"Skinny Jeans, John Wayne, and the Feminization of America," by Jane Gilvary, whose author bio informs us "is a freelance writer and a red, white, and blue conservative from the City of Brotherly Love. She loves Jesus, Johnny Cash, and the U.S. Constitution."
All right then.
[H/T to Margaret.]
This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.
Quote of the Day
Obama is on the spot: he has to fire Simpson, or turn the whole thing into a combination of farce and tragedy — the farce being the nature of the co-chair, the tragedy being that Democrats are so afraid of Republicans that nothing, absolutely nothing, will get them sanctioned.—Paul Krugman.
When you have a commission dedicated to the common good, and the co-chair dismisses Social Security as a "milk cow with 310 million tits," you either have to get rid of him or admit that you're completely, um, cowed by the right wing, that IOKIYAR rules completely.
And no, an apology won't suffice. Simpson was completely in character here; it was perfectly consistent with everything else he's said, and with his previous behavior. He has to go.
I Write Letters
Dear Glenn Beck:
You are an asshole of epic proportions.
I mean, really. You've engaged in massive amounts of fuckery in the relatively short time I've been aware of your loathsome existence, but promoting your upcoming "8-28 rally" by asserting it will "reclaim the civil rights movement" is truly breathtaking.
You would be a comedic genius if only there weren't so many people who earnestly believed in the rightness of your unchecked bigotry.
Contemptuously,
Liss
P.S. Commenting Guidelines: The usual. Disablist comments musing about Beck's psychological state or outright calling him crazy, nuts, deranged, delusional, unstable, a lunatic, in need of commitment, etc. are both unwelcome and not on-topic. I have a mental disorder, for example. It doesn't make me a lying rightwing dipshit.
Today In Giant Capsized Ship Film Reviews
The Poseidon Adventure
There once was a time when Hallmark produced quality entertainment, like The Promise, starring James Garner and James Woods as a pair of dysfunctional brothers learning to cope under the specter of mental illness. Now they churn out crap like this: schlocky remakes featuring cheap special effects and a host of B-grade actors well past their prime.
You're no doubt familiar with the premise of the original, wherein a luxury liner capsizes and the surviving passengers must escape their watery tomb. That is about all this production has in common with the original, as most every other element, including drama and suspense, has been excised wholesale in favor of crappy melodrama and crappier special effects.
Instead of a massive tidal wave flipping the S.S. Poseidon on its topside, the ship has been done in by menace-du-jour: Middle-Eastern terrorists. Though, I never understood why the terrorists were working in collusion with Chechen separatists to sink a South African cruise ship. Then again, I never understood how blowing a hole in the side of the ship caused it to capsize. Sure, it was explained once or twice, but it never seemed clear. Just because one fills a sentence with scientific sounding mumbo jumbo doesn't necessarily mean it actually makes sense.
So, that's the plot, more or less, and none of it is a surprise. The only question is who will and who will not survive. At the center of the drama is a wholesome American family, made up of Steve Guttenburg, his workaholic wife, and their two children. The marriage is crumbling, due to his infidelities and her devotion to work over all other things. (Those things being her husband and children.) So, will they all Grow and Learn and find a way to love again? Or will the family succumb to the inevitable, and drown one by one? Okay, so how many made-for-TV movies have you seen?
Also along for the ride is a rugged no-nonsense Sea Marshal named Agent Rogo (Adam Baldwin AKA Jayne from Firefly). He's the maritime equivalent of an Air Marshal. I don't even know if there is such a thing as a Sea Marshal, and I certainly don't know why he was in South Africa. For that matter, I don't know why any of these people were in South Africa to catch a cruise ship. Were all the flights to Florida booked? Big question: will he stop the terrorists and save the day? Well, no, if he did that there'd be no movie. Will he survive or die heroically saving a supporting character? Maybe.
Then there's the sniveling First Mate. Not only is he a pill popper, but he's blown Agent Rogo's cover. And Shoshanna, the masseuse, she's sleeping with Guttenburg. Will they get their Morning After? Come on, I think we all know what happens to sluts and drug addicts in movies.
