Stay Puft Quality Marshmallows. For real.
[Via.]
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
No Gay Soldiers
The American Family Values Children Christian Liberty Freedom Patriot Association Foundation Organization Family Research Council is running a new ad voicing their opposition to the repeal of DADT. There are a lot of things to love about it, but I think my favorite part is the implication that there have never been, and are currently not, any gay servicemembers. Which, were that true, would render DADT unnecessary, anyway—now, wouldn't it?
Of course, logic is not one of the qualities for which members of the Family Research Council are generally known.
Male voiceover: [over footage of soldiers in WWI, WWII, Vietnam, and one of the Gulf Wars] They fought in trenches, stormed beaches, cut through sweltering jungles, marched over burning deserts. [over footage of soldiers marching, and hovering helicopters] Our military has protected our soil, seas, and skies. But today they're drawn into a new battle. [over an image of a Pride parade and a big rainbow flag, accompanied by the text "HARRY REID and HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS pushing their agenda on our military] Harry Reid and homosexual activists are attempting to advance their political agenda [over image of rainbow flag flying near capital] by overturning "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." [over image of tank in the Gulf] Our military is for protection, not politics. [over FRC logo with "paid for by" text] Stop Harry Reid! Family Research Council Action PAC is responsible for the content of this advertising.I also dearly love the idea that advocating for the inclusion of openly gay soldiers is politics, but advocating for their continued exclusion is not.
Funny how the defenders of tradition, the fierce protectors of privilege, are never the ones with the political agenda; it's those marginalized rabble-rousers who want equality, the stinking hooligans, the activists, *spit*, who have an agenda.
The heroes and patriots are merely interested in maintaining the status quo. What's the big deal about that? After all, it's working great for them!
[Via Andy.]
The Overton Window: Prologue
The Overton Window opens with Eli Churchill at a pay phone in the middle of the desert, roll of quarters in his hand, calling Beverly, and spilling the beans on a conspiracy involving a missing two-point-three trillion dollars and eleven nuclear weapons. In two and a half pages, Beck has laid out the entire plot. To hell with suspense, or mystery. No one wants that in a thriller, right? And to say this is poorly written is an understatement. The writing is clunky, stiff, amateurish. It reads like fan fiction, with apologies to writers of fan fiction.
Let's just jump right in, shall we?
He cradled the pay-phone receiver against his shoulder, glanced down the narrow, rutted Mojave dirt road he'd traveled to get here, and then up the long, dark way in the other direction.
In this much quiet your ears could play tricks on you. He could have sworn that there'd been a sound out of place, like the snap of a stalk of dried grass underfoot, even though no other human being had any business being within twenty miles of where he stood, but he couldn't be sure.
So, Eli is in the middle of the desert, twenty miles from nowhere, on a dirt road. Using a pay phone. What? Are there lots of pay phones in the Mojave along narrow, rutted dirt roads? That seems... unlikely. And I wonder if the author has heard of this new thing they have out now called a "cellular phone." Cool thing is, you can buy disposable cell phones now, and they are completely untraceable. That's probably easier than finding a pay phone in the vast expanses of the Mojave desert.
He worked his last six quarters from their torn paper roll and dropped them one by one into the coin slot.
He had just three minutes left. In a way, it was ironic. After years of planning, he'd brought all the evidence he needed to back up his story, but not nearly enough change to buy the time to tell it.
Oh the irony. One more reason to get one of those disposable cells.
"Now where was I ..." As he riffled through his pile of photocopies a couple of the loose papers got caught up in a gust and went floating off into the night.
"You were talking about the money."
"Yes, good, okay. Two-point-three trillion dollars is what we're talking about. Do you know how much that is? From sea level that's a stack of thousand-dollar bills that would reach to outer space and back with thirty miles to spare.
Okay, as is revealed a few paragraphs down, Churchill has infiltrated this deadly conspiracy involving trillions of dollars and stolen nukes, as part of a plot to build a new "political and economic and social structure" and Eli still needs to check his notes to see if he's got this right. I mean, it doesn't sound like the kind of thing one would figure out then be unclear on afterward. Maybe he was checking his photocopies to see how high two-point-three trillion dollars would stack. And again, as if "to outer space and back" was something you'd need to reference your notes on. Not that the stacking height of great gobs money means anything. Not really anyway.
It's a lot of money, and here's what they're doing with it (just who they are will be revealed in coming chapters, no doubt):
"I've seen the place, one of the places where they're getting ready for something—something big—planning it out, you know? I got a job inside in maintenance, as a cleanup man. They thought I was just a janitor, but I had the run of the place overnights.
