Shakesville

This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.

[Trigger warning for internet bullying, rape language.]

This Slate piece, by Luke O'Neil, is truly one of the most depressing things I've ever read, for the reason succinctly stated by @nprmonkeysee here: "This piece should be called 'How I Considered Giving Thought To The Effects Of My Actions But Then I Decided Not To'."

Given a personal glimpse at the stark hostility for human dignity that mob bullying on the internet really is, O'Neil ultimately decides, "Eh, sucks to be you." Because it's no fun being the guy who's "butthurt" (hello, rape culture!) and accused of being humorless because you refuse to join in the laughter at someone else's misfortune.

It's hard to be publicly kind, when everyone else is being cruel.

To watch someone come to that realization and respond by throwing his hands up in resignation may be honest, but it's terribly grim.

It is not, as an aside, how everyone reacts in the same set of circumstances; in fact, there are many people who don't need for a childhood friend to be the victim of a har-har internet moment before they conclude that participating in mob bullying isn't a particularly decent thing to do. But people like that don't get columns in Slate, and, even if they did, they'd be regarded as sanctimonious killjoys, not people bravely speaking their own truth, or whatever rubbish was used to justify publishing this treatise on cowardice.

I'm reminded of an exchange I had with Iain some time ago:

Iain was sort of pondering aloud how he feels like his sense of humor used to be sharper, like he used to be wittier. I said, "Maybe you've just realized that some of the stuff you used to find 'witty' is really just cruelty wrapped in a joking tone."

He contemplated that for a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I think you're probably right."

I have suffered the same death of "wit."

RIP lesser me.

Just the other day, I read a quote that really resonated with me, attributed to Abraham Joshua Heschel: "When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."

Me, too. And I'm consistently surprised by the number of intelligent people who find reasons to rationalize not being kind, as if kindness is evidence of simplicity.

Potential Measles Exposure

Back in February, a child returned to the country while contagious with measles:

An infant who later tested positive for the potentially serious disease was at Portland International Airport on Sunday and, although officials say the risk for infection is low, people in certain parts of the airport might have been exposed.

The Clark County child was on Horizon Air flight 2614 in addition to the Horizon Air area of Concourse A, gates 6 to 12 and baggage claim area 2 at about 7:20 to 7:30 p.m.

Health officials say because the measles virus is airborne, there was a risk of exposure for people in these areas between 7:20 and 9:20 p.m.

Doctors say the big concern is for those who haven't already been vaccinated for measles or for babies under 12 months, who are considered too young for the vaccine.

People are considered immune to measles if they:

* Were born before Jan. 1, 1957
* Have had one or measles shots, typically given as a Measles-Mumps-Rubella (MMR)
* Have had measles diagnosed by a health care provider
* Have had a blood test showing they are immune

[...]

Clark County health officials reported the child was at Evergreen Pediatrics in Vancouver and Southwest Washington Medical Center's outpatient laboratory Monday while contagious.

An unvaccinated teenager was exposed to the baby while at the clinic and now has the disease. While contagious:

...[T]he teen went to school, stopped by a 7-Eleven store, attended a youth group and visited a medical clinic.

While the incubation period for the first case has ended, those who were exposed to the teen could still develop symptoms until March 20.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if there were more cases because it’s exquisitely contagious,” said Dr. Alan Melnick, Clark County health officer. “I’m just hoping immunization rates are high enough in the community that we won’t see it.”

[...]

Susceptible people who visited the following locations may have been exposed to the contagious teen:

• Vancouver Christian High School on Feb. 25.

• The 7-Eleven store at 5101 N.E. 112th Ave. in Vancouver between 4 and 8 p.m. Feb. 27.

• City Harvest Church in Vancouver between 5:30 and 10:30 p.m. Feb. 27.

• Southwest Medical Group at Fisher’s Landing between 11:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. March 1.

If you are not immune and may have been exposed, you are asked to call your doctor.

Today in Places I Am Not At

The Rose Garden arena and the convention center (which is hosting a live broadcast of the event in the arena). Starting at 8 am today (which means rush hour severely affected) and ending around 5 pm today (again, rush hour!), there is a seminar. And not just any seminar, it's one to get you motivated. In fact, that's what it's called: Get Motivated. Here's who will be there (today in PDX):

Rudy Giuliani
Gen. Colin Powell
Bill Cosby
Laura Bush
Brian Tracy
Steve Forbes
Howard Putnam
Terry Bradshaw
Rick Belluzzo
Krish Dhanham
Julie Ziglar

And lest you think it's just a bunch of people giving speeches:

Dazzling pyrotechnics, live music and stunning special effects set the stage for our superstar speakers who deliver riveting presentations packed with cutting-edge skills for success.

