Shakesville

Primarily Gross

Here's the latest from Dissemblin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, aka the garbage nightmare known as the Republican Primary.

Enthusiasm void, ATM, and current frontrunner Mitt Romney has opened a 21 point lead in South Carolina, site of the next primary. "Well, whatever, it's a little late to find someone who doesn't make us throw up in our mouths now," said a majority of Republican primary voters, followed by a great heaving sigh of disappointment.

fake political ad for Mitt Romney with tagline 'Whooooooooops I am your candidate now!'

Well, there's always joke candidate (but not in the same way that all the other candidates are joke candidates) Stephen Colbert!

Evangelicals are, of course, all about Rick Santorum, who was voted the Official Candidate of an Arbitrary Assortment of Social Conservatives this weekend: "The decision was made today after three rounds of balloting at a meeting of more than 150 social conservative leaders and political activists held over the last two days in Brenham, Texas. Though the meeting was widely seen as an effort to settle on a candidate to stop Mitt Romney, [Family Research Council President Tony Perkins] said it was 'not a bash Romney weekend' and 'not a lot of time' was spent discussing him. Jon Huntsman's campaign was the only campaign not to participate in the meeting."

Ha ha way to go, Jon Huntsman! Speaking of Jon Huntsman and how he has no chance of winning, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh wait! There is BIG JON HUNTSMAN NEWS! He has dropped out! And he's now expected to endorse Romney, who just last week he was calling "completely unelectable." Perfect. Thank you for reminding us that you are, in fact, a politician, sir. Good luck in the future. Don't ever change. Stay sweet. LYLAS. My z key will totally miss you.

This is my favorite headline of the day about Newt Gingrich: Gingrich faces tough questions at SC campaign event with black church. Like, one imagines, "What are you doing here?" and "Who the fuck do you think you are?" and "Are you aware, sir, that you are a huuuuuuuge racist?" The one thing you can definitely say about Newt Gingrich, though, is that he is a uniter and not a divider, because white people hate him, too.

Something something Ron Paul. Something something liberty schmiberty.

image of Ron Paul saying, 'FREEDOM for everyone! Not so fast, ladies.'

image of Ron Paul saying, 'FREEDOM for everyone! Not so fast, ladies.'

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet! In fact, great news for all you Perry fans out there: "Perry vows to fight on, regardless of result in South Carolina primary." Of course he does. Because he's a genius.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Dr. King's Dream

I Have a Dream

[Voices singing "We Shall Overcome."]

Intro: At this time, I have the honor to present to you the moral leader of our nation. I have the pleasure to present to you Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

[Applause.]

Dr. King: I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Blog Note

Please note that today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the United States, which is a federal holiday, so posting will be lighter than usual. We'll be back to our regular schedule tomorrow.

Open Thread

Hosted by The Housemartins.

Sunday Shuffle

Duran Duran, Ordinary World

You?

Quote of the Day

"What I loved most about Elizabeth was her bawdy humor. She was down to earth. And her capacity for friendship was extraordinary. It was a comfort that I could call her to talk about whatever. And I could always go over and get a hell of a meal. Oh, to watch her eat! This woman loved soul food. And she'd top off any meal with a sundae. She'd pile stuff on a sundae that I didn't even know existed!"—Shirley MacLaine, Elizabeth Taylor's longtime friend, quoted in People in their end-of-year memoriam to Taylor.

What a wonderful way to be remembered.

Open Thread

image of Valerie Bertinelli and Mackenzie Phillips as Barbara and Julie Cooper from the sitcom One Day at a Time

Hosted by Barbara and Julie Cooper.

This week's threads have been brought to you by sitcom pairs from my childhood.

Open Thread

image of Norman Fell and Audra Lindley as Stanley and Helen Roper from the sitcom The Ropers, a spin-off of Three's Company

Hosted by Stanley and Helen Roper.

The Virtual Pub Is Open

image of a pub photoshopped to be named 'The Fat Fucking Pub'

[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

And don't forget to tip your bartender!

My Manifatso

It's like a manifesto, but filled with fat.

