Shakesville

DOMA May Fall Before DADT

The Defense of Marriage Act, aka DOMA, the heinous federal statute that defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman and allows states to refuse to recognize as marriages same-sex marriages performed in other states, is getting what is at least its third challenge from the East Coast states recognizing same-sex marriage in the past couple of years:

Joanne Pedersen tried to add her spouse to her federal health insurance on Monday. She was rejected. Again.

The problem is that while Ms. Pedersen is legally married to Ann Meitzen under Connecticut law, federal law does not recognize same-sex unions. So a health insurance matter that is all but automatic for most married people is not allowed for them under federal law.

Ms. Pedersen and Ms. Meitzen plan to file a lawsuit Tuesday against the government in an effort to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act, a 1996 law that prohibits the federal government from recognizing marriages of same-sex couples.

As you may recall, in July, a federal judge in Boston already ruled DOMA unconstitutional, and the Obama administration is currently appealing that decision because FIERCE ADVOCATE.

Cases like this exemplify why the "states' rights" argument about same-sex marriage is intellectually bankrupt garbage. Leaving each state, and the federal government, to recognize or not recognize same-sex marriage prevents even couples in states where same-sex marriage has been legalized from enjoying full equality, as they are yet denied federal benefits and are barred from relocating to any other state that doesn't recognize their marriage.

I have written probably two dozen times over the last five years about how this very conflict was inevitable, as soon as states started calling the bluff on both parties' "states' rights" punt. There are too many federal rights conferred by marriage, and access to benefits contingent on marriage, for a state-by-state hodgepodge of marriage statuses to be built while the federal government stays out of it.

Equality is quickly becoming the only reasonable solution.

Opponents of marriage equality just need to give the fuck up already. This is like the losingest battle in the history of battles, and it's looking more losery every day. They ought to just concede with whatever infinitesimal fragments of dignity they've got left.

And those "fierce advocates" whose positions are still "evolving" better get Darwin on the horn to help speed up the process or whatever. (Science!)

Oh. He's Still Around.

by Shaker nina_bruja

[Trigger warning for misogyny, gender essentialism, heterocentrism, classism.]

So, for the last few days one of the main headlines on CNN's homepage has been "Carolla: 'Are men becoming chicks?' Now, Adam Carolla has made a career for himself as a professional misogynist, the consummate anti-feminist man's man, and [TW for trans and fat hatred] an all-around dirtbag, so I avoided it for about a day, and then my curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on the link.

Surprise! It was overflowing with FAIL.

[Full transcript at end of post.]
Of course, Carolla confuses women's gains in equality with "men becoming chicks".

Spitzer: "You think this is a dangerous thing to be avoided?"

Carolla: "It is! Well, I think there's a reason why we're different, and it's mostly about the kids. It's mostly about saying 'Here's Dad and here's Mom,' not 'Here's bluughhhhhh and here's blluuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh.'" [laughter all around]

It's possibly the most back-asswards, gender-essentialist, classist, stupidest FAILboats I've seen in a long time, all rolled into about 2 minutes of OMGWTFLOLSOB.

On top of the fact that Adam Carolla was allowed this platform to ponder the nature of prescribed gender roles and get plenty of laughs from the hosts on this topic in the first place, he goes on to vilify welfare recipients, including his own mother. He invokes the classic, yet somehow still-in-use-today "welfare makes pplz lazy" argument. ::facepalm::

But wait! It gets better!

Turns out he's coming out with a book, titled "In 50 Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy". Yeah, that's a common complaint in my circles of ladyfriends.... /snark

In case you haven't had enough brilliant Carolla-isms yet, here's a snippet from an interview about the upcoming book:

You say in the book that "guys are smarter than women. ... Men build all the bridges, all the dams, go to the moon, et cetera. It's a fact" and note it's frustrating to see men depicted as idiots in TV commercials. How do you reconcile that with the fact that you have a daughter?

There are certain things that women are better at than men and men are better at than women, and I'm tired of everyone trying to shove us into the same Cuisinart. Every single commercial has a guy as a buffoon, but we sit and take it. Women maybe should adapt that attitude toward the book. There are obviously differences, but it doesn't mean my daughter can't be an inventor. She can be whatever she wants to be."

Thanks for telling me what attitude to "adapt" toward your shameless, bare-faced sexism, Adam! Since a menz is telling me how to feel, I can be confident that it'll be the right way. XD

--------------------------------

Transcript from the Parker Spitzer interview starts here - although it starts a little bit before the video begins and concludes after it ends, so you get the full effect of this FAILtastrophe:

SPITZER: Now it's time for fun with politics. As we all know Kathleen wrote a book "Save the Males" and our guest tonight seems to agree with her that men are an endangered species.

PARKER: He's got a lot of man cred. He rose up from being a construction worker and boxing training to "Jimmy Kimmel," comedian and co-host of TV's "Love Line" and "The Man Show." Please welcome author of "In Fifty Years We'll all be Chicks," Adam Carolla.

CAROLLA: Thank you.

