The Bird Heard Round the World

by Shaker Abra

Hey, Shakers! If you're having a bad day, maybe this will cheer you up.

Three years ago, I got something I didn't order: it was this weird wooden bird thing with feathers attached. When we pulled it out of the box, both of us said, "Oh my GOD. What the fuck IS it?!"


So then I asked some internet friends what I should do with this thing. Responses ranged all over the map, but the consensus was, "let's mail it around to each other, take pics, and post them on a website".

So we did. And here is the result. So far, anyway.














The bird's going to Canada, Finland, and Australia next. The bird will continue to fly.

I hope this puts a smile on your face. We're not perfect, but it sure makes us happy!

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Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"



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See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.

[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]

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Chip, Chip, Chip...

They're chipping away at Roe in Missouri:

Missouri abortion clinics will face new mandates to offer women ultrasound images and heartbeats of their fetuses as a result of legislation allowed to become law Wednesday by Gov. Jay Nixon.

The Democratic governor, facing his first decision on an abortion bill, sidestepped a direct endorsement of the new requirements by citing a Missouri constitutional provision allowing bills to become law without the governor's signature.
There's the vigorous defense of women's autonomy we've come to expect from the Democratic Party!

Me, during the last election, once of a zillion times making the same point:
Using Roe as a cudgel to batter feminists/womanists (FWs) into line is becoming increasingly futile because the Democrats have been weak on protecting choice—and, hence, women's autonomy—for years. Yes, Roe is still in place, but the GOP has successfully chipped away at abortion rights on the federal and state levels for two decades. The point is, certainly the Democrats will nominate and approve justices who will protect Roe, but if they aren't willing to protect it from being rendered an impotent and largely symbolic statute because it's been hollowed out by "partial-birth abortion bans" and "parental consent laws" and state legislatures that refuse to fund clinics offering abortions, what does it really matter if they protect Roe?

FWs who are paying attention to what's happened to practical choice in this country know that the Roe card is already functionally meaningless at this point in large swaths of the country—and that's about the national Democratic Party as a whole, not just about its nominee in this election. The Dems are falling down on the job of serving their FW constituents in general and women specifically.

And the argument about appointing pro-Roe justices is designed, in part, to mask that failure. Not all of the restrictions on abortion rights have been decided in the court; many (if not most) are proposed and passed in state legislatures—and only those challenged n court depend on judicial appointments. Federal, state, and local funding of clinics has nothing to do with whom Democrats appoint to the bench. Fights over zoning laws and gifted property to build new clinics may also find their way to court, but oftentimes never make it that far. Anyone who still thinks that every encroachment on reproductive rights is being decided in a courtroom has some catching up to do.

A lot of progressives treat legal abortion like an on-off switch, but it's not remotely that simple. Legal abortion is only worth as much as the number of women who have reasonable and affordable and unencumbered access to it. That number is dwindling; IIRC, as of the year 2000, less than a third of the incorporated counties in the US had abortion clinics. That's not just inconvenience—between travel expenses and time off work along, the cost of securing an abortion can become an undue burden.

Realistically, if you're a woman who already has to drive three hours and across state lines to get an abortion, how much is "we'll protect Roe" actually supposed to mean to you?

Those making the Roe argument seriously need to consider what it sounds like to one of those women when she's told how her right to choose is best supported by someone who treats Roe as a magical abortion access password.
Last month, the New York Times ran a piece titled "Abortion Foes Advance Cause at State Level," which began: "At least 11 states have passed laws this year regulating or restricting abortion, giving opponents of abortion what partisans on both sides of the issue say is an unusually high number of victories. In four additional states, bills have passed at least one house of the legislature."

This is happening in the United States, a country where abortion is meant to be legal and women are meant to be equal citizens with bodily autonomy and agency over their medical care, while a Democratic president sits in the White House saying absolutely nothing about the unrelenting assault on choice.

A president who was elected on the votes of women who were promised he would "protect Roe," who now instead silently oversees its slow subversion by a thousand legislative cuts.

I'm surprised (ahem) at the cavernous void of outrage across the progressive blogosphere at this affront to women. One might imagine the male-authored blogs at which protecting Roe is such a huge issue during elections would be prominently featuring coverage of this assault on women's basic bodily autonomy. One would think they'd be angry at the president who made them look like fools, after they caterwauled endlessly about how he was going to be the Great Protector of Roe, but now cannot be moved even to issue a critical statement of those who would hollow it out to its empty husk.

