[TW for discussion of suicide.]
"Learning about the suicide deaths of Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas and Justin Aaberg has been heartbreaking for me. These young people were bullied and tormented by people that should have been their friends. We have a responsibility to be better to each other, and accept each others' differences regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ability, or religion and stand up for someone when they're bullied." — Daniel Radcliffe, discussing the Trevor Project with MTV.com.
Quote of the Day
On the Dutch Elections, Part Three
by Shaker Glauke
[Part One can be read here; Part Two can be read here.]
The New Dutch Government: the News Is Not Good
It looks as if, after the general elections in June yielded a very unclear result, and after two failed attempts at building a coalition, the Dutch will finally have a government before the end of the month.
There is no clear consensus among the electorate about either the problems or the solutions. The last two months the CDA and VVD (see footnote) have held negotiations with Geert Wilders' Freedom Party (FP). The basic idea: CDA and VVD would form the coalition government, and their policy agreements would be supported by FP, though FP is not part of government. This means that Wilders has free reign, and is not being made responsible for governing. He gets influence on policy without having to take actual responsibility.
Last week, the concept-agreement was published. There are some Christian Democrats in parliament who objected to working with FP, but it seems that it will come to pass. With a majority of 1 vote (76 out of 150 seats) in Parliament, they will start implementing their plans. I have been reading them over the weekend, and here is a selection of my likes and dislikes in the proposals.
The Likes
In Dutch we have the saying that even a non-working clock indicates the correct time twice a day. When you say a lot of words, you're liable to right about something.
The new coalition will develop concrete policy for the emancipation of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Hate crimes will be penalised more severely. The Veteran's Law that's being devised in parliament will be introduced. (The Vet Law that the ministry of Defence had drafted wasn't as good for our veterans as the proposal from parliament. I don't know why that is either.) There is a paragraph on animal welfare, including the intention to promote alternatives to animal testing, and more effective strategies to combat illegal trade in exotic species and animal abuse. Part of that will come of 500 new specialised animal cops. A dedicated telephone number will be introduced where animal abuse can be reported. The availability of GPs will be improved. The quality of surface water will be improved, particularly in urban areas. This is an important statement, because in our current implementation of the European Framework Directive on Water Quality, very little attention is paid to this. Criminal law for adolescents will be introduced. I'm tentatively labeling it good news, because I hope it means a focus on socialisation and treatment of the various psychological problems that underlie much of the criminality, but I'm not yet sure that's the case, though. Minimum age for being a sex worker is moved up to 21. Human trafficking will be investigated more, and prosecuted more heavily. The statute of limitations on violent crime and sexual abuse will be increased.
The Dislikes
Among the dislikes, these are the ones that really rattled my nerves. This is however, a selection.
Government will consider new mission requests from NATO (read: for a mission in Afghanistan, maybe Pakistan). However, these missions are likely to be mixed military-civilian, which is bad at least for the civilians. Adding insult to injury, these missions will increasingly be funded from development aid funds—funds that are already being slashed. The army will also become a full partner in the struggle (AD: note they're not using the word war here!) against drugs, terrorism, illegal immigration and piracy.
There is no ambition on safeguarding our national landscapes. There will be no saving natural habitats beyond what is completely mandatory under EU law. Construction in the Green Heart will be allowed, sacrificing an important piece of cultural historical landscape.
Animal welfare is mentioned, though it's made clear that it will only be pursued in European context. National legislation will not be made.
Diseases with a "low burden" will no longer be covered in the basic health care package. The number of IVF treatments covered in the basic health care package will be reduced to one. I mention this one because my SO has psoriasis, or more accurately arthritis psiariatica. His current (expensive) medication allows him to function normally, but it bars us from conceiving naturally. IVF was our back up plan. I'm a little afraid what this will mean for us. But then, I have a tendency to be afraid.
Which brings us to:
Psychological problems are treated in two 'lines' of care, first line for not-so-heavy problems, the second line for heavier problems that require more and more specialised care. The premium for first line care will be upped, and premiums will be introduced for second line care. The number of visits covered will be decreased to five. If a patient doesn't show up for hir appointment, zhie will have to pay for it personally.