PARKER: All right, Adam, you don't look like a chick. Do you think you're becoming a chick?

CAROLLA: Well, if I took my shirt off I think...

PARKER: You did dance in a Zorro contest on "Dancing with the Stars," come on.

CAROLLA: Well, I was the only one entered in a Zorro contest, everyone else was trying to win a dance contest.

SPITZER: On a unicycle, no less.

PARKER: On a unicycle.

CAROLLA: You know what? I got no love for going out there on my unicycle in front of 20 million people and possibly landing on my keister and...

SPITZER: Oh come on, people must applaud you when you walk down the street, now.

PARKER: All right. So why do you think men are becoming chicks? I mean, I know why I think men are becoming chicks, why do you think?

CAROLLA: Well, I don't even think we're becoming women, I think we're becoming one. I think it's like an "X" and somewhere whenever they filmed "Mad Men" we were at the bottom of one side of the "X" and you guys were at the bottom of the other and we're heading toward this.

SPITZER: You think this is a dangerous thing to be avoided?

CAROLLA: It is.

SPITZER: You're trying to swing away this trend.

CAROLLA: I think there's a reason why we're different and it's mostly about the kids. I mean it's mostly about saying, here's dad and here's mom. Not here's blah and here's blah. You know, mom's got the six-pack abs and the dads staying home...

PARKER: OK, so you know that when kids come out of the chute they are different for the most part, they are very, very different, right?

CAROLLA: Totally different. Absolutely. I have twins.

PARKER: We try to make them the same. What's up with that?

SPITZER: Twins, boys, girl.

CAROLLA: I have a boy and girl and they're wildly different and it's the same deal. It's the same thing I sort of grew up on a steady diet from the '70s of all this crap where, well it's all society and the man and if you give a little boy a dolly he'll love the dolly just like he'll love his truck.

SPITZER: No, no.

CAROLLA: BS. BS. These people should all be run down and sued, by the way.

SPITZER: You're winning this debate now, right, I mean, you're winning. I think there's a real pushback and people are buying your... CAROLLA: How can you argue with it? it's so true, you have kids. You can tell.

PARKER: I gave my son a doll. I was one of those people...

SPITZER: No, you didn't.

PARKER: Yes, I did. I gave him a doll because I wanted him to be -- I grew up the same time you did. I did, but you know, he like started ripping the arms off and then...

SPITZER: Oh, my god.

PARKER: No, I recovered quickly because then I said what am I doing? This is ridiculous. And girls, girls will sit and watch things and talk and chitchat. You know, they like to do that. You know, they build little nests.

CAROLLA: We're very different. We're different and it's good. In the animal kingdom they're different. We don't have a problem with it. We're not like, hey, that polar bear chick and that polar bear dude aren't almost the same. How come she's doing this and he's out hunting for blubber? This is -- no, it's just the way it is.

SPITZER: You've got a view on everything in the world. You read this book and there's nothing you don't have an opinion about. I mean, you want people to vote based on how much they pay in taxes.

CAROLLA: Sure.

SPITZER: So Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get to choose the next president.

CAROLLA: Yes. Well, I have an idea -- I, in the book, say for every 10 grand you pay in you get one vote, because right now my mom's vote is canceling out Warren Buffett's vote.

PARKER: Is that right?

SPITZER: Your mom may be listening to this.

CAROLLA: She can't afford cable.

SPITZER: Another thing you love to say is "greed is good."

CAROLLA: Yeah, I think so. It motivates people. I know, you know, this sort of thing where it's like big pharmaceuticals always -- they're the man and they're nasty, bit it motivates them to come up with cures.

SPITZER: When you saw Gordon Gekko say that in "Wall Street" you know, that famous moment when he's up there, "greed is good" you said, that's it, that's great.

CAROLLA: Well, I mean, obviously there's limits, as we've seen, things can spin out of control but you want society and you want companies motivated. I mean you want someone to go, look, you cure AIDS and we'll give you a pat on the back or you cure AIDS, we'll give you billion, you get AIDS cure a lot faster.

PARKER: Apparently your mother is a good short because you talk about her a little bit. You said that you grew up on welfare and that welfare is "monetary methadone."

CAROLLA: Yes.

PARKER: So what do you wish would have happened instead?

CAROLLA: Well, I wish -- well, actually -- I mean...

PARKER: You wish you had been adopted.

CAROLLA: The thing is, is if you give somebody just enough to get by sort of in perpetuity then they will just sort of sink to that level. I saw all the wind taken out of my mom's sail. I saw all the fire taken out of her belly, you know? It's like you need to be a little bit hungry. You need to be a little cold when it's cold outside or a little too hot. I said, this is horrible. It's embarrassing. I don't want to live this way and it motivated me and I think when you just give people just enough it sort of just makes them all docile.

SPITZER: All right.

PARKER: All right, Adam Carolla, thank you so much for being with us. He's also got a podcast on iTunes and we will be right back.

