This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of the A-1 Head Jars, for all your future head-storing needs.
Recommended Reading:
Latoya: Questions Remain Around Elena Kagan and Race
Echidne: Insidious and Dangerous
Andy: Story from the Frontline of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell': A Soldier Returning to Baghdad
Angry Asian Man: Small Town Adopts Pointless English-Only Law
Lauredhel: Slam After Slam for People with Disabilities in Australia's New Budget
And RMJ's got a great series on disability and birth control: Part One. Part Two. Part Three.
Leave your links in comments...
Friday Blogaround
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Sure
[Trigger warning for Polanski garbage.]
Sure, yes, absolutely, I was just thinking that what Roman Polanski needed was yet another petition in support of his freedom from persecution justice.
And HuffPo definitely should have provided this space to Bernard-Henri Lévy for his continued crusade on behalf of poor Polanski. He's TENACIOUS! Let no one ever suggest that anyone loves defending a child rapist more than Bernard-Henri Lévy!
Gawd. Roman Polanski is the WORST. But HuffPo is also the worst, and Bernard-Henri Lévy is the worst, too. They are all the worst.
Oh Dear
A new study led by Dr. Barry Sinervo, professor of biology in the Department of Ecology & Evolutionary Biology at the University of California at Santa Cruz, has found that "populations of lizards have been lost on five continents over the past few decades, and based on these extinction patterns — and the current rate of global warming — scientists predict that by 2080 nearly 40% of all lizard populations and 20% of lizard species could vanish."
Given that lizards are a key source of food for many birds, snakes and other animals, and are important predators of insects, the disappearance of these animals could have major repercussions up and down the food chain.I used to work for a guy who would shout at employees, "Adapt or die!" and I always think of him when I hear about global warming deniers and/or the free marketeers who argue that irrespective of the source of global warming, species just need to "adapt or die."
...As global warming causes weather to get hotter and stay hotter longer, lizards — especially species that live in the warmest areas — spend more time seeking refuge out of the sun. "They have so little time during the day to forage and so little time to reproduce that conditions become untenable [for survival]," says Aaron Bauer of Villanova University, a co-author of the study.
To test that theory, Sinervo and his team spent a year creating a predictive model of extinction, based on what they knew about lizards' heat sensitivity, where different species lived and the measured increases in local temperatures over the past 30 years. The model pinpointed exact sites where extinctions should be happening. The scientists then scoured the scientific literature and contacted herpetologists around the world to see how the animal populations had fared.
Sure enough, populations of lizards were vanishing in just the places the model had identified.
I wonder if that was an easier thing to say when they assumed that most species on the planet weren't likely to go for "die."
This...
When you find yourself in danger
When you're threatened by a stranger
When it looks like you will take a lickin'
(bock, bock, bock, bock!)
There is someone waiting who
Will hurry up and rescue you
Just caaaaall for Super Chicken!
(bock-ah!)
"Fred, if you're afraid, you'll have to overlook it
Besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it!"
(bock-ah!)
He will drink his super sauce
And throw the bad guys for a loss
And he will bring them in alive and kickin'
(bock, bock, bock, bock!)
There is one thing you should learn
When there is no one else to turn to
Caaaaall for Super Chicken!
(bock, bock, bock, bock!)
Caaaaall for Super Chicken!
(bock-ah!)
Blog Note
A bunch of people have emailed me to let me know they're still having problems commenting, and though I've responded to each of them individually, I thought I'd better post an update...
It seems that key features of Disqus' upgrade are not backwards compatible, so you may be having problems with the form, or getting logged out after leaving a comment, if you're not using the most current version of your browser. Updating your browser, if you can, should solve some of those problems.
I'm also aware that the direct links to comments aren't working when you click on a "reply to" link, and, as you've no doubt noticed, the text in comments remains terribly small, because we are currently unable to customize our CSS to fix it.
We do have a help ticket in with Disqus to hopefully resolve these issues ASAP, but we've not heard back from them yet.
