Warning: if you do not like spiders and images thereof, please do not look below the fold!
Inspired by Jill's garden spider post, I went out this morning and took a few shots of the glorious black and yellow garden spider (Argiope aurantia) we have living on our front porch in Texas. She does not have a catch this morning, but about every other day, she's working on some large meal.
A black-and-yellow writing spider in the center of her web.
The same spider from a slightly different angle. The focus is not as good here, but I like the sense of depth--you can really see how plump and healthy she is!
Two spider egg sacs by a brick wall under the eaves of our roof. One of the sacs looks to be empty already.
Friday Morning Argiope aurantia
Good Morning! Here's Something That's Awesome.
Our Daughter Isn't a Selfish Brat; Your Son Just Hasn't Read Atlas Shrugged, by Eric Hague. LOL.
[H/T to Shaker RedSonja.]
Today in Bad Ideas
Elle sent me the link to this post by Jamilah King at Colorlines about former Federal Communications Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate's proposed plan (pdf) "to hand out vouchers for broadband service in poor communities, presumably in place of ensuring affordable high speed Internet in every household"—vouchers to which she's given the rather stunning name "broadband stamps." Y'know, like food stamps.
"Rather than new indiscriminate broadband spending initiatives, perhaps certain eligible Americans could have 'broadband stamps,'" she writes in her proposal. The stamps would "allow certain low-income eligible citizens to purchase broadband services on a technology-neutral basis from a cable, telephone, wireless, or satellite provider."King quotes Nate Anderson's description (pdf) of how the plan would work: "The idea is to give low-income Americans a broadband voucher that they could use to order a 'minimum broadband package,' with 'minimum' in this case meaning 'enough bytes to surf the Web and send e-mails to family members.' Tate wants to make sure that this 'circumscribed' broadband offers only rudimentary Internet access so that those who want better service will put some skin in the game and add their own money."
In Tate's view, the vouchers represent a logical alternative to keeping what she termed "Big Government" away from "dictating what Americans 'should' get or what is 'best for them'" when it comes to broadband. The news came just days before Google announced a deal with Verizon that aims to preempt federal regulation of wireless Internet services, a move that could spell trouble for many users of color. And an almost immobilized FCC is scrambling to make good on its National Broadband Plan promises to significantly increase services in rural and urban communities, though first it has to outline its position on how — and if — to regulate service providers in order to make sure that increase happens. So far, it's not looking too good.
Mmm. Call me cynical, but I don't think encouraging tech corps to subsidize this idea is the reasoning behind Tate's advocacy of truncated internet access at all; I would stake money on the real reason being that she imagines, with breath-catching horror, giving poor people internet access only for them to use it to surf porn and play online poker instead or whatever vices she imagines they'll indulge instead of spending their time reading dispatches from the RNC and Focus on the Family.
There are simply too many layers of irony through which to plow in a proposal that asserts to keep "Big Government" from "dictating what Americans 'should' get or what is 'best for them'" by providing vouchers that allow access to limited content arbitrarily chosen by…well…someone! Who isn't Big Government, that's for darn sure!
I'm all for expanding broadband access; the US is significantly lagging behind other developed countries in terms of its broadband infrastructure, particularly in rural and poor urban areas, and we need to be making serious investments in our digital infrastructure as desperately as we need to be rebuilding roads and bridges, if we've any interest in maintaining a marginally competitive economy in the near future. But this proposal just, as Elle said in her email, misses the point.
Not only is its potential efficacy dubious at best; it condescends to the people whom it purports to want to help—people who are already routinely patronized for being "out-of-touch," or some variation on that theme, as it is, by virtue of being too poor to be well connected (in both senses of the term).
And I truly wonder how many of the homes Taylor Tate imagines will qualify for her "broadband stamps" are even in a position to benefit from them. One of the big barriers to poor and/or rural people—at home, at school—getting online (never mind online via broadband service) has long been the cost of the actual technology. PCs are a lot cheaper than they used to be, but that doesn't make them objectively cheap.
A "broadband stamp" won't be of much help to someone who doesn't have $500 for a computer in the first place.
