"When it comes down to it, this is a proposal to get people to pay more for their health care and retirement. With money they don't have. That's the bottom line."—David Dayen (aka D-Day), on the recommendations of the Obama administration's bipartisan Deficit Commission, which are heavy with spending cuts of the sort you might expect to see proposed by people who'd like "to cut government...down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub."
[Related Reading: "A Milk Cow With 310 Million Tits"; Today in "We've Got a Democratic President, Right? Just Checking."]
Quote of the Day
Blog Note
Two notes, actually:
1. Clicking "Like" on a post (at the top of a comments section) will now bring up a box allowing you to share the link on Twitter or Facebook (or say "no thanks" to both). Nice feature, Disqus—thank you!
2. My Hotmail account (primary email address) has been FUBARed for weeks now. Not every Hotmail user is having the same problem, so I am evidently on an overloaded server. I'm constantly getting timed out and getting error messages that tell me it's a Hotmail glitch and that they're working on it. I've been without email for more than an hour at a time some days, and Hotmail has not responded to my repeated support requests.
So. My email management is even more disastrous than usual, and if I have failed to respond to something you've sent to which you'd typically expect a response, my apologies.
I trust the issue will be resolved soon. Service has improved, so I'm hopeful.
(Please know that I am extremely reluctant to leave Hotmail, as its layout is clean and manageable and accommodates my dyslexia in a way other email clients do not, so I'm not seeking advice about alternatives. Just letting everyone know what's up.)
17%
Here is a truly depressing article about the state of female representation in the US Congress that most US voters won't care about or pay attention to.
The next time someone demands evidence of institutional misogyny (or gender inequality, or the patriarchy, or whatever variation on that theme), try this on for size: We live in a culture in which 52% of the population in a representative democracy being represented by only 17% of its legislative branch isn't a national outrage.
Wednesday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Lissie's Scowls. Now available in handy 12-packs.
Recommended Reading:
Scatx: Subtle Misogyny: Pelosi vs. Boehner
At Veronica's Place: Exactly how extreme are John Boehner's views? Very.
Adrienne: Presidential Proclamation on Native American Heritage Month
Resistance: Glee Fail
Brad: Yes, the Entitlement Commission Was an Unforced Error by the Obama Administration
Andy: Catholic University Dumps Gay Staffer Over Wedding Announcement
Leave your links in comments...
Aw, Hell Naw!
[A tip of my hat to Elle for the title.]
Chris Matthews' fuckery is beyond fucking description:
So do us all a fucking favor and don't pretend like you played no part in voters not getting a glimpse of Clinton being witty and effervescent. Do us all a favor and don't try to imply that Clinton failed to deliver the charm on the campaign trail. Do us all a favor and take some responsibility for the role you play in the democratic process, or just shut the fuck up.
Today in Misogyny
[Trigger warning for violence.]
Bobby Maurice Tillman was an 18-year-old young man who died this weekend after Damon Coleman, 19, Emanuel Benjamin Boykins, 18, Quantez Devonta Mallory, 18, and Tracen Franklin, 19, who are now facing felony murder charges, attacked him and stomped on him, breaking his rib which then punctured his heart.
What does this story have to do with misogyny?
Tillman was oblivious to the circumstances that led to his death following an unprovoked attack at a rowdy house party Saturday night on Independence Drive in Douglasville, witnesses say. A fight broke out between two girls outside the home, one of whom struck a male partygoer, Douglas County Sheriff Phil Miller said. He refused to strike a female but vowed to inflict payback on the next male who walked by.It is not clear from reports whether the woman hit him deliberately, accidentally, or defensively.
Shaker Amber emails (which I am publishing with her permission):
Somewhere along the line, someone taught this guy that it's wrong to hit girls, and he absorbed that lesson to the letter. What he did not learn was not to hurt women, not to threaten or intimidate them in order to control their behavior. So, instead of hitting her, he chose a random bystander to hurt, letting her know that this was her fault. He was seeking her anguish, her anger, her shame.More here, where Amber also notes that men who learn not to hit girls "don't always learn not to use verbal abuse, or financial abuse, or threats of suicide, or other means of controlling" women. To which I'll add: And don't learn how to process anger appropriately so that it never gets expressed in an unhealthy way in the first place.
