Shakesville

Mel Gibson Is A Vile Racist Douchebag Of Epic Proportions... But You Already Knew That

[Trigger warning for racism and sexual violence.]

So, what racist slur will Mel Gibson spit out next? Anyone care to take a guess? Go on, think up something, I'll wait. Okay. Did you come up with "wetback"? If so, give yourself a churro.

Dlisted is reporting another gem in the tapes made by former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Speaking about one of his Latina employees Gibson had this to say:

"I will report her to the fucking people that take fucking money from the wetbacks."

I'm not sure entirely what that statement means, but add one more threat and racist nugget to Gibson's répertoire. These same tapes also include these statements from Mel: "You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n****rs, it will be your fault" and "I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

[Cross-posted.]

Oh Good

For a moment there, I thought the decision about Don't Ask Don't Tell wasn't going to be decided by mob rule.

The Pentagon on Wednesday began sending out to troops a survey of more than 100 questions seeking their views on the impact of repealing the "don't ask, don't tell" restrictions prohibiting gays and lesbians from openly serving in the U.S. military.

An administration official confirmed to CNN that the survey is being sent to 200,000 active duty troops and 200,000 reserve troops. The official declined to be identified because the survey has not officially been made public.

The survey, which service members can expect to receive via e-mail, asks about such issues as how unit morale or readiness might be affected if a commander is believed to be gay or lesbian; the need to maintain personal standards of conduct; and how repeal might affect willingness to serve in the military.

The survey also asks a number of questions aimed at identifying problems that could occur when troops live and work in close quarters in overseas war zones. For example, the questionnaire asks military members how they would react if they had to share a room, bathrooms, and open-bay showers in a war zone with other service members believed to be gay or lesbian.

There also are several questions about reactions to dealing with same-sex partners in social situations.

And—wouldn't ya know it?—the Joint Chiefs "want to see the results of the survey before they offer their final advice on the impact of a repeal" to the President, re: Ye Olde Certification Trigger.

So, just to be clear: The decision about lifting the ban on LGB soldiers serving openly is contingent upon the results of a questionnaire designed to maximize homophobic responses from 400,000 people in one of the most homophobic institutions in the world.

Meanwhile, let us recall that in 2006, 73% of servicemembers polled said they were comfortable around LGB soldiers, 23% said they knew an active duty LGB soldier in their unit, and 55% of those said the presence of LGB peers in their unit is well-known by others. All of which, as the executive director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network pointed out at the time, highlighted "the absurdity of [the] hypothesis [that] openly gay personnel harm military readiness."

It will be very curious indeed if research four years later suddenly finds a different conclusion.

Katie doesn't understand economics? Episode 1.

[I'm regularly blindsided by capitalicious stories or other fundamental tenets of truth that are apparently so universally understood by all people that matter* except somehow me I momentarily doubt my capacity for reason. In this spirit, I present part one of a one-or-more part series
*This might be the problem.]

Yesterday, NPR ran a story about the Obama administration's push to stimulate the economy by encouraging the export of US-made goods.

Basically, there are a ton (several million tons, actually) of people outside the US that want to buy stuff. If the US, as a nation, could get these people to buy USian stuff, there'd potentially be more factory jobs in the US, ergo the US economy would improve. Got it.

The Obama administration (and friends) are interested in boosting exports by, among other things, signing new free trade agreements. Free trade agreements would make it easier for consumers in foreign countries to buy US-made products. Got it.

This is also where I apparently don't get it. Don't free trade agreements also open up US markets to goods made in other countries? In essence, just as a free trade agreement between the US and Columbia would make it easier to buy USian goods in Columbia, it would also make it easier to buy Columbian-made goods in the US, which could lower the domestic demand for US-made products.

With all the free trade agreements the United States has in place, I'm guessing there's some data out there on both the benefits and costs of free trade to the US economy, and also US workers (a tangential consideration, as always). Maybe this information is why Obama is was formerly so upset about NAFTA.

Free trade can't possibly be all good things to all people, can it? Or am I missing something?