The Overton Window: Chapter Twenty-Two

Kearns and Bailey, remember them? They're like Glenn Beck's own Odd Couple. "One's a narc, the other's a rat, they're Kearns and Bailey, Bailey and Kearns!" (Sing along!)

They're hanging out in Kearns' "double-wide" with "an ugly off-white cat, and a full-scale model of a small atomic bomb." (No singing!) The two are In Winnemucca, which is somewhere between Reno and Salt Lake City, prepping for their big sting operation.

"I don't want to come off like a puss, but is this bomb-looking thing, like, radioactive?"

"Nah, not too much." Kearns returned with their coffee and sat in a nearby chair. "The core's inert; it's just a big ball of lead. There's some depleted uranium under the lining, so it'll set off a Geiger counter in case anybody checks. Here, look." He flipped a switch on a boxy yellow gadget on the table and brought its wand closer to an open access panel at the fore end of the model. The meter on the instrument twitched and a rapid clicking from its speaker ramped up to a loud, raspy buzz as the tip of the wand touched an inner metal housing. "Sure sounds hot enough though, doesn't it?"

Oh, man, Bailey is such a puss! What a fag! Who's afraid of a little radiation? Radiation: You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too.

Ahem...

Where was I?

Oh yes, so Bailey asks how Kearns convinced his partners that he scored a real nuclear weapon. There is some faction (faction!) thrown our way as Kearns references this incident, except makes it more John Travolta/Christian Slater by saying "six nukes left the base, but only five showed up" on the other end.

"Now we both know that something like that can't just happen, not as an accident anyway. It's like the Secret Service accidentally putting the president into the wrong car and then nobody missing him until noon the next day. It's impossible; there are way too many safeguards in place. Unless, of course, it was an inside job."

Plot point! Plot fucking point! An inside job? The deuce you say! Anyway, blah blah blah, Kearns' story is that he, being the anti-government online superhero that he is, made some connections at the AFB and arranged to smuggle a nuke out before anyone knew it was missing.

Bailey asks more leading questions, delivers some clunky dialogue ("I haven't slept for twelve hours like that in twenty years"), and basically exists to give Kearns someone to exposit to.

"I would have thought you guys had all kinds of labs and engineers back at headquarters that would have built a model like this for an undercover operation. You know, so someone like you wouldn't have to bother with any of it yourself."

Plot point, part two, electric boogaloo!

"Yeah, they do, but these last few years I've gotten accustomed to working alone. The less contact you make when you're undercover, the safer it is. Hell, I've been out in the cold so long on this one, as far as I know only one guy inside even knows I'm still on the payroll."

Plot point III: Revenge of the Sith!

Woah! Are you getting all this? Because if you're not, I might be a little worried about your deductive capabilities, Miles Archer. Kearns' supposedly fake nuke is suspiciously real. Why? Because Kearns is so far undercover no one even knows he's still with the FBI! OMFGWTFHolyGuacamole! I am beginning to think Kearns ain't on the up and up. Danny Bailey, what have you gotten yourself into?

Is Kearns on the Doyle & Merchant payroll? Is the nuke active? Is Bailey a stooge? Yes! Yes to everything! Yes yes yes, and more yes!

At least that's my guess. What's your pet theory at this point?

Open Thread

orange bug Pictures, Images and Photos

Hosted by Volkswagen Bug.

Question of the Day

What popular band do/did you just never understand the appeal of?

I never really got 'N Sync, and I'm saying that as someone who saw NKOTB in concert not once, not twice, but five times. And, I kinda like some of Justin Timberlake's solo stuff. The whole 'N Sync thing just baffled me, though.

Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"

See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]

Also Today in the Rape Culture...

[Trigger warning for sexual violence, rape apologia, hostility to survivors.]

The United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit has ruled on the case of the cheerleader who was kicked off the squad for refusing to cheer for her rapist, and naturally they have ruled that she is required to cheer for the man who sexually assaulted her. The court additionally ordered her family "to pay the school district's legal fees on the grounds their suit was far-fetched and frivolous." Of course. The family is appealing the ruling. [Via.]

Meanwhile, in Britain, a woman who accused her husband of rape (to which he later pleaded guilty), but retracted the charges after her husband and his relatives convinced her to say they were untrue, has been sentenced to eight months in prison for a "false retraction." [H/T to Shaker gegi.]

Rage. Seethe. Boil.

Drop in the Bucket, But Every Drop Counts

[Trigger warning for sexual violence against children.]

So, there was a huge FBI sting called Operation Cross Country V this weekend, a product of ongoing investigations into the sexual exploitation of children, which resulted in more than five dozen (!) children being rescued from sexual slavery and nearly 900 arrests of adults suspected of involvement with adolescent sex slaves.

FBI spokesman Jason Pack said 69 children were removed from prostitution and 99 suspected pimps were arrested in 40 cities across 30 states and the District of Columbia. Authorities arrested 785 other adults on a variety state and local charges, Pack said.

Prostitution connotes at least the possibility of consent. These children were not prostitutes.