Rounding out the cast are Rutger Hauer as a Catholic priest (see also), the Shelly Winter's character from the original (turning in the only interesting moment in the entire film, somewhere in the third hour), an Australian TV producer and his wife, C. Thomas Howell, Peter Weller, and a handful of anonymous crew members. It's anyone's guess which of these will make it topside.
Now, it is worth noting that this film about a cruise ship features not one single frame with an actual real live boat in it. Virtually every shot of the liner is computer generated, and quite badly at that. The one shot that isn't a CGI effect is clearly just some extras blue screened in front of a photograph of a boat.
And certainly, it's understandable that the producers went the CGI route. Surely it's cheaper than filming on an actual boat. The downside is your film looks cheap, but maybe that's the feel they were going for. In a disaster movie about a boat capsizing, who really pays attention to the boat anyway?
But what I cannot comprehend is why anyone would cast Steve Guttenburg as the lead. Was Craig T. Nelson busy or something? Guttenburg cannot act, there are no two ways about it. Watching him have "heartfelt" moments with his family is painful. One would almost feel sorry for him if it weren't for the overwhelming desire to turn off the DVD every time he appeared.
Whenever he was on screen, I kept holding out hope his character would drown, or get eaten by sharks, or something. But you know how made-for-TV movies are.
Directed by John Putch • Unrated • 2005 • 173 minutes
[Cross-posted.]
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
[Background.]
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Daily Dose o' Cute
Image Description: Dudley lying in the grass, with his chin resting on my outstretched foot.
Dudz has taken to frequently lying with his head on my foot, or one paw draped across some part of me. This was taken earlier today, while I sat down under a tree during our walk to take a call from Iain. I sat at the edge of the shade, so Dudley could lie in the sun, as he loves to do; when he'd had enough, he moved into the shade and cuddled up beside me.
The Overton Window: A Book Report in 46 Parts
So, Glenn Beck wrote this new book. It's called The Overton Window. Beck describes the book as faction: "fiction based on facts." I guess Beck doesn't realize most fiction is based on fact, since we live in a world that exists, factually. Unless your book is about faeries, then yeah, it's probably based on fact. No points to Beck for pulling some ridiculous and self-important gimmick out of his ass and passing it off as if he's written some groundbreaking work. I mean, I don't get the impression Beck is trying to swing some non-fiction novel à la Capote, because this ain't no highbrow shit we're talking about. It's a right-wing wankfest espionage thriller. And not a very good one at that.
By all accounts, this book is awful. That's what all the professional critics are saying, like the book versions of Siskel and Ebert and Elvis Mitchell. Google it if you don't believe me. Anyway, my local library finally delivered me my copy. (My steadfast refusal to pay for a copy, outside of me bidding up to $2.88 a copy on eBay (that's a penny a page) accounting for the delay between the June pub date and today.) I've had it on hold since reading Joe Mande's screenplay version over at Videogum. I thought, "wow, no, it really can't be that bad, can it?" Can it? I guess I'll find out.
Over the next days, months, years, however long it takes, I'm going to wade through The Overton Window and share my reactions with you. It'll be like that dude who blogged the Bible. But with less Moses. Feel free to pick up your own copy (borrow Dad's!) and read along. Or not. I wouldn't blame you if you weren't up to it. I am not sure I'm up to it.
Tune in tomorrow for: Chapter One! Unless there's a prologue or some shit. In which case chapter one will come after that.
Touchdowns for Hope
What could get even the crustiest, grumpiest, die-hard Bears fan to root for a Packers' touchdown...? This:
Packers receiver Greg Jennings has just pledged to donate $1,000 to House of Hope, a Green Bay shelter for women and single mothers, for every time he catches a touchdown.Blub.
..."We are blessed to be in a position to give back," Greg Jennings said Wednesday. "And we have found a charity that is close to our hearts with the House of Hope. We hope to raise lots of money for them as long as I'm a Packer."
...Greg's wife, Nicole, said the Greg Jennings Foundation wanted to form this partnership because of her own background.
"Growing up, my mother and I had a period in life where we had to lean on a facility similar to House of Hope for food and shelter," Nicole said in a statement. "This experience made a positive and memorable impact on my life, and I believe it is important to do the same for other women and children that may have that same need."