Kenny G Weighs In On Prince Internet Kerfuffle

Why? Why not, I guess. Kenny G was interviewed recently (Why? Why not, I guess) and asked about Prince's recent pronouncement that the internet is dead. Kenny G responded "then I must be dead, too, 'cause I use it all the time."

As the old saying goes: Kenny G said, I believe it, that settles it.

[Cross-posted.]

No Place Safe

Today, I am on the bright side of the sickest period, physically, of my life. And days ago, while I lay on my bed, thinking I might be slowly dying, my darling father actually did. To say that I am not well is an understatement. My family and friends banded together to bring me back to the city to better care and I am feeling the effects.

The nausea no longer turns me inside out.

I no longer have to close my eyes while my best friend or my mom or my sister bathes me.

I can actually make tears and jokes and dear God, words.

But just now in this hospital, the sickness has rebounded in a way. I feel assaulted, so shaken, so fucking tired that I can only do the one thing I feel that I know how sometimes--write.

The other day, long dark hours ago, when I couldn't speak and my mother was telling one of the admitting doctors that I was a professor, and of history no less, I should've felt the warning come of him, but Lord I was so ill. He said something like, "A-ha! Is she ready?"

He came back today. I was not. He pulled his chair up in the middle of this room where my mother and I sit now and began with the questions. What did I teach? Surely I realized the broad scope of my fall classes? Had there been black films made in a protest tradition? Could I find copies of them?

Did I get the Amazon suggestions he left at my bedside table the other night while I was vomiting--books I should read as a historian, he assured me. My mom asked had he been a history major. "No," he said imperiously, "I just read."

Because of course she doesn't.

And then came the heart of his argument. Could I understand the position of white people like him who respected black people who had seen real racism in the 1940s and 50s but now had to deal with the anger of black people for whom racism was rare, and mostly a memory?

A memory of resentment, I think he said. No black person born after 1970 has really encountered racism--well, maybe me from Louisiana, but here? Oh no. No, we want to preserve our racial preferences without acknowledging our racism. We too often assume racism.

As an example, he'd grown weary of his black friend who often wondered if poor service was a result of her race. Anyone could be served badly in a Texas city by the end of the 20th century.

And yes, he understood the feelings of (black) nurses' aids who cared for (white) patients who were subjected to racist abuse. BUT Alzheimer's... delirium... old memories... and couldn't I understand that one of the greatest fears of old white women was that a black man would come do something to them into the night?

Also, when would I teach about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict? Wasn't Israel as guilty as South Africa? Step outside my comfort zone--it was as easy to teach about others as ourselves.

Finally, he prepared to leave after telling me I didn't talk enough for him. Me with the nausea and the phlegm and the cracked lips.

He doesn't see racism (or sexism I'm sure)

but he

came into my room

turned down the TV my mama was listening to

disregarded my recently delivered dinner

ignored my signs of discomfort and final outright silence

advised me on what to teach--though he never asked my specialties

gave me homework

planned to challenge me and my authority from the moment he knew my title.

Before he re-situated his chair and left, he said, "I feel better now."

My blood pressure when they just checked it?

149/104

And all I can do

is write.

Will this be my life?

ProfessorWomanofColor?

I don't want it right now.

Action Item: Save Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani

[Trigger warning for violence.]

Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani is a 43-year-old Iranian mother of two children, who is facing death by stoning after she was delivered a death sentence for adultery by a judge invoking "judge's knowledge," a provision in Iranian law that "allows for subjective judicial rulings where no conclusive evidence is present." In other words, some judge had a gut instinct she's guilty, despite a lack of evidence and her children's testimony to the contrary, so now she's going to be killed on his hunch.

Rage. Seethe. Boil.

Sakineh has already received 99 lashes and spent five years in prison for her alleged crime:

Speaking to the Guardian, her son Sajad, 22, and daughter Farideh, 17, say their mother has been unjustly accused and already punished for something she did not do.

