[Photo credit: Destination360 Old Faithful]
Following up on yesterday's QOTD: What's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?
Question of the Day
[Photo credit: Destination360 Old Faithful]
Following up on yesterday's QOTD: What's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?
Quote of the Day
"How start?"—A bullet-point in "a newly declassified document that details talking points that emerged from a meeting between Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and CENTCOM Commander General Tommy Franks in November 2001." The bullet-point was followed by suggestions on how to start the Iraq War.
Um, yeah.
Too bad cooking a case for war out of thin air isn't a war crime, huh?
Photos of the Day
WINNER: Getty Images, whose photographer captured and whose photo editor wisely chose to distribute this great shot of "Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton as she spoke about United Nations Peacekeeping Forces in a Security Council meeting during the United Nations General Assembly September 23, 2010 at UN headquarters in New York."
LOSER: Reuters Pictures, whose photographer captured and whose photo editor sadly chose to distribute this tiresome reminder that HILLARY CLINTON IS A LADY WHO DOES LADY THINGS.
Yes, we know. We know, we know, we know. We know.
Funny how I never see any wire images of David Cameron adjusting his nuts in the shadows before he takes the stage, as it were.
Whack-a-Hippie
Wow. Just wow.
I love how it's the responsibility of bloggers to not make the administration's job harder by withholding criticism. Um, excuse me, but no one is more ridiculously (and unjustifiably) critical of the Obama administration than the Republican Party, to whom the White House responds with pandering, capitulation, and loving serenades to bipartisanship.
Not testy scolding to get in line.
For the record, I was not invited to participate in this conference call. That's the sort of thing I used to be invited to, but not anymore. Not by this administration.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
How to Fuck
1. Find a consenting partner (or partners).
2. Get your partner/s' explicit consent. Give your explicit consent. Compliance is not the same as consent. Your partner/s should be as excited and ready as you are. Don't try to talk anyone else, or yourself, into fucking.
3. Use whatever combination of prophylactics (condom, dental dam, etc.) and birth control (condom, the pill, Today Sponge, etc.) you need to prevent the transmission of disease and/or pregnancy (unless you're trying to get pregnant).
4. Do whatever feels good for you and your partner/s. Communicate as you go to make sure your partner/s is/are still feeling safe and having fun. There's no one right way to fuck—and exploration, even and maybe especially when it's awkward, is part of the joy of fucking.
5. Rinse and repeat. As often as feels right to you and your partner/s.
[For some reason, "how to fuck" is perennially a search term that brings people to Shakesville. Currently, the results bring searchers to Portly Dyke's How to Fuck Up post, which is good universal reading, but I thought it might be nice to provide a post that offered the instructions for which people are actually searching, too.]
Fair & Balanced
Shaker Zes sent me this video her friend took as they were passing the News Corp. building in NYC (News Corp. is Rupert Murdoch's media company that owns Fox):
Male Voiceover: Here we are at the News Corporation building, where everything is fair and balanced. [The camera pans down the front of the building, to the ground story windows in which are hung banners advertising Fox News Channel's various shows. The shot tracks right, revealing each new banner, as the voiceover continues.] We're looking at the ads for Fox Business, err, Fox News Channel, excuse me—and, ah, there's Fox & Friends, and America's Newsroom. Then we have a bunch of men—big, powerful-sounding last names like Cavuto! Beck! Baier! Smith! O'Reilly! Hannity! And then we have a woman, who doesn't get a last name: She's simply…Greta. Fair and balanced. Number one.Before anyone gets the idea to argue that maybe "Van Susteren" couldn't fit on the banner, there is a banner right beside hers reading "Fair & Balanced" all on one line, so that argument's a nonstarter.
This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.
Actual headline: Forget the tea party, what about the crumpets?
Actual subhead: Everybody knows some poor fool who married a woman like Christine O'Donnell or Michele Bachmann.
