Hosted by a 72 bass piano accordion. WANT.
Question of the Day
Also from The Book of Questions: Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie? What about going on vacation by yourself?
Nope. I've done all three, and I enjoy all three.
Film Corner!
Anyone who knows anything about me knows this: I HATE ANIMAL REACTION SHOTS IN MOVIES. (That is definitely what I'm most famous for, right?) So the COMING SOON movie Furry Vengeance, starring Brendan Fraser (sad), is basically my worst nightmare:
[Paraphrase below.]
I know this is a kids' movie, but this is the kind of movie I hated even when I was a kid. The kind of movie where nothing makes sense, and a bunch of stupid things happen that would never happen ever. I loved (and love still) movies about animals, but not anthropomorphized animals who are smarter than the main human protagonist.
The ten-year-old me would argue: Either it is a real movie with real people and animals doing generally realistic things, or it is a fantasy movie, in which case I do want a fantastical and imaginative metaphorical story, and I do not want some boring-ass, uncoded, moralistic tale about urban sprawl which is a real problem that deserves better than Brendan Fraser getting covered in poop in an upturned port-o-potty.
If someone had given me a copy of this movie when I was a kid, I would have beat it into a thousand pieces with my copy of The Black Stallion. Is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry, Children of Today. You deserve better.
Paraphrase: Evil businesspeople played by Ken Jeong (an Asian man) and Angela Kinsey (a white woman) are plotting on an airplane to turn the beautiful green hills of Rocky Springs into a shopping mall "with a forest theme." Cut to a squirrel out of fucking nowhere, screaming. Brendan Fraser (white man) is dubious, but apparently stupid, so he goes home and tells his family this is a great environmental project. His son and wife (Brooke Shields) react like you would to someone with a case of the stupids who's trying to convince you that deforestation to build a forest-themed mall is a good idea.
The raccoon peering in the window, and the mouse watching through a telescope also believe he is a real dingaling, and they would know, since they are obviously very smart and speak English.
And they must read English, too, otherwise it wouldn't make any sense that they know how to build elaborate Rube Goldberg machines out of twigs and stones. "MIley Cyrus!" screams Brendan Fraser, as a giant boulder launches into the path of his SUV, because he apparently doesn't understand that is the name of a person, not a curse word used by human adults.
Oh, how the mouse laughs and laughs when the SUV comes to a screeching halt, only for the airbag to deploy and make Brendan Fraser spill hot coffee in his own face! Brendon Fraser should have remembered that old adage: Mess with nature, you get hot coffee in your face—and water in your crotch! Which is what happens next when he tries to turn a sprinkler onto the raccoon. He should have heeded that old chestnut: A raccoon will not soon be wet when there are sight gags involving crotch disruption to be had!
That's a real saying, I'm sure.
Zaniness ensues as the raccoon unplugs Fraser's treadmill, sending him flying into his flat-screen teevee! And then the raccoon conspires to keep Fraser awake at night—with noises! And skunks—ha ha I don't even have to TELL you what they do, do I? STINKOLA! HA HA HA! Then the raccoon sabotages his milk when he's eating breakfast outside like people totally do! And then it hotwires his car, which raccoons are known for almost as much as eating garbage.
Brendan Fraser, suddenly smart, suspects the animals are in cahoots and plotting against him. Birds poop near him and on that horrible businesslady. Otters and other woodland creatures ruin things! A bear pushes Fraser over in a port-o-potty! Which somehow ends up in a tree! Like you would totally expect using your ability to predict things.
Brendan Fraser says to a raccoon, near some other raccoons, "You have a family. All this time, you were protecting them." That looks like the ending. Good, now no one has to see this movie.
Quote of the Day
"I don't do politics; I do the news."—Fox News Channel founder and president Roger Ailes, during a speech earlier this week at the Ritz-Carlton Naples Golf Resort for the Ave Maria School of Law's "Conversations With" speaker series, which has already featured such other totes non-political luminaries as Edwin Meese and Andrew Card.
Media Matters helpfully documents that Ailes, in fact, does "do politics."
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
See Deeky's archive of all previous Conniving & Sinister strips here.
[In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.]
Big Sparkly Ladies
Shaker Peggy Sue emails: "This public art installation just went up in DC and holy SHIT are these women beautiful. And outside! And glittery! In the middle of the street! And holy crap, FAT! :) I work in the area and can see this joyous shit every single day. Woooo! (And of course, ignore the comments.) P.S. HOLY SHIT I LOVE THESE STATUES LIKE WHOA."
