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Question of the Day
What's the last time you were misunderstood, or misunderstood someone else, in a funny way?
Some friends were visiting this weekend, and I thanked them for being "so game" about going to the dog park with us, even though the weather wasn't totally awesome. They, and Iain, thought I had thanked them for being "so gay," which caused much laughter. I then thanked Iain for being straight, just to be fair.
Ever since, I have been singing "Thank you for being so gay" to the tune of the Golden Girls theme.
Thank you for being so gayyyyyyy! / lol your gay and hey your gay! / Your heart is gay / You age well like fine Cabernet!
For the record, you are also as tasty as a cheese soufflé.
*jumps into Christmas tree*
His Resume Was Looking a Little Thin
James Franco is OBVIOUSLY directing dance theater, no doy. What—did you think James Franco wasn't going to direct dance theater or something? You're so weird.
Just when you thought James Franco had taken a break from all those projects, the everywhere actor picks up another gig. This time, he's making his debut as a dance theater director for the upcoming multimedia show "Collage," reports Gothamist.Especially because, in addition to directing "Collage," Franco "will appear live at each performance to narrate the production." Obviously. Because James Franco.
"'Collage' is a mixed-media piece that uses sound and visuals to play with the idea of how different art mediums interact," producer John Morrow says of the show, which runs at the Stella Adler studios in NYC from May 8 -15. "Using video, dance, poetry, theater and music, we have created a performance that will be an engaging experience for the audience."
(Btw, I love that CNN linked this from their front page with: "Yup, he's still busier than you," and I knew exactly to whom that was referring, lol.)
Quote of the Day
"I spent my first five minutes crying and then I couldn't get it off fast enough."—Gary Weddle, the Washington teacher who vowed nearly 10 years ago not to shave until Osama bin Laden was captured, killed, or proven dead. Weddle told his students at the start of every new school year that his long beard was a reminder of the attack and the fact that its perpetrator was still at large, despite the invocation of 9/11 to justify two wars and encroachments on civil liberties in the name of the War on Terror.
Last night, Weddle shaved off his beard.
[H/T to @NickBaumann.]
Photo of the Day
President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, along with members of the national security team, receive an update on the mission against Osama bin Laden in the Situation Room of the White House, May 1, 2011. Please note: A classified document seen in this photograph has been obscured. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)[Via @SusieMadrak.]
Obama at the White House Correspondents' Dinner
The White House Correspondents' Dinner, aka the annual Beltway Elite Circle Jerk, is a yearly ritual which allows the people tasked with running the country to let their hair down and, usually, act like total jackasses. Aside from Stephen Colbert's masterpiece performance in '06, the Correspondents' Dinner is usually a grim affair at which the current president gives a cringe-inducing comedy performance followed by some random comedian giving a cringe-inducing comedy performance.
Anyway, the Correspondents' Dinner was Saturday night, and President Obama's routine was, by the admittedly subterranean standards of the typical presidential performance, pretty darn hilarious. I always get a case of the grimaces whenever I watch any president making light of presidenting, and some of the jokes were real groaners for totally the wrong reasons, but there were parts of this during which I really kind of loved the guy.
The full transcript is below the fold, on most browsers.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.
[A video plays: The soundtrack is Rick Derringer's "Real American." An American flag blows in the breeze. In a burst of flame accompanied by the sound of shattering glass, Obama's long-form birth certificate explodes through the flag and vibrates to the beat. Image of an American eagle. Image of Mt. Rushmore. Image of cowboys at sunset. Image of a diving submarine. Image of Uncle Sam. The birth certificate reappears and throbs to the beat. Image of hair rockers. Image of Optimus Prime. Image of Hulk Hogan. The birth certificate reappears and throbs to the beat. Image of Rocky at the top of the stairs. Image of the Karate Kid doing the crane kick. Image of the White Sox winning the Series. Image of Jordan slam-dunking. The birth certificate reappears and throbs to the beat. Yes, this is as totes fucking hilarious as it sounds. Cut to Obama, grinning and laughing.]
President Obama: All right, everybody, please have a seat. [Cheers and applause.] My fellow Americans. [Laughter and cheers and applause.] Mahalo! [Laughter.] It is wonderful to be here at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. What a week. [Laughter.] As some of you heard, the state of Hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. [Cheers and applause.] Hopefully this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case there are any lingering questions, tonight I'm prepared to go a step further. [Laughter.] Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video. [Huge laughter.] Now, I warn you [laughter], no one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me. But, uh, let's take a look.
[The "birth video" plays. It's the clip from the animated Disney film The Lion King, in which the baby lion is born and his birth celebrated by all the animals. "Circle of Life" plays. Laughter and applause.]