Actual lede: "To the connoisseur of American political theater, the most entertaining aspect of the 2010 election season has been the rise of the right-wing cuties -- political celebrities whose main qualification is looking terrific on television. From where I sit, in a comfortable chair in front of the tube, the GOP Cupcake Factor has enlivened an otherwise dreary campaign season."
Actual location of this article: Salon.
Whoops your progressive media got rank misogyny all up in it.
Not to mention a dose of disablism: Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, and Christine O'Donnell aren't "crazy"—they're just assholes. And I shouldn't need to point out to someone as smart as Gene Lyons that there is a rich tradition of trying to marginalize and demonize women by calling them mentally ill, or hysterical, or "unhinged."
Just because they're women one doesn't like who promulgate policies with which one disagrees doesn't make it acceptable—i.e. not misogynistic—to invoke one of the most recognizable silencing strategies used against powerful women for all of documented history.
And, for the record, this shit isn't new. These conservative ladies are hiking a trail blazed by the loathsome Phyllis Schlafly before I was even born. She might not have held elected office, but this path was first forged in the footsteps she left marching against the ERA. She ain't known as the First Lady of Conservatism for nothing.
Disappearing her, and the conservative women who have followed her, in order to treat Palin, Bachmann, and O'Donnell as some new trend in conservative fuckery, isn't exactly feminist, either.
Oh, the irony.
Yeah, I know none of these ladies would piss on me if I were on fire, but, as I've said many times before, I will continue to defend Sarah Palin et. al. against misogynist smears not because I endorse her or her politics, but because that's how feminism works.
But I'd prefer not to be obliged in the first place.
[H/T to Shaker wisiti. Related Reading: Vanity Unfair, Same Boat; Grab a Paddle, Sarah Palin Sexism Watch, Part 28, On Choice, Parity for Palin.]
Today in OFFS.
Just a bit ago I checked my Twitter feed and saw this:
Naturally I was a bit curious as to why Sesame Street was releasing a "statement". That always sounds ominous, doesn't it? I'm vaguely aware of Katy Perry, mostly because of her first (that I know of) apparent hit "I Kissed A Girl" and because that had nothing to do with the version of of the song that I'm familiar with.
I am much more aware of Sesame Street, of course, both because I watched it as a kid and I've watched it here and there for the past ten years due to my own kids watching it. One thing I've always liked about the show was the pairing of musicians and the show with the artists rewriting their songs to fit in a segment for the show. You know, perhaps I can blame Sesame Street for my love of covers and mash-ups...but I digress... So Katy Perry + Sesame Street = Need For Statement. Hmmm.
So I clicked over to read the statement:
Sesame Street has a long history of working with celebrities across all genres, including athletes, actors, musicians and artists. Sesame Street has always been written on two levels, for the child and adult. We use parodies and celebrity segments to interest adults in the show because we know that a child learns best when co-viewing with a parent or care-giver. We also value our viewer’s opinions and particularly those of parents. In light of the feedback we’ve received on the Katy Perry music video which was released on You Tube only, we have decided we will not air the segment on the television broadcast of Sesame Street, which is aimed at preschoolers. Katy Perry fans will still be able to view the video on KatyPerry.com.Now, even little as I know about Ms. Perry, I'm aware she can be provocative. But on Sesame Street? Really? I wouldn't think Sesame Workshop would produce a segment that's inappropriate to air, no matter the celebrity involved. I mean, they have been doing this a long time--they rather seem to know what they're doing. Obviously, some parents disagree. So let's check out the video:
Now, I'm pretty strict about what my kids are allowed to watch. Heck, just yesterday my reasoning was called silly and ridiculous--that I was "over thinking"--in part because of my ban on (most) Disney movies. I'm, apparently, over protective. Or something. But this video "inappropriate"? Certainly not for any of the reasons of Outrage!™ I saw on the Facebook comment page, namely that Katy Perry wasn't wearing enough dress. This apparently was so shocking that the show received enough hate mail that they pulled the segment from airing. Know what Outraged Parents? Many women have boobs. They're simply part of the body--and like swinging arms or flying hair, they might move when someone runs around. Little kids? They don't really care or even notice. Ms. Perry wasn't doing anything "adult" in the video. She was running around and playing with Elmo. OFFS.