It's almost like certain gentlemen ostensibly on the Left side of the aisle only care about Roe as a bargaining chip, and not as a fundamental right of women. Huh.

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Still. No. Visas.

Yet another quick update: The Iroquois Nationals lacrosse team has still not left the United States for the 2010 World Lacrosse Championships in Manchester. They have already missed their first match. At the moment, the hold up appears to be that the UK refuses to issue visas to holders of Haudenosaunee passports. The Syracuse Post-Standard reports that my U.S. Representative was just on BBC Radio asking British nationals to pressure their government to reverse its position. I'm still not sure what the status is of players and staff who were born north of the U.S./Canada border (last I heard, the U.S. said it would not allow "Canadian born" Haudenosaunee nationals back into the U.S. absent negotiations with Ottawa).

I don't have the time to give much analysis, but I'm sobered by the realization that the outpouring of well-wishes 1) has not appeared to be enough to allow these folks to travel to a sporting event, and 2) might not have occurred at all were this not a large party traveling to play a popular sport at a major tournament in the Global North.

Previously: One, Two, Three.

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Stay Classy, Catholic Church

[Trigger warning for clergy abuse and institutional misogyny.]

You just can't make this stuff up:

The Vatican today made the "attempted ordination" of women one of the gravest crimes under church law, putting it in the same category as clerical sex abuse of minors, heresy and schism.
So, just to be clear: According to the Catholic Church, ordaining a woman is just as bad as raping a child. Or, if you prefer, raping a child is only as a bad as attempting to ordain a woman.

You got your virulent misogyny in my diminishment of sexual assault!

All I can do is laugh bitterly at this point.

[H/T to Shaker Princess R.]

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It's DEATHFAT! It's HEXFAT! It's HOTFAT! It's...

KILLER PEARFAT!!!

A woman's body shape may play a role in how good her memory is, according to a new study.

The more an older woman weighs, the worse her memory, according to research released this week from Northwestern Medicine at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois.

The effect is more pronounced in women who carry excess weight around their hips, known as pear shapes, than women who carry it around their waists, called apple shapes.
May play a role. Well, that's certainly good enough to publish under the definitive headlins: "Study: Body shape affects memory in older women." I wonder, despite being apple-shaped myself, if I should be more or less worried about this research than the research which assured me that my fatty-fattitude will SHRINK MY BRAIN!
The reason pear-shaped women experienced more memory and brain function deterioration than apple-shaped women is likely related to the type of fat deposited around the hips versus the waist. Scientists know that different kinds of fat release different cytokines -- the hormones that can cause inflammation and affect cognition.
Can cause. Hmm. Well, even if it's a possibility, we'd better start panicking, right? After all, this isn't called an obesity CRISIS for nothing. Set phasers to shame!
"The study tells us if we have a woman in our office, and we know from her waist-to-hip ratio that she's carrying excess fat on her hips, we might be more aggressive with weight loss," Kerwin said. "We can't change where your fat is located, but having less of it is better."
Breaking news from science, everyone: Having less fat is better.

Also better: Having less genetic predisposition toward fatness, having less disability contributing to fatness, having less illness treatable with medications that cause fatness, having less ruined metabolisms from yo-yo dieting or smoking or disordered eating, having less trauma self-medicated with food, having less use for fat as a self-defense mechanism, having less poverty, having fewer food deserts, having fewer green-free urban spaces, having less food insecurity, having less government-subsidized corn farming, having less car-dependent suburban and exurban development, having less medical research and reporting axiomatically treating fat as causation.

The best: Having less fat hatred.

In case my point isn't clear, I'm not suggesting that there should be no investigation into the relationship between fat and brain activity (or heart function, or lung capacity, or tear-duct production, or anything else). My point is that, when correlations are identified, the solution oughtn't immediately be: "AGGRESSIVELY ENCOURAGE WEIGHT LOSS!" as if every fat person has gotten fat via lazy overeating and the solution is thus an individual process, and a simple one at that. Calories in, calories out!

This is a cultural issue, and it's not merely irresponsible and ineffective to say, "Your genetic predisposition to carry weight on your hips plus whatever factors caused you to gain excess weight on your hips has now left your brain vulnerable (we think!), so go sort yourself out, fatty," but is also deeply cruel.

[H/T to Shaker Julia.]