Obama: Oh, well. Back to square one. [Laughter.] I want to make clear to the Fox News table: That was a joke. [Huge laughter.] That was not my real birth video. [Laughter.] That was a children's cartoon. [Laughter.] Call Disney if you don't believe me. [Laughter.] They have the original long-form version. [Laughter.]
Anyway, it's good to be back with so many esteemed guests—celebrities, senators, journalists, essential government employees [laughter], non-essential government employees [laughter]. You know who you are. [Laughter.]
I am very much looking forward to hearing Seth Meyers tonight. [Tepid applause.] He's a young, fresh face who can do no wrong in the eyes of his fans. Seth, enjoy it while it lasts. [Laughter.]
Yes, I think it is fair to say that, when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. [Laughter.] For example, some people now suggest that I'm too professorial. And I'd like to address that head-on—by assigning all of you some reading [laughter] that will help you draw your own conclusions. [Laughter.] Others say that I'm arrogant. But I've found a really great self-help tool for this: My poll numbers. [Laughter.] I've even let down my key core constituency: Movie stars. Just the other day, Matt Damon — I love Matt Damon, love the guy! — Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw The Adjustment Bureau, so — [laughter] — right back atcha, buddy! [Laughter and applause.]
Of course, there's someone who I can always count on for support—my wonderful wife Michelle. [Applause.] We made a terrific team at the Easter Egg Roll this week. I'd give out bags of candy to the kids, and she'd snatch them right back out of their little hands. [Laughter; Obama laughs.] Snatched 'em! [Laughter.]
And where is the National Public Radio table? [They cheer.] You guys are still here?! [Laughter.] That's good. I couldn't remember where we landed on that. [Laughter.] Now, I know you were a little tense when the GOP tried to cut your funding, but personally I was looking forward to new programming like "No Things Considered" [laughter] or "Wait, Wait…Don't Fund Me." [Laughter.]
Of course, the deficit is a serious issue. That's why Paul Ryan couldn't be here tonight. His budget has no room for laughter. [Laughter.]
Michele Bachmann is here, though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for President—which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada. [Laughter.] Yes, Michele, this is how it starts. [Huge laughter.] Just letting you know. [Laughter and applause.]
Tim Pawlenty? He seems all-American. But have you heard his real middle name? Tim "Hosni" Pawlenty? [Laughter.] What a shame. [Laughter.]
My buddy, our outstanding ambassador, Jon Huntsman, is with us. Now, there's something you might not know about Jon. He didn't learn to speak Chinese to go there. Oh no. [Laughter.] He learned English to come here. [Laughter and applause.]
And then there's a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney. I heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of Massachusetts. [Laughter.] Someone should get to the bottom of that.
And I know just the guy to do it—Donald Trump is here tonight! [Laughter and applause.] Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. [Laughter.] And that's because he can finally get back [chuckles] to focusing on the issues that matter—like, did we fake the moon landing? [Laughter.] What really happened in Roswell? [Laughter.] And where are Biggie and Tupac?! [Huge laughter and applause.]
But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience, um. [Laughter.] For example—no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice [laughter], at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team cooking did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around, but you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership, and so, ultimately, you didn't blame Li'l Jon or Meatloaf. [Laughter.] You fired Gary Busey. [Laughter.] And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. [Laughter and applause.] Well handled, sir! Well handled!
Say what you will about Mr. Trump, he certainly would bring some change to the White House. Let's see what we've got up there. [Points to the screen, which shows an image of a blinged-out "Trump White House Resort and Casino." (Someone's been reading Shakesville!) Laughter.]
So, yes, this has been quite a year in politics, but also in the movies. Many people, for instance, were inspired by The King's Speech. It's a wonderful film. [Applause.] Well, some of you may not know this, but there's now a sequel in the works that touches close to home. And because this is a Hollywood crowd, tonight I can offer a sneak peek. So can we show the trailer, please?
[The mock trailer begins to play.]
Voiceover: The following preview was begrudgingly approved for all audiences by the President of the United States. The film advertised has been rated U—unwatchable.
Text onscreen, in Soviet-era black block lettering on a red background: STATE-RUИ MEDIA PRODUCTIONS.