Now a young man is dead, and a young girl has to live the rest of her life feeling like his death was her fault. That's some fucked up shit right there.
"Boys don't cry" (because that's something girls do) is the first message male children tend to get about expressing emotion. That is, don't express it. Especially negative emotion. And when negative emotion is bottled, and bottled, and bottled, instead of processed, one day it explodes.
RIP Bobby Tillman. My sincerest condolences to his family and friends.
You Disappoint Me, Uwe Boll!
by Shaker Brian G, a gay fatty who is Chief of the PC Police by day and fights prejudice with an adorable cat as a sidekick by night.
[Trigger warning for fat hatred; using Nazis as objects of humor.]
Melissa posted a few weeks ago about the latest project of Uwe Boll, filmmaker laureate of Germany, to produce a film titled Blubberella, the trailer for which has now been released.
[Transcript below.]
Blubberella is the heartwarming tale of a girl, her fat, and how she kills Nazis for their sandwiches. I shit thee not—a scene in the trailer depicts Blubberella violently attacking a Nazi, taking his sandwich, and then eating it. It is to laugh.
Actually, it isn't, and not just because I'm Chief of the PC Police. This "comedy" is not funny in any dimension, because the fat jokes in it are barely jokes at all. It's not even the kind of fat jokes that might elicit a laugh if only through surprise or embarrassment. It's just a laundry list of stereotypical "fat traits" played straight: She's fat, she can't run, she eats constantly. The deal is, these things are never pointed out by other characters; they're never given voice. There is no punchline; it's just supposed to be inherently funny.
I expected this movie to outrage me, but instead it bores me. What a disappointment! These jokes fail not just because of the offensiveness, but because they're composed entirely of tropes and components that are beyond tired. The whole thing reeks of the stench of trying too hard. Each scene with Blubberella could have the dialogue replaced with her yelling "I'M FAT! I'M FAT AND EATING A SANDWICH! ARE YOU SHOCKED YET?" and you'd never notice a difference. It's basically the stuff most of us have heard on the schoolyard all our lives, whether we were the targets or not. The difference is it's being acted out by adults who look like all they want is to get their paycheck and go home. Somehow that renders the whole thing even more pathetic.
[Note: While my personal reaction to this movie was not offense, I'm not arguing that nobody else should be offended or judging anyone who is. I can totally see why some people would be offended and I probably would be offended too if I hadn't found it to be so tedious and insincere. See Melissa's oft-invoked "I'm not offended; I'm contemptuous" line.]
Transcript:
Scenes of people being led off of a train by Nazi soldiers. There is dramatic music, and text onscreen reads: "In a time when evil is arising…and all hope is fading…only a true hero…can bring salvation."
Cut to an SS officer and Clint Howard dressed like Dr. Horrible talking about Blubberella.
Clint Howard: Did it move like a vampire?
SS Officer: I didn't see her, but from all accounts it moved like a slow tornado.
People walk into what is, presumably, a concentration camp. Cut to a man holding a gun, aiming it at someone offscreen. He says, "I've never seen anybody move like you do."
The music segues into a wacky sort of swing tune. Blubberella jumps off of a train onto someone.
Blubberella: That hurt me more than it did you!
Cut to Blubberella being confronted by several armed soldiers and explaining that she is half-human, half-vampire before executing a ridiculously-telegraphed Matrix-style bullet dodge. Cut back to Clint and the SS officer speaking again.
SS Officer: Large—very, very large girl.
Clint: Very large?!
SS Officer: Very large. (He holds his arms out to indicate her ponderous fatitude.)
Cut to Blubberella running and screaming while flailing around with rolling pins. Cut back to man holding gun, who says, "Like a caged rhino that hasn't been fed in weeks."
Blubberella (as if to explain how she moves the way she does, despite being fat): Pilates.