The central goal of the new immigration policy will be a decrease of the number of immigrants, unless of course they are 'knowledge workers'. Illegal residence will be made a criminal offence. The eviction of undocumented aliens is supposed to take place more often (side note: because I worked for the organisation responsible for such evictions as a temp I know what a hairy, difficult process it is, and how unlikely to succeed). A naturalised citizen is required to (attempt to) relinquish hir other nationality. If zhie commits a grave crime, zhie shall lose hir Dutch citizenship. I assume this means rendering hir stateless.
The options for preventive searching will be widened. There will be more camera surveillance. The intake of TBS will be decreased. TBS used to a point of pride for me: when a person cannot be held responsible for hir crimes because zhie was suffering from a mental illness, zhie could receive treatment as part of the 'punishment'. Government will prepare a privatisation of the prison system.
The Quiet
There are many things CDA, VVD, and FP discussed. But there are a couple of things they are eerily quiet about. Climate change stands out. FP is (of course, of course) in the denier-camp. VVD has been moving in that direction, too. CDA, I'm not sure where they stand. With the agro-industrial complex, I guess. Which is why the European fishery policy is mentioned, but overfishing isn't.
Finally, the hypotheekrenteaftrek, which translates loosely into mortgage interest return. When you take a mortgage to buy a house, you get the interest back from the government. This outragous scheme benefits people with large houses more than it does low-income people, and costs the government approximately 9 billion a year. Yet this arrangement is left intact. Oh, and although animal welfare is mentioned, CAFOs are not. Really odd, that.
---------------------------
CDA: Christian-Democrats, centre right, mostly Christian, some Muslim members.
VVD: economically liberal, socially conservative-leaning.
Freedom Party: one member, Geert Wilders, formerly VVD. Profoundly anti-Muslim, tough on immigration and crime, but soft on issues like elderly care.
Sex in the US
I've got a new piece up at The Guardian's Comment is free America about the newly released results of Indiana University's National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior:
"The surprise we found in this survey is the variability and diversity of the way people conduct their sex lives," says [Logan Levkoff, a New York University sexologist].Read the whole thing here.
Frankly, I'm more surprised by the surprise with which the findings – that teens are sexually responsible, sex lives are varied, and people view themselves on a sliding scale of sexuality – are being met. The shock that Americans are not puritans is not only outdated – surely, we've all known Americans aren't doing it missionary-style through hole-punched fuck sheets ever since Dr. Kinsey got a boner staring at gall wasps – but, ironically, seems indicative of the false puritanism that guides much of the US's public discourse about sex and sexuality.
We insistently believe ourselves to be puritans despite all evidence to the contrary, an intractable myth periodically punctuated by the findings of some sex researcher or another, who reveals to us the true nature of our naughtiness – and, oh, how we love to gasp at our scandalously sexy sexbusiness!
But even the actual Puritans weren't puritans. (This lady knows what I'm talking about.) And despite the collective apoplexy about the appearance of a boob at a football game or a naked butt in primetime, what happens behind closed doors has never had any relationship to the public sanctimony about sex and sexuality peddled by pecksniffs who parade a contrived virtue to bored busybodies.
The profound disconnect between who we are and who we regard ourselves to be would be amusing if it weren't so dangerous.
"I Did an Evening of Vegetables Off-Broadway!"
(About the title: check out this clip from Tootsie and the partial transcript below the fold for context.)
We seem to have a carrot theme today. I'm inspired to do my part.
My younger sister's birthday rolled around again last month, and I knew she wanted a carrot cake. She requested a straightforward carrot cake with walnuts but no pineapple or coconut. A carrot cake with classic cream cheese frosting, but not too much. And absolutely no bakery-style piped icing carrots on top.