(And thanks a shitload, MTV, for rendering "pimp" into a word that evokes images of garishly decorated automobiles, rather than a garbage nightmare of a human being who forces children into sexual servitude.)

All of the children who were found during the sting were aged 12-17. "Authorities are working with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to confirm their identities," so that the children can be returned to their families (where appropriate). Children not safe with their families of origin will be placed into protective custody for the time being.

[FBI executive assistant director Shawn Henry] said child prostitutes are often recruited by loose knit groups that seek out kids who may be involved in drugs or runaways looking for a "responsible adult" to help them.

"There are groups of people out there preying on naive kids who don't have a good sense of the way of the world," Henry said. "Sometimes there's a threat of force, threats of violence. A lot these kids operate out of a sense of fear."

And, ya know, out of trust and ignorance. Because they're children. I mean, any child who isn't naive to "the way of the world" when it comes to sexual exploitation is a kid who's probably already been victimized by sexual violence.

This isn't about what kids know or don't know. It's about dangerous, despicable, and determined predators. Let's try to keep the responsibility for this horror where it belongs. Which is directed at the AP, who almost certainly focused exclusively on the parts of Henry's statement that sounded the most like the axiomatic victim-blaming of exploited children that is so popular with the many purveyors and beneficiaries of the rape culture. (Like Bill O'Reilly.)

Aw, Hell Naw!

Don't have much time for comment, but had to post this:

GOP Candidate States Black Men Prefer Drugs to Education

At a recent political debate in Champaign, Illinois, sponsored by the NAACP and the League of Women Voters, candidates for the state Senate were asked for their ideas on how to increase black enrollments at the University of Illinois. GOP candidate Al Reynolds of Danville stated, "Minority women are motivated more so than the minority men. The minority men find it more lucrative to be able to do drugs than to do education. It's easier."

Reynolds lost, but I just don't know what to say about Republicans anymore. Many of them become angry when you point out that racism and protecting privilege seem to be HUGE parts of the party platform, but what do they do to counter stuff like this?

And the absolute refusal to recognize and acknowledge structural factors that influence who gets educated, to pretend it's all about individual choices? Yeah, I'd like to bathe in that cluelessness one day. Maybe I wouldn't be so stressed.

I want to write a letter that includes a line that says, "Just FYI, not all or even most men of color are drug dealers. Try again."

Ugh!

And if y'all love me, somebody come get me!

Texas Considers Medicaid Withdrawal

Some Republican lawmakers — still reveling in Tuesday’s statewide election sweep — are proposing an unprecedented solution to the state’s estimated $25 billion budget shortfall: dropping out of the federal Medicaid program.

And these are the people who imagine themselves at the forefront of "protecting life."

Daily Dose o' Cute

Video Description: Dudley and his pal Buck the Brindle Boxer have a run around the dog park.

They ran around together for ages, and when Iain and Dudley and I started playing our usual game of tag, Buck joined right in. He's such a sweet dog; I really like him, even though he's a total slobberchops who left my coat covered in drool.

Pix of all the furry residents of Shakes Manor below the fold (on most browsers)...

Matilda lounging on the couch.

Matilda lounging on the couch.

Matilda, who is 8.

Olivia sprawled out across my desk.

Olivia sprawled out across my desk.

Olivia, who is 6.

Sophie embodying om on office chair.

Sophie embodying om on office chair.

Sophie, who is 2.

Dudley sleeping on couch.

Dudley sleeping on couch.

Dudley, who is 2.

Actual Headline

"Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate."
Dunno if it was Yahoo News or the AP that slapped that garbage headline onto the accompanying article. 10,000 demerits to each of them, just for good measure.

There's a lot of fail in this piece: The gender essentialism. The disappearing of partnered-but-not-married parents, as well as traditional but not "traditional" (where "traditional" is a dog-whistle for a privileged white conservative fantasy world) family structures, e.g. intergenerational child-raising. The backwards framing of institutional racism, endemic poverty, an inequitably prosecuted "War on Drugs," a broken educational system, the outsourcing of industrial labor jobs, and a corrupt welfare system that tacitly encourages broken families as the "simple arguments for why so many black women have children without marriage," while heterocentrist slut-shaming is somehow the cutting edge of sophisticated debate.

But that headline. Ugh. That headline.

There are, of course, women who do struggle as single parents, but it's not the "unwed mothers rate" with which they're struggling. It's poverty. It's healthcare. It's childcare. It's paying the goddamn electric bill.

Which means that for women who are struggling, the solution is A FULLY FUNDED AND COMPREHENSIVE SOCIAL SAFETY NET, not encouraging marriages between people who don't want to get married.

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The woman pictured with her family alongside the article is Christelyn Karazin, founder of the "No Wedding No Womb" movement, about which Tami writes today here.

Monday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, publishers of Dudley's Guide to Looking Cute for Treats, by Dudley Q. McEwan.

Recommended Reading:

[Trigger warning for suicide, bullying, homophobia] Andy: Anti-Gay Bullying Blamed in Suicide of Pennsylvania Teen

Peter: On 60 Minutes, President Obama apologizes to America for being a Democrat.