"She's innocent, she's been there for five years for doing nothing", Sajad said. He described the imminent execution as barbaric. "Imagining her, bound inside a deep hole in the ground, stoned to death, has been a nightmare for me and my sister for all these years."

Under Iranian sharia law, the sentenced individual is buried up to the neck (or to the waist in the case of men), and those attending the public execution are called upon to throw stones. If the convicted person manages to free themselves from the hole, the death sentence is commuted.

...Five years ago when Sakineh was flogged , Sajad was 17 and present in the punishment room. "They lashed her just in front my eyes, this has been carved in my mind since then."

Mohammed Mostafaei, an acclaimed Iranian lawyer volunteered to represent her when her sentence was announced a few months ago. He wrote a public letter about her conviction shortly after. "This is an absolutely illegal sentence," he said. "Two of five judges who investigated Sakineh's case in Tabriz prison concluded that there's no forensic evidence of adultery.

"According to the law, death sentence and especially stoning needs explicit evidences and witnesses while in her case, surprisingly, the judge's knowledge was considered as enough," he said.

International pressure could save Sakineh's life. Please take a moment and, if you have a blog, blog this story. Write your senators and representative and ask them to make noise on Sakineh's behalf.

Sign the Free Sakineh petition here.

And send a letter to the US State Department to urge action. Here is my letter, which you are welcome to borrow:

Dear Secretary Clinton:

I have recently become aware of the imminent death by stoning of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani in Iran, the result of a judge's proclamation despite a lack of evidence for her alleged crime. As I am aware of and resoundingly support your emphasis on women's rights worldwide, I am hopeful that there will be a swift response to this appalling human rights violation, and I strongly encourage you to take a bold stance on behalf of the women of Iran.

Sincerely,
Melissa McEwan
Indiana

Get those teaspoons working, Shakers.

Open Thread

Hosted by Quaker Oats.

Question of the Day

Are you a bug crusher or a bug relocater?

When I find a bug indoors, I try to relocate to the Great Outdoors if at all possible—especially spiders and moths and daddy longlegs (longlegses?), which are our three most common visitors. Even bees and wasps and houseflies I'll try to usher gently out the door or window.

Two exceptions: Ants and mosquitoes, who get smashed without compunction.

We don't get cockroaches, but I suppose if we did, I'd be highly unlikely to enter them into the bug relocation program, too.

Actual Headline

Reuters: "Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters."

[H/T to Shaker Anitanola.]

Quote of the Day

"You must charge something for the lemonade. That's the whole point of a lemonade stand. You figure out your costs—how much the lemonade costs, and the cups—and then you charge a little more than what it costs you, so you can make money. Then you can buy more stuff, and make more lemonade, and sell it and make more money."—Chicago Sun-Times columnist and pitiable person Terry Savage, who was "really set off" by "three little girls sitting at a homemade lemonade stand," who were giving away the lemonade for free. After railing about these wee commies for fifteen paragraphs, she notes, "No wonder America is getting it all wrong when it comes to government, and taxes, and policy."

Daily Dose o' Cute

Tils and Dudz, chilling in the loft.

It's Quite Amazing...

...that this entire story could be written into existence with nary a single use of the word "privilege" in its entirety.

Did I say amazing? I meant typical.

Fireworks and Shit

Happy Belated Independence Day, you collection of tree-hugging limousine liberals, pinko Commies, dope fiends, queerbaits, ladyboys, fat chicks, feminazi castrators, and assorted freaks. I know I'm three days late and fifty cents short as usual, but I blew off the tip of my index finger again and it took like nine years to find it and get it sewn back on and shit.

Anyways, I love the 4th of July. It's the greatest thing this country ever invented. Besides fireworks. I'll light the fuck out of a roman candle any day of the year, but on the Fourth I don't have to worry that one of the Boys in Blue dropping by for weed or ammo will get all officious on me and shit. One week before the damn Fourth, and I had to give away all my Pamela Gorman bullets to that goddamn pig Lance Butz so's he wouldn't write me up. Just because I was shooting bottle rockets at the Cooter twins across the road at the Gas n' Sip. Whatever.