Cut to a shot of Blubberella posing in front of a mirror, when her back cracks because SHE'S SO FAT, and she says, "Ow!", followed by a short montage of her eating...and eating...and eating. She stabs a Nazi and takes his sandwich and eats it.
Cut to Blubberella declaring: "Time to kill some Nazis!"
Cut to Blubberella doing the old cover-up-cursing-with-gunfire gag while shooting Nazis. This is intercut with the film title, Blubberella. She then distracts yet more Nazis with another gag by pointing out Hitler (with a Nazi salute, har har) and sneaking away (with a basket of food, har har) when they look. Cut back to Clint Howard and SS Officer talking again.
Clint: Nosferatu, Dracula, Blade, Blade 2, Dark Shadows! Oh, Dark Shadows was a soap opera.
Cut to a man dressed as Hitler yelling at Blubberella in German and shaking a newspaper at her. Blubberella forgets to react.
Cut to gun-wielding guy, who is now no longer wielding a gun, and is now just Guy Wearing Hat: "This doesn't make sense."
Cut to Blubberella confronting a thin, underwear-clad man pinning a woman to a bed.
Blubberella: Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
The man laughs. Because she's FAT! Not his size. Har har.
Cut to yet another lazily-edited montage of Blubberella threatening Guy Wearing Hat, Blubberella harassing another Nazi dude, Blubberella in her bathrobe opening a door and a bunch of guys acting scared of her, Blubberella coming out of a truck dual wielding rifles while wearing what appears to be a dirndl, and just screwing around with the camera. The trailer ends (thank god) with the words "A Super Hero Comedy – Coming Soon."
And they would have gotten away with it too,
...if it weren't for that meddling Reagan.
The administration of the California State Universities has announced that it plans to charge tuition next year. The University of California will likely follow suit.
Since the 1960 California Master Plan for Higher Education, Californians have largely not paid tuition to attend California's public colleges and universities. They have, of course, paid fees. More on that in a bit.
This move by CSU comes at a time when higher education in the US is under attack, as is the very notion of government.
Colleges and universities do a lot of different things:
1. They engineer new, patentable technologies that are used to fight heart disease and people in Asia.
2. They train the next generation of widget technologists.
3. They push students and society to reconsider what they think they know, and expand (often conflicting) lines of thought.
Our schools still have the money to do the first of those three things (markets hurrah!). We seem to be struggling widget-wise, which makes zero sense even by the logic of bootstraps (but here we are!). However, it's that last bit that got potential California students in trouble.
In 1966, Ronald Reagan defeated Pat Brown (the guy who signed the master plan) to become California's 33rd governor. He looked at the academy (notably Berkeley) and saw a bunch of freeloading, widget-smoking commies who were belly-aching about how people in Asia were people, Black people were people, lady people were people, poor people were people, and so on. He wanted to make those widget smokers pay.
In 1970, State Senator Al Rodda surveyed Reagan's smashing success, which included a doubling the fees charged to attend UC in just two years.
As of this writing, the fees to attend UC hover around $10000, with the fees to attend CSU institutions around $4200. While this wasn't all Reagan, the man certainly deserves some credit.
The reality is that in the US, we're still 'cleaning up the mess at Berkeley.'
Cuts to funding in higher education are not merely about !!bootstraps!!. The anti-government, pro-bootstrap argument doesn't even make sense in the context of higher education (or most things, for that matter). When it comes to de-funding higher education, I think a different framing of the issue is called for.
I don't know about you, but students in my classes frequently get back papers covered with colorful notations like "what do you mean by this?", "you need to refine this", "such as....?", "you should give (more) examples to back up your argument." Historically, that's one of the things I'm theoretically paid for-- thinking critically and getting others to do the same.
Thus, it's hardly surprising that college campuses are places where some folks espouse ideas such as:
We should stop going to war to serve the interests of your friends' corporations.
We should stop putting so many people in jail to serve the interests of your friends' corporations.
And a recent favorite:
Global warming is real, and we need to do something about it yesterday, even if it hurts the interests of your friends' corporations.
Alas, the State of California is poised to end its experiment in tuition-free higher education (depending on your perspective, tuition may actually constitute the experiment) and I blame Reagan and a never-ending line of corporate interests.