Voiceover: [over various political imagery] The year is two thousand eleven, and opposition rises. And a president must face his greatest challenge. [footage of Chris Matthews saying the president faces the elimination of funding for his Tel-E-Prompter; a fake headline reading "Commander in Speechless"; a Tel-E-Prompter reading: Hello? :( — Again, this is as hilarious as it sounds.] From the people who brought you universal healthcare, and the huge backlash to universal healthcare, comes the incredible true story. [montage of Obama flubbing lines] In his darkest hour, the president turned to a man who never let prepared remarks stand in his way. [Montage of Vice President Joe Biden saying stupid, classic-Biden shit.] Who broke all the rules. [More flubbery.] And spoke from the heart. [And more.] It's the story of friendship and the power of the human spirit. But mostly [record scratching] it's this for two hours. [Biden saying something inappropriate and awkward.] This fiscal year ["Solsbury Hill" begins to play—genius! LULZ!] join two-time Grammy Award-winner Barack Obama, renowned fruit-and-vegetable enthusiast Michelle Obama, and Amtrak's Passenger of the Year three decades running Joe Biden, as a president loses his Tel-E-Prompter, but wins the future. The President's Speech. [shot of Biden sleeping]
Obama: Coming to a theater near you. [Applause.]
Let me close on a serious note. We are having a good time, but as has been true for the last several years, we have incredible young men and women who are serving in uniform overseas in the most extraordinary of circumstances. [Applause.] And we are reminded of their courage and their valor. [Applause.]
We also need to remember our neighbors in Alabama and across the South that have been devastated by terrible storms from last week. [Applause.] Michelle and I were down there yesterday, and we've spent a lot of time with some of the folks who have been affected. The devastation is unimaginable and is heartbreaking and it's going to be a long road back. And so we need to keep those Americans in our thoughts and in our prayers. But we also need to stand with them in the hard months and perhaps years to come.
I intend to make sure that the federal government does that. And I've got faith that the journalists in this room will do their part for the people who have been affected by this disaster—by reporting on their progress, and letting the rest of America know when they will need more help. Those are stories that need telling. And that's what all of you do best, whether it's rushing to the site of a devastating storm in Alabama, or braving danger to cover a revolution in the Middle East.
You know, in the last months, we've seen journalists threatened, arrested, beaten, attacked, and in some cases even killed simply for doing their best to bring us the story, to give people a voice, and to hold leaders accountable. And through it all, we've seen daring men and women risk their lives for the simple idea that no one should be silenced and everyone deserves to know the truth.
That's what you do. At your best that's what journalism is. That's the principle that you uphold. It is always important, but it's especially important in times of challenge, like the moment that America and the world is facing now.
So I thank you for your service and the contributions that you make. And I want to close by recognizing not only your service, but also to remember those that have been lost as a consequence of the extraordinary reporting that they've done over recent weeks. They help, too, to defend our freedoms and allow democracy to flourish.
God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America. [Applause.]
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Deeky Brand Tires.
Recommended Reading:
Osama bin Laden-related:
noir180: Dancing in the Streets
LeMew: An Effective Repudiation of the Bush Approach
Andy: Video of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's Statement
Not Osama bin Laden-related:
Leah Jane: How Disableism Factors Into Today's Election in Canada
rserven: [TW for transphobia; Christian supremacy] Professor fired for "Offending Baptist Beliefs"
Stephanie: [TW for rape culture] 25 Facts About Rape in the US
Leave your links in comments...
A friendly reminder to my fellow Canadians
Get your arse out there and vote. (Or don't, if that is your wont.)
If, like me, your mobility is impaired (curse you, cool and damp, you foil me again!), call the party you want to vote for's local HQ, and I'll bet you they'll provide a ride. That's how I'm going.
I'm excited because, although polls indicate we've got a pretty solid Conservative minority coming again, THE (leftist) N.D.FREAKIN'.P. is poised to be the official Loyal Opposition, with the Liberals coming third, and the Bloc fourth. Greens, as usual, are likely to be nearly shut out by the first-past-the-post system.
See Superior Olive's earlier guest post for more details on the election. As for me, I'm off to vote!
Details and Curiosities of bin Laden's Capture
The reaction/general discussion thread re: the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden is here, and I wanted to open a separate thread for discussion about the details of the capture.
Reuters reports that a US national security official confirms the mission of the US special forces team was to kill bin Laden: The team "was under orders to kill the al Qaeda mastermind, not capture him, a U.S. national security official told Reuters. 'This was a kill operation,' the official said, making clear there was no desire to try to capture bin Laden alive in Pakistan."
The New York Times reports that bin Laden was located after detainees at Guantánamo gave the pseudonym of one of bin Laden's trusted couriers to US interrogators, and the courier was subsequently "located in a compound 35 miles north of the Pakistani capital."