I can't add anything to that, except: Me, too.
Be Everything! Be Nothing!
Renee emailed me the link to this article, "A Case for Those Extra 10 Pounds," with the amusing summary: "Apparently it's okay to be a little bit fat but the 'real fatties' are still going to die."
"Be fat—but not too fat!"
*headdesk*
File Alongside: "Don't be too tall—or too short!" And "Be pretty—but not too pretty!" And "Be smart—but not too smart!" And "Be sexually available to men—but don't be a slut!" And "Hey, white girls, get tan—and hey, brown girls, bleach your skin!" And "Hey, black girl, don't 'act so black'—but make sure you still 'act black' enough or else we'll accuse you of 'acting white'!" And "Don't try to be like a man in the workplace—but definitely don't behave like a woman!" And "Don't be too feminine or you won't be taken seriously—but don't be too butch or you will be mocked or ignored!" And "Hey, trans girls, you'd better try to pass—but don't reinforce the gender binary!" And "Have kids—but not too many!" And "Care about your appearance—but don't focus too much on your looks, or we'll accuse you of being shallow!" And…
What The Fucking Fuck of Fuckingtonshire?
(trigger warning - seriously transphobic language is used in this link)
Cause really, I can't say it much better than that.
The Washington Times proves the increasing irrelevance of print media, killing a few thousand trees to print hateful bigotry and make the astonishing claim, in the Land of the Free and Home of the Theoretically All-Created-Equal, that discrimination based on gender identity is A Good Thing.
A hate-filled rag, which I wouldn't use to stuff menstrual pads for monkeys, written by contemptuous and contemptible hacks.
Tip of the CaitieCap to Shaker the_pixie_mouse.
Edit: Shaker catvoncat provides us with a link to an antidote to this vitriolic scumwave: I am a transsexual. Well said, Mr. Kehrli (and my apologies for the misgendering, too).
Roethlisberger In Popular Media
[Trigger warning]
As Shakesville's (reluctant) resident expert on the rapist douchebag Ben Roethlisberger and the vast amount of rape apologia dedicated to his case in the media, I bring you two new editorials. (Personally, I preferred when I was just Shakesville's resident expert on Britpop, but what are ya gonna do?)
First up is Frank Deford's lovely piece from the venerable NPR. I'm not suggesting you actually read it, so I'll sum it up for you.
Deford contends that since Roethlisberger can throw a ball well (or whatever it is he does exactly; I am no sports aficionado) he shouldn't be a role model (correct), and that his off-field "behavior" (as a serial rapist) should be ignored (wrong.)
And then there is Jillian Conochan's article at the less-venerable (I assume) Daily Getup.
Conochan suggests, to put it bluntly, that Roethlisberger's victims are really to blame. Hey, they put themselves in the position to be raped. Plus, some fictional dude from Entourage (I had to google that; I'm no HBO subscriber) is a douche, so it's okay for Roethlisberger to rape people.
Anyway, that's the current commentary on Roethlisberger and his "behavior." Is any of it surprising? I wish it were.
More info as it develops.
[H/t to Shakers KatherineSpins and Momo.]
Chip, Chip, Chip...
The Florida Senate has passed an amendment that would not only require women seeking abortions to get an ultrasound, but to pay for them:
With two days left in the legislative session, the Republican-held Florida Senate passed a controversial amendment 22-17 Wednesday requiring women who are seeking abortions to pay for ultrasound exams, using legislative manuevering to deliver an election-year victory to religious conservatives.Oh, so nice to see you again, Exceptioneers. You're just as full of absolute shit as you were the last time I saw you.
The ultrasound requirement would apply to first-trimester abortions, which make up more than 90 percent of abortions in Florida. Ultrasounds are already required in late-term abortions that are performed after the first trimester.
Women could refuse to view the ultrasound image after filling out a form. Exceptions to the ultrasound requirement are provided to victms of rape, incest and domestic violence — but they would have to provide proof.
"It's actually, to me, the ultimate insult to women," said Sen. Nan Rich, D-Weston. "It's saying women can't make up their own minds, can't use their own judgment, as to what they want to do with their bodies. The Legislature is making a medical decision for women."Well, at least there's still one person with some sense left in the Florida Senate.