"I saw what they're planning to do. They're building a structure." He checked his notes to make sure he was getting it right. "Not like a building, but like a political and economic and social structure. They've been working on it for a long, long time. Decades. When they collapse the current system, this new one they've put together will be all that's left."
So, you got that? They're building a new structure. Political and economic and social. Whatever that means. It's vaguely NWOish.
"They're changing the books so that in a generation from now almost nobody will remember what this country used to be. They've got the economy set up to fall like a house of cards whenever they're ready to tap the first one at the foundation. They've got the controlled media all lined up and ready to carry out their PR campaign. And they've got people so indebted and mind-controlled and unprepared, they'll turn to anybody who says he's got the answer."
I think this is the controversial part. The part where Beck, in his author's note, implored us to think. Yes, think, because the media is controlled, the media is some great bugaboo. As if Beck himself isn't part of the media, as if Beck himself isn't a commentator on one of the biggest and most influential media outlets in the world, as if Beck's radio show doesn't pull in 9 million-plus listeners. A very influential media personality tells his audience to listen to him and not listen to influential media personalities? Ummm.... okay.
Churchill warns Beverly "they're going to stage something soon to get it all started" right before he's killed.
A glint of brilliant red light on the wall of the booth caught his attention. He turned, as the man behind him had known that he would, and let the phone drop from his hand.
Eli Churchill had enough time left to begin a quiet prayer but not enough to end it. His final appeal was interrupted by a silenced gunshot, and a .357 semi-jacketed hollow point was the last thing to go through his mind.
Oy. Really? An assassin shows up, in the middle of the desert where this phone booth is and using a silenced 357 with a laser sight, shoots Churchill dead? Because he was a janitor working undercover who made photocopies of the "new structure's" plans to use two-point-three trillion dollar and eleven nuclear weapons to topple the government. All of which he needed to tell Beverly. Whoever she is.
You know, "a .357 semi-jacketed hollow point was the last thing to go through his mind" may sound cool when Morgan Freeman says it, but on paper, it's downright silly. But then, everything about this book appears to be pretty silly.
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, proud distributors of Kate's OMG SHOEZ, now in fuchsia!
Recommended Reading:
Tami: What's So Funny About Antoine Dodson? [TW for discussion of attempted rape.]
Helen G: New Research Into Domestic Abuse Against Trans People [TW for violence]
Liz: The Government's Dereliction of Duty in the Ninth Ward
Echidne: What Are President Obama's Goals?
Living ~400lbs: "I'm squishy, but I'm NOT obese."
Audacia: What Does Feminism Mean to You? Three African Youth Activists Speak Out [video]
Leave your links in comments...
I Would File This Under "Assvertising," But...
So, ladies, you say you want a raise? How should you go about getting it?
First, you have to figure out how to compete with the guy in the next cubicle. After all, he went to a school almost as good as yours. His grades were nearly as good as yours, too. He works hard. In fact, most mornings, he's the second person in the office. You know this, because you're always first. He is young, ruggedly good looking, and he washes his balls with a manly but fresh sandalwood soap.
What to do?
Fortunately, the good folks at Women's Day and Summer's Eve have a few words of advice for you.
[Click to embiggen.]
"1. It should start with your usual routine and all the things you do to feel your best, including showering with Summer's Eve Feminine Wash or throwing a packet of Summer's Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths into your bag for a quick freshness pick-me-up during the day."
Um. I've seen a lot of variations on the "Your pussy is grody and stinky, lady! So buy our product to clean your disgusting naughtyparts!" meme, but never in all my days have I seen women admonished to clean their vulvas before asking for a raise.
And, seriously: "Only nice, clean girls with sparkly cooters get more money!" is a fucked-up message in ways I can't even begin to deconstruct.
[I]f you think this is one of the most outrageous and insulting advertisements you've ever seen, feel free to tell the people at Woman's Day. You can also call them at (212) 767-6000.
And don't forget the Summer's Eve people. Their toll-free number is 866-787-6383, and the website is HERE.
Teaspoons ahoy.[H/Ts to everyone in the multiverse, and thank you to each and every one of you. Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117.]
Today in WTF?
Ever want to be class president? Ok, I never did. However, if this was your desire and you attend Nettleton Middle School in Nettleton, MS, and you're white--congratulations and good luck on your goal. If you're black? Well, too bad for you.
Nettleton Middle School in Nettleton, Miss., has segregated its elected class positions by race, according to a memo sent home with children at the school last week that was obtained by NBC News.You can read the memo (.pdf).