Now, I conceed that I think might be inappropriate simply because it's a terrible song and the whole thing is all very meh. Sorry, Sesame Workshop, but you've done much better. Katy Perry's cleavage, however, had nothing to do with it.
WHUT.
[Trigger warning for sexual violence and Polanski stuff.]
Well. This is depressing: Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, Matt Dillon, and Christoph Waltz to Star in Roman Polanski's Next Film, God of Carnage.
Two women I would have paid to see read the back of a cereal box onscreen.
I feel sick.
I am particularly devastated that Jodie Foster, who played a real-life rape survivor in The Accused, alongside real-life rape survivor Kelly McGillis, would work with Polanski. The Accused (and McGillis' forthrightness about her own experience, too) meant a whole lot to me at one time in my life. Just...blub.
Between Polanski and Mel Gibson, that's quite a collection of pals Foster's got.
Kate Winslet, please call your friend Emma Thompson immediately.
A Good Example, for a Change
[Trigger warning for images and descriptions of domestic violence.]
We have, unfortunately, all too many opportunities to discuss serious message fail in anti-violence advocacy, anti-exploitation messaging, PSAs, adverts masquerading as PSAs, awareness-raising campaigns, women's health marketing, women's health fundraising, and other pieces of activism.
So it's a breath of relief to have an opportunity to post something that works. (Or, at least works in my opinion. YMMV.)
Below the fold is an advert/PSA for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, created by Y&R Chicago. It is difficult to watch, but it also extremely powerful and effective. And it is one of the very few spots I've seen where there is not a trace of victim-blaming, nor has any room been left for the imagery to be construed as "sexy." And just when one might think it's yet another anti-violence campaign that fails to acknowledge the abuser, the final moments are a pointed and breathtaking reminder that domestic violence does not just happen.
Credit to the agency who designed it; credit to the actress who conveys exactly the right things with her expressive face.
Please note that this may be triggering, which is one problem with this advert*, especially because it evokes so very successfully what being in a cycle of abuse feels like—the routine, the terror. It's tough to publicly reach out to people in abusive relationships without potentially triggering people who have survived them, but I have endless good will for those trying to navigate that difficult balance when the ad isn't gratuitously provocative.
A young, thin, blond, white woman, filmed first in close-up until the camera slowly pulls back to frame her from the shoulders up, stands looking into the camera as if into a mirror. A cover of "Mercy Street," sung by a female artist, plays. The woman has been crying, and mascara is running down her face. There is a cut on her right cheek. She dabs at the cut on her cheek and the running mascara, which disappears—just as a cut above her right eyebrow and a bruise on her left temple appear. She presses against the bruise, which disappears—just as a wound on her neck appears. She gingerly touches the wound on her neck, then drops her hand as her left eye blackens and a cut appears on the bridge of her nose, which cracks and bruises. As she breathes deeply, trying not to cry, a bruise appears on her right temple. Her nose begins to bleed. She wipes at the blood, but none of the injuries are going away anymore. She pulls her hand away to reveal a fat lip. Next to her, text appears: "It rarely stops." Suddenly, she jumps, frightened, and looks frantically to one side as if someone's coming into the room. The screen goes black.
Get help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline here.
The following text then appears onscreen: "The National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1.800.799.SAFE. (7233) / 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)."
Donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline here.
[H/T to Copyranter.]
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* Another problem being that a young, thin, traditionally pretty, white woman is the "face of domestic violence" once again. Which is not to say, of course, that women meeting that precise description are not at risk for domestic violence; it's just that, if you look at anti-DV campaigns, you'd think they're the only ones who are. I'll note, however, that not actually showing the face of her abuser leaves open the possibility that her partner is a woman, which makes this ad inclusive of the extremely under-acknowledged issue of same-sex partner violence.