When I was a kid, I was a huge fan of cherry bombs and would blow shit up with them all the time. Once I put one in the refrigerator in the garage and totally destroyed all of the old man's Coors. He was pissed. Ha! Good times.

Nowadays I can't even look at a cherry bomb on account of the way they remind me of my ex, Cherry. I dated her between me and my ex-wife/fiancée Tammy's second and third engagement between our first and second marriage. You know those crazy bitches that real funny stand-up comedians always talk about…? Like, "Women try to trap men by getting pregnant and buy lots of shoes and nag your ass about stupid shit?" Or whatever. I'm not a joke-writer. Anyways, that was totally Cherry. Which is why I bought this for the holiday:

[Image of box of fireworks called "Psycho Girlfriend" featuring giant red-haired woman.]
Check that shit out! It was pretty awesome, except for how the box is misleading. Buyer beware: A giant woman doesn't shoot out of it and stomp the fuck out of everything, but whatever. It was still pretty cool.

I also picked up this one too:

[Image of box of fireworks called "Dream Machine" featuring blond woman on motorcycle.]
I had to give my bike to some reprobate last year because of some shit-ass deal that went bad. Fucking hippies. This lady kind of reminded me of Cherry, too, which was a bonus. I almost didn't light it off, the picture was so sweet. It would have looked so good on the headboard of my waterbed, but you only live once. Plus, I had all this extra beer for the festivities and it didn't seem right drinking it without the fireworks. Not on the Fourth.

I got one other thing:

[Image of box of fireworks called "Evil Empire" advertising "shoots flaming balls."]
I fucking hate Saddam bin Laden. I wish they'd catch his ass and bring our troops home from Somalia already. So this Evil Empire set was awesome. Colors weren't very patriotic, though. Green? Green fireworks suck. What is this—France? HIGH FIVES!

I was really excited about the "flaming balls," though.

Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot. My ex-wife/fiancée Tammy's niece was over for the weekend and if you got kids I recommend this shit:

[Image of pink backpack stuffed with fireworks, labeled "Girl's Backpack."]
It's perfect for girls because it's pink and shit. And all the fireworks were called "friendship flowers" and "hello pussies" and junk like that, which girls are into.

For boys, just get 'em the regular fireworks. Otherwise, they might go gay.

[Previously by Butch Pornstache: Happy Taxes and Teabags Day, I'm a Proud Teabagger and Real American, Men and Trucks and Shit, Cats and Shit, Books and Cupcakes and Shit, Ron Swanson Kicks Butt, Dale Peterson is a Great American, I'm a Man and I Enjoy Mancations. Pamela Gorman is a Great American.]

Discussion Thread: Superhero MMOs

With regard to the earlier thread on Blizzard's latest WoW Fail, I asked Shaker Norbizness, who mentioned in comments he was "trying out different superhero mmos" and finding "the levels of freedom and customization are much higher," if he would be interested in providing a brief review by way of introduction to a Discussion Thread. Norbiz replied (which I am publishing with his permission):

My superhero mmos are basically City of Heroes/City of Villains and its successor, Champions online. From any sort of feminist/disability/heteronormative perspective, it suffers superficially from the same tropes that plague pen-and-paper comics. The thing that partially redeems it is the unbelievable level of customization for your characters; literally trillions of combinations with all body types, species, colors, and even robotic. As a result, Cryptic Studios (I have no affiliation with them apart from not wanting the game to die because of the WoW monopoly) has made it that you can create characters that transcend whatever norm there is. I'm fairly certain that it's a minor game compared to the number of subscribers Warhammer, Star Trek Online, and especially WoW have.

DC Universe Unlimited is coming out in November, and I've seen the screenshots. If you didn't like Power Girl's and Wonder Woman's outfits before, the game is certainly no different on the surface from your typical DC comic. I will probably try it out in beta in the next couple of months and can tell you whether it offers the same opportunities for customization and individual experience that are lacking in many of the fantasy games.