Mannion: What have you done for us lately, Mr President?

Fannie: I Eat [Trigger warning for disordered eating and fatphobia.]

Erin: I Am Your Mother [Trigger warning for fat hatred, disordered eating, sexual violence.]

Shoshannah: I Am An Actor. I Am Also Deaf.

BAC: In Memoriam - Jill Clayburgh

Blue Girl: Reduced and Owned

Leave your links in comments...

Happy Blogiversary...

...to Echidne, too!

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Our Lady Peace: "One Man Army"

Purity and Innocence

[Trigger Warning: War/Violence]

Following assistance from the State Department and Senator Chuck Schumer, a Afghanistan resident who was permanently disabled during the war has been flown to the United States, where he will receive free medical treatment in a residential setting.

He will also presumably receive free rodents for life. This is because Mitch, as he goes by (or so I'm told) is a bird, a steppe eagle to be precise.

Sure. This is a great thing. United Statesians deserve a pat on the back. Yay us! Yay U.S.!

However.

I can't say that the offer of free lifetime healthcare extends to, say, wounded Afghani people. There are good reasons for this. We can't afford it (although in fairness, we're having a hell of a time coming up with the money to maim them in the first place). And in theory, US (and allied) troops are doing what they can to improve the healthcare infrastructure of Southwest Asia.

A cheaper alternative would have been to not invade Afghanistan in a war of choice. Then there'd be fewer injured birds. And people. And hospitals. Not choosing to go to war would have been, as the kids say these days, a more sustainable solution.

Thus, this is really a post about things that aren't injured birds. I have a sneaking suspicion that our eagerness to care for wildlife (and children, which oddly enough seem to fall into the same category), stems from the values we map (or don't) on to them. Wildlife is pure. Children are innocent. We have a sacred responsibility to care for them/not shoot them in the wing. Call me a socialist, but I actually agree with that. However, what is it about the adults in Afghanistan that frequently doesn't get them the same care and attention?

Prove the Point MORE

[Trigger warning for police brutality, violence, murder.]

Nearly two years ago, a young man named Oscar Grant was executed by former police officer Johannes Mehserle, who shot Grant at point-blank range unprovoked and unnecessarily. Mehserle was arrested on suspicion of murder, which was a reasonable charge to anyone with an internet access and a functional sense of decency. (Kevin retains video of the incident here. A trigger warning applies. It is very upsetting to watch.)

In the subsequent trial, the jury could have found Mehserle guilty of second-degree murder, voluntary manslaughter, or involuntary manslaughter. After six and a half hours of deliberation, they convicted him of the least serious charge, on the basis of Mehserle's absurd contention that he had accidentally pulled out his gun (located on his right hip) instead of his taser (located on his left hip) and fired a round into Oscar Grant before realizing he'd "grabbed the wrong weapon."

Mehserle faced up to 14 years in prison. He was sentenced by Judge Robert Perry to two, with 292 days as time served and credits for good behavior. Mehserle will be free in 72 days.

Quite reasonably, citizens of the area who don't like the idea that a cop could kill them for the cost of 72 days of prison time protested the sentence.

And the same (and/or neighboring) police force whose member effectively got away with cold-blooded murder caught on camera then did this. (The author of that piece is Shaker Westa.)

Welcome to America 2.0.

The Overton Window: Chapter Twenty-One

I think we all agreed that chapter fifteen was the creepiest, right? You remember the whole "don't tease the panther" incident, I hope. (And if you're fortunate enough to have scrubbed that from your brainpan, go here and re-read it.) I only bring this up because, somehow, Beck et al have produced a chapter even more unsettling. And there is no sex in it at all.

The taxi takes Molly and Noah to Molly's ... ummm ... safehouse? Hideout? Crash pad, like maybe the teabaggers are going to the matresses? "Come on up. See how the other half lives" is her invite. And the author spends the next page describing how run down and ramshackle the building is. I suppose this is to contrast with opulence of Noah's condo.

Inside, however, the place is quite nice:

Great effort had obviously been taken to transform this space into a sort of self-contained hideaway, far removed from the city outside. What had probably once been a huge, cold industrial floor had been renovated and brought alive with simple ingenuity and hard work.

Ah, yes, those ingenious and hardworking teabaggers. They made their living space nice. Not like Noah, who got his from Daddy. Noah is a schmuck for not living in a shitty apartment, obviously. He could learn a lot from these teabaggers.

"How many people live here?" Noah asked.

"I don't know, eight or ten, so don't be surprised if you see someone. They come and go; none of us lives here permanently. We have places like this all around the country so we can have somewhere safe to stay when we have to travel."

I don't know, but that sounds... well... vaguely communist, what with all the sharing of housing and whatnot. It also sounds, to be perfectly honest, a little like a criminal hideout. Or maybe a terrorist cell. Why the fuck are there "places like this all around the country"? Why do they need somewhere safe to stay? Is the Hyatt not an option?

Molly offers to fetch Noah some tea (of course!) while he settles in.