If you live in the Green Bay area, Touchdowns for Hope is having a cocktail gala with silent and live auctions on Sept. 7. You can find out more about it here.
[H/T to Shaker Nick.]
Wednesday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, publishers of Asshat Dreaming: My Recollections of Imaginary Conversations with Jonah Goldbert, by Paul T. Spud.
Recommended Reading:
Resistance: It is 2010, isn't it?
Disability Bitch: Disability Bitch Gets a Bit of Hot Action
Spilt Milk: Acceptance Is Not 'Giving Up' [TW for discussions of body image]
Andy: Gay Male West Point Cadet: 'The most important thing I've learned here is how to be a good actor'
Steve: The Lingering Consequences of E Coli Conservatism
D.: Headline of the Day
Leave your links in comments...
"A Milk Cow With 310 Million Tits"
So. President Obama—because he loves bipartisanship so, so much—selected former Republican Senator Alan Simpson to co-chair his National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform. And Simpson—because he is a conservative and conservatives hate Social Security so, so much—has continually stated that substantial reforms to Social Security are the key to fixing the deficit.
Well, he is wrong. And in April of this year, Ashley B. Carson, the director of OWL, the Older Women's League, wrote a column saying he is wrong—and additionally calling him out on his use of ageist and sexist rhetoric.
Someone evidently forwarded Carson's column to Simpson recently, and he decided to email Carson (pdf) to let her know what he thought of her piece (emphasis mine):
Dear Ms. Carson,I have but two questions:
Someone was good enough to forward me your column of "Enough with the Pink Panthers Bit" of April 27, 2010.
Some of what you say is true. Much is not – but that's nothing new about public life for me! I have news for you too, my friend. There may be no group called the Pink Panthers working to protect Social Security but I sure as hell am! I've spent many years in public life trying to stabilize that system while people like you babble into the vapors about "disgusting attempts at ageism and sexism" and all the rest of that crap.
Now hold on tight, because you won't like what I'm sending you. You may obviously be aware that the Social Security system is "in trouble." If you don't agree with that, then there is no need to read any further. But I wish to share with you the presentation by Stephen C. Goss, Chief Actuary of the Social Security Administration on May 12, 2010 to the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform. If you think the statistics on poverty for seniors are alarming – then you need to read this little pamphlet to know what is really alarming.
If we can't get a handle on this system and make it sustainable and assure long term solvency, and make some changes that are "minor" at the present time and will become "major" as each year passes, then take a look at the chart on Page 6 which I hope you are able to discern if you are any good at reading graphs – or anything that might challenge your biases and prejudices.
Anyway, have a look at it and if you should choose, you might communicate with me. If you have some better suggestions about how to stabilize Social Security instead of just babbling into the vapors, let me know. And yes, I've made some plenty smart cracks about people on Social Security who milk it to the last degree. You know 'em too. It's the same with any system in America. We've reached a point now where it's like a milk cow with 310 million tits! Call when you get honest work!
Al
1. Is there anyone in the Obama administration who doesn't have nothing but undiluted contempt for activists, who doesn't take any opportunity offered them to crow about their own super-exceptional dedication to the betterment of the US while condescendingly demeaning as woefully ignorant anyone who deigns to criticize, or even disagree with, their strategies?
2. Is Obama going to ask for Simpson's resignation, or is the president totally okay with someone he personally appointed not only referring to Social Security (or the US government in its entirety?) as "a milk cow with 310 million tits" and telling a prominent women's rights activist that her concerns about his ageist and sexist rhetoric are "crap"?
Sign the petition calling for Simpson's removal here.[H/T to Spudsy, who got it from HuffPo. Related Reading: Get a Life.]
Today in Transphobia
[Trigger warning for transphobia]
The Daily Mail 1 day ago
[Edited by contributor] There may be two or three people who think we've got journalistic standards, but we're basically a bunch of douchenoodles who will resort to anything to sell our paper in a desperate attempt to turn a profit. To that end, we've used an incidence of discrimination as an excuse to flaunt our naked bigotry in the hopes that you'll gawk at a person much more dignified than our editorial staff. We have yet to comprehend or care about the reasons that many people refer to us as "The Daily Fail" because we're busy looking for totes important pictures of naked ladies.