Happy Emily Warren Roebling Day!
[Emily Warren Roebling]
As a lady scientist who's spent many afternoons in history of technology lectures, I'm contractually required to acknowledge Emily Warren Roebling. Today is the 167th anniversary of her birth, so it seems as opportune a time as any.
So.... basically, she was the lady that built the Brooklyn Bridge. Okay, that's an exaggeration on a couple of counts. First, engineers aren't typically the folks doing the "building." Second, she did have some help.
Emily's father-in-law was John Roebling, a prominent civil engineer. John designed, appropriately enough, the Roebling Suspension Bridge spanning the Ohio River at Cincinnati and Covington, Kentucky. His next major project would be the Brooklyn Bridge.
John's son, Washington Roebling, was a civil engineer for the Union in the US Civil War, during which he met Emily Warren (who was essentially his boss' daughter). The two married, and Washington went to Cincinnati to work under his father. Washington then worked as assistant engineer on his father's Brooklyn Bridge.
And then things happened. 19th Century things.
First, John Roebling stubbed his toe on a tugboat. It was 1868, so he died of tetanus shortly thereafter. Washington took over as chief engineer. He was heavily involved in the complicated work of designing and building the bridge's massive towers, and spent a good deal of time mucking around the bottom of the East River. By 1872, he had developed a severe case of the bends, which made him increasingly bedridden.
[A picture of the Brooklyn Bridge, "an everlasting monument to the sacrificing devotion of a woman and of her capacity for that higher education from which she has been too long disbarred."]
The Brooklyn Bridge was completed in 1883. This leaves a healthy 11-year gap between the initial onset of Washington's decompression sickness and the bridge's opening. There was presumably no shortage of engineers on site, but Washington wanted to remain engineer-in-chief while retaining someone he trusted to be his eyes and ears.
Washington made Emily his assistant, effectively putting her in charge of supervising construction as he laid in bed in New Jersey. She learned not only engineering, but the art of politics in over a decade (a Nineteenth Century decade) of prominent work on the Brooklyn Bridge.
When the bridge was dedicated, Washington reportedly told his wife, "I want the world to know that you, too, are one of the Builders of the Bridge."*
Perhaps the most direct acknowledgement of her work came in a speech from then U.S. Congressman Abram Stevens Hewitt, who proclaimed the Brooklyn Bridge: "an everlasting monument to the sacrificing devotion of a woman and of her capacity for that higher education from which she has been too long disbarred." That said, Emily still doesn't really get as much credit as she deserves.
Unfortunately, I've pretty much exhausted my personal knowledge of Emily Warren Roebling (but see this). As a lady scientist married to a woman who got her engineering degree in the 21st Century, I think Emily Warren Roebling's an important figure. Engineering while female is difficult these days. Supervising (irrespective of whether it was in the guise of being her husband's faithful servant) one of the greatest civil engineering projects of the 19th Century is inspirational, to say the least.
Oh, and after the Brooklyn Bridge's completion, Emily obtained a law degree from NYU, and apparently focused on women's rights. So: Happy Birthday Emily Warren Roebling!
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*My source for this and some of the other information in this post is Henry Petroski's Engineers of Dreams. The BBC also has some archived websites with information similar to what's on Wikipedia.
Top Chef: Just Desserts Open Thread
[Image from last night's episode: Pastrycheftestants scoop up wads of candy (Diabetics go home!) to do I don't know what with.]
Last night's episode will be delicately whipped and folded, so if you haven't seen it, and don't want any spoilers, pack your whisk and go...
The GOP's Contract with Pledge to America
Oh dear.