For those interested, DC is rolling out their product here, and Champions online is here.

I know there are a lot of Shakers who play superhero mmos (including Spudsy, who loves playing a supervillain), so please feel free to make your recommendations and add your reviews in comments.

Wednesday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Liss' Big Fat T-Shirts.

Recommended Reading:

Resistance has an excellent follow-up to the Joel Stein trainwreck in Time we discussed last week.

Matthew on The Today Show's Opposite-Sex Couples Only Marriage Contest: Here and Here.

Sady: And Now, a Word from The Daily Show

Mo Pie: Fat Hygiene

Renee: Happy Birthday Frida, I See Your Pain

Chris: I don't see how this could possibly end badly.

Macon: Quote of the Week, from Paul Mooney

Leave your links in comments...

Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"

See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman (Liss) and a biracial queerbait (Deeky) telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]

Two Minute Nostalgia Sublime

America: "A Horse with No Name"

Just Like Jesus Wanted

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has signed a bill that will allow people to bring guns into houses of worship.

[The "gun-in-church" bill] authorizes persons who qualified to carry concealed weapons having passed the training and background checks to bring them to churches, mosques, synagogues or other houses of worship as part of a security force.

Um. Okay.

To defend against whom, I can't imagine. Especially since the last bit of gun violence inside a church in the US that I recall was the murder of Dr. George Tiller, and, before that, the shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, both of which were about conservatives seeking out progressives whose political views/actions they didn't like. And it ain't progressives who were lobbying for this law.

Jindal also signed some stupid shit—like a law outlawing "synthetic marijuana-like incense products"—and chipped away at Roe by signing into law a bill "requiring women to get an obstetric ultrasound before an abortion," which makes the implicit invocation of Dr. Tiller by the other law somehow that much more painful.

[Via.]

Guess Who Hates You

[Trigger warning.]

If you said this guy, give yourself a ~~cigar~~ slice of watermelon:

Alleged comedian Gallagher

Gallagher? Whut? Huh? The guy who used to smash produce with a sledgehammer back in the Eighties? Yes, him. Now he smashes other things. More symbolic things. At a recent show in Washington:

Gallagher gets a tin pie plate. He opens a giant can of fruit cocktail and pours it in. He opens a can of some Asian vegetable — water chestnuts, maybe — and pours that in, too. "This is the China people and queers!!!" he screams and takes his sledgehammer to the thing with a fury that is no fun at all.

What the fuck? China people and queers? Okay. So, who else is on Gallagher's shit list? The President, for one. "You ain't black. I don't care what you say — you're a latte. You're half whole-milk. It could be goat milk — you could be a terrorist!" He continues, "If Obama was really black, he'd act like a black guy and get a white wife!" Wow.

And if you have a tattoo, Gallagher doesn't like that either: "That ink goes through to your soul — if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, you dipshit." I'm not sure what the Bible says about calling people dipshits.

Gallagher also doesn't like lesbians (I think): "There's two types — the ugly ones and the pretty ones."

And he really doesn't like trans folk. Especially fat trans folk. "People like Cher's daughter — figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can't see your dick, you don't get one."

Gallagher on foreigners: "Look around — see any Mexicans? Nope. They'll be here later for the cleanup." And: "[The French] ruin our language with their faggy words." Yes, Gallagher really hates fags.

He leans into it with the borderline-nonsensical, icked-out, ignorant glee of a boy — or the protest-too-much vigor of a GOP senator. Gallagher delivers your Bible verse for the day: "Without God, we are nothing but dust. What is butt dust? Is that what you get if your homosexual isn't properly lubricated?" He relates a story about spilling mouthwash onto his crotch during a show: "Lucky for me, there was no homosexuals in the area — 'cause my balls was minty fresh."

Christ.

Back in the Eighties, Gallagher was pretty-much harmless (assuming you weren't a watermelon), but he's now moved into very dangerous territory. (The author describes a moment when the show "veers creepily close to white-power rhetoric: 'We're descended from an Anglo-Saxon Viking tradition!') There is no joke in smashing a plate full of veggies and saying "this is China people and queers." That's just hatred. Rage and hatred: visceral, primal. And dangerous.