Turns out, it's pretty hard to find a satisfactory straightforward carrot cake recipe. I tinkered around with a mixture of Alton Brown's recipe and the one for carrot cake cupcakes from Thomas Keller's ad hoc at home. The final recipe is significantly different from either source. To cut down on the amount of frosting, I made up a tangy carrot and apricot jam to go between the cake layers. The recipes are below the fold. I baked the layers separately in case the experimental recipe was a disaster, so I have not tried doubling it.
TheLadyEve had vehemently denounced "those piped carrots" on bakery carrot cakes, so my big sister and I decided there should definitely be some kind of carrot on top of the cake for that all-important smartass factor. It was Labor Day weekend, and we gave TheLadyEve ocean-related gifts for her soap-making--sea salt, sea mud, ground seaweed. So we chose a beach theme:
A chocolate plastic carrot relaxes on a ground-walnut beach beside a cream cheese frosting sea.
The final touch: a paper umbrella in the carrot's drink. Meta!
From Tootsie. This excerpt begins around 2:40 in the linked clip:
GEORGE: You got one of the worst reputations in this town, Michael: nobody will hire you.
MICHAEL: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?
GEORGE: Oh, no--that's too limited. Nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even send you up for a commercial--you play the tomato for thirty seconds, they went a half a day over-schedule 'cause you wouldn't sit down!
MICHAEL: Yes. It wasn't logical.
GEORGE: You were a tomato! A tomato doesn't have logic! A tomato can't move!
MICHAEL: That's what I said! So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato, a juicy, sexy, Beefsteak tomato! Nobody does vegetables like me--I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber--I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass!
GEORGE: Michael, I--I'm trying to stay calm here. You, uh, are a wonderful actor--
MICHAEL: Thank you.
GEORGE: But you're Too. Much. Trouble--get some therapy.
MICHAEL: OK thanks--I'm going to raise eight thousand dollars and I'm gonna do Jeff's play.
GEORGE: Michael? You're not going to raise twenty-five cents: no-one will hire you.
MICHAEL: Oh yeah?
[Cut to first scene of Michael Dorsey dressed as Dorothy Michaels, on a crowded New York street]
Finally, the cake recipe. I frosted it with Alton Brown's basic cream cheese frosting.
Straight-Up Carrot Cake with Walnuts
For one 10 x 2-inch layer (have not yet tried doubling):
2.5 cups sifted cake four (scant)
3 cups carrots, medium-grate (5 large peeled and trimmed carrots)
1 rounded teaspoon baking powder
1 level teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons spice mix (see below)
1 cup plus 1 Tablespoon white sugar
½ cup gently-packed light brown sugar
3 large eggs
5 ounces plain yogurt
7 ounces canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ cup chopped toasted walnuts
Spice mix (about enough for two cake layers. I include the brands I used; substitute as necessary):
1 Tablespoon King Arthur Vietnamese cinnamon
1 Tablespoon Penzey’s Baking Spice
2 teaspoons Penzey’s french four spice
1 teaspoon added ginger (there is some in the four-spice)
1 teaspoon added cardamom (there’s a bit in the Baking Spice)
½ teaspoon fresh-ground grains of paradise
1 small pinch of saffron, powdered as finely as possible
2 pinches finely powdered Hu Kwa tea (smoky black tea), stem bits removed (about one-eighth teaspoon).
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
Butter and flour a 10-inch round and 2-inch deep cake pan. Line the bottom with parchment paper.
Set aside grated carrots and walnuts in separate containers.
Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and spices in a bowl and set aside.
Put yogurt, sugars, eggs and extract into mixer with paddle attachment. Mix until sugar is dissolved. With mixer running, drizzle in oil and beat until thoroughly mixed. Mix in dry ingredients, being careful not to over-mix. Fold in carrots and walnuts. Pour batter into prepared pan and bake in the center of the oven for 40 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 325 and bake 15 minutes longer, until skewer stuck in the center comes out clean and cake has pulled away from sides of pan. Cool in pan on rack for 15 minutes; de-pan and cool completely.