The site says they aren't there to push any particular religious or political view but (but!) that they will not censor speakers, either. So, well, it pretty much turns out exactly how it seems like it'll turn out when a roadshow of conservative politicos, conservative famous people, and sales people take the stage to "motivate" people (re: sell people a whole bunch of crap). A friend of mine, Bill, went to one here a few years back and, judging from poking around online, his experience is about what you'd still get today:

The Big Names were alternated with Lesser Names throughout the day. When I attended, the first up was in fact a protégé of Zig Ziglar, followed by Ziglar himself, the Dalai Lama of motivational speakers. If you've never seen him, he's a tall, slender, now-aged southern Christian gennulman with an amazing, Ol' Time Gospel voice. You either like Ziglar or hate him, and I think his on-stage presence borders on the reptilian. Your mileage may vary. When Ziglar finally got around to opining--apropos of what was not entirely clear--that this country needs more Christian judges on the bench, there was a smattering of applause from those seated in the auditorium floor, and in the upper decks where I was, the gasps were audible. I wasn't prepared to stand up and jeer--someone had invested $4.90 in my presence there, after all--but silence seemed too much like assent, so I walked out, hanging by the concession stand and making a few calls until Zig was over.

[...]

At this point, we can note some trends already emerging: The show is a merger of big-church Christianity and upwardly-mobile Republicanism--almost reminiscent of the old Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker "PTL Club" show, but far more polished and upscale. Buried in near the bottom of the of that full-page, in 4-point type that only someone with 30-20 vision could find, let alone read, is this message: "SPECIAL BONUS: One of the most popular parts of The GET MOTIVATED Seminar is a special optional 15 minute bonus session on the Biblical Secrets of success."

Well. I don't know about you but I'm definitely motivated. To not go to that.

In Case You've Forgotten...

...in the last five seconds that Glenn Beck is a garbage nightmare whose evident goal is to crush the world under the weight of nonsensical bigotry, here he is talking about the cause of the Japanese earthquake:

BECK: We can't see the connections here. Now look, I'm not saying God is, you know, causing earthquakes. Well—I'm not saying that he—I'm not not saying that either. [laughter]

God—what God does is God's business; I have no idea. But I'll tell you this: Whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus—there's a message being sent. And that is, 'Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? Not really working out real well. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.' [laughs] I'm just sayin'.

And, yesterday I got home and I was thinking about all the messages that I could bring in, all the things that I could tell ya, and oh I've got stuff on Hezbollah. Oh, I have stuff on radical Islam in America that'll make your eyes fall out. Or I could just tell you the answer, and the answer is: Buckle up. Buckle up, 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride. Make sure you keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times. Because, things are gonna get bumpy and, just a few reminders there at the beginning as this rollercoaster takes off, always a good safety tip: Keep your arms and legs in. Don't do anything stupid.

What do you say we follow the big top ten? You can call them Moses' ten commandments, or [laughs] ten rules of Um. What do you say we start doing those things? Because the things we are doing really suck and they're not getting better.

Just to be clear: Glenn Beck does not mean we should stop polluting the world. He means we should stop doing things like valuing diversity and feeding the poor. FYI.

[Commenting Guidelines: Disablist comments musing about Beck's psychological state or outright calling him crazy, nuts, deranged, delusional, unstable, a lunatic, in need of commitment, etc. are both unwelcome and not on-topic. I have a mental disorder, for example. It doesn't make me a lying rightwing dipshit.]

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Merle Haggard: "Bareback"

PAX East: Triggered? Tough.

[Trigger warning for rape culture, rape "humor."]

I am so tired of the Penny Arcade Dickwolves garbage that I can barely convince my fingers to write this post, but I'm getting lots of emails about the bullshit going on at PAX East, so here's a thread for discussion.

This article has a good summary of what's going on: The two primary issues are that the guy who runs the @teamrape Twitter account organized two "Dickwolf flash mobs" at the con, one with 15 participants and one with 18. Whooooooooops your tiny mob.