Again, my sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.
UPDATE: And I have no idea why comments are occasionally loading looking like total garbage. This is what we ought to be seeing, but threads are sometimes inexplicably loading looking like this or this. Again, I'm sorry that commenting's such a mess at the moment.
I Get Letters
Fat Princess. Still.
Thank You. I'd just like to sincerely thank you for providing my friends and I with a good laugh with your article(s) about Fat Princess. I think you're pretty much the reason nobody takes feminism seriously.I had no idea "nobody takes feminism seriously." I'm so stupid I actually thought feminists took feminism seriously.
But it turns out, according to my helpful correspondent, no one, including the millions of women and men all over the world who identify as feminists, takes it seriously. And it's all because of me!
I am powerful. Rrrrooowwaaarrr.
[Fat Princess: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen.]
Oil Spill Bigger Than Estimated
The "5,000 barrels a day" number, which has become the conventional wisdom about how much oil is spilling, could "easily be four or five times" less than what's actually spilling every day. BP continues, however, to resist allowing scientists to conduct more accurate volume measurements.
BP has repeatedly said that its highest priority is stopping the leak, not measuring it. "There's just no way to measure it," Kent Wells, a BP senior vice president, said in a recent briefing.Which is appropriate, given that this stands to be the largest oil spill in history. Kevin Drum notes, if indeed the underground reservoir continues bleeding until it's dry, "That would be about 2 billion gallons of oil. If all of this floods out, it would be the biggest oil spill in history by a huge margin and 20 times bigger than the biggest previous spill in the Gulf of Mexico."
...Speaking more broadly about the company's policy on measuring the leak, a spokesman, David H. Nicholas, said in an e-mail message that "the estimated rate of flow would not affect either the direction or scale of our response, which is the largest in history."
And BP, while resisting proper volume measurements to determine if we're talking about 5,000 barrels (210,000 gallons) or 25,000 (1,050,000 gallons) of leaking oil every day (or even more), is "using chemical dispersants to send most of the oil to the bottom of the sea. This keeps it off the shore, but might end up doing more damage in the long run. Nobody seems to know for sure."
Meanwhile:
The federal Minerals Management Service gave permission to BP and dozens of other oil companies to drill in the Gulf of Mexico without first getting required permits from another agency that assesses threats to endangered species — and despite strong warnings from that agency about the impact the drilling was likely to have on the gulf."I told you so!" comes the collective scream from all those dirty hippies who were concerned about Dick Cheney's Top Secret Energy Task Force and the unchecked corporate handouts from the Bush administration to Big Oil in the form of massive deregulation. Remember when raising concerns about corporate cronyism during the Bush Era meant you were SUCH AN ASSHOLE because SHUT UP THE MARKET WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!...? Yeah, well, let's all hold our breath and see how long it takes the Invisible Hand to reach down into the depths of the sea and PLUG THAT GODDAMN HOLE in BP's fucking rig.
Those approvals, federal records show, include one for the well drilled by the Deepwater Horizon rig, which exploded on April 20, killing 11 workers and resulting in thousands of barrels of oil spilling into the gulf each day.
The Minerals Management Service, or M.M.S., also routinely overruled its staff biologists and engineers who raised concerns about the safety and the environmental impact of certain drilling proposals in the gulf and in Alaska, according to a half-dozen current and former agency scientists.
Those scientists said they were also regularly pressured by agency officials to change the findings of their internal studies if they predicted that an accident was likely to occur or if wildlife might be harmed.
...Responding to the accusations that agency scientists were being silenced, [Kendra Barkoff, a spokeswoman for the Minerals Management Service] added, "Under the previous administration, there was a pattern of suppressing science in decisions, and we are working very hard to change the culture and empower scientists in the Department of the Interior."
Another biologist who left the agency in 2005 after more than five years and who now works as an industry consultant said that agency officials went out of their way to accommodate the oil and gas industry.Because who gives a fuck about the planet when corporations need to make money, amirite?