He walked about midway into the front room and found a slightly elevated platform enclosed in Japanese screens of thin dark wood and rice paper panels. There were a lot of bookshelves, a dresser, a rolltop desk, and a vanity. But the space was dominated by a large rope hammock, its webbing covered by a nest of comfy blankets and pillows, suspended waist-high between the red shutoff wheels of two heavy metal pipes that extended up from the floor through the ceiling. This room within a room was lit softly by small lamps and pastel paper lanterns. The total effect of the enclosure was that of a mellow, relaxing Zen paradise.

How ingenious and hardworking. And creepy:

A glance through the nearest bookcase revealed a strange assortment of reading material. Some old and modern classics were segregated on a shelf by themselves, but the collection consisted mostly of works that leaned toward the eccentric, maybe even the forbidden. There didn't seem to be a clear ideological thread to connect them; Alinsky's Rules for Radicals was right next to None Dare Call It Conspiracy. Down the way The Blue Book of the John Birch Society was sandwiched between Abbie Hoffman's Steal This Book, Orson Scott Card's Empire, and a translated copy of The Coming Insurrection. Below was an entire section devoted to a series of books from a specialty publisher, all by a single author named Ragnar Benson. Noah touched the weathered spines and read the titles of these, one by one:

The Modern Survival Retreat
Guerrilla Gunsmithing
Homemade Grenade Launchers: Constructing the Ultimate Hobby Weapon
Ragnar's Homemade Detonators
Survivalist's Medicine Chest
Live Off the Land in the City and Country
And a last worn hardcover, titled simply Mantrapping.

While there is no "clear ideological thread" that explains the commie lit jumbled up with works by professional homobigots, I think the list of survivalist manuals is more than telling.

"Those are some pretty good books she's got there, huh?"

It was only the tranquil atmosphere and a slight familiarity to the odd voice from close behind that kept him from jumping right out of his skin. He turned, and there was Molly’s large friend from the bar, nearly at eye level because of the elevated platform on which Noah was standing.

"Hollis," Noah said, stepping down to the main floor, "how is it that I never hear you coming?"

The big man gave him a warm guy-hug with an extra pat on the shoulder at the end. "I guess I tend to move about kinda quiet."

And certainly, Hollis, gentle giant that he is, likes Homemade Grenade Launchers. Hollis, though, seems to like guns. And bullets. And guy-hugs. Yay for guy-hugs! He shows Noah around the compound, taking him to his own room for a moment.

In the room that Hollis identified as his own there was a low army cot, several neatly organized project tables, and a large red cabinet on wheels, presumably full of tools. All these things were arranged as though bed rest wasn't even in the top ten of this man's nighttime priorities.

"What is all this stuff?" Noah asked. One table was covered with parts and test equipment for working on small electronics, another was a mass of disassembled communications equipment, and a third was devoted to cleaning supplies and the neatly disassembled pieces of a scary-looking black rifle and a handgun. More weapons were visible in an open gun safe to the side, but his focus had settled on the nearest of the workbenches. "Are you making bullets there?"

Yes, Hollis is spending his Saturday night just like any American patriot, making ammo. In his safehouse. With a complete stranger looking on. Okay, maybe Noah isn't a complete stranger. He did get Hollis out of jail and all that. Still, seems odd to me.

Noah asks why he's making ammo, instead of, you know, buying it at Walmart like most folk.

"Noah, do you like cookies? And which do you like better? Do you prefer those dry, dusty little nuggets you get in a box from one of them drive-through restaurants? Or would you rather have a nice, warm cookie fresh out of the oven, that your sweetheart cooked up just for you?"

So... homemade bullets are just like cookies from your sweetheart? Gak! WTF? This book is really starting to get to me. I just so cannot comprehend the sentiment here. It is so far beyond my reasoning.

Molly returns with tea, and shows Noah around the rest of the apartment.

At the end of this hall they came to a large room with a diverse group of men and women sitting around a long conference table. On a second look Noah saw that this furniture consisted of a mismatched set of folding chairs and four card tables butted end to end.

The people inside had been listening to a speaker at the head of the table but the room became quiet when they saw the newcomers.

"Everybody," Molly said, "this is Noah Gardner. And Noah, these are some of the regional leaders of the Founders' Keepers.

The regional leaders of the Founders Keepers are a diverse group. Just like the diversity at the Stars 'n Stripes pub. Just like the diversity in the real teabagging movement. What? They're diverse! It says so right there! Molly introduces the group, all using pseudonyms: Patrick, Ethan, George, Thomas, Benjamin, Samuel, John, Alexander, James, Nathaniel, another Benjamin, Francis, William, and Stephen. Oy.

One of the Founders Keepers leaders readers reads from a Thomas Jefferson text to the group. Noah is confused. I am unsettled.

"So what's the meaning of all this?" The book was clearly hand-bound and not mass-manufactured. It looked old but well cared for, and there was a number on the inside front cover, suggesting that this one and the others were part of a large series.

"It's one of the things the Founders' Keepers do," Molly said. "We remember."