Despite public organizing, nothing was done to prevent the mobs from happening. And, as Maddy notes in linked article, which brings us to the second issue:

@Teamrape had a little encouragement from on high, of course. On Saturday, Mike Krahulik drew a "[Vaginawolf]" at the Make-A-Strip panel, similar to the way he drew a Dickwolf at the Make-A-Strip panel at PAX Prime last year. Of course, both of these were drawn at the audience's request, so that makes it okay. Right? Uh, right. That totally justifies further fanning the flames.

Yikes. I know there were some survivors who'd been triggered by the original comic but, after long consideration, decided to give Krahulik and Holkins the benefit of the doubt, or decided it was bigger than Krahulik and Holkins, and attend PAX East despite the Dickwolves debacle, and instead of entering a space that reflects the repeated assurances that there had never been an intent to trigger, they entered a space in which one of the artists very publicly draws a "Vaginawolf," referencing the triggering comic, and "Dickwolves flash mobs" organized by a guy self-identifying as "teamrape" are allowed to go off without a hitch. Swell.

It ought to be patently obvious by now to everyone with a capacity for reason and a shred of decency what I mean when I say that these things aren't about survivors being "too sensitive" but about rape-humorists not being sensitive enough.

Said Spudsy via email: "So, the dickwolves rape apologists managed to get together a handful of 'brave' guys to wear a t-shirt in an environment where no one would dare challenge them, and the PA guys continue to prove they are complete asses. Awesome. What a legacy. How proud they must all be." Yeah, that about sums it up.

In related news, despite the alleged prohibition on booth babes, there were booth babes. Shocking. As Scott Madin notes, apparently as long as you can argue "misogyny is really central to our game," you can skirt the rule by disguising booth babes as game characters. Inclusive!

[Previously: Rape Is Hilarious, Survivors Are So Sensitive, Quote of the Day, Troll Math and Teaspoons, T-Shirts and Teaspoons and Mythical Creatures, Taking a Brave Stance Against Survivors of Rape, Offended Is the Worst Thing to Be, and An Observation, My Point, Here It Is, Penny Arcade Open Thread I, Penny Arcade Open Thread II.]

Open Thread & News Round-Up: Japan Disaster

There's so much going on in Japan right now, in the aftermath of the earthquake and tsunami last week. Right now, there's an awful lot of focus on the nuclear plants and avoiding meltdown, but there are still so many individual need. Please feel welcome and encouraged to leave links to aid organizations in comments. I will, as always, recommend donations to Doctors Without Borders, who are in Japan and assessing needs for vulnerable populations in particular.

A man comforts a woman as she cries in front of her damaged home in the town of Watari in Miyagi prefecture on March 14, 2011 three days after a massive 8.9 magnitude earthquake and tsunami devastated the coast of eastern Japan. [Getty Images]

New York Times—Death Toll Estimate in Japan Soars as Relief Efforts Intensify:

Japan reeled from a rapidly unfolding disaster of epic scale on Sunday, pummeled by the death toll, destruction and homelessness caused by the earthquake and tsunami and new hazards from damaged nuclear reactors that were leaking radiation. The prime minister called it Japan's worst crisis since World War II.

Japan's $5 trillion economy, the third largest in the world, was threatened with severe disruptions and partial paralysis as many industries shut down and the armed forces and volunteers mobilized for the far more urgent effort of finding survivors, evacuating residents near the stricken power plants and caring for the victims of the 8.9 magnitude quake that struck on Friday.

The disaster has left more than 10,000 people dead, many thousands homeless and millions without water, power, heat or transportation.

...The death toll was certain to climb as searchers began to reach coastal villages that essentially vanished under the first muddy surge of the tsunami, which struck the nation's northern Pacific coast near the port city of Sendai. In one town alone, the port of Minamisanriku, a senior police official said the number of dead would "certainly be more than 10,000." That is more than half the town's population of 17,000.

Prime Minister Naoto Kan told a news conference in Tokyo late Sunday: "I think that the earthquake, tsunami and the situation at our nuclear reactors makes up the worst crisis in the 65 years since the war. If the nation works together, we will overcome."

Guardian—Japan earthquake: Aid flows in from across the world: "Ninety-one countries and nine international organisations have so far offered to assist with relief efforts from last Friday's earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the government confirmed on Monday. ... Among those offering support are countries that are still recovering from the consequences of their natural disasters, such as Pakistan and Bolivia." Blub.