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Two Minute Nostalgia Sublime



James: "Sit Down"

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Top Chef Open Thread


[Image from last night's show: Tom Colicchio (center) shares his best Brando impression* with Eric Ripert and Robert Duvall (right). The reaction of an unidentified man in a terrible** jacket is unknown. Padma Lakshmi politely feigns interest.]

Last night's episode will be discussed in infinitesimal detail, so if you haven't seen it, and don't want any spoilers, move along...


* I didn't actually see this ep, so I'm just guessing this is what is happening here.

** I didn't see this ep, but I do know that's a terrible jacket.

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OMGWTFLOL WHUT?!

Jenny Beth Martin and Mark Meckler, co-founders of the Tea Party Patriots, have written a truly remarkable piece for Politico, a publication that continues to prove it's never sniffed a piece of garbage it didn't want to publish. Martin and Meckler (I loved their Vaudeville act!) are fed up with tea partiers being called racists—especially when liberals and the NAACP are the real racists!

Also: Barack Obama hung out with terrorists! TRUE FACT!

And then there's this stunner:

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would be proud of this movement. He dreamed of a colorblind society. The tea party is a truly post-racial movement.
Wow.

Racism, they claim, exists only on the fringe of the Tea Party movement. Sure it does. The Tea Party movement just has more fringe than the costume department for a community theater production of Hair.

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We Are All Great Men!

Greetings, Gentles and Roustabouts! I interrupt my morning perusal of health tracts and e-broadsides to report a bold new discovery: an astounding little analytical engine that can match a man with his twin in compositional ingenuity!

Using only a fragment of a treatise or letter, this thinking machine can report which Great Writer is most nearly one's equal. Merely submit a scrap of prose and depress the "Analyze" button! As I assiduously copied in my latest e-missive, I supposed the engine would recognize in my words something of Tobias Smollett—The Expedition of Humphry Clinker is a rollicking good read—or even that rascal Dickens, who had a talent for exposing the trials of well-born Gentlemen at the hands of the sniveling proletariat. But enough dilatory dallying! The verdict:



I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




My clarion exhortation "Hosiery Is No Laughing Matter" produced from this ingenious engine the same result.

I have no idea who this David Foster Wallace is, but I trust he is a Great Man with a fine intellect, and an interrogation of my Google device reveals that he has written a great many words indeed. I managed to secure a small sample of Wallace's writing through my usual patience and cunning.

As I am both mischievous and empirical, I inscribed in the analytical engine's input box a section from David Foster Wallace's story collection The Girl With Curious Hair. The result?


I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




I am as unfamiliar with this King as I am with Wallace, but my faithful yeoman Bruce assures me that he has written some of the most numerous words of our time!

Surely, we three are Brothers in Ink.

[Previous Grumblings: Benjamin H. Grumbles, Progress: Dagnabbit!, A Day in the Life of Benjamin H. Grumbles, What in the Sam Hill Are You Rascals Thinking?, Friday Cat Blogging, Damnable Milkshakery, Grumbles' Gashouse, Dash It All, McCain Is Off His Trolley, I Say, Somebody Bet on the Bob-Tailed Nag, Grumbles Writes Letters, Hosiery Is No Laughing Matter, Fear Not, Shakesvillians!, Bunsen's Balderdash!, Taint a Good Man, A Hearty Yawp of Well Wishes, The Grandest Male Organ, Bully for Science!, A Grumbles Extolment!, Truly, This is a Shoe That Does Not Fit!]

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Feel the Homomentum!


Supporters of same-sex marriage unfurl a pride flag outside Congress in Buenos Aires. [AP Photo.]

Yesterday, Argentina's Senate voted to legalize same-sex marriage. Their lower chamber of Congress had already passed the legislation, and President Cristina Kirchner has already vowed to sign the bill when it crosses her desk.

The bill not only grants same-sex couples the right to marry—it also confers all the rights associated with marriage in Argentina, including the ability to adopt children.

Argentina is the first Latin American country to legalize same-sex marriage, and did so despite strong protests from the Catholic Church, to which President Kirchner responded: "They are portraying this as a religious moral issue and as a threat to 'the natural order,' when what we are really doing is looking at a reality that is already there. It would be a terrible distortion of democracy if they denied minorities their rights."

What I wouldn't give for a president who'd say the same.

Congratulations, Argentina!

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Open Thread

Photobucket

Hosted by a totes awesome modern cuckoo clock.