C.I.A. analysts spent the next several weeks examining satellite photos and intelligence reports to determine who might be living at the compound. A senior administration official said that by September the C.I.A. had decided that there was a "strong possibility" that Bin Laden himself was hiding there.Details about that compound, and its location, are very interesting:
...Months more of intelligence work would follow before American spies felt highly confident that it was indeed Bin Laden and his family who were hiding there — and before President Obama determined that the intelligence was solid enough to begin planning a mission to go after the Qaeda leader.
Abbottabad is essentially a military cantonment city in Pakistan, in the hills to the north of the capital of Islamabad, in an area where much of the land is controlled or owned by the Pakistan Army and retired army officers. Although the city is technically in what used to be called the Northwest Frontier Province, it lies to the far eastern side of the province and is as close to Pakistani-held Kashmir as it is to the border city of Peshawar. The city is most notable for housing the Pakistan Military Academy, the Pakistan Army's premier training college, equivalent to West Point. Looking at maps and satellite photos on the Web last night, I saw the wide expanse of the Academy not far from where the million-dollar, heavily secured mansion where bin Laden lived was constructed in 2005. The maps I looked at had sections of land nearby marked off as "restricted area," indicating that it was under military control. It stretches credulity to think that a mansion of that scale could have been built and occupied by bin Laden for six years without it coming to the attention of anyone in Pakistan's Army.The Guardian describes the location of the compound so close to the Pakistan military's principal training academy as "a considerable embarrassment for the Pakistan government," but I'm inclined to believe that our "great ally" Pakistan, inside whose borders we've been prosecuting a secret war, knew about bin Laden's compound and the only real question is whether the US government actually knew, too.
The initial circumstantial evidence suggests the opposite is more likely—that bin Laden was effectively being housed under Pakistani state control. Pakistan will deny this, it seems safe to predict, and perhaps no convincing evidence will ever surface to prove the case. ... Outside of the Justice Department, other sections of the United States government will probably underplay any evidence about culpability by the Pakistani state or sections of the state, such as its intelligence service, I.S.I., in sheltering bin Laden.
I'm not saying they did, but I am saying that if they did, it wouldn't be the first time a cockamamie story of expert intelligence-gathering (which coincidentally gives tacit credibility to the "controversial" interrogation techniques used on the indefinitely detained residents of Gitmo) was invented to justify pulling the trigger (literally and figuratively) on a defense operation at a politically convenient time—like, say, the beginning of an election season where an incumbent president desperately wants to wrest control of the national conversation away adversaries questioning the legitimacy of his office-holding.
No doubt that observation will elicit charges of tinfoil hattery, but the truth always looks like a conspiracy in the context of a history of lies, so I'm never going to be embarrassed by expressing skepticism of Official Stories care of the US Government.
Anyway, on a final note, Glenn Greenwald makes a good point here about the narrative of Muslims as "bloodthirsty fanatics" while discussing the consequences of and responses to the killing of bin Laden.
Number of the Day
One billion. The number of people in the world experiencing "food insecurity."
Two billion people in the world spend more than 50% of their income on food. Among them are not the "long-only" commodity market speculators who have made themselves obscenely rich investing in commodities index funds that cause food inflation.
The Canada Election Thread
by Shaker Superior Olive, hunkered in her yellow dog NDP riding, biting her fingernails to the quick hoping our Robot Overlord doesn't get his majority.
Well, hello there Shakers! Thank you for joining us for this bit of Canadiana. As I'm sure some of you are aware (as is everyone in Canada, lol, how could we not be?), major events are taking place here in the Great White North. Yes, that's right, love it or hate it, it's playoff season! We've gone through the first round, and sadly bid adieu to the Montreal Canadiens as they fall to their long-time rivals the Boston Bruins (ptui!). But the Vancouver Canucks are still hanging in there, winning in seven games against their hated rivals the Chicago Blackhawks (love Jonathon Toews, hometown represent!). Next up is Nashville…
Hmmm? Whassat? Oh. Oh, right. Election. Yeah, that's happening too. Happening right now, in fact. OK, we can talk about that.
When last we heard, Canada had called an election. Well, "called" is somewhat misleading: The Conservative minority government was forced to call an election through what is known as a "non-confidence motion." This can happen over a number of different issues, but usually occurs when a budget fails to pass—if the government can't get Parliament to agree on spending, it effectively shuts down. This time, though, a majority of MPs found the government in contempt of Parliament. This is the first time this has happened, though anyone watching Canadian politics for the last few years could have seen it coming.