Supporters of the amendment noted that the decision to have an abortion is very serious and said the ultrasound mandate would simply provide women with more information.And again I will note, as I do each time one of these mandated ultrasound bills is passed and the justification is inevitably "providing women with more information," that if an altruistic helpfulness were the authentic motivation, then women would be offered a choice as to whether they wanted to get the ultrasound. I'll also note that if these paternalistic fuckwits were genuinely certain that women need this information to make a totally informed decision, patients would not be offered the choice to refuse viewing the images. But because all of this is bullshit based on the notion that ultrasound images will convince women not to terminate a pregnancy—because ALL'S THEY NEED IS TO SEE A PICTURE OF THE BEHBEE AND THEN IT WON'T MATTER THAT THEY DON'T WANT OR CAN'T AFFORD A CHILD!—none of it makes any sense, except in the Bizarro World of Totally Mendacious Codswallop in which Republicans live.
"What we're talking about is not an appendectomy, we're not talking about cancer treatment," said Sen. Steve Oelrich, R-Gainesville. "What we're talking about is ending a human life."Yes, that is indeed what you're talking about, but that doesn't magically turn abortion into murder. I could spent the next three years calling Matilda a unicorn; she'd still be a goddamn cat.
Ironically, senators put another amendment on the same bill that says government can't compel Floridians to purchase health services. Senators did just that with the ultrasound requirement, but supporters said the ultrasound mandate wouldn't count because abortion is an optional procedure.Just LOL. I can't even respond to that with anything but contemptuous laughter.
"To you ladies, I really respect your point of view," said Sen. Alex Villalobos, R-Miami. "However, I just don't see the problem with having somebody have a little bit more information before they make a decision."More disdainful howling.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish baking a giant cookie that I'm sending to President Obama for protecting Roe.
[H/T to Shaker SamanthaB.]
Sweep Around
Every Saturday morning, Mama used to throw open the doors to our little house, turn on her stereo, and start cleaning. One of the songs we listened to over and over included the line, "Sweep around your own front door, before you try to sweep around mine." I thought the song was really about cleaning for the longest time.
I share that little anecdote to say, my horror with Arizona might need to extend to areas a little closer to home (Texas).
From the AP: [Republican Rep. Debbie Riddle of Tomball, TX] says she plans to push for a law similar to Arizona's get-tough immigration measure.
Apparently, she has at least one person of like mind in the state legislature:
(snip)
Riddle says if the federal government did its job "Arizona wouldn't have to take this action, and neither would Texas."[State Rep. Leo] Berman... plans a broad bill similar to the Arizona law, which makes being an undocumented worker a crime. He specifically wants to include the measure to allow law enforcement officials to ask people who they believe may be in the country illegally about their status.
Berman is also enamored of the Arizona bill that will require President Obama to prove that he was born in the U.S. or risk being left off the ballot in 2012:Berman said he's planning several bills, including one that would require presidential and vice presidential candidates to prove their citizenship to the Texas Secretary of State before their names can be put on the ballot. The Arizona law requires presidential candidates to produce birth certificates.
As if he ever could "prove" citizenship to their satisfaction.
"We'll do it," said Berman, R-Tyler, and a former Arlington mayor pro tem. "We'll do it from now on. If he can't prove citizenship ... he won't have a place on the Texas ballot."
I hope this shit doesn't get off the ground here.
Icy Asteroid
Cool:
An icy asteroid orbiting the sun between Mars and Saturn is adding credence to theories that Earth's water was delivered from space, according to a report published in the new issue of the science journal Nature.Somebody inform Congressman Hunter it turns out we're all undocumented aliens here.
Two teams of scientists found their evidence when looking at 24 Themis, a asteroid about 479 million kilometers (300 million miles) from the sun, or roughly three times the average distance from Earth to the sun.
Using the infrared telescope at Mauna Kea, Hawaii, they were surprised to find not only water on 24 Themis, but organic compounds as well.
..."Astronomers have looked at dozens of asteroids with this technique, but this is the first time we've seen ice on the surface and organics," astronomer Andrew Rivkin of the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory in Laurel, Maryland, told Nature.com.
...The findings on 24 Themis lend weight to the idea that asteroids and comets are the source of Earth's water and organic material.
Asteroids were thought to be devoid of water because they sit too close to the sun, while comets have been the water bearers of the universe because they form farther out in space.SCIENCE!
...Scientists now plan to scan the asteroid belt for more evidence of water and organic materials, hoping to determine if 24 Themis is just an interloper -- possibly a comet that got caught in the asteroid belt -- or the first of many water-bearing asteroids that will change the way astronomers look at the solar system.