"You remember speeches and letters and things?"

"We remember how the country was founded. You never know, we might have to do it again someday."

What? Now I am confused too. They need to remember how the country was founded in case they need to found it again? That doesn't make much sense, does it? I could see needed to know the Constitution, so you've a good base of law... but the how it happened? I'm not sure the how of it would translate, contextually. Unless slave-owning white dudes are somehow relevant in the post-NWO landscape. That seems a stretch.

"So you keep it in your heads? Why, in case all the history books get burned?"

"It's already happening, Noah, if you haven't noticed. Not burning, but changing. Ask an elementary school kid what they know about George Washington and it's more likely you'll hear the lies about him, like the cherry-tree story or that he had wooden dentures, than about anything that really made him the father of our country. Ask a kid in high school about Ronald Reagan and they'll probably tell you that he was a B-list-actor-turned-politician, or that he was the guy who happened to be in office when Gorbachev ended the Cold War. Ask a college kid about Social Security and they'll probably tell you that it was intended to provide guaranteed retirement income for all Americans. Ask a thirty-year-old about World War II and they'll recite what they remember from Saving Private Ryan. Do you see? No one really needs to rewrite history; they just have to make sure that no one remembers it."

Okay. So, Ronald Reagan wasn't a B-list-actor-turned-politician? I mean, I get that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme and should be outlawed, it's the one thing I really learned from reading this book. But what the hell is she talking about? I need me an elementary school history text, pronto. I'm getting lost here.

Molly throws out some Thomas Paine quotes and hands Noah his tea. Noah asks about Hollis' guns.

"That looked like a small arsenal Hollis had back there," Noah said. "Are all those guns legal?"

"Two of them are registered. The rest are just passing through. He's on his way to a gun show upstate."

"So the answer's no, they're not legal."

"Do you know what it took to make those two guns legal in this city?"

"I can imagine."

"It took over a year, and the guy who owns them had to get fingerprinted, interviewed, and charged about a thousand dollars to exercise a constitutional right."

Then, of course, there's a long bit about the Second Amendment. No need to tell you where Molly and Beck come down on that issue. Molly says "The militia was every citizen who was ready and able to protect their community, whatever the threat. It was as natural as having a lock on your front door." And no, I have no fucking idea what that even means. Militias are as natural as locked doors, maybe?

Noah asks about Molly's books:

"I was noticing some of the titles. That's quite a subversive library."

"People use some of those books to smear us, and some of them were written by our enemies. I read everything so I'll know what I'm up against, and how to talk about them. You don't see any harm in that, do you?"

"Who's this Ragnar Benson lunatic?"

She smiled. "He's not a lunatic. That's a pen name, by the way; hardly anyone knows who he really is. He writes about a lot of useful things, though."

"Like how to make a grenade launcher in your rumpus room?"

"That one was from his mercenary days. He's mellowed out some since then. Now he's more about independence, and readiness, and self-sufficiency, you know? The joys of living off the grid."

Ah yes, the joys of living off the grid. Whatever those joys are. It's not clear. Nor is it clear which books in her library are used to "smear" teabaggers, and which are written by their "enemies." But when Noah asks about Ragnar Benson, Molly confides two things.

First, Ragnar Benson is Hollis' uncle. (Faction!) Secondly, Ragnar has retired and Hollis now writes books under that name.

See? I told you this chapter was creepy. There really is a Ragnar Benson (a pseudonym) who writes books with titles like Guerrilla Gunsmithing, Breath Of The Dragon: Homebuilt Flamethrowers, Home-Built Claymore Mines: A Blueprint For Survival, The Most Dangerous Game: Advanced Mantrapping Techniques. These books are real. Scary as that may be.

And one of the characters, one we, the reader, are supposed to have some affection for, is now revealed to be that author. It's mind boggling. It's really unfathomable. I don't want the heroes of my books to be people who've authored Homemade C-4: A Recipe For Survival. The idea that someone else does is really unsettling.

Molly and Noah sink into the hammock, with Noah suggesting "What do you say we just stay here like this, for a really long time." Molly would love to, but she can't. Though, I am pretty sure Noah wasn't being literal. Molly encourages him to finish his tea, which he does in one long swallow.

Molly shows Noah her bracelet. It is inscribed with a Thomas Paine quote "We have it in our power to begin the world over again" on one face. On the other: "Faith Hope Charity."

"I guess I don't really understand," Noah said. "I mean, I understand those words, but that's not really a battle plan, is it? Do you know what you're up against?"

"Yes," Molly said. "But I doubt that our enemies do."

"So tell me."

She explains, sort of, what it all means. No, it doesn't really make sense. She tells how 'no taxation without representation' was coined by a preacher and how the French revolution failed because they don't believe in God in France. (Which totally goes against what I learned in The Da Vinci Code. Wasn't Amélie's grandpappy Jesus? She was French, right? No? Argh!)

"Our rights come from a higher power, Noah. Men can't grant them, and men can't take them away."