We are neither aware of the conventions of your bingo-derived games, nor our role in helping you excel at them.
eastsidekate 0 minutes ago responding to The Daily Mail
I shall crush your so-called paper with my appropriately tall, dress-wearing body. Katie smash. Katie need pointier shoes.
I Write Letters
(TW for violence)
Dear Jonah Goldberg:
Please do kindly shut the fuck up.
No love,
Paul the Spud
"We have authority by martial law to shoot looters."
[Trigger warning for violence and police abuse.]
Investigative outlet ProPublica, in conjunction with The New Orleans Times-Picayune, has published a report about some truly disturbing orders given to New Orleans police in the aftermath of Katrina, as part of its ongoing investigation into unresolved cases where police abuse has been alleged.
In the chaotic days after Hurricane Katrina, an order circulated among New Orleans police authorizing officers to shoot looters, according to present and former members of the department.Of course he is.
It's not clear how broadly the order was communicated. Some officers who heard it say they refused to carry it out. Others say they understood it as a fundamental change in the standards on deadly force, which allow police to fire only to protect themselves or others from what appears to be an imminent physical threat.
The accounts of orders to "shoot looters," "take back the city," or "do what you have to do" are fragmentary. It remains unclear who originated them or whether they were heard by any of the officers involved in shooting 11 civilians in the days after Katrina.
[...]
In one instance captured on a grainy videotape shot by a member of the force, a police captain relayed the instructions at morning roll call to cops preparing for the day's patrols.
"We have authority by martial law to shoot looters," Captain James Scott told a few dozen officers in a portion of the tape viewed by reporters. Scott, then the commander of the 1st district, is now captain of the special operations division.
The lack of meaningful accountability, from local police to the utterly useless and criminally apathetic former President of the United States who let an American city drown on his watch, for institutional failure in the Katrina's wake is one of the great shames in this nation's political history.
And the terrifying part is that we have not learned from it, and thus are we doomed to repeat it.
[Related Reading: In the aftermath of Katrina, gun-owners were forced—at gunpoint—to hand over their guns, even in areas unaffected by the hurricane.]
Two Facts
1. Jonah Goldberg has the intellectual honesty and integrity of a high school plagiarist.
2. The LA Times nonetheless continues to publish his mendacious drivel.
Salon's Alex Pareene has done a splendid job of deconstructing Goldberg's latest mess, in which he asserts that "The 70% of Americans who oppose what amounts to an Islamic Niketown two blocks from ground zero are the real victims of a climate of hate, and anti-Muslim backlash is mostly a myth."
Yes, sure, absolutely. It's the bigots in this country who are marginalized by hatred.
Would that it were true. Since, unlike Goldberg, I don't find any reason why bigots shouldn't be marginalized.
Paul the Psychic Octopus is Puttin' It On Wax!
The kids still say "puttin' it on wax," don't they?
News Flash! Paul the Psychic Octopus' agent (the cephalopod has an agent! (and how the fuck is it a mollusk has an agent and I don't?)) says Paul the Psychic Octopus will be recording an album of Elvis tunes. (Because, duh, what, you think his tentacled ass is gonna do a Sinatra tribute? Don't be a dumbass.)
Anyway, you remember Paul the Psychic Octopus, don't you? He predicted the world cup victory by some team. So, yay, Paul the Psychic Octopus! And yay for Elvis covers!
And before you crack wise and scoff at the idea of a singing octopus, let me remind you, that in the annals of rock-n-fuckin-roll, there have been plenty of acts who have recorded albums that might have not seemed all that possible. Don't believe me?
Exhibit A: Barbie, The California Raisins (shrivelled fruit, for fuck's sake!), The Pink Panther, Ke$ha.
Deeky the Psychic Homo predicts Paul the Psychic Octopus' first video will look a lot like this:
I'm pre-ordering this shit on Amazon. Right now!
[Cross-posted.]
Ouch
So, last night, my Favorite Person in the Whole Wide World, Senator John McCain, won his primary challenge from former Congressman J.D. Hayworth.
Because Hayworth was a Tea Party darling, McCain had to run even further to the right than the "maverick" had already run during the last presidential election, and courted the extreme rightwing he once despised, with adorable sops to intolerance and bigotry like his charming "Complete the Danged Fence" campaign.