Pop Quiz
Q: Which is the more hilaritragic entry in Time's Top 100 Most Influential People: Sarah Palin lionizing Glenn Beck, or Ted Nugent lionizing Sarah Palin?
A: Time is garbage.
Within Our Souls
Last weekend, Rep. Duncan Hunter, Jr. (R-CA) attended a Tea Party rally in San Diego County, where he was asked by a man in the audience: "Would you support deportation of natural-born American citizens that are the children of illegal aliens?" To which Hunter responded:
I would have to, yes. … You can look and say, 'You're a mean guy. That's a mean thing to do. That's not a humanitarian thing to do.' We simply cannot afford what we're doing right now. We just can't afford it. California's going under. … We just can't afford it anymore. That's it. And we're not being mean. We're just saying it takes more than walking across the border to become an American citizen. It's within our souls.I daresay what the lily-white Rep. Hunter really meant was: "It's within our DNA."
Because, the truth is, if Republicans were interviewed to see exactly what qualities lay within the soul of a Real American, their idealized Civis Americanus—fearless, adventurous, independent, enterprising, entrepreneurial, optimistic, indomitable, visionary, and irrepressible—would look an awful lot like the undocumented immigrant who makes hir way across the border in search of a better life, risking deportation and detention and bodily harm to realize a dream arbitrarily denied on the accidental circumstances of one's birth.
Would that it took at least walking across the border to become an American citizen. We'd certainly have fewer citizens who used the gift of their unearned citizenry as a justification to behave like intolerant, isolationist wankers.
Instead, there is the usual collection of projectionist hypocrites caterwauling about the unique soul of the American citizen, whose own souls could not less resemble their ideal. There's nothing brave or innovative or hopeful or confident, nothing reflective of a fervent belief in freedom and autonomy, about xenophobic nationalism, about the promotion of personal avarice above social conscience, about contempt for the marginalized.
This country, a beautiful mosaic of people and cultures and ideas, still infused with a spirit of exploration and invention, really does have the potential to be a land of opportunity for everyone who arrives on its shores or crosses its borders, if we gave that notion half the chance it deserved.
But that chance is precisely the thing that people like Hunter endeavor to crush, turning America into a nation where anyone who does not look and sound and behave like its self-appointed True Patriots is de facto threatening, where the natural and philosophical resources are pillaged and destroyed in the acquisition of wealth, which is itself concentrated among only the most privileged, where philanthropy and empathy are relegated to little more than cute, clichéd memories, the habits of silly activists and dirty hippies, where the barrel-chested barons of a new Gilded Age stand astride the bodies of those who have been condemned to less fortunate fates, singing the praises of Social Darwinism and bellowing about the superfluity of a social safety net, declaring without a trace of irony, "The government never gave me anything!" as they deposit their million-dollar checks from their latest no-bid Defense Department contract then head off to Tiffany's to get The Little Woman a bauble with their fat tax returns.
They know only the soul of Corporate America. When the soul of their Ideal American Citizen stares them in the face, they suggest kicking it out of the country (but not before microchipping it first).
Within their own souls is not the expansive, courageous ideal they champion, but a profound insecurity born of the lazy complacency that unearned privilege breeds. They are anxious braggarts, waving the flag and shouting about how America is the "greatest country in the world!" at every opportunity—and then reacting with sullen resentment when people agree and clamor to get in the door.
Certain people, anyway.
My Scottish-born husband came to the US not because his life was dreadful or he was being persecuted or his family was starving or because he couldn't find work. He came on a fiancée visa (which speaks to our straight privilege as well as our class privilege) because he fell in love with an American citizen. And when we were flying over the ocean that once separated us, together, for the first time, clutching hands and chattering excitedly about the life on which we were about to embark, Iain talked about his vision of life in America—about its diversity and opportunity and generous supply of chances. It was, I imagine, a conversation not at all dissimilar to those had by undocumented immigrants making their way into the same country, who are different from Iain only by virtue of a piece of paper he held in his hand as he crossed the border.
That's it. Just a piece of paper.
Hunter and others like him would have us believe it's that piece of paper, or the lack thereof, that makes all the difference to them, but it is not that piece of paper at all which insulates Iain from hateful charges that he doesn't have the soul of a Real American. What insulates him is his DNA, and the privilege that he is afforded because of it, particularly in discussions that reduce "being American" to a matter of geography, law, and luck.
Being an American is more than that. Frequently, the people who weren't born here seem to understand that better than many of those who were.