He said, for example, that seismic activity from drilling can have a devastating effect on mammals and fish, but that agency officials rarely enforced the regulations meant to limit those effects.
He also said the agency routinely ceded to the drilling companies the responsibility for monitoring species that live or spawn near the drilling projects.
"What I observed was M.M.S. was trying to undermine the monitoring and mitigation requirements that would be imposed on the industry," he said.
Honestly. It's like the thought that all their vast, fantabulous, cock-hardening profits won't be worth shit if there's no goddamn livable environment left never crosses their greedy little one-track minds.
-------------------
UPDATE: Representative Edward Markey (D-Mass.), who chairs the congressional subcommittee on energy and the environment, says "he will launch a formal inquiry Friday into how much oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico after learning of independent estimates that are significantly higher than the amount BP officials have provided."
Question of the Day
To follow-up on yesterday's QotD: What is the one attribute, positive or negative (or neutral), that you can't hide about yourself, even if you want to?
That I am trusting (even when I shouldn't be) and that I will give multiple chances (even when I shouldn't).
Random YouTubery: The Original Star Wars Trilogy. With Legos!
[Transcript below.]
Text Onscreen: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Voiceover (done by a little kid speaking very quickly over a stop-motion montage of images of Lego figurines and landscapes reflecting what's being said): Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in the desert. The desert was very boring, but he longed to have a big adventure one day. Then he met a couple of robots and decided to go save the galaxy—and a pretty girl. So they all went to look for the crazy old man that lives in the desert. He told the boy his dad was a Jedi Knight, and he gave him a magic sword. Then it was time to go to space, but first they needed a ship—and a captain. That guy seemed good. Plus, he had a big, hairy sidekick. So they all went to Alderaan, but it exploded. So they went to the Death Star instead. They got chased by some guys, saved the pretty girl, lost the crazy old man, and got away. Then they came back and blew it up. And they all lived happily ever after. Until the bad guys found the secret base and messed everything up. The captain and the pretty girl and the hairy sidekick hid in some space routes, while the boy went to learn to be a real Jedi Knight, just like his dad. But a big monster ate the ship, and the boy wasn't very good at it, so they went to Cloud City, where the captain ran into his best friend in the whole entire galaxy—sorry, second best—who betrayed them! Then the boy arrived to save the day. But he was a little bit late. And a whole lot in trouble. Maybe he should have practiced. That was when the boy got some very surprising news about his dad. He didn't take it very well. This time, they didn't live so happily ever after—especially the captain. So his friends went to rescue him. It didn't go so well. So they tried a different plan. That one didn't go so well, either. Fortunately, it all worked out in the end. Unfortunately, the bad guys were building a new Death Star. So the boy and his friends went on a secret mission to go blow it up. Again. Until they caught by man-eating teddy bears. Who became their new friends. The boy spent the day with his dad, and got to meet his dad's boss. Meanwhile, in space, it was a trap! But their new friends fixed things. And the boy's dad saved the day! And the Death Star exploded again! And they all lived happily ever after. Except for that guy. The end.
Lord of Fuckington, Is This Day Over Yet?
[Trigger warning.]
Shaker Emily forwarded the link to a truly stupendous piece that was prominently promoted by msn.co.uk today: "53 secrets girls don't want guys to know."
I was delighted to find that right out of the box at #1 is a charming bit of advice that reinforces the old "Sexual Assault Is Totes a Compliment!" chestnut:
1. When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we'll always tut and roll our eyes. But we're awesomely flattered and we'd be gutted if it stopped.It's difficult to decide which is my favorite of this spectacular collection, but for sheer whatthefuckery, this is right at the top of the list of contenders:
41. We're really scared that you'll feel our back zits.WHUT? No.
One of the most compelling reasons for anyone of any gender or sexual persuasion to maintain a serious relationship is so there's someone to take care of the back zits you can't reach yourself.