There are better, way better, ideas than this. Of course, they're of the socialist sort, the BIG GOVERNMENT sort, that makes people like Taylor Tate cover her delicate ears with the invisible hand of the market.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
(Taken from an actual conversation Deeks and I just had...)
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Prop 8 Update
Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled that same-sex marriage in California would not be indefinitely kept on hold while opponents mount their appeal. He has given them six days to fuck around some more, but ordered that same-sex marriage should resume on August 18 failing a contradictory ruling from the appeals court.
Walker said on Thursday that ban proponents didn't convince him that anyone would be harmed by allowing same-sex marriages to resume.I quite genuinely cannot believe the dinosaurs challenging this thing haven't just given up already. Surely even they feel the homomentum at this point. Yeesh.
"The evidence at trial showed, however, that Proposition 8 harms the state of California," Walker said.
…Walker also said that no one can claim harm by allowing same-sex weddings to go forward, but banning them harms gays.
Finally, Walker said it also appears doubtful that the opponents of the ban have any right to appeal his decision striking down a state law that he said should have been defended by either Gov. Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Brown.
Quote of the Day
"One's a virgin, another has slept with 50 men—can you guess how many lovers these women have had? You may be surprised..."—Actual headline in the Daily Mail, on an article in which pictures of women are posted alongside the number of sexual partners they've had in a sort of Aesop's Fable for adults, the moral of which is "You can't judge a slut by her cover," or something.
There is a lot of cringeworthy stuff here, but I am particularly fond of the implicit admonishment to be SHOCKED! that an Asian woman hasn't racked up loads of partners, because you know how they are, with the "sucky sucky long time" and all that, book-ended with the implicit admonishment to be SHOCKED! that a fat woman has slept with FIFTY PEOPLE! because you know how they are, with the being grodius maximus and totes unlovable and stuff.
And lest you think I'm exaggerating, or finding something that isn't there, consider that the entire premise of a surprising reversal ("You may be surprised...") only works if the stereotypes of the Asian whore and the unfuckable fatty are juxtaposed against an Asian virgin and a fat woman who's had lots of lovers.
Fucking UGH.
[Via.]
This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.
Michael Medved: Gay Marriage Myths and Truth.
TRUTH: Michael Medved just has balled up paper towels where his brains should be.
One Vote for Ben Quayle, Please!
Ben Quayle, son of Indiana's finest ever politician and former vice-president (and spelling champion) Dan Quayle, is running for Congress in Arizona on the GOP ticket. And he is a DYNAMO!
Ben Quayle, delivered with the most expressionless monotone imaginable: Barack Obama is the worst…president…in history. In my generation, we'll inherit a weakened country, drug cartels in Mexico, tax cartels in DC… What's happened to America? I love Arizona. I was raised right. Somebody has to go to Washington—and knock the hell outta the place. My name's Ben Quayle, and I approve this message.Settle down, Ben. You're going to wake the neighbors.
If I've said it once, I've said it one billion times: When I cast my vote to send someone to Washington to "knock the hell outta the place," I want it to be someone who can accomplish the Sisyphean task of revolutionizing a deeply entrenched political institution with the diabolical fervor of a man possessed by a pocket calculator.
[Via Gabe.]
Farewell, Cathy!
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, because I know all you femifarts, queerbaits, gender-benders, fat chicks, and various other dinguses don't have a lot to be happy about, what with all the normal people hating you and all, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do: America's—heck, the world's—best-loved comic strip, "Cathy," is coming to an end. "AACK!"
Well, actually, "Garfield" is probably the favorite comic strip of discerning comic-strip aficionados the world over, because HA HA that cat eats lasagna, man.
Oh, wait—"Marmaduke" might be number one. I mean, nothing fails to brighten my day when I'm feeling down in the dumps, like when I lost that bet to my friend Dick Balzac about whether I could fart 20 times in under a minute (I usually can—leave it to my butt to fail when my NASCAR collector shoehorns are on the line!), than a perusal of the "Marmaduke" strips I've got stuck on the fridge for just such an occasion. HA HA that dog is BIG!