The intellectually moribund collection of miscreants, malcontents, and dingalings known as the Republican Party plans to unveil its "Pledge to America" today (the full text of which is viewable below). It's 21 pages of the most dreary, unoriginal claptrap you'll ever read, as uninspired as it is uninspiring.
"The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be overstated. With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America."That is some grim shit, right there. It doesn't even have the capacity to infuriate me, because I'm using all my energy just trying to stay awake.
This is '94's "Contract with America" all over again. Except, inconceivably, even less visionary. The GOP Platform: Now with a strong whiff of mothballs!
The only thing more pathetic than the "Pledge to America" would be if America actually buys into this hot mess, considering that following the "Contract with America," which promised (among other things) fiscal responsibility, personal responsibility, and the restoration of the "American Dream," the Republicans shut down the government, commenced a witchhunt against a sitting president for a private sex act, went on a wild spending spree, cut taxes while launching two wars of choice, racked up ethics violations like they were going out of style, had so many representatives and senators in prison or under investigation that a Republican strategist lamented that the GOP was viewed as "a bunch of buffoons who have total disregard for the principles of the party, the law of the land and the future of the country," and oversaw a complete collapse of the economy, with skyrocketing rates of hunger, homelessness, job loss, bankruptcy, and foreclosure.
The only pledge to this nation the Republicans ought to be making is a promise to sit down, shut the fuck up, stop being obstructionist wankers, and let someone else give it a real go for awhile, because the GOP obviously has no new ideas.
And we all know their old ideas don't fucking work.
Locke & Linus: Private Eyes
Or whatever the Terry O'Quinn-Michael Emerson project is going to be called has been picked up by NBC.
Squee!
Feel the Homomentum!
Finally there's some good news on the equality front for gay families in Florida.
A state appeals court on Wednesday struck down Florida's controversial ban on adoptions by gay men and women as unconstitutional, and Gov. Charlie Crist and the state's child-welfare chief announced hours later they will immediately cease to enforce the ban.First, I don't think the court had much of a choice; the ban is clearly a violation of the equal-rights provisions of the state and federal constitutions, and singling out one group for discrimination on the basis of fear and superstition is something only the ignorant and the hateful could support. Second, I suppose we owe the Tea Party and Marco Rubio a vote of thanks: had they not driven Charlie Crist out of the Senate race as a Republican, he would not have had to run to the center and court liberal voters, which, cynical though it may sound, is one reason for his switch to supporting gay adoption.
In a unanimous ruling, a three-judge panel of the Third District Court of Appeal in West Miami-Dade said there is no ''rational basis'' for excluding gay men and lesbians from the pool of potential adoptive parents, upholding a November 2008 opinion by Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman.
Calling Wednesday ''a very good day for Florida'' and ''a great day for children,'' Crist told reporters his administration will immediately cease enforcing the statute, which has held sway over Florida child welfare policy since 1977, when the Legislature voted overwhelmingly to exclude gays and lesbians from adopting.
''Children deserve a loving home to be in, and the opportunity for judges to make this call on a case-by-case basis for every adoption,'' said Crist, who once supported the ban. The U.S. Senate candidate reversed himself after he left the Republican Party and began courting liberal and moderate voters.
But no matter how you slice it, it's a win -- especially for the kids -- and we'll take it.
Crossposted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
Question of the Day
Earlier today Liss and I were talking about our childhood masturbation habits. (And no, don't even ask how we got on that subject.)
I confessed a fondness for sticking Atari joysticks up my b-hole as a boy. (By the way, I so need one of these, like now.)
Liss said she had a drumstick swathed in balloon. "So as to avoid splinters."
(When she said drumstick, the first thing that ran through my mind was chicken leg, and was immediately all "Eeewww!" Then I thought "That frozen ice cream bar? Brrrr!" After a moment it processed, and my mind went back to splinters. Youch!)
So, what's the weirdest thing you ever masturbated with as a kid?
p.s. Liss notes: "For the record, I have never wanked with foodstuff of any description."