The state of California may not have the money, but that's by design.
My nation does have the money to pay for universal free higher education, yet it chooses not to. I humbly suggest that the end of California's fifty-year run is as good a time as any to reassess our priorities.
Too Clever by Half
[Trigger warning for violence.]
I've really just about had it with Jon Stewart:
After facing criticism for his recent Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in Washington, D.C., Jon Stewart has come up with the perfect solution to keep everyone happy: Another rally.Oh my aching sides.
On last night's episode of "The Daily Show," Stewart aired the grievances of left-leaning critics, including "Real Time" host Bill Maher, who claimed the rally was about nothing, and Keith Olbermann, who said Stewart created a "false equivalence" between the services of MSNBC and Fox News.
Stewart then joked that he will hold another event on November 13 to make it right, calling the occasion "the Rally to Determine Precisely the Percentage of Blame to Be Doled Out to the Left and the Right for Our Problems Because We All Know That the Only Thing That Matters Is That the Other Guys Are Worse Than We Are and/or Fear."
The thing that Jon Stewart is really, really, really missing here is underlined by the fact that it's three white, straight, thin, wealthy men (who publicly present as cis and able-bodied) with their own vast media platforms who are arguing about this shit, when the material, practical, demonstrable effects of the differences between the Left and the Right are not most evident among the most privileged of USians.
It is marginalized people who most feel, in all aspects of their lives, the difference between the Left and the Right (monikers which are, btw, distinct from the Democrats and the Republicans, who are generally center-right and extreme right).
Women's bodily autonomy, right to value her own life over a fetus, right to be childless by choice, freedom from marginalizing bullying, harassment, and legislation, and access to legal medical procedures, rape kits, emergency contraception, equal pay, equal opportunity, and equal rights are not (generally) under attack from the Left.
Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and queer people's basic equality, fundamental rights of marriage, parenting, employment, housing, healthcare, inheritance, etc., freedom from marginalizing bullying, harassment, and legislation, and personal safety are not (generally) under attack from the Left.
People of color do not (generally) find their basic equality, fundamental rights of access and opportunity, freedom from marginalizing bullying, harassment, and legislation, and personal safety under attack from the Left.
Trans people's employment rights, healthcare equity, and personal safety are not (generally) under attack from the Left.
The social programs on which poor people depend to keep them from falling off the edge—foodstamps, housing programs, healthcare assistance—the things that can make the difference between homelessness and a roof over one's head, eating and starving, life and death, are not under attack from the Left.
Undocumented immigrants are (generally) not demonized and scapegoated and spoken about with the most vicious eliminationist language, while simultaneously being exploited in horrendous working conditions, by the Left.
People with physical and/or psychological disabilities do not (generally) find their basic equality, fundamental rights of access and opportunity, freedom from marginalizing bullying, harassment, and legislation, and personal safety under attack from the Left.
When women and their allies and their abortion providers are targeted for violence, it is by rightwingers. Dr. George Tiller was not killed by a leftist. When gay/bi women and men, people of color, trans people, people with disabilities are targeted for violence, victimized by hate crimes, it is not progressives who wield the weapons.
The most vulnerable people in our society, whose actual lives are at risk because of virulent, violent, unconstrained hatred, are not being targeted by the Left.
That fucking matters.
And it matters not because I'm interested in bickering about "Precisely the Percentage of Blame to Be Doled Out to the Left and the Right for Our Problems," but because to gloss over that reality is to aid and abet with indifferent silence the extreme elements who would not merely see marginalized people indefinitely interred in their marginalization, but would see them FUCKING DEAD, given half the chance.
That's why Fred Phelps carrying "God Hates Fags" signs and my using vulgar language and an indelicate tone to vociferously defend gay equality is not the bloody same. And, let's be honest: I wouldn't be screaming my fool head off all the time in defense of gay equality if assholes like Fred Phelps didn't go on the offensive against my family, friends, and fellow citizens.
You're goddamn right I yell. But it's because I HAVE TO.