Carrot Jam Filling, if doing two layers:
¾ bag of baby carrots
10 dried apricot halves
¼ cup orange juice
2 Tablespoons chopped crystallized ginger
Heat and cover; allow to steam until the carrots are very tender (20 minutes)
Add the following:
Half a jar of apricot preserves
The rind of one lime and the juice of 2 (one lemon would work instead)
A few grinds grains of paradise
A small pinch of saffron, powdered
2 tablespoons of cognac
2 teaspoons of balsamic vinegar
Dash of salt
2 tablespoons of cold butter
Puree with a blender or food processor and chill.
I Just Don't Even Have Words
[Trigger warning for contempt for women's bodily autonomy and hostility to survivors of sexual assault.]
Proposed state legislation in Pennsylvania, introduced by a Republican dude named Don White, who is at very low risk for sexual assault and will never need an abortion, would "prohibit private health insurance plans sold in Pennsylvania's state 'exchange'—created under the new federal health care law—from offering abortions and require rape victims to report the crime within 72 hours in order to receive an abortion."
The insurance exchanges, which don't go into effect until 2014, will serve those who do not have access to employer-based health plans, including the unemployed and small business employees.So basically what we have here is the intersection of exceptioneering and craven Democratic capitulation, and exactly what wasn't supposed to happen when feminists/womanists asserted that women had been sold out for insurance reform is now happening. With an added twist of hostility toward rape survivors.
Under the law, any health insurance plan that contracts with the exchange must create a system to ensure no federal funds are used for abortion coverage -- including the collection of two separate payments from the beneficiary, one for abortion coverage and one for all other health care coverage.
The proposed bill would deny insurance plans participating in the exchange from covering abortions except in cases where the pregnancy was caused by rape or incest, or where the life of the woman is in danger.
I just don't even have words. This shit had better fail.
Calling All Eccentric Billionaires
Nate Silver on the odds of a third-party presidential bid in 2012.
This is a real thing in the world.
Transcript:
Voiceover: "Brought to you by a bunch of carrot farmers." Shot of man in shopping cart equipped with jet engine, racing down hill. Scary cookie monster voiceover shouts: "Baby carrots! Yeah! Baby carrots! Woah! Baby carrots!" Man in shopping cart screams "Baby carrots!" Woman at bottom of hill yells enthusiastically. Shopping cart jumps off edge of cliff as man screams. Woman screams and opens fire with what appears to be an anti-aircraft gun shooting baby carrots at man in cart. Monstery voiceover "Baby! Carrots! Extreme! Impossible! Stunts!" Man catches baby carrot in his teeth. Monstery voiceover "Baby! Carrots!" Shopping cart jet explodes. Man stands, holds baby carrot over his head in victory. He screams "Baby carrots!" A pterodactyl swoops down and steals the carrot from the man's hand. Monstery voiceover "Extreme pterodactyl!" Graphic appears reading "Eat 'em like junk food." Monstery voiceover "Baby! Carrots! Now in extreme junk food packaging!"
Well, Everything's Our Fault, So I Guess It Makes Sense
USA Today—Elections are likely to trim number of women in Congress:
The prospects for female congressional candidates have been hurt by a combination of a tough political landscape for Democrats — women in Congress are disproportionately Democratic— and the nation's economic troubles. Hard times historically have made voters more risk-averse and less willing to consider voting for female candidates.That's depressing. Even more depressing is that the article contains this line: "Beyond bragging rights, does having women in Congress make a difference?"
Bottom line: Independent analysts predict that the number of women in Congress — currently 56 Democrats and 17 Republicans in the House, and 13 Democrats and four Republicans in the Senate — will decline for the first time in three decades.
At least the article allows the answer yes. But that the question even frames a basic equality as "bragging rights" is absurd. This is meant to be a representative democracy. Fair representation should be a given, and its achievement regarded as the long overdue rectification of a shameful injustice, not the equivalent of a beer pong win for the ladies.
Question of the Day
What's your favorite season?
Mine is autumn. Of course, if you ask me in the spring on a particularly beautiful day, I might give you a different answer.