[Cross-posted.]

Today in Fat Hatred

[Trigger warning for fat hatred and discussion of disordered eating.]

Apple is offering a great new app for the iPhone charmingly called FatBooth. The app allows users to turn headshots of thin people into fat people! Because fat people are hilarious, amiright?!

Naturally, the app doesn't say it only turns thin people into fatties, because the description assumes it's speaking only to thin people—or, as we monstrous non-human fatties are meant to think of them, just "people."

Tired of diets?! Get fat instantly with FatBooth (by the creators of AgingBooth, #1 Top Paid App in more than 25 countries). What would you look like with a "few" extra pounds? And what about your friends? Find out with FatBooth, a fun way to instantly supersize faces on your iPhone or iPod Touch. Use FatBooth on family, friends or colleagues photos and share them via email, MMS, FaceBook, Twitter.

Won't it just be hilarious to harass your family and friends (and colleagues?!) by showing pictures of them all fat and shit?! That's comedy gold, baby.

Apart from the evident fat hatred implicit in treating fat people as objects of ridicule, inherently laughable simply by virtue of their appearance, the exhortation to "fatten" other people and publicly post pictures of them is wildly irresponsible. There are millions of people in the US alone with eating disorders, most of which aren't self-evident and many of which could be triggered by the unexpected receipt of a "fattened" picture of oneself. What uproarious fun to trigger a slim person who battles every day against binge eating; what a riotous jest to trigger a slim person who battles every day against a body dysmorphic disorder that causes hir to see hirself as fat when zie isn't.

The app description also includes the "Warning" that "FatBooth is a funny application made for entertainment purposes only and does not guarantee resemblance to the real fattening process." Leaving aside the idea that the mockery of fat people is "entertainment," I'd like to note that there's actually no such thing as "the real fattening process," or no one process.

Naturally, the makers of FatBooth only intend to make fun of those fatties whose "fattening process" happened via stuffing their fat faces full of fatty foods all fat day—never mind that making fun of fat people who got fat by stuffing their fat faces full of fatty foods all fat day is an indefensible position anyway, if one has even a rudimentary belief in free will, autonomy, and individual agency—and that they don't intend to make fun of those fatties whose "fattening process" was a result of disease, or disability, or treatment of one of the above.

But such distinctions cannot be made. Some of us are fat because we are lazy overeaters. Some of us are fat because we are disabled and cannot get enough exercise. Some of us are fat because we are ill. Some of us are fat because we ruined our metabolisms yo-yo dieting at a much lesser weight. Some of us are fat because we are on medication that causes weight gain. Some of us are fat because we self-medicate with food. Some of us are fat because we are trauma survivors who subconsciously (or consciously) use fat as a self-defense mechanism. Some of us are fat because we like the way it looks. Some of us are fat because of genetics. Some of us are fat because we just had a baby. Some of us are fat because we are poor. Some of us are fat for reasons we haven't even identified ourselves.

And FatBooth makes fun of all of us.

And further to the dehumanization and derision of fat people, it treats us all as one giant blobby monolith, who all get fat in the same way. FatBooth happens to "fatten" people in a way that looks like me, but not every fat person gets a double-chin and widened nose. Of the many things wrong with FatBooth, its failure to "fatten" well may seem a minor complaint—but it's indicative of how the makers of the app regard fatties not like individual people, but as a collection of silly attributes worthy of scorn and contempt.

Shaker Dr. Jan Itor emailed me about the app, noting: "I actually discovered it through Facebook, where one of my friends uploaded an album. … The 'friend' on Facebook included comments on each picture she uploaded about the person 'letting hirself go' and it being the result of 'eating too much cake!' Hardy har har."

I'm sure her fat friends find that just hilarious.

For the pleasure of "fattening" your family, friends, and colleagues, and turning fat people into a punchline yet again, FatBooth will cost you ninety-nine cents.