This is a True Fact.
Texting! With Liss and Deeky!
Liss: WHAT????!!!!
Deeky: What the fuck? Someone needs to shoot that shit out of the sky. Like now.
Daily Dose o' Cute
"I thought one of the benefits of that new beast you've dragged into our territory was that you wouldn't be sticking that fucking camera in our faces anymore. ... Oh, all right. CHEEEEEEEESE."
Goodbye...
...Little Orphan Annie.
"Daddy Warbucks" is one of my favorite character names of all time.
[Insert the Sound of Wild Laughter Here]
Yes, absolutely, we must have THIS:
Jennifer Aniston is joining two studio comedies. She signed on to join the cast of the Seth Gordon-directed New Line comedy Horrible Bosses. At the same time, Universal Pictures has just acquired Wanderlust, a comic vehicle for Aniston to star in with Paul Rudd.By going off the grid and living on a hippie commune.
...Judd Apatow will produce.
...Aniston and Rudd will play a married couple trying to escape the trappings of the city life for a counterculture existence.
Hippie-bashing is such a totally hip and fresh concept that it can truly only be improved-upon by the cunning use of animal reaction shots. So I hope there are LOTS OF THEM.
Otherwise I may begin to doubt the creeping suspicion that this movie was conceived expressly to annoy me.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
[Background.]
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Film Corner!
Below is the trailer for the new film Easy A. Which looks GREAT. Just great. It's about an unpopular girl who does this awesome favor for the bullied gay dudes in her school by fake-fucking them at parties, only to discover that everyone totes hates SLUTS as much as they hate QUEERS. Except for the hot and popular dude who's secretly on to her, and if she'll totes make out with him, he won't spill her secret—which is definitely not coercion and is quite obviously romantic, because he is cute. And other things happen, too. I can't tell how it ends from the trailer, but I SURE THINK IT WOULD BE SWELL if everyone learned a lesson about Being Yourself and Not Judging Other People—and also super if that bitchy blond girl got horribly humiliated, preferably by getting dumped very publicly and/or having something spilled on her.
[Transcript below.]
As always, I am not discussing the film per se; I'm discussing the trailer, and what I perceive the film to be based on how it is being represented by its own marketing.
[Via Gabe.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl (speaking directly to camera): Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story, and this is my side. The right one.
[Wacky music begins; cut to ax exterior shot of "Ojai North High School: A California Distinguished School," followed by a shot of lockers, followed by a scene of White Redheaded Teenage Girl getting knocked over and her books spilling, to indicate she is a TOTES NERD, even though she conforms totally to the Beauty Standard and there is nothing remotely nerdy about her.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl (in voiceover): I used to be anonymous, nothing, non-entity.
White Blond Teenage Girl: Olive—that's your name, right?
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Yeah, uh, we've had nine classes together since kindergarten.
White Blond Teenage Girl: Mmm.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): So here it is—Part One.
[Wacky music escalates; cut to White Teenage Dude #1 pulling up to a house on a scooter, then cut to White Teenage Dude #1 talking to White Redheaded Teenage Girl in her bedroom.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Brandon, just a couple of hours ago you told me you were gay.
White Teenage Dude #1: You said I should pretend to be straight, so—
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: I didn't mean with me!
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl seeing Brandon at school with a bloody nose; cut back to conversation in bedroom.]
White Teenage Dude #1: I am tormented every day at school. Just one good imaginary fling.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): Which brings us to Part Two.
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #1 strolling into a house party arm in arm; everyone looks SO CONFUSED!]
White Teenage Dude #2: Is that Olive…with Brandon?!
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #1 going into a bedroom and shutting the door; they sit on the bed.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Now grunt—and make it convincing. [White Teenage Dude #1 grunts and makes a funny face. Cut to them jumping on the bed and screaming. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl grabbing White Teenage Dude #1's shoulders and looking into his face gravely.] You ready for the grand finale?