The memo was first brought to light when Brandy Springer, a mother of four children, contacted blogger Suzy Richardson, founder and editor of the blog mixedandhappy.com. It was also reported by Gawker.
“My [eighth-grade] daughter came home from [Nettleton] school telling me that she wanted to try out for the school reporter, but it is only open to black students,” Springer wrote Richardson. “They told her ‘she should run for class president, that was open to only white students.'”
The memo indicates that only white students can be president of the school’s eighth grade, while only black students can be vice president.
In seventh grade, whites are the only ones who can be both president and vice president, while the only position a black student at Nettleton can apply for in sixth grade is that of the class reporter.
Separately, Springer told msnbc.com she spoke with the superintendent of the Nettleton school district on Thursday. She said he agreed the policy was outdated and that he was willing to review the policy."Outdated"?! It's "under review"? WTF is there to review? That implies it may be kept and that somehow the school thinks the policy is not racist horseshit (helpful hint: it is, in fact, racist horseshit). While you're at it, Mr. Taylor, you should look at your homecoming policies, too (.pdf).
The school issued a media statement on its website, but would not comment on any specific details about the memo or excerpts from the handbook.
“The processes and procedures for student elections are under review,” Superintendent Russell Taylor said in the statement. “We are reviewing the origin of these processes, historical applications, compliance issues, as well as current implications and ramifications.”
Daily Dose o' Cute
[Also viewable here.]
Video Description: Playtime at Shakes Manor—and the best toy in the world is still a plastic milk bottle ring. Olivia goes wild while Sophie looks on; Dudley tries to figure out how to get into the game; and Matilda remains haughtily disinterested in the other room. She reserves her wild abandon for plastic packing strips, thankyouverymuch.
Still pix below the fold for anyone who can't view the video.
Dudley bringing the cute with some serious dog ears.
Sophs curled up on KBlogz's lap.
Livsy power-lounging.
Tilsy caught in mid-yawn.
Be Radical! (And Hope Your Kids Don't Have a Functioning Bullshit Detector)
So, I'm reading this article about a minister, Kenda Creasy Dean, who's worried that "more teens becoming 'fake' Christians." Now, you know how I feel about those sorts of designations no matter who makes them, but I find it particularly amusing when it's a female minister wringing her hands about younger generations falling away from any particular brand of Christianity, because, well, you know.
But I digress.
The thing that really caught my attention was Dean's prescription to parents to discourage their teens from embracing a "mutant" and "imposter" faith and make them passionate about a more "conventional Christianity."
What can a parent do then?I know I'm just an iniquitous heathen doomed to be consigned to eternal hellfire and all, but this advice strikes me as part of the reason so many young people are falling away from USian Christianity: It reeks of privilege and cynicism to suggest that the average Christian can, and should—after spending the first sixteen (or however many) years of your kid's life not living a life that suggests "how Christians live" is by making radical sacrifices—pick up and take off to work for a summer in Bolivia.
Get "radical," Dean says.
She says parents who perform one act of radical faith in front of their children convey more than a multitude of sermons and mission trips.
A parent's radical act of faith could involve something as simple as spending a summer in Bolivia working on an agricultural renewal project or turning down a more lucrative job offer to stay at a struggling church, Dean says.
But it's not enough to be radical -- parents must explain "this is how Christians live," she says.
"If you don't say you're doing it because of your faith, kids are going to say my parents are really nice people," Dean says. "It doesn't register that faith is supposed to make you live differently unless parents help their kids connect the dots."
(And why Bolivia, and not Detroit? I think we all know the answer to that, and it isn't very Christian, ahem.)
The entire concept of doing something "radical" in order to get your kids excited about their faith is so contrived; I've no doubt that seeing one's parents be radically generous because altruism is a centerpiece of their faith can be inspiring to kids being raised in religious households, but not when their parents are putting on a show just to convince their kids to be god-believers.
Call me kooky, but I don't think eternal principles are meant to be conveyed with the same transparent impetuousness as getting dragged to a museum after Mom gets a bug up her ass that we all need more culture in this house, dammit!
That aside, I also think the message that being "a person of faith" and "a nice person" are mutually exclusive—or, if you prefer, doing something "because of your faith" as opposed to doing it "because you're nice"—is alienating to a lot of young people, too, particularly at a time in one's life when one is most disposed toward activism and optimism.
When I was a teenager, recasting any natural outgrowth of philanthropy into something that was obliged by faith/religion actually felt discouraging to me. I didn't give of myself because some absentee heavenly father demanded it in exchange for eternal life; I did it because I cared about the people, animals, spaces, and/or concepts to whom/which I was dedicating my time.