Quote of the Day
"We will not restore this nation with public policy alone. It will require public virtue and that emanates from the traditional institutions of family and religion. ... To those who say that marriage doesn't matter, I say: You would not be able to print enough money in 1,000 years to pay for the government you would need if the traditional family continues to collapse."—Republican Congressional Representative from Indiana and Professional Embarrassment to Progressive Hoosiers Mike Pence, on why preventing marriage equality is as important (more important?) than fixing the economy.
I live in Indiana, in the shadow of a decimated steel industry where the most popular occupation of my friends' fathers growing up was "laid off" and where you're greeted at the local unemployment office by a man who tells you if you're not a nurse or truck driver, you're probably going to have a hard time finding work.
The only people who give a fuck about preventing legal same-sex marriage around here are straight bigots so rich they've got nothing else to worry about or so poor they've got nothing of which to be proud in our fucked-up consumerist culture besides their unearned and undeserved hetero privilege.
Everyone else is talking about the crumbling goddamn roads.
The Third War
So, yeah. The US is basically fighting a war in Pakistan now. Just wanted to let you know, since our government hasn't really bothered making it public or anything.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Random YouTubery
I can't stop watching this.
[Video Paraphrase by Liss: A person off-screen reaches hir hand in and begins vigorously scratching the junction of a cat's back and tail. The cat lifts its head and begins to open and close its mouth, as many cats do when scratched in that particular location. But instead of whatever noise the cat may or may not be making, the soundtrack has been replaced with the Trololo song. As the scratching stops and starts, so does the music.]
The Overton Window: Chapter Twelve
Pencils down.
Okay, so how did you do? I asked last chapter if anyone could guess what exciting thing would happen next. Did any of you guess "Another speech"? If so, give yourself a Twinkie, because you're a winner! Yes, this is the third chapter in a row with a speech by one of the characters. Will the thrills never cease? That was rhetorical. Well, maybe not rhetorical so much as sarcastic.
Noah hopes to be ignored, but Bailey zeroes right in on him. "Well, well, well. Looks like we've got a junior ambassador from the Ivy League among us." Yeah, damn elite! Who invited him anyway?
He's coaxed up on stage by Bailey. "I doubt if you can tell us much about the Constitution or the Founding Fathers, but maybe you can enlighten us with a little racist, communist wisdom from a real hero ... like Che Guevara."
Che Guevara was a racist? That's not rhetorical. Really, if someone knows, please drop a link in comments.
Noah finishes his beer and takes to the stage. And for three pages explains how the teabaggers will never, ever win. They are correct in their paranoid conspiracy theories, but that isn't going to help them any.
"I want to start off by saying," Noah began, adjusting his voice to make the most of the sound system, "that because of my job I'm in a unique position to know for certain that most of what's been said here tonight is absolutely true."
The crowd quieted down considerably upon hearing this, as he'd assumed they would.
"Let me see if I can confirm some of the speculation from earlier speakers ... The Federal Reserve isn't federal at all: you're right, it's basically a privately owned bank, a cartel that loans you your own money at interest, and its creation was the beginning of the end of the free-market system."
I mentioned back in chapter three that I really did not understand the Darthur character. Half of what he said was pure Beckian philosophy, and the other half was Beck's paranoid fears. But now I've got it figured out. Of course, this should have been obvious from page one, but maybe I was being overly optimistic with the writing here.
Darthur and Molly and Noah and Danny and every other person in this thriller isn't really a character at all. They are certainly not fleshed out in any meaningful way. But it's not just lazy writing. No, the characters are here not to move the story along, to develop, to interact with one another, but to mouth Beck's words, to impart his paranoid worldview like puppets in some weird Libertarian Guignol.
"The United States was built to run on individual freedom, that's true, but because you've let these control freaks have their way with it for almost a hundred years, your country now runs on debt. Today Goldman Sachs is the engine, and in case you haven't realized it yet, the American people are nothing but the fuel."