LA Times—Japan's nuclear crisis widens: "As a second blast shakes nuclear plant, officials say the death toll from the earthquake and tsunami could reach tens of thousands. Power is rationed and rescue teams pour in."

See also:

Washington Post: Japanese plant races to contain meltdowns after two blasts; third reactor loses cooling capacity.

BBC: Fresh explosion at Fukushima nuclear plant.

New York Times: Radioactive Releases in Japan Could Last Months, Experts Say as well as Military Crew Said to Be Exposed to Radiation, but Officials Call Risk in U.S. Slight.

Open Thread

Hosted by Ramón Novarro.

Open Thread

Hosted by a rar scary monstah cupcake.

This week's open threads have been brought to you by awesome cupcakes.

Open Thread

Hosted by puppy cupcakes.

The Virtual Pub Is Open

[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

Bonus Cute

Because you've met Today, right?

Olivia sits on my lap, looking contented while getting her head scratched

Olivia sits on my lap, looking contented while getting her head scratched

Sigh.

Quote of the Day

[Trigger warning for disablism; eliminationism.]

"I wish we had a Siberia so we could ship them all off to freeze to death and die and clean up the population."—New Hampshire State Senator Martin Harty, who is of course a member of the Republican Party, on how government could best serve, in his words, "the mentally ill, the retarded, people with physical disabilities and drug addictions—the defective people society would be better off without."

Honestly, Shakers. I just don't even know what to say anymore.

[Thank you to everyone who passed this item along.]

Fail Squared

[Trigger warning for rape culture.]

So, the New York Times' public editor, Arthur S. Brisbane, has responded to the public outrage over their failful reportage of a gang rape in Cleveland, Texas. And, to his credit, he has found the Times' coverage wanting:

My assessment is that the outrage is understandable. The story dealt with a hideous crime but addressed concerns about the ruined lives of the perpetrators without acknowledging the obvious: concern for the victim.

While the story appeared to focus on the community's reaction to the crime, it was not enough to simply report that the community is principally concerned about the boys and men involved – as this story seems to do. If indeed that is the only sentiment to be found in this community – and I find that very hard to believe – it becomes important to report on that as well by seeking out voices of professional authorities or dissenting community members who will at least address, and not ignore, the plight of the young girl involved.

Brisbane also notes that the Times plans a follow-up story and hopes "it delves more deeply into the subject because the March 8 story lacked a critical balancing element."

I'd be more satisfied if Brisbane had also explicitly addressed the use of passive voice, the blaming of the victim's mother, the implicit classism, and the refusal to address race.

I'd also be more satisfied if Brisbane's piece itself hadn't started out with this sentence: "The story quickly climbed The Times's 'most emailed' list but not just because of the sensational facts of the crime involved."

I understand Brisbane is using "sensational" to mean "startling" or "attention-getting" rather than "fabulous," but even granting the more favorable usage (which, frankly, ain't that favorable, since it's most associated with lurid details of violent crimes against women), I cannot begin to describe how profoundly objectionable I would find the details of my rape being described as "sensational," and I frankly find it disgusting that the details of a gang rape of an 11-year-old child are being thus described.

If Brisbane understands the importance of countering the perception that the girl was somehow complicit in her own gang rape, even if that is the prevailing sentiment in the town, surely he can understand the importance of not treating the reporting of a child gang rape case as an episode of Law & Order: SVU, even if there are lots of people who inexplicably love to be scandalized from a safe distance by sexual violence.

This isn't a piece of entertainment, even if there are assholes who treat it that way.

Now, with whom do I file a complaint about the Public Editor...?

Daily Dose of Cute

Dudley lying in a hilariously awkward position begging for a treat

"I can haz treat, plz?"

Sophie curls around on her back stretching out her arms and reaching for my toe

Sophie curls around on her back stretching out her arms and reaching for my toe

"I attack your toe! Your toe is minez!"

Olivia in close-up, looking directly into the camera

Olivia in close-up, looking directly into the camera

"I love you. Plz pet me."

Matilda lies on the floor, looking pretty

Matilda lies on the floor, looking pretty

"We're all out of cute captions here. Move along, Two-Legs."

If It's Friday, It's Jesus Jones!

"Info Freako"

Well... Fuck!