People die because of this hatred. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty because I don't respond to deadly antipathy with moderation.
The shame belongs to someone so fucking privileged that he doesn't feel obliged to yell, too.
Jon Stewart responded to criticism by "intercutting clips of Maher and other detractors of Stewart's recent D.C. rally (Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow) with a parody of Martin Scorsese's boxing classic Raging Bull featuring Stewart taking a slow-motion beating."
Hilarious. What a comedy fucking genius.
You know, Jon, there are people in this country who REALLY GET ATTACKED AND BEATEN because of who they are and/or what they believe. And the fact that you can equate criticism with violence is precisely the reason why you deserve the criticism you're getting.
For someone whose business is irony, you ought to appreciate that. Asshole.
The Overton Window: Chapter Twenty-Three
[TW for violent rhetoric and death threats.]
Nothing much happens in this chapter aside from a phone call. That's not an exaggeration either. Chapter twenty-three clocks in at a whopping 435 words. Who the heck writes a chapter that is only four hundred words?
I wonder how much blank space is in this book. You think it's ten or fifteen percent of the total page count? Maybe more? It would be interesting to sit down and figure that out. Well, maybe not interesting, per se, but maybe it'd be a solid basis for a class-action lawsuit against Beck's publisher. What's the tipping point between a blank book and a novel anyway?
Kearns calls the terrorist cell using "a hacker gizmo called an orange box to fake the caller ID display" to make it appear he'd called from Bailey's cell phone. I guess it was too much a liability to just bring along Bailey's actual phone. And if he did, we wouldn't get to read about hacker gizmos.
By the end of the call "Stuart Kearns was heartily endorsed as a verified patriot who could absolutely deliver the goods." Whew.
The phone is passed around, since the entire terrorist cell I guess was sitting wherever together waiting to take the call. That's convenient. Everyone talks to their hero Bailey, who I think maybe is the Beckian figure in all this.
Something began to nag at [Bailey] after they'd hung up. The troubling thing was that, though each of those men had laid claim to being his biggest fan, and had seen every video he'd ever produced and read every word he'd ever posted online, they'd all apparently seen and heard and read things that Danny Bailey was pretty sure he'd never actually said.
Aww, the poor thing. He's had his words taken out of context. His violent, dangerous rhetoric has been taken to heart, maybe a bit too literally, by violent, dangerous men. Don't ya just hate when that happens? Whoops! The overthrow-the-government schtick ain't so charming when some douchebag has pinched a nuclear weapon and is actually prepared to detonate it.
Speaking of which...
The cousin of a man arrested for threatening Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA) in response to her healthcare vote is claiming the man was "under the spell" of Glenn Beck.
Charles Alan Wilson left a series of threatening messages on Murray's voicemail, saying:
"Just remember that as you are politicing for your reelection. It only takes one piece of lead.... Kill the fucking Senator! Kill the fucking Senator! I'll donate the lead.... Now that you've passed your health-care bill, let the violence begin. Let the violence begin."
"By your attempts to overtake this country with socialism, somebody's gonna get to you one way or another and blow your fucking brains out, and I hope it does happen. If I have the chance, I would do it."
"Kill the fucking Senator! Hang the fucking Senator! I hope somebody puts a fucking bullet between your fucking eyes. Far left liberal socialist democratic bitch. You mother-fucker. You sold the fucking people of the country out for socialism. I hope somebody fucking erasers your fucking life. Yes, I hope somebody assassinates you, you fucking bitch."
"We are going to fuck you up. We are going to fuck you up as bad as we can. Yes, the independents. The real people of this country, not you spineless fucking socialists. You better watch your fucking back, baby, because there's people gonna come after you with fucking both fucking barrels, bitch."
Wilson was arrested by federal agents in April.