See what I mean? That's just Beck. It doesn't read at all like a character who just pages ago claimed that "talking politics" was "kind of a waste of time." Noah continues:
The Committee of Three Hundred exists. And the Council on Foreign Relations, and the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission, the Club of Rome—they all exist. And they are globalists; they're wealthy and powerful beyond anything you can imagine. All of them together really do run things in this world, just like you say they do. There's nothing secret about those societies, though. No hidden conspiracies: they do what they do right out in the open.
Oh my! That paragraph is a conspiracy theorist's wet dream. I think though, the Trilateral Commission reference is a bit dated. Weren't they super spooky back in the Eighties? Well, I guess there can't be a Facebook-quality reference on every page. Relevance is hard, you guys!
The thing I really love about the Noah character is how he serves to legitimize Beck's paranoid theories. He's the inside man that confirms all the horrible things the teabaggers believe is going on are really true. Because the New World Order is one PR campaign away from success: "The place where I work is where all the secrets get told, because they have to tell us their secrets before we can hide them." Okay then.
Then Beck and Noah lay out for the teabaggers their main problem: Their public image:
Noah pointed out a particularly hefty man near the bar.
"Can everybody read what it says on this guy's T-shirt? Turn around so we can see it, big guy; be proud of it. It says, 'Born in the Jew S A.'
"If he's not already an infiltrator or an agent provocateur, then your enemies should hire him immediately. With him standing next to you, who'd ever believe a word you say? At every rally you hold, if you're lucky enough to get the press to cover you at all, he's the one guy who'll get his picture on the front page. If you want to know why you can't get any traction with the other ninety-seven percent of America, it's because you let yourselves be lumped in with people like that."
Fringe elements, the smallest of minorities in the movement, you see, are all that the press will cover. "If you're lucky enough to get the press to cover you at all." Heh. Yeah, I hate how there is rarely mention of teabaggers on the news. If only they had their own news network.
I also love how the idea that the man in the anti-Semitic (is that what it is?) T-shirt may be an agent provocateur. Nevermind that Noah just claimed he could spot an infiltrator without even trying. Beck wants everyone to believe that the particularly scary elements of the teabagger movement are all secretly liberal agents trying to besmirch the good names of the true patriots. Yeah, okay.
Noah points out that "name-calling also works like a charm" too, another trick of the leftist news.
"There's a Birther, and a Truther, two Paulites, a John Bircher, a Freeper, a white supremacist, a pothead, three tea-partiers, and that guy there is the jackpot: a Holocaust denier. From there it's easy to roll you all up together so that no one in their right mind would want to join you. Why would they? According to the network news, you're all borderline-insane, ignorant, paranoid, uneducated, hate-mongering, tinfoil-hat-wearing, racist conspiracy theorists.
If I may point out something: Labelling someone a white supremacist isn't exactly name-calling. Neither is calling someone a Holocaust denier. That's just correctly identifying someone based on their beliefs. Also, "three tea-partiers"? I thought they were all tea-partiers. Now I am so confused. I did, however, like the shoutout to the Freepers. Of course, do I need to note that Freepers is name they've adopted for themselves? I don't think Beck gets this whole name-calling thing.
"There's no respect for you in Washington. They laugh at you. You say you want a revolution? That Constitution the lady was holding up a while ago? It gives you the power to revolt at every single election. Do you realize that in a couple of weeks every last seat in the U.S. House of Representatives will be up for grabs? And the presidency? And one-third of the Senate seats?
"The approval rating for Congress is somewhere around fifteen percent. You could turn the tables and put them all out of a job on that one day."
Again with the mention of the upcoming presidential election. Is this 2008? 2012? 2004? Oh, nevermind, that can't be important, can it? Forget I even asked.
And that's that, essentially. Noah says if anyone wants to punch his lights out, he'll be out front waiting for a cab. Oy.
Did you follow all that? Teabagging patriots are right, there is a conspiracy, but the fringe elements, who may be leftist agitators, are delegitimizing the movement, and the only way to achieve legitimacy and advance the cause, to reclaim the country, is to disassociate the movement from those undesirable elements.