In a surprise move this afternoon, the Maryland House of Delegates has sent SB116, the same-sex marriage bill, back to committee, effectively killing it.

Two weeks ago the Senate passed the bill and the governor indicated he'd sign it.

Two steps forward, one step back.

The GOP War on Unions and Uteri

[Trigger warning for anti-choice hostility to bodily autonomy.]

Shaker Mod Aphra_Behn just emailed me (which I am sharing with her permission):

The GOP war on unions and uteruses proceeds splendidly!

* Alabama union busting.

* Tennessee union busting.

* Texas forcible sonograms.

* Georgia abortion clinic fuckery.

Anyone else just totally staggered by the sheer magnitude of the GOP campaign to repeal the entire fucking 20th century?

In good news, though, Republican Congresswoman and Professional Genius Michele Bachmann is "increasingly serious about joining the wide-open race for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012," so that will definitely make things better. I mean, even if she doesn't win, she'll elevate the national conversation during the election to the serious and responsible levels these grim times require.

Did I say good news? Sorry, I meant garbage news.

Holy shit.

[UPDATE] The MI Senate passed the bill, too. It goes to Snyder for signing shortly.
--

This is...wow:

Republicans in Michigan have come up with a revolutionary solution to the state’s growing budget crisis: claim the right to auction off entire municipal entities, like cities, counties, school districts and water systems.

In a new bill being pushed by Governor Rick Snyder (R), the governor, or a company hired by the governor, would have the power to declare municipal entities insolvent. Amid the fiscal emergency, the governor or the governor’s agent would then be empowered to appoint an emergency manager to oversee all financial matters.

Under language in the bill, that individual would be able to cancel any and all contracts — including collective bargaining rights for unions — and outright dis-incorporate whole cities, dismissing lawfully elected officials in the process.

I mean, why doesn't he just call himself "King" and be done with it?

The Michigan House has already passed this bill. I was perusing the Senate bill (it is SB 0153) and it's just as bad as it sounds:

The emergency manager shall have broad powers in receivership to rectify the financial emergency and to preserve the local government's capacity to provide necessary governmental services essential to the public health, safety, and welfare. Upon the declaration of receivership and during the pendency of receivership, the governing body and the chief administrative officer of the local government may not exercise any of the powers of those offices except as may be specifically authorized in writing by the emergency manager and are subject to any conditions required by the emergency manager.

5) All of the following apply to an emergency manager:

(a) The emergency manager shall be chosen on the basis of competence.
(b) The emergency manager may but need not be a resident of the local government.
(c) The emergency manager may be an individual or firm.
(d) The emergency manager shall serve at the pleasure of the state treasurer, with the concurrence of the superintendent of public instruction if the local government is a school district.
(e) The emergency manager's compensation and reimbursement for actual and necessary expenses shall be paid by the local government and shall be set forth in a contract approved by the state treasurer.

You're going to pay for your new ruler!

Anyway...

6) In addition to staff otherwise authorized by law, an emergency manager shall appoint additional staff and secure professional assistance as the emergency manager considers necessary to fulfill his or her appointment.

[...]

(2) If an order of the emergency manager to officials or employees of the local government under subsection (1) is not reasonably carried out and the failure to carry out an order is disrupting the emergency manager's ability to manage the local government, the emergency manager, in addition to other remedies provided in this act, may prohibit the official or employee from access to the local government's office facilities, electronic mail, and internal information systems.

Sec. 18. (1) The emergency manager shall develop and may amend a written financial and operating plan for the local government. The plan shall have the objectives of ensuring that the local government is able to provide necessary governmental services essential to the public health, safety, and welfare on an ongoing and sustainable basis, and protecting the continued financial viability of the local government.

The next section, Section 19 is really, really long. It details how the "emergency manager" can take over everything, federal payments and their disbursements, for example ("Receive and disburse on behalf of the local government all federal, state, and local funds earmarked for the local government."). And:

(g) Make, approve, or disapprove any appropriation, contract, expenditure, or loan, the creation of any new position, or the filling of any vacancy in a permanent position by any appointing authority.
(h) Review payrolls or other claims against the local government before payment.
(i) Notwithstanding any minimum staffing level requirement established by charter or contract, establish and implement staffing levels for the local government.
(j) Reject, modify, or terminate 1 or more terms and conditions of an existing contract. After meeting and conferring with the appropriate bargaining representative and, if in the emergency manager's sole discretion and judgment, a prompt and satisfactory resolution is unlikely to be obtained, reject, modify, or terminate 1 or more terms and conditions of an existing collective bargaining agreement. The rejection, modification, or termination of 1 or more terms and conditions of an existing collective bargaining agreement under this subdivision is a legitimate exercise of the state's sovereign powers [...]