[Content Note: This post contains discussion of fat hatred and disablism.]

I've spent the past two hours (give or take) tweeting my fingers off about fat hatred and the fact that, no, Paula Deen allegedly having diabetes is not, in fact, "justice" for her particular culinary oeuvre, which centers food associated with fatness.

(Yes, it's true that rich foods make some people fat and/or unhealthy; it is also true, however, that rich foods do not make other people fat and/or unhealthy; it is further true that foods not associated with fatness make some people fat and/or unhealthy. You may detect a patten here! A pattern that suggests people are not Bunsen burners!)

Anyway! Because I'm a motherfucking progressive optimist and shit, I wanted to end on an upbeat note, so now I'm busily tweeting my manifatso. And here it is:

I want to be in the world, and I will participate, and I will take up the space that I need without apology. Also: I may occasionally eat butter. But mostly: I will be publicly, shamelessly, unshakably fat and happy. Happy-Go-Lucky, in fact! I am a fat woman, and I will matter—to me and to you.

[For those who can't follow along on Twitter, my series of tweets is below.]

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

There is a lot of news about Mitt Romney today. Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to read about it any more than I want to write about it.

Here is my Executive Summary: Mitt Romney is a garbage candidate with a garbage ideology and he should never be president, under any circumstances, but especially not when the middle class is teetering on the brink of extinction and we need a robustly funded social safety net more than ever.

The End.

Daily Dose of Cute

All five fuzzy residents of Shakes Manor, in descending age order:

image of Matilda the Cat in close-up

image of Matilda the Cat in close-up

Matilda, age 9.

image of Olivia the Cat on the stairs

image of Olivia the Cat on the stairs

Olivia, age 7.

image of Sophie the Cat on the stairs

image of Sophie the Cat on the stairs

Sophie, age 3.

image of Dudley the Greyhound on the stairs

image of Dudley the Greyhound on the stairs

Dudley, age 3.

image of Zelda the Mutt wearing a neckerchief

image of Zelda the Mutt wearing a neckerchief

Zelda, age 2.

Just When I Thought I Was Out...

The next time you feel the urge to make a joke about the religion with which Tom Cruise affiliates, or see someone else make one, consider this story in today's Village Voice. It's hard to extricate oneself from that organization even when one isn't its most famous public face on whom the tyrannical chief has some kind of obsessive crush and thus pays people to spy on you to gather information that can be used to extort your continued alliance.

I'm not saying I know that Tom Cruise wants to get out. I'm just saying it probably wouldn't be all that easy if he did.

Project Runway All-Stars: Open Thread

four picture montage of Austin Scarlett done in the style of a teen magazine heartthrob layout

(Spoilers are making it work herein.)

Friday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by crocheted hats.

Recommended Reading:

On the Issues' Winter 2012 issue is all about abortion, a topic which I do believe is of some interest to Shakers (she said with wry understatement).

Alan: Haiti, Two Years After the Quake, in Pictures

Jessie: Microsoft's "Avoid Ghetto" App: Racism Built into Technology [Content Note: This link contains discussion of racism and references to violent crime and rape culture.]

Garland: Anointed in Jizz: The Facial as an Act of Radical Acceptance [Content Note: This link is a response to a piece by Hugo Schwyzer that invites women who have sex with men to prioritize male sex partners' feelings about sex acts over their own.]

Veronica: ¡Acábalo Ya! Working Together to End Cervical Cancer

Peter: Consonance and Dissonance in Political Attacks: Why Bain Isn't Hurting Romney

Cara: Teacher Who Was Reinstated After Sexual Abuse Allegations Admits to 20 Additional Victims [Content Note: This link contains discussions of sexual violence and rape apologia.]

Ragen: This Is the Size I Come In [Content Note: This link contains discussion of fat hatred.]

April: Promoting Black Feminism in Pop Culture

Angus: Turner Diaries vs Ron Paul—The Answers Revealed! [Content Note: This link contains discussion of racism.]

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Nelly Furtado: "I'm Like A Bird"

Whoooooooooops

Oh, Rick Perry. You are so tragic.