White Teenage Dude #1: Yeah. What? [White Redheaded Teenage Girl punches him in the genitals.] AHHHHHHH!
[Cut to a bunch of teenagers congregated outside the bedroom door, listening.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: YEAHHHHHH!
White Teenage Dude #1: Thank you. [He opens the bedroom door, revealing the surprised faces of their classmates.] WHAAAAZUUUUUP?!
[The dudes cheer and high-five him. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl walking alone at school; everyone is looking at her.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: I always thought that pretending to lose my virginity would be a little more special. (to camera) Judy Blume should have prepared me for that.
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl in gym clothes; White Teenage Dude #3 approaches her.]
White Teenage Dude #3: Brandon told me what you did for him. [White Redheaded Teenage Girl purrs like a lioness.] No—he told me the truth. I was just hoping that maybe you could do the same for me.
[Cut to montage of apparently gay teen dudes looking at White Redheaded Teenage Girl hopefully.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: So, whether I liked it or not, I was open for business. [Cut to her holding up a coupon while talking to Brown-Skinned Teenage Dude #1.] Twenty percent off to Bath and Body Works. Is that how much our imaginary tryst meant to you? I fake-rocked your world.
[Cut to White Blond Teenage Girl sitting in a prayer circle with other mostly-white teens.]
White Blond Teenage Girl: We need to pray for her. But—we also need to pray to get her the hell outta here.
Other Mostly-White Teens (in unison): Amen!
[Cut to students protesting (?) her (?) with signs reading "Trash" and "Expel Olive" and "Jezebel," etc.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: On Monday, things took a turn for the scandalous.
White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular: Screw all these people, Olive.
[Olive looks blushy. Cut to the interior of a classroom, followed by a montage of scenes from an old film version of The Scarlet Letter.]
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Ironically [editor's note: this is not irony.] we were studying The Scarlet Letter. This girl named Hester Prynne has an affair with a minister, is besmirched, and made to wear a red "A" for adulterer.
Brown-Skinned Teenage Girl #1: Perhaps you should embroider a red "A" on your wardrobe.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): I'm not proud of this.
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl strutting down the hall at school wearing dark sunglasses and a red letter "A" on her sexy black outfit, as "Poker Face" begins to play. The sea of students part to watch her walk by. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl at home with her parents.]
Mom: No judgment, but you kind of look like a stripper.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Mom!
Dad: A high-end stripper. [Mom gestures agreement.] For governors or athletes.
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl standing alone in gym clothes. Cut to two random people (teachers?) having a conversation in a classroom.]
White Blond Woman: Is she the one everyone's talking about?
White Blond Man: Yes.
[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular pulling up to the curb outside her (?) house in a car he is driving.]
White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular: I know exactly what you're doing. If I promise not to tell anyone, could I kiss you right now?
[White Redheaded Teenage Girl smiles and laughs. Cut to montage of random one-second scenes from the movie of White Redheaded Teenage Girl interacting with various characters. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl talking with her mom.]
Mom: I had a similar situation when I was your age. I had a horrible reputation.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Why?
Mom: Because I slept with a whole bunch of people. [White Redheaded Teenage Girl looks consternated.] Mostly guys!
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Mom!
Text Onscreen: EASY A.
White Blond Teenage Girl: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Tom Cruise?
Text Onscreen: LetsNotAndSayWeDid.com.
Oh, Look Who's Helping!
Mr. Helpy Q. Helpington wants to help fat people with his awesome powers of helptastic helpfulness:
Some people are racists, some are elitists. Some people are fattists.HELPFAIL!
While you've never considered yourself a person who discriminates against others, you might be in danger of becoming a "fattist."
...So fattists make fat people feel bad about their extra weight by pointing, snickering, sneering and laughing about other people's appearance.
Unfortunately, it's counterproductive. It only makes overweight people feel worse about themselves and they instinctively do what fat people do best -- eat.
[H/T to Shaker lelumarie.]