And "Hägar the Horrible" is the fucking MAN. I love me some Viking shit. One time, me and my ex-wife/fiancée Tammy went as Hägar and his wife Helga to this costume party—only it turned out not to be a costume party; I just got mixed up because when my friend Max Butz invited me, he said to "dress up," and I thought he meant in, like, costumes and shit. Like I'm supposed to know that he wanted me to wear some stupid suit to his kid's baptism. Whatever. I still really love "Hägar the Horrible," though.
Well, shit. Come to think of it, I also really like that "Love Is…" cartoon, with them little naked cupids or whatever. And the Lockhorns! Shit, man—that strip is hilarious! It's funny because it's TRUE. Mars and Venus, man. Mars and Venus.
And what about "Ziggy"? Dude is all, "That sucks! SADFACE!" I love that guy.
Oh, and "Crankshaft" is a not-miss on the comics page for me. That old guy is a CRANKY DICK! Hey—I just thought about how that's a whaddayacallit, a double-on-tonder or whatever. He's a cranky "shaft," and he drives a bus that has a part called a crankshaft. Do you think the guy who writes that did that on purpose? Pretty clever if he did. See, that's why I could never be a comic writer person. They're like the stand-up comedians of the newspaper.
You know what comic I don't like, though? "Burt and Ernest." It's just these two guys sitting around talking about shit, and I swear it's like they ripped that shit off "Conniving & Sinister." Which I hate even more than "Burt and Ernest."
Fuck, what was I talking about again…? Oh, yeah—"Cathy." Well, that's a pretty funny strip, too. Top 10, anyway.
But now, after 34 years, it's gonna end. "AACK!" HA HA. "AACK!" I love that.
And I'm honestly kind of sad about it. I mean, yeah, it made me laugh, but it taught me a lot, too. (I always think the best kind of learning is the kind that makes you laugh while it's sticking stuff in your head.) Probably 98% of what I know about modern women—like how they love to be called "modern women" because it's the word equivalent of one of them power-suits with the shoulder-pads—I learned from "Cathy."
Like, before I started reading "Cathy," I didn't know that women have "four basic guilt groups"—Food, Love, Mom, and Work. And I didn't know that the main things women think about are their weight, cake, shopping, and shoes. My dad always told me all women think about are "getting pregnant and sucking you dry" (that's what she said), but he was wrong, which pains me to say—"AACK!" HA HA—because he was pretty much a genius about women otherwise, which is how he managed to get eight different women to marry him. But anyways, women think about shoes a lot. And cake.
I wouldn't ever buy any of them "Cathy" compilations for myself, because a man being interested in women is totally gay and shit, but my stepmom Cheryl has all the collections, and I ain't ashamed to say I've read 'em all. My favorites are probably the '81 classic I think I'm having a Relationship with a Blueberry Pie!, the '84 side-splitter Men should come with instruction booklets (HA HA WOMEN SHOULD!), the '85 work of brilliance Wake me up when I'm a size 5, and 2000's Shoes: Chocolate for the Feet. Chocolate for the feet!—where does she come up with this stuff?!
You know, not that long ago, me and my friend Dick Balzac almost got into a huge fight because he was calling me a pussy for reading "Cathy." He was all, "That crap's for women. If it was for dudes, it would be about a dude!" And that made me really mad. I mean, my ex-wife/fiancée Tammy and my stepmom Cheryl and my niece Sierra watch movies and read books and shit with main characters that are dudes all the time. (Seriously, if I have to hear any more about this Harry Potter dingus, I'm going cast a spell for earpluggium leavemebeus.) I mean, it's actually kind of cool to read something that's about the women's perspective once in awhile. When I told this to Dick Balzac, though, you'd have thought I told him I was changing my name to Vagina Cootersnatch or something, the way he went on.
Whatever. See what hanging around you femifarts all the time is doing to me? I'm going to lose all my brohams now because of your brainworms about women's lib corrupting my grey matter.
Anyways, I guess I just want to say "Thanks, Cathy!"—because I really enjoyed reading you and I learned a lot. I wouldn't be half the sex machine I am today if it weren't for understanding so much about womankind because of you.