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Question of the Day

Riffing on yesterday's QotD...

Which word or phrase do you find yourself frequently misusing?

Or found yourself frequently misusing until some generous soul had the sense and kindness to gently correct you, lol.



"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

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Daily Dose o' Cute


Matilda

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Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"



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See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.

[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]

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Wednesday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Chef Deeky's Giant Oven Mitts.

Recommended Reading:

[TW] Cara: For Some Kenyan Women, Toilet Use Means Sexual Violence

[TW] Echidne: Domestic Violence Incident

Andy: Read: The U.S. Army's Not So Comic Book on 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

Helen: A poor dude cleaning with a mop / puts all Heaven in a strop.

Racebending [via]: Paramount Pictures – Diversity in the 21st Century?

Rachel: Help Stamp Out Fat Hate Groups on Facebook

Leave your links in comments...

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Updated Update: State Department to Accept* Haudenosaunee Passports

Updated 3:45 CST/20:45 GMT
The Syracuse Post-Standard now reports that the Iroquois Nationals will be in New York yet another night. The UK has still not issued visas. It is also not clear to me what the status is of visas for members of the party born in or near Canada.
--

To update my post from yesterday, The Syracuse Post-Standard just reported that the U.S. State Department has decided to allow members of the Iroquois Nationals lacrosse team to use their own passports to re-enter the United States. Assuming that the team can get British visas in the next few hours, the team is set to leave for Manchester to play the opening match of the 2010 World Lacrosse Championships tomorrow night.

[*ETA: The working solution involves a one-time waiver, not indefinite acceptance of tribal passports.]

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But What About the Menz?!

[Trigger warning for reproductive coercion.]

This article, about men who desperately want to become fathers and the horrible bitches who won't bear their offspring on demand, is like a case study in privileged entitlement. If it weren't so painful, it would be laughable to read, for example, Neil Kirwan—a man married to a woman not ready to have children because she was just made partner at her job—asserting, "We're in an ideal position to have kids. Financially secure—we've even got a four-wheel drive family car," as if both of them wanting children isn't required before they are genuinely in "an ideal position to have kids."

With so little regard for his wife's agency, it's no wonder Kirwan is escalating to reproductive coercion:

Neil's continuing to hope that Fiona will change her mind.

"I'm putting pressure on her to stop taking the Pill and to leave the situation to fate," he admits. "I know it's a decision we've got to make together, but I don't want to be an old dad. A baby would make my world complete."
Financial security, a family car, a bouncing baby, and a wife who was bullied into parenthood by her abusive spouse—if that doesn't describe every little boy's dream of a complete life, I just don't know what does.

There's a lot more to parse here—from the single wannabe adoptive dad who resents even being asked about pedophilia, to the divorced wannabe dad who believes his ex-wife acted "selfishly" for not wanting kids, even though he married her without asking if she did, instead just "assuming" since he "thought that maternal instinct was something all women have"—and I'll leave it to you to dissect in comments.

What most struck me is that an article sympathetically presenting coercive and presumptuous wannabe dads even exists at all. Our culture is rife with negative narratives about baby-obsessed women who will go to any length to become a mother, even "trapping" men by "getting themselves pregnant." No one writes delightful articles about how charming their desperation is, intimating that every man should be so lucky to have a good woman willing to bear children for him, and any man who denies the fulfillment of a wannabe mommy's dream to become a parent is a selfish jerk who defies the very laws of nature.

Funny that.

[H/T to Shaker Selasphorus.]

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Today in horribly insensitive analogies

For those of you who don't follow the career of U.S. Representative Michelle Bachmann (R- uh-roh), I envy you. Also, I feel compelled to pass along the latest:

Reporting on Rep. Bachmann's speech at the Western Conservative Summit, the Colorado Independent says:

[Rep. Bachmann quoted founding father John Jay,] 'We are determined to live free or not at all. And we are resolved that posterity shall never reproach us with having brought slaves into the world,’... ending her reading with the statement, 'We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves.' Emphasis mine.

Short answer: :headdesk:

Medium answer: No.

Long answer: Do you know what's like slavery? Actual slavery. Incidentally, this is what Jay was referring to. Do you know what's not like slavery? I'm guessing folks here do. Pretty much everything that isn't actual slavery.

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Two Minute Nostalgia Sublime



The Charlatans: "The Only One I Know"

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