Wilson's cousin, in a letter to the court, blamed Glenn Beck's "persuasive personality" as the driving force behind the threats:
What happened later with Charlie is something I think I can understand. He became basically housebound due to illness and his small world became even smaller. His brother got him a computer and he was able to stay connected with family. And he watched television and found Glenn Beck... I found Glenn Beck about the same time Charlie did. I understand how his fears were grown and fostered by Mr. Beck's persuasive personality. The same thing happened to me but I went in a different direction with what I was seeing. Rather than blame politicians for the current issues, I simply got prepared for what Glenn said was coming. I slowly filled our pantry as Glenn fed fear into me. I did not miss watching his show and could not understand why the rest of the world didn't get it -- Glenn became a pariah to me. But I was finally able to step away and realize the error of my ways. The media lost its grip on me. But it still held very tightly to Charlie.
While his actions were undeniably wrong and his choices were terrible, in part they were the actions of others played out by a very gullible Charlie. He was under the spell that Glenn Beck cast, aided by the turbulent times in our economy. I don't believe that Charlie even had the ability to actually carry out his threats.
Another of his family members states that Wilson "has had many surgeries in the past and has battled some major health issues." It seems, irony of ironies, that Wilson actually stood to benefit from healthcare reform, but had been so manipulated, so frightened, that Beck's lies and misinformation "scared him beyond comprehension."
Wilson pleaded guilty and was sentenced to a year and a day in federal prison.
PRINCIPLES!
I will readily admit that my profound loathing of John McCain makes me love this story way more than I should, but it's a pretty good story anyhow, revealing as it does the depth of George W. Bush's principles, which is to say about two inches (rounding upwards):
George W. Bush's bombastic return to the world stage has reminded me of my favourite Bush anecdote, which for various reasons we couldn't publish at the time. Some of the witnesses still dine out on it.LOLOLOL!
The venue was the Oval Office. A group of British dignitaries, including Gordon Brown, were paying a visit. It was at the height of the 2008 presidential election campaign, not long after Bush publicly endorsed John McCain as his successor.
Naturally the election came up in conversation. Trying to be even-handed and polite, the Brits said something diplomatic about McCain's campaign, expecting Bush to express some warm words of support for the Republican candidate.
Not a chance. "I probably won't even vote for the guy," Bush told the group, according to two people present. "I had to endorse him. But I'd have endorsed Obama if they'd asked me."
Make no mistake: That's not because he particularly likes Obama or his policies. It's because he hates John McCain SO MUCH.
[Via Ben.]
Question of the Day
Although my earlier post is the first thing I've written about learning something from an animal, it's not the first time I've had the experience, which I'm sure is not all that uncommon among humans generally inclined to learn.
I daresay I've learned from each of my pets, even something as simple as how to expand my patience, heh. (I'm looking at you, Olivia.) And from animals that were not my pets, too—horses I worked with, creatures I've seen at the zoo, the possum who adopted me and came begging at dinnertime on my back porch at a Chicago flat.
So: What is something you've learned from and/or by watching an animal?
Of Course
No charges in destruction of CIA videotapes, Justice Department says:
No one will face criminal charges for the destruction of CIA videotapes depicting harsh interrogations of terrorism suspects during the Bush administration, the Justice Department said Tuesday.Accountability is for suckers! USA! USA! USA!
Justice Department spokesman Matthew Miller said federal prosecutor John Durham has conducted an "exhaustive investigation" into the destruction of the tapes, which show the interrogations of two of the CIA's high-value detainees. "As a result of that investigation, Mr. Durham has concluded that he will not pursue criminal charges for the destruction of the interrogation videotapes," Miller said.
No, Thanks. I Guess I'll Just Never Go Anywhere.
[Trigger warning for sexual assault.]
Flying While Fat already makes me reluctant to do air travel these days, because I am constantly fearful of being required to purchase a second seat that I cannot afford in order to get home.
Flying While A Survivor presents its own set of problems, which got exponentially worse when airports started installing full-body scanners, and then got infinitely worse last month when the TSA instituted "enhanced pat-downs," to which one must submit if one doesn't want to submit to a graphic body scan.
Despite the fact that the TSA asserts passengers will not be patted-down by opposite sex agents, and that the pat-downs are not excuses for agents to grope passengers, nor that the pat-downs are done in full view of other passengers as a deterrent to pressure them into the full-body scanners to avoid being sexually assaulted, this does not seem to be accurate.