To do things because of religion felt the opposite of altruistic to me; I recoiled from the idea that I would care for something only in exchange for the personal reward of being welcomed inside the Pearly Gates by St. Pete himself one day.
I know not all Christians treat community service as a carrot-and-stick lead straight into Heaven, but I am continually amazed by the number who do. And I can't believe they think doubling-down on that premise is the key to retaining young people in the church.
Good luck with all that.
P.S. The next time you hear someone questioning whether Barack Obama is a Christian, just point hir to this post. He does fake radical to try to inspire faith among the increasingly faithless like nobody's bizness.
Ugh
So, a turn of phrase I really can't stand is when a straight married man's hobby, passion, or vice is referred to as his "mistress."
I was reminded of this antiquated bit of fuckery this morning when I saw the following headline linked from CNN's front page: "Husband Has Skinny, Stinky Mistresses."
It's about a guy who sneaks cigarettes.
Ugh.
Question of the Day
This is primarily a blog about shoes ZOMGSHOEZ, because as we all know, ZOMGSHOEZ are (along with man-hating) the main part of feminism.
Thus, I ask: What shoes do you covet?
Feel free to share ZOMGSHOEZ you particularly want or favorites that you already own. If you're indifferent to shoes, you're more than welcome to describe what you like to wear, too. For Shakers that go barefoot, you can definitely talk about that, provided that you don't go into a rant about how shoes are a tool of double un-secret Muslim socialist oppression. I'm not picky, lol.
Since I evidently deserve two pairs (see Maud in these comments), I'll highlight three pairs I picked out from the bigladyfeet store.
I could probably do better than these heels, but people with bigladyfeet don't wear heels, amirite?
I don't actually need new sneakers, but I do need these sneakers.
And the flats need to be red, but I'm not in charge of ZOMGSHOEZ. Not yet.
From My Backyard
A couple of peafowl strolled through the backyard this past weekend. I guess they were either checking out the neighborhood or giving me a subliminal hint to watch TV.
Blue Dog Dems: Still a Great Idea!
Greg Sargent reports that one of the Blue Dog (i.e. virtually Republican) Democrats has a charming hope for how he can avoid having to support Nancy Pelosi's speakership:
Blue Dog Dem Bobby Bright of Alabama has raised [distancing himself from the Obama/Pelosi agenda] to a new level, joking to constituents that Pelosi might "get sick and die" before he has to support her again for Speaker, a local reporter tells me.Happy Women's Equality Day, everyone!
..."He had been asked a question from the audience about his support for Pelosi," [Montgomery Advertiser reporter Cosby Woodruff] told me. "He said, 'Let's wait until that comes up.' He listed a long list of reasons why Pelosi might not run for Speaker of the House."
"The last one was, 'Heck, she might even get sick and die,'" Woodruff told me.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Random YouTubery: Catch Me If You Can
Video Description: An adorable Persian kitten tries to capture her own reflection on a reflective floor surface.
President Obama Proclaims August 26 Women's Equality Day
This just landed in my inbox from the Office of the White House Press Secretary:
For Immediate Release
August 26, 2010
WOMEN'S EQUALITY DAY, 2010
- - - - - - -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
Ninety years ago, on August 26, 1920, the ratification of the 19th Amendment to our Constitution was completed, guaranteeing women the right to vote, renewing our commitment to equality and justice, and marking a turning point in our Nation's history. As we celebrate this important milestone and the achievements and shattered ceilings of the past, we also recognize the inequalities that remain and our charge to overcome them.
In a letter to John Adams, who was then serving as a delegate to the First Continental Congress, Abigail Adams once implored her husband to "remember the ladies" in the "new code of laws" of our fledgling country. It has taken the collective efforts of daring and tenacious women over many generations to realize the principles and freedoms enshrined in our Constitution. Standing on the shoulders of these trailblazers, we pay tribute to the brave women who dot the pages of our history books, and to those who have quietly broken barriers in our workplaces, communities, and society.