By the time primary election day rolled around, McCain had virtually transformed himself into a Tea Partyin' fool.
Which prompted DNC National Press Secretary Hari Sevugan to email this congratulatory message upon news of his victory:
Today, the Republican party of Arizona nominated for Senate JD Hayworth in the shell of a politician that was once John McCain. The complete takeover of the Republican party by the Tea Party has included taking over the soul of a Senator who was once the face of comprehensive immigration reform and who now would just build the 'danged fence;' a man who once reveled in being a maverick and who now is a rubber stamp for the extreme rightwing; a man whose name was synonymous with campaign finance reform and who now barely registers a notice when the law that bears his name was gutted by the Supreme Court to favor corporate America. So, we congratulate JD Hayworth on his nomination tonight.Damn! LOL.
Update: Erin Vaught
[Trigger warning for transphobia and medical care horror stories]
Muncie Star Press: Ball Memorial Hospital will train staff in LGBT awareness.
You [TW: transphobia] may recall Erin Vaught, the trans woman who was denied health care at an Indiana hospital despite the fact that she had "coughed [up] almost a cup of blood." The Muncie hospital has just announced that all employees will undergo the sensitivity training that is obviously needed.
I'm still left to wonder what happened to the employees in question. Speaking from experience, I'll argue that there are two aspects to this type of injustice: 1) dangerously substandard medical care that 2) is substantially different than medical care given to members of other groups. Yes, the treatment that Vaught received was discriminatory, but leaving that aside for the moment, it clearly showed that several employees at said hospital are unfit to provide medical care. Unable to figure out what to do with a person who's coughing up blood? Fail.
My family's own experience last year shows a similar bifurcation. Based on our observations over several visits to one of our local hospitals, we feel that the care we received was discriminatory. However, our complaints include:
Patient denied call button (which incidentally, led to my partner laying in bed screaming for help; the ER staff largely ignored said screams)
Patient denied pain medication, including that prescribed by the same hospital for the surgery that lead to the ER visit
Patient denied ice pack
Patient not helped in and out of bed, not given assistance in leaving hospital (e.g., we're done here, you know where the door is)
Yes, we have other complaints including the nasty demeanor of the staff and the ejection of me from the room, but you'll note that the list above has fuck all to do with discrimination, and everything to do with a failure to follow the most basic standards of medical care. This is stuff that our nursing friends tell us is fundamental. I also imagine it's the sort of thing that accrediting bodies look at. :ahem:
FWIW, we received a letter from the hospital administration assuring us that they take our concerns very seriously, that they have core values, and that they're totally looking into it. Yawn. I'm not so sure that this means that they're looking to hire competent staff.
We've pretty much decided not to pursue the matter further, but this kind of garbage pisses me off. Yes, you need to work on cultural sensitivity, but you also need to stop being a sucky hospital. Any word on that?
Question of the Day
What was a moment that by all rights should have been an embarrassing moment for you, but was so absurd you couldn't help but laugh?
I've had dozens of these moments, but the first one that came to mind was a time in high school when I was spending the night at a friend's house. She was in the shower, and I was puttering around in her bedroom, and found a brightly-colored (like the most putrid neon; hello, it was the '90s!) plastic water-gun. I put on my best Emma Peel and waited for her to come back to her room.
The door creaked. "Freeze, dirtbag!" I commanded, pointing the garish toy pistol.
Her father—who was actually the person coming into the room—startled, looked at me with a mixture of confusion, terror, and exasperation, tossed the blanket he was holding onto the floor, and scurried away.
LOL.
Her dad was just this 100% Grade-A humorless, bullying, patriarchal, fascist ass, so it was eighty million shades of hilarious that it was her dad, of all The Dads, who became the unintentional target of my misplayed prank.
When my friend returned to her room, I blurted out, "I just barked 'Freeze, dirtbag!' at your dad while pointing this water-gun at him." She collapsed into a heap, and we laughed for ten million years.
When I apologized to him later, he responded by looking at my friend and saying, "It's this kind of stupidity that I'm talking about," then walking away.
Which, naturally, made us laugh all over again, and we quoted that shit for fucking ever.