Farewell, Cathy! Thanks for all the mammaries! HA HA!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I promised Tammy I'd take her out to dinner someplace special for her birthday, and my car ain't gonna drive itself to Hooters.
Pornstache: Out.
[Previously by Butch Pornstache: Happy Taxes and Teabags Day, I'm a Proud Teabagger and Real American, Men and Trucks and Shit, Cats and Shit, Books and Cupcakes and Shit, Ron Swanson Kicks Butt, Dale Peterson is a Great American, I'm a Man and I Enjoy Mancations. Pamela Gorman is a Great American, Fireworks and Shit, My Great Review of Twilight: Eclipse.]
I Write Letters
(edited below the fold)
Dear Allstate,
Despite what your advertising people may have told you, this is not a commercial:
(Transcript below the fold)
This is a twisted conglomeration of stereotypes. In 15 seconds, you perpetuate and reinforce the ideas that the “typical” teenage girl:
likes pink,
is distracted by sparkly things,
is careless,
is a dangerously poor driver,
is selfish.
Who is this girl? I'm not sure she's typical. And, as if the commercial isn’t insulting enough, you have the nerve to refer to this mysterious girl as “Mayhem?”
Who’s “in good hands” with you, Allstate? Certainly not young women or the image of them.
Exasperated and insulted,
elle
ETA: via Shakers ajoye and The Chemist:
Because women out performing their daily routines are a danger to men who just can't help themselves. Here is the same sentiment present in so many rape apologists' arguments: "It's the woman's fault for wearing certain clothing/being attractive/taking up (public) space)."
Grrr.
__________________
Transcript 1:
A pink SUV makes its away across a parking lot. The camera then switches to the inside of the SUV where we see a disheveled man (Mayhem) driving and clutching a cell phone with a sparkly cover.
Mayhem: "I'm a typical teenage girl."
The phone chimes and Mayhem looks down at it. In the process, he hits the front fender of a car and knocks it off, damaging his own car, as well. He continues to drive off and tosses the cell phone into the back seat.
Screen fades to black and the words "Are You in Good Hands" and then "Allstate" appear.
Transcript 2:
Commercial opens on Mayhem jogging with requisite pink headbands and weights.
Mayhem: I’m a hot babe out jogging. I’m out making sure this (gestures towards his upper body) stays a ten when you drive by.
(Guy drives by in black car and ogles Mayhem. Mayhem smiles and winks because we all know how flattering it is to be ogled.)
Mayhem: You’re checking out my awesome headband when…
(Guy crashes into light pole)
Mayhem: Oops.
(Light pole falls on car)
Mayhem: That’s when you find out, your cut rate insurance… it ain’t paying for this.
(Guy gets out of the car to survey damage)
Mayhem: So get Allstate. Save cash and get better protected from Mayhem like me.
Allstate logo appears along with voice of Dennis Haysbert: Dollar for Dollar, nobody protects you from Mayhem than Allstate.
Photo of the Day
The LA Times blog Top of the Ticket's headline reads: "George W. Bush makes surprise visit to U.S. troops."
"Sweaty dipshit shows up at the USO in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport" would be more accurate.
Still. Even I am not so corrupted with hatred for Mondo Fucko that I can't compliment him for doing a good thing when he does one: Good job giving our soldiers a wee surprise. Now run along and build a time machine so you can go back in time and not send them to a war of choice under false pretenses in which they are still embroiled nearly a decade later, you despicable specimen with garbage where your ethics should be.
Two Minute Nostalgia Sublime
Muriel Smith/Juanita Hall*: "Bali Ha'i"
* Juanita Hall appears as Bloody Mary in the film, but her vocals were provided by Muriel Smith.
Obama Administration Won't Intervene in Child Soldier Trial
[Trigger warning for threats of sexual violence and death, dehumanization, and indefinite detention.]
Raw Story:
In one of the first military commissions held under the Obama administration, a US military judge has ruled that confessions obtained by threatening the subject with rape are admissible in court.That would be appalling enough on its own, except for the fact that the person from whom the confession was obtained is Omar Ahmed Khadr, a Canadian citizen who was captured in Afghanistan nearly eight years ago when he was fifteen years old, and has been held at Gitmo ever since, where he has been "awaiting trial for terrorism and war crimes" after being accused of throwing a grenade that killed a US soldier.