So, it was with some anticipation and a healthy dose of dread—anticidread, like Jesus Jones Fridays—that I watched the election unfold. Typically, the fight for the most seats is between the Conservatives, led by Stephen "Uncanny Valley"* Harper in this election, and the Liberals, led by Michael "Iggy" Ignatief. They represent the (far-) right and centre, respectivally. A third party, the New Democratic Party (NDP) led by Jack Layton brings in the left-centre-left. There is also the Bloc Québecois, which is a federal seperatist party (…yeah, welcome to Canadian politics) and only runs candidates in Québec, and the Greens, which have never won a seat.
This election started much like any other, with the incumbent Tories in the lead in the polls. With more than two parties, in Canada it's generally said that ~40% will get a majority, and they had numbers in the mid-to-high-thirties. The Liberals were in 2nd, though far back, and the NDP 3rd, with the Bloc in the high thirties in Québec.
But then, a funny thing happened on the way to the election. The NDP surged. And gained ground, on the Liberals, the Bloc and on the Tories. They surged, and kept on surging right into second, just behind the stagnant Tories.
So, what does this mean? It means Imma need a bottle of Tums to watch the results come, is what this means. Will the Tories win yet another minority government, or will they (read: Harper) finally get the majority they've been craving because of vote splitting on the left? Will the NDP form an opposition government for the first time ever, or can they really unseat the Tories and form a government—for the first time ever? Will the NDP and Liberals have enough seats together to outnumber the Tories and form a coalition government without the help of the Bloc? Will the Greens get elected for the first time despite the appalling treatment of Elizabeth May? Will my own riding flip from NDP to Conservative for the first time ever? Tums! I need TUMS, dammit!
*TM Catie Cat.
Whoooooooooops
Screen cap from CNN.com earlier this morning, sent in by Shaker HVLS.
It has since been changed.
Osama bin Laden Reportedly Found and Killed
The AP reports the event, as described by the US government:
Osama bin Laden, the face of global terrorism and architect of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, was killed in a firefight with elite American forces Monday, then quickly buried at sea in a stunning finale to a furtive decade on the run.President Obama said: "Justice has been done." Here is the President's full address:
Long believed to be hiding in caves, bin Laden was tracked down in a costly, custom-built hideout not far from a Pakistani military academy. The stunning news of his death prompted relief and euphoria outside the White House and around the globe, yet also deepening fears of terrorist reprisals against the United States and its allies.
...The military operation took mere minutes, and there were no U.S. casualties.
U.S. Blackhawk helicopters ferried about two dozen troops from Navy SEAL Team Six, a top military counter-terrorism unit, into the compound identified by the CIA as bin Laden's hideout — and back out again in less than 40 minutes. Bin Laden was shot in the head, officials said, after he and his bodyguards resisted the assault.
[The full transcript is here.]
Obama also called former President George W. Bush to let him know bin Laden had been killed. In what's probably the classiest thing he's ever done, Bush released a statement congratulating Obama "and the men and women of our military and intelligence communities who devoted their lives to this mission. They have our everlasting gratitude."
If I were inclined to use every opportunity possible to embarrass Bush as the criminally incompetent dipshit he is, this is the place I would remind everyone how he once said: "I wouldn't necessarily say [bin Laden]'s at the center of any command structure. And, again, I don't know where he is. I—I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him." But I'm clearly above such spitefulness. Ahem.
Anyway, I don't know what else to say about this. It's good, I guess...? I have a hard time feeling awesome about anyone being killed, even if it's someone who I recognize would kill me and everyone I love in a hot second, given half a chance. It's just a weird thing to celebrate.
And, via some combination of my natural inclination to question everything, the US government's history of bullshitting, the relationship between defense successes and presidential ratings, and Osama bin Laden having been treated like a ghostly boogeyman for the last decade, there's some part of me that feels like this whole thing is sort of...unreal.
Discuss.
[Commenting Guidelines: Please do not use comments to audit the reactions of other people, but instead use "I" language to talk about how you feel as an individual. Some people may cheer, and may have reason to cheer. If I lost a dozen people I knew in the attack on the WTC, my reaction might be very different, which leaves me decidedly disinclined to tell anyone else how they should be feeling, or how they should be expressing whatever emotional response they have. Bear in mind that auditing others' emotions creates a space in which others do not feel safe to participate. All the regular commenting guidelines delineated by the commenting policy are still in effect.]
Sunday Shuffle
On this bright and lovely May morning:
Fun Fact: Back when iTunes let you do this (I don't think it does anymore), I cut out/isolated/took the Hardingfele solo (from 2:51 to about 3:15) and thus created my phone's ringtone.
And you?
Open Thread
Hosted by Fireball Mario.
This week's open threads have been brought to you by fucking fire.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