I would probably feel sorry for you if I didn't know you to be a terrible person and a garbage governor who believes bootstraps and prayer to be more important than good governance.

Definitely still in the race. Hasn't dropped out yet.

I Mean, Some Things in This World Are Just Perfect

Please enjoy this picture of Steve Carell as "Burt Wonderstone," an old-school Las Vegas magician who has an existential crisis when he breaks up with "his longtime stage partner [and has to fight] for relevance when a new, 'hip' street magician appears on the scene."

image of Steve Carell dressed as an old-school Las Vegas magician, complete with bedazzled burgundy jumpsuit, gold chains, and flowing blond hair

[Click to embiggen.]
The movie, coming out next year, will probably be horrible, but the moment I laid eyes on that picture will remain in my heart forever.

Primarily Awful

Republican presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney shares a laugh as he greets supporters during a campaign rally in West Palm Beach, Florida, January 12, 2012. [Reuters Pictures]

"HA HA HA you're fired! HA HA HA you're ALLLLLLL fired!"
Frontrunner (again) Mitt Romney continues to endear himself to the 99% by saying things like: "You know, I think [the nation's growing focus on income inequality is] about envy. I think it's about class warfare." Ha ha sure it is. Definitely what people who are struggling to feed their children are thinking is, "I'm so JEALOUS of Mitt Romney that he is able to feed his children."

I wonder what the weather is like on Planet Willard. I bet every day feels like a summer's eve.

In a stroke of good fortune (pun intended), his opponents' attacks on Romney's tenure as a corporate raider at Bain Capital have backfired on them and united conservatives behind Romney. It's probably not so much that they give a fuck about Romney, although there are certainly signs his inevitability is beginning to sink in, but that they are pissed off about their own unfettered avarice being demonized. Superwealthy GOP donors aren't going to keep pouring their cash into campaigns where they're made into villains, and, if he's got nothing else going for him, Romney can be counted on to never criticize either corporate or personal greed.

In totally related news, Jeb Bush is reportedly going to endorse Romney before the Florida primary.

Before we move on to the obligatory news about the no-hope wannabes, here is my favorite Willard-related headline of the day: C-SPAN Getting Hammered with Prank Calls about Mitt Romney's Penis. Perfect.

Jon Huntsman remains a great candidate: "Jon Huntsman said Wednesday that expectations for his performance in the Jan. 21 primary [in South Carolina] are 'very low.' ... In a state where he's far behind in the polls and in a ground operation, Huntsman suggested that staying in the conversation—rather than winning—is the goal. 'It's just like the stock market, and as we get closer to Election Day, you all are going to say Huntsman has got to clear a certain hurdle to stay relevant, to stay alive,' he said." Nope! We are all saying now that Huntsman has no chance, Huntsman is wasting his time, and Huntsman should go home and go to bed. And as we get closer to Election Day, we are all going to be saying the same thing, only louder and with more snickering.

Something something Ron Paul. Something something fauxgressive misogynists.

Rick Santorum : Sweater Vests :: Major League Baseball Player : Unwashed Socks.

It's called magic. Look it up.

Newt Gingrich, having abandoned his strategy of sounding like someone who cares about the 99%, is now launching a more traditionally conservative attack on Mitt Romney: Noting that he speaks French. Good one, Gingrich. You might not win the primary, but your crass, brazen, cynical fuckery will always remain second to none.

Rick Perry is definitely still in the race! He has not dropped out yet!

And there's a late entry into the Republican field: Stephen Colbert announced on his show last night "that he is exploring a presidential run in South Carolina, and made it legal by handing control of his super PAC to Jon Stewart in the opening segment."

Sure, why not? This whole primary is a joke. It might as well contain an actual comedian.

I'm sure the Founders are so proud. "We're flipping our literal wigs!"—The Founders. Well, that's what you get for being racist, misogynist crumblebums!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Open Thread

image of Jay Johnson as Chuck Campbell with his ventriloquist's dummy Bob from the sitcom Soap

Hosted by Chuck Campbell and Bob.