This is just...incredible. And not in a good way.

Oh, Ellen

[Trigger warning for rape culture; fat hatred.]

This video is posted on Ellen DeGeneres Show's official video channel: It's a clip from DeGeneres' interview with Mike Tyson earlier this week—and it's really disappointing. Not only is DeGeneres participating in the rehabilitation of the career of a convicted rapist, but she yuks it up with him while engaging in some awesome fat hatred.

[Transcript below.]
At the end of the clip, Tyson says, to laughter and applause, "There's nothing worse than a fat cokehead." Oh, really? I can think of something worse than that.

Asshole.

DeGeneres: …and the fact that you have really transformed yourself, uh, what made you— First of all, you look great—

Tyson: Thank you very much.

DeGeneres: —and what made you do that and how did you do it?

Tyson: Well, um, you see, I had a four-year-old daughter, um, unfortunately, um, had an accident and died, and, um, I don't know, right?—I'm just pretty, um, I'm pretty enraged, just torn apart, and I happened, um, when I went to the hospital, um, when she's on the machine, I went to the hospital, and I'm anticipating, 'cause I'm probably coming down from a hangover, but I'm anticipating to go the hospital and raise hell. But once I got there and I saw the, uh, I saw other people there with either children that had already died or they were dying, and they were handling it with dignity, and I, and I wanted to be, I didn't want to be the psycho parent up there—I wanted to handle it with dignity, as well. And, um, their kids were dying, too, so I didn't have any right to be a psycho up there, and I guess, um, I just had to handle it like everyone else and be humble and be on your knees.

DeGeneres: Mm-hmm. And so, and since then, you have been sober for how long?

Tyson: Two years.

DeGeneres: Two years sober. [audience applauds and cheers] That's right.

Tyson: I'm just—I'm just very fortunate that I had a lotta, um, I had a great support system. You know, I had great mentors, and, um, I'm just very fortunate. I'm no better than anyone else that was successful, and there's probably ODs or just committed suicide, but I'm no different than them. The only difference—I had a good support system.

DeGeneres: Yeah, well that does help, uh, for sure, but, but it has to come from you. You have to want to do it, to stick to it.

Tyson: I wanted, I wanted to change.

DeGeneres: Yeah.

Tyson: I wanted to change, but I couldn't do it without, um, the support.

DeGeneres: And so, and, and, like I am vegan as well; I heard that you're vegan.

Tyson: Two years, yeah.

DeGeneres: Two years vegan. Two years for me vegan.

Tyson: It's an awesome feeling, yeah.

DeGeneres: It's amazing, right?! Look at the difference between— [gestures at monitor behind her] This is before you decided to—

Tyson: Oh, you gotta check this out! [picture of Tyson weighing more comes onscreen; audience laughs] The Michelin Man! Look at the Michelin Man! [I think he actually says "Michigan Man," but clearly means Michelin Man.]

DeGeneres: So this is what you looked like before— [a second image of Tyson weighing more comes up; the audience laughs] Yeah.

Tyson: Oh, no! Not this guy! Ohhhhh.

DeGeneres: Yeah. [before and after images pop up of Tyson weighing more and at his current, lesser weight] And now look at you, because two years— [audience applauds and cheers] That's amazing.

Tyson: Hey, um, listen, right, um, it's just amazing 'cause you never in life, you never, you never, really hear or see [gestures at picture of "before" self]—but that's, um, that's a fat cokehead, right there, you know what I mean? [laughs] You never hear about a fat coke head.

DeGeneres: [smiling] You don't see, you don't see fat cokeheads.

Tyson: No you don't see fat cokeheads! [audience laughs] But as you know, there's nothing worse than a fat cokehead! [delivers this line with a muggy grin, like he's auditioning for "Our Gang"] There's nothing worse!

DeGeneres: I know. Don't tell me! [audience roars] Yeah.

Tyson: Nothing worse!

[DeGeneres laughs and Tyson laughs and claps his hands together; audience laughs.]