Okay. God doesn't like taxes? Or something. And we should definitely not render unto Caesar what is Caesar's? And all of our rights, like not having to quarter soldiers in our homes in time of peace, come from God? And no man can interfere with your right to own an assault rifle? Because God? Whut?

"And charity is simple. We believe that it's up to each of us to help one another get to that better tomorrow."

Unless the way to help your fellow man is by paying taxes to ensure a social safety net for the disadvantaged. Because that is bullshit, my friends. Remember when Mel Brooks quoted Jesus in Spaceballs?: "Fuck the poor!" Amen, sister!

If anyone can make sense of this, you're clearly smarter than I am. (And if you can't, well, it's probably safe to assume you're still smarter than I. At least you're not reading this claptrap voluntarily.)

Suddenly, Noah feels dizzy. He thinks, for a moment, that maybe he's drunk. Like in college. He tries to get up, but Molly tells him to be still.

As the cloudy room began to swim and fade he saw that three strangers were standing nearby, young men dressed in business suits and ties.

"It's time to go, Molly," one of them said, the voice far away and unreal.

Whoops! Looks like Molly slipped Noah a mickey.

Whut?

"You'll stay with him, Hollis, won't you?"

"I'll stay just as long as I can."

He felt her arms around him tight, her tears on his cheek, her lips near his ear as the blackness finally, fully descended. Almost gone, but the three simple words she'd whispered to him then would stay clear in his mind even after everything else had faded away into the dark.

"I'm so sorry."

Molly, our hero, has spiked Noah's drink. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it will become clear later. I doubt it. Nothing in this book has made any sort of sense, so I don't think this will either. Just another random plot point in a series or random plot points.

In good news, at least something happened in this chapter. Right? That sort of makes up for nothing much happening the last five or six. Though, we didn't really need fifteen pages to get there. She could have just drugged him at the start of the chapter. But I guess then we'd never have learned that Hollis is Ragnar Benson. And we'd have missed all that bullets as cookies stuff. Truthfully, I could have stood to miss that. Gun fetishism always gives me the creeps. But then, so does our hero poisoning her love interest.

Happy Blogiversary...

...to Mustang Bobby, celebrating seven years of barking and woofing. Woot!

Congratulations, MB!

Olbermann Back on the Air

I hope he's learned his lesson!

Keith Olbermann will be allowed to resume his nightly program on MSNBC on Tuesday, the channel's president said Sunday night, after he was suspended for donating money to three Democratic candidates.

The policy at MSNBC's parent, NBC News, says journalists cannot make political contributions without permission from the head of the news division. "After several days of deliberation and discussion, I have determined that suspending Keith through and including Monday night's program is an appropriate punishment for his violation of our policy," the MSNBC president, Phil Griffin, said in a statement. "We look forward to having him back on the air Tuesday night."

Funny how that went from an "indefinite" suspension to a four-day weekend as soon as the network's hypocrisy and its corporate master's own political donations became a matter of public interest.

Principles!

Hope you had a nice long weekend, Keith.

DADT Repeal Unlikely

Despite Defense Secretary Robert Gates' exhortation to Congress to "act quickly, before new members take their seats, to repeal the military's ban on gays serving openly in the military," the chances of Don't Ask Don't Tell actually being repealed appear to be vanishingly slim for the near future. Again.

The attachment to the Defense Bill which would pass the repeal is currently a political football being tossed around in Senate Armed Services Committee negotiations between the Committee's top Democrat and Republican, Senators Carl Levin and John McCain, who are "in talks on stripping the proposed repeal and other controversial provisions from a broader defense bill, leaving the repeal with no legislative vehicle to carry it."

And the Obama administration, in a move that will surprise absolutely fucking no one, has failed to identify the repeal as a priority for the final session of the outgoing Democratic House majority.

Asked what the White House priorities are for the coming congressional session, press secretary Robert Gibbs named four issues—tax cuts, a nuclear-arms treaty with Russia, a child nutrition bill and confirmation of Jack Lew as White House budget director. Asked why he wouldn't put gays in the military on the list, Mr. Gibbs said it looked like Republicans would block action.

So, ya know, why even try?

(Hey, Mr. President: If you want to know why your party lost last week, maybe it's because you let the Republicans set the agenda even when they're in the minority. Just saying.)

Meanwhile, also to resoundingly no surprise, incoming House Speaker John Boehner is also not keen to make repealing DADT a legislative priority.

The issue isn't high on the to-do list of Rep. John Boehner (R., Ohio), the likely next House speaker. "In the midst of two wars, even with one winding down, I certainly don't think this will be a priority," said Michael Steel, spokesman for Mr. Boehner. When the House voted to repeal don't ask earlier this year, five Republicans voted yes and 168 voted no.

That a Democratic executive branch and Democratically-controlled Congress, with the help of the judiciary, could not get DADT overturned, despite the President's claim to want to put an end to the profoundly discriminatory policy, is indicting evidence of the Democratic Party's institutional fecklessness on social justice issues.

Marginalized people have no champion in the US government anymore.