exist only in service to profit-making corporations, and the nation's people (men) only matter insofar as they can be exploited to do the work from which their employers can reap profit.
A memo from the last election was revealed this week, in which Obama's senior adviser David Axelrod wrote of then-opponent Hillary Clinton: "She embodies trench warfare vs Republicans, and is consumed with beating them rather than unifying the country and building consensus to get things done. She prides herself on working the system, not changing it."
That was, of course, meant as A Terrible Thing, rather than evidence of her understanding a reality about the US government that its current president still has yet to embrace three years into his first term.
I don't know if Hillary Clinton would have been a better president than Barack Obama is, but, in some alternate universe where she is, it's probably because she is "consumed with beating them" instead of being consumed with a consensus that will never, ever, be built.
I can't be funny about this: If President Barack Obama is reelected, he has to give up the ghost of bipartisan dreams. He must instead consume himself with beating them, because this country, the people of this country, need him desperately to stop negotiating and start winning.
State of the Union Open Thread
![US President Barack Obama speaks during a campaign event at the Apollo Theatre in New York on January 19, 2012. [Getty Images]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/shakespeares_sister/shakes3/610x-46.jpg)
The President's State of the Union address will begin shortly, so here's an Open Thread for all your SOTU-discussin' needs. I'll probably be live-tweeting it, by which I mean my usual commentary of snark peppered with the occasional serious policy analysis disguised as more snark.
You can watch it online here.
By way of reminder, if and when you watch my garbage governor, Mitch Daniels, deliver the GOP's rebuttal, which I don't advise, please bear in mind that he is an asshole.
[Photo via.]