So, yeah, that was Noah's speech. I got tingles just reading it. I didn't really. Now Noah wanders off stage and bumps into Beverly.
"That was quite a speech you gave, and on such short notice," she said.
"Yeah," Noah said. "I've got a gift. Look, I didn't mean any disrespect—"
"You don't have to apologize to me." Her face was kind, her eyes intelligent and alight with that same inscrutable glint that had hooked him so hopelessly during his brief time in her daughter's company. "I think we might have more in common than you realize."
Noah may have something in common with these patriots after all. How nice! And that glint in Beverly's eyes? Awesome. Totally awesome.
Things are about to take a turn now, dear readers. And I want you to be prepared for it. It so ridiculous, so obvious, so by-the-numbers, one would not even consider it a possibility. It's just too absurd to actually happen. But then, this is Glenn Beck's fantasy, and absurdity is what he strives for.
Back in my last post I asked if anyone could guess what exciting thing would happen next, right? Did anyone say "cops in riot gear raid the bar"? If you did, give yourself a Twinkie and a Ho-Ho, because that is some insightful shit you're working right now. Yes, the Stars 'n Stripes is flooded with truncheon-wielding goons who proceed to rough up the patriots.
Noah attempts to leave the pub, but spots some shifty looking goons near the entrance. He makes for the fire-exit. He tries to pull Beverly along with him, but she is lost in the throng of teabaggers. And then:
To describe the next few seconds as a blur would make it seem as if the ensuing events were jumbled together or indistinct, and they were far from that. They passed in something like slow motion, like those graceful shots of a drop of milk splashing into a cereal bowl or a rifle bullet cutting edge-to-edge through a playing card at twenty thousand frames per second. But the trade-off for all that visual clarity was a complete inability to act; Noah could see everything, but do nothing.
I am not a professional writer by any means. And I do understand that to write effectively takes a fair amount of skill, if not some modicum of talent. I imagine writing something truly suspenseful take a mastery of language far beyond that which I possess. Which makes me wonder why Beck didn't hire a ghostwriter with those skills. To say this book lacks thrills is an understatement, and that's problematic, since the words "A Thriller" appear on the cover right under the title.
A slate-gray pistol appeared in a man's hand nearby—a man whom Molly had pointed out earlier as a newer member of her organization. The weapon was drawn down and level toward the stage. There was a flash, and the sonic pressure of a firecracker or the popping of a paper bag too near his ear, and then another, over and over as the crowd surged away from the gunman. The rising sounds of panic, a shower of glass and white sparks as a spotlight shattered in its mount above the stage, the back door banging open, the rush of black-suited officers storming in, a sudden stinging odor like a mist of Tabasco and bug spray, a loud commotion at the far end of the room as another squad in riot gear burst in.
Noah sees Hollis on the floor, victim of a tazering. A "a nearby man-in-black" raises his club to bash in Hollis' head. (And if I may interrupt, I thought Beck and his ilk loved cops. What gives?) It's here that Noah's transformation begins. It starts in an instant:
As the black truncheon swung down Noah reached up and caught the uniformed man by the wrist, stopping him cold with an unexpectedly steely grip toned over years with his personal trainer at the Madison Square Club. It's true what they say: you just never know when all those pull-ups are going to come in handy.
There was no struggle. The other man locked eyes with him, their faces a hand's width apart. Perhaps the man was in the midst of a defining moment of his own. At first he looked surprised, and then incredulous, and then—despite the impressive array of armaments swinging from his belt and the three additional troopers already rushing to his rescue—he looked afraid.
Noah, and the chapter, quickly fades to black, as the truncheon blows rain down on his head.
Scenes from Shakes Manor
Deeky came to visit this weekend, and we had a wonderful weekend of doing absolutely fuck-all. With the exception of excursions to the dog park and a local restaurant for tasty burritos, we basically just sat around being giant lumps of laziness, and had a great time doing it.
Deeks plays Limbo, with Matilda's assistance. She's very helpful.