This is not something to which I am willing to subject myself, so I guess I won't be going anywhere I need to fly for the foreseeable future. And I'm going to guess I'm not the only survivor of sexual violence, particularly who lives with PTSD, who is fundamentally unwilling to be put through that shit.
Of course, I have the privilege of not having to fly anywhere to keep my job. Lots of people don't have that option. And, as sexual violence disproportionately affects women, this becomes yet another potential employment obstacle for the gender who is already disadvantaged in the workplace. Swell.
I guess I don't need to point out to this crowd the bitter, bitter irony of terrorizing passengers in the name of protecting them from terrorists.
We have seen the enemy and zie is us etc.
[H/T to Shakers Megan and Zen.]
Daily Dose o' Cute
Video Description: Olivia and Sophie use my workspace to watch the sparrows who like to play in the vines outside my office window.
Pix of all the furry residents of Shakes Manor below the fold (on most browsers)...
"I see you, Two-Legs."
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I'M IN A BOX!"
"Ur controller iz mines now."
"What?"
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
I'll Run at Your Side
"That guy coming in now—he's my friend. He had to put his other dog down earlier this week."
Iain and I shifted our gazes from the man standing beside us toward the entrance to the dog park. A white man in his early middle age had just come in with a beautiful black lab at his side. The other dogs, as is their usual habit, ran to the gate to greet the new arrival, who had no particular interest in greeting them. Sam, as we later found out he is called, held fast to his person's side. All he wanted was for his person to throw the ball! throw the ball! throw the ball!
His person accommodated him, launching a tennis ball over and over across the field, which Sam would pursue with singular determination.
It's not totally unusual to find a dog at the dog park who ignores everything else to concentrate exclusively on retrieving. What was unusual about this pair was the silence with which they executed the ritual. There was no excited encouragement, no plaintive and excited barking. It was a perfunctory motion, steeped in grief.
Dudley, bred to run sprints not marathons, was already lying in the grass, panting after having run around a lot already with Buck. And he is resoundingly disinterested in chasing balls or playing with dogs who don't want to interact in any meaningful way.
But something compelled him to get back on his feet and run with Sam.
Dudley, who doesn't care a whit about running after balls, started nonetheless running after Sam every time Sam went after a ball. Over and over and over. Back and forth they ran across the field, Sam chasing the ball and Dudley chasing Sam.
And doing it with a stamina and intensity I've never seen.
He stuck to Sam like glue, and I was a little worried at first that he was being a pest, but Sam didn't seem to mind.
When Dudley finally could run no more, he came over to us with his "I'm ready to go now" look. Sam's owner approached us and patted Dudley's head, complimenting him on what a handsome boy he is. And then, in the way that dog owners have of talking to other dog owners by talking to their dogs, he said, "Thank you for running with Sam today, Dudley. Sam's buddy died unexpectedly this week, and he hasn't had anyone to play with."
Iain and I expressed our condolences.
Sam's owner kept talking to Dudley, while stroking his head. He told him that Sam wasn't very good with other dogs: "But you figured out how to keep him company."
Dudley, his paws stained green with grass stains and the pads of his feet engorged and red from running, leaned against Iain's leg and stood quietly receiving this affection and gratitude.
Sam's owner patted his head one last time before he wandered away, back to throwing the ball for Sam, who was still going. "Go get it, Sam!" he shouted.
I looked down at Dudley, who was so very tired, and told him what a good boy he is.
There are things I had hoped for and things I expected when we adopted Dudley—but though I have read abundant stories of people who learned something from or experienced something profound with their dogs, that was not one of my hopes nor one of my expectations. I hoped and expected to love Dudley vastly and boundlessly, and I do. But I never imagined how capable of moving me, how able to exhort me to a better self, such a silly, awkward collection of legs and ears could be.
I can be someone who does not run away from grief, or squirm in its presence, but runs alongside its bearers, steadily and tirelessly. I'm pretty sure I could have been, anyway, but it was my lovely dog who made me sure, who made me see, on a Saturday afternoon at the dog park, how easy it is to just Be There.