We can see the remarkable fruits of past struggles and victories today. For nearly two centuries, America could only imagine a female justice sitting on the Supreme Court of the United States. Today, for the first time in our Nation's history, three women sit on the bench of the highest court of the land, and I am proud to be the first President to nominate two women to the Court. Women lead in boardrooms and in our Armed Forces, in classrooms and conference rooms, and in every sector of society. Their boundless determination has enabled today's young women to dream bigger as they see themselves reflected at the highest levels of business, communications, and public service -- including in my Administration and Cabinet. If we continue to fight for our hopes and aspirations, there will be no limit to the possibilities for our daughters and granddaughters.I know—believe me, I know—that I am the most ungrateful cunt in all of Cuntistan, and I'm honestly cringing myself that I feel obliged to write this, but this proclamation might mean more if it didn't come on a day in which the administration decided to stand behind a man who engaged in sexist rhetoric and then dismissed concerns raised about that rhetoric as "crap," called feminist activism "babbling into the vapors," and told a female activist to "Call when you get honest work!"
As we celebrate 90 years of progress on Women's Equality Day, we also recognize the realities of the present. Women comprise less than one-fifth of our Congress and account for a mere fraction of the chief executives at the helm of our biggest companies. Women hold only 27 percent of jobs in science and engineering, which are critical to our economic growth in a 21st-century economy. And, almost 50 years after the Equal Pay Act was enacted, American women still only earn 77 cents for every dollar men earn. This gap increases among minority women and those living with disabilities.
These disparities remind us that our work remains unfinished. My Administration remains committed to advancing women's equality in all areas of our society and around the world. I was proud to create the White House Council on Women and Girls to help ensure that American women and girls are treated fairly in all matters of public policy. I also appointed the first White House Advisor on Violence Against Women, whose leadership will guide my Administration in confronting violence and sexual assault against women. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, the first bill I signed as President, restored basic protections against pay discrimination for women, and to build upon that law, I support passage of the Paycheck Fairness Act. I have also established the National Equal Pay Enforcement Task Force to ensure equal pay laws are vigorously enforced throughout the country. Workplace flexibility is also important to women and families, and we will continue coordinating with Federal agencies to make quality child care more affordable, promote work policies that improve work-family balance, and advance the economic development and security of all women.
Fifteen years after the world gathered in Beijing for the Fourth World Conference on Women, far too many women around the world still lack access to basic education and economic opportunity, face gender-based violence, and cannot participate fully and equally in their societies. To help address this, I appointed the first-ever Ambassador at Large for Global Women's Issues to elevate the importance of women's empowerment in all aspects of our foreign policy. From Afghanistan to the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the United States will continue its commitment to the rights of women around the world.
Women's rights are ultimately human rights, and the march for equality will not end until full parity and equal opportunity are attained in every State and workplace across our Nation. It remains our responsibility to ensure that the principles of justice and equality apply to all Americans, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, disability, or socioeconomic status. If we stay true to our founding ideals and the example of those who insisted upon nothing less than full equality, we can and will perpetuate the line of progress that runs throughout our Nation's history for generations to come.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim August 26, 2010, as Women's Equality Day. I call upon the people of the United States to celebrate the achievements of women and recommit themselves to the goal of true gender equality in this country.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-sixth day of August, in the year of our Lord two thousand ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fifth.
BARACK OBAMA
You can't "pay tribute to the brave women who dot the pages of our history books, and to those who have quietly broken barriers in our workplaces, communities, and society" on the same day you stand in solidarity with a member of your administration who demeans the very activism that is the hallmark of the social justice work done by equality advocates.
I mean, you can, but it kinda makes you look like a disingenuous, opportunistic asshole.
And, since I'm also the most disagreeable cunt in all of Hillaryville, let me also take a moment to point out the irony of appropriating Hillary Clinton's famous "women's rights are human rights" line, even referencing the conference at which the speech was delivered, without mentioning Clinton, who is a member of the administration, by name. The appropriation of women's work without attribution has, of course, long been a serious impediment to women's equality, particularly in professional settings.
Was there really no one who read this thing who considered the optics of using Clinton's iconic words without acknowledging their source?
Speaking of important ladies, it would have been nice to see Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, the first female Speaker of the House, who has been an integral part of realizing Obama's legislative agenda, get a mention.
Yes, Obama should get (and take) credit for nominating two women to the Supreme Court, but that would read a lot less like "I do stuff for the ladeez!" if it was counterbalanced by a shout-out to one of the ladeez who's done some serious heavy lifting for him.
I admit I may appear to be the most unappreciative cunt in all Nitpicksburg, but all this little stuff adds up until it renders what should have been an important and meaningful gesture a pathetic bit of poorly-executed pandering.
I'm not pointing this shit out because I want to be disappointed; I so desperately don't. I'm pointing it out because I want the administration to get this stuff right, because I want Women's Equality Day to mean something, not just objectively, but intimately to the people who instituted it.
Because, hello, that's how equality is actually achieved.
A typical miss, Obama administration.