Meanwhile, Olivia and Potter have a stand-off in the hall. [Photo by Deeks.]
Iain and Dudz play tag at the dog park.
All tuckered out and ready to pose with Uncle Deeks, who scowls
at his own assholery for not packing any long trousers, lol.
Two very serious businessmen play a very serious game of Halo.
Time for a movie. More helpfulness from Tils.
KBlogz and Iain during Saturday Night Live. Too much beer, not enough caffeine!
Also: Not enough jokes.
Sophie being ridiculously cute, as usual.
Zup?
And, like the designated photographer in every family, there are no pictures of me, because no one took any, lol. So here's a picture of Deeks and me from last year instead:
The End!
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, publishers of the upcoming memoir, I Was a Teenage Macaroni Rascal, by Deeky W. Gashlycrumb.
Recommended Reading:
DDay: Fighting for Homeowners: A Visit to a NACA Loan Modification Marathon
Cuppycake: Wheretheladies.at – Turning women into commodies since 2010. [TW for misogyny and harassment.]
Fannie: More Definitely-Not-Bigotry [TW for homophobia]
Andrew: School Thwarts Westboro Protest With Early Dismissal [TW for homophobia]
Veronica: The Race for Illinois Governor
Brad: Why Oh Why Can't We Have a Better Press Corps?
Mo Pie: Beth Ditto on the Runway
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The Warm Glow of Privatization
In Obion County, Tennessee—where, since 1990, the fire department servicing rural residences has been subscription-based—homeowner Gene Cranick and his family got to watch their house burn down last week, because they hadn't paid the $75 subscription before the fire started.
I'm sure the firefighters on scene who refused to put out the fire really wanted to help, but they couldn't escape the powerful grip of the invisible hand of the market.
I Write Letters
[Trigger warning for sexual violence and rape apologia.]
Mr. Bill Donohue
Chief Harassment Officer
One-Man Operation Known as the Catholic League
1234 Bully Boulevard
Eighth Circle, Hell 66666
Dear Bill:
I may be "vulgar" and "trash-talking," but at least I'm not a fucking rape apologist. Let me just quote the passage from your October 1 press release that I find objectionable:
NOT ALL SEXUAL ABUSE IS EQUALWhoops that's the whole thing.
October 1, 2010
Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on a news story about a former priest who molested a male listed as John Doe:
On September 28, the Chicago Tribune reported that "former Chicago priest and convicted sex offender Daniel McCormick sexually abused him [Doe] while he was a grammar school student." We then learn that the student was really a middle-school student, in the eighth grade, when the abuse began. The abuse reportedly continued for five years. According to the lawsuit, "McCormack inappropriately sexually touched, hugged, rubbed and/or abused Doe."
It's time to ask some tough questions. Why did this young man not object earlier? Why did he allow the "abuse" to continue until he was 18? The use of the quotes is deliberate: the charge against the former priest is not rape, but rubbing. While still objectionable, there is a glacial difference between being rubbed and raped.
Here's what we know. We know that this case, like most of them, was the work of a homosexual, not a pedophile. And like most of the cases of priestly sexual misconduct, there was no rape involved. Inappropriate touching is morally wrong, and the offenders should be punished, but the time has come to object to all those pundits who like to say that the scandal is all about child rape. Most of the cases did not involve children—they were post-pubescent males—and most weren't raped.
Why does this matter? Because those looking to sue the Catholic Church for being inappropriately rubbed decades ago are not exactly the poster boys for the victims of child rape. And because those who hate the Church continue to use the term child rape as a way of discrediting the Church. They lie about this being a pedophilia problem and they lie about the nature of the misconduct. That's reason enough to call them on it.
I would say I'm shocked by your vicious and mendacious rape apologia, except for the fact that I'm totally not. If there was any asshole willing to pick up right where the Holy See left off in their gay-scapegoating and media-blaming defensive, and crank it up to 11, that asshole was you.
You are a monstrous specimen, sir.
Contemptuously,
Liss
Cc. Shaker Jo T.