…Globe and Mail reports:
In May hearings, a man identified as Interrogator 1 said in testimony that he threatened Mr. Khadr with being gang-raped to death if he did not co-operate. That interrogator was later identified as former U.S. Army Sergeant Joshua Claus. He has also been convicted of abusing a different detainee and has left the military.Although Khadr's confessions were obtained in this manner, the military judge presiding over the case ruled they are still admissible as evidence.
Mr. Khadr's military-appointed lawyer, Lieutenant-Colonel Jon Jackson, argued this instance, as well as other alleged instances of torture and coercion, are enough to render any future confessions – even those in so-called "clean" interrogations – inadmissible in court.
Lt. Col. Jackson, representing Khadr, has received no support from the Obama administration on behalf of his client: "It's very clear that the government of the US and the government of Canada have decided not to intervene in this case and therefore we are going to see the first case of a child soldier in modern history."
Radhika Coomaraswamy, the United Nations' special envoy for children in armed conflict, notes that "Since World War Two, no child has been prosecuted for a war crime." Additionally: "Child soldiers must be treated primarily as victims and alternative procedures should be in place aimed at rehabilitation or restorative justice. ... The Omar Khadr case will set a precedent that may endanger the status of child soldiers all over the world."
Jackson laments: "When President Obama was elected, I believed that we were going to close the book on Guantanamo and the military commissions. And instead President Obama has decided to write the next sad, pathetic chapter in the book of the military commissions."
I don't even know what to say anymore. I really don't.
[H/T to Shaker The Chemist.]
Top Chef Open Thread
Vintage image of chefjudicator Tom Colicchio, with hair!
Last night's episode will be precisely julienned in this thread, so if you haven't seen it, and don't want any spoilers, pack your knives and go...
This is an actual campaign ad. Like, actually run on TV.
by Shaker codeman38
Below is a campaign ad for one of the contestants in the Georgia Republican gubernatorial runoff (a true case of "which of these really is the lesser of two evils?" if I've ever seen one):
(Footage of a wheat field against a dark sky is shown, with key words from the narration appearing in the sky.)Yes, this is apparently what's important in politics in Georgia.
NARRATOR: The last straw. For some, it is Karen Handel's support of taxpayer funded gay partner benefits.
(Cut to a closer shot of the wheat.)
For others, the last straw is Karen Handel's vote to give our tax dollars to Youth Pride, a group that promotes homosexuality among teenagers as young as 13.
(Cut to wider shot.)
But for all, the lies Karen Handel tells about Nathan Deal, a veteran, former prosecutor, and judge, to hide what she's done, are the last straw.
And yes, I will confirm, as someone living in Georgia, that this...this thing has actually run on TV. Like, actually during local ad slots on prime time television.
Not to be outdone, Handel—who indeed was once a supporter of gay rights—has herself said some incredibly closed-minded stuff, after having allied with the Tea Party crowd in general and Palin in particular. As she wrote on Twitter in response to the Prop 8 verdict: "sick and tired of liberal judges subverting the will of the people to push their left wing agenda." Apparently she missed the fact that Judge Walker was nominated by none other than Ronald Reagan, and initially blocked by the Democrats.
Of course, this is all a moot point now, as Handel conceded to Deal despite the results of the runoff being "too close to call" according to the AP.
Not that it really affected my decision, of course, as I wasn't voting Republican to begin with.
Pillow Talk with Kate
Me: If we ever have another daughter, we're totally naming her Kate Jr.*
My Partner: LOL, that would piss everybody off.
Me: Yeah.
Cultural Conservatives: You can't do that for a girl! There are no Entertainment Tonight clips of Babe Didrikson Zaharias III drunk and disorderly outside of some club. That's just not how it's done!
Humorless Feminazis: Would it really be too much to ask to give your kid her own identity?
Me and My Partner: Remind us why we sleep with y'all again?
--
*We're totally not.