They laugh and sniff and squirm and rage at the abiding belief shared by many Americans that this country is not "ours" to gift or deny to anyone who wants to share this space in good faith, and help make it better. They ignore any history that might suggest this land isn't "theirs." They not only draw lines along borders, but lines between citizens—the kind who belong here, and the kind who don't, because they didn't earn it, as if having been born here to citizens by a twist of fate is some sort of laudable achievement, but having been born here to non-citizens is some sort of scam.
And they talk about souls—whatever that means—as if souls don't reside inside one's humanity, which is neither contingent on nor contained by borders. Any American soul not firmly rooted in one's humanity isn't much of a soul at all; it's a selfish intellect disconnected from the commonality of humanness, whence the dehumanization of non-Americans begins.
I don't know if I have any kind of soul at all, no less a particularly American one. But if I do have an American soul, I can say this with certainty: Within my American soul is a love of this country, even despite its many flaws, so profound that I cannot imagine denying the chance to love it as much as I do to anyone who wanted it.
...And I Want a Cake with Scott McClellan on It!
My birthday is in May, and so recently Mama Shakes asked me to make a list of anything I might want or need for my birthday. Because I have a mind like a steel sieve, her request immediately fell right out, so she emailed me this morning with a reminder:
"Don't forget to send me a birthday list. If you don't send me one, I'm getting you The Collector's Edition of the Wit and Wisdom of Dick Cheney. If I buy you the whole set—Volumes 1-815—it comes with a free shotgun and box of bird shot. Did I mention that George W. wrote the introduction and Karl Rove added amusing commentary at the end of each chapter? Unfortunately, Harry Whittington chose not to participate in the project for some reason."
LOL!
Whovian Fandom Step Forward!
C'mon, we can't let all these sad Losties have all the geeky fun around here, can we? ;)
So - there's an issue that came up recently in discussing possible cosplay* around the new Doctor that I wanted to discuss. It's a bit spoilery, so I'm gonna go behind the jump here, but I know that those of you reading on RSS don't get that advantage, so I'm gonna just pause here for some spoiler identification (for my own sake as well as others'; I've only seen through episode 2 of Season 5 at the moment myself, and I ask most sincerely that you keep your discussions free of reference to events from episode 3 or beyond).
**SPOILERS BELOW! COMMENTS AS WELL, UP THROUGH S5E02**
The issue is this: there are, as ever, fascinating new characters, some of them at first glance eminently suitable for cosplay; the character around whom this discussion arose was the delicious Liz 10, HRH Elizabeth X of the UK&NI, as portrayed by the lovely and talented Sophie Okonedo.
She's a fun character, with a few great lines ("...higher alien intelligence, hair of an idiot." and "I'm the Queen, mate. Basically, I rule."), and a great easy costume to pull off: red dress, red hooded robe, boots, porcelain mask, all finished, right?
So one of my friends was a little surprised when, after mentioning how easy it would be to do, I stated that I'd never do it.
I don't think one can be a serious sf/f fan and not have heard about RaceFail last year, the huge explosion in fandom after some truly unfortunate and highly privileged statements by various authors and sf/f publishing industry people.
One thing it did for me was to point out to my own over-privileged eyes something I should have noticed earlier: the conspicuous lack of visibility of POC in sf/f, and a consequent lack of roles for POC in screen-media, as well as a concomitant lack of representation of POC in fandom (or FOC). I make no excuses for that failure to notice: it was privilege, pure and simple.
But it's meant I've had to look a little harder at cosplay, and how easy it is for white fans to appropriate the few roles that POC have won. We all know the roles, because there are few enough of them: Dr. Who's Martha Jones and her family, or Mickey Smith (and what was with Nine's bizarre and unsettling dismissal of Mickey from the moment they met?); Toshiko of Torchwood; various Klingons of TNG and more recent vintage (generally - but not always - played by POC); Storm of the X-Men; Teal'c of Stargate; Zoe, Book, and Fanty & Mingo from Firefly; the entire cast of Avatar: The Last Airbender; and a few others (mostly unnamed because I don't watch the shows in question; I don't even watch Stargate, but I know of Teal'c just from endless commercials thereof - though I didn't know his name!).
And it occurred to me that if I want to see more FOC out to cons and events, then one of the most elementary steps toward that end would be to make sure I don't tread on any of the small number of cosplay options that should, I believe, only be open to FOC. To do otherwise is to tread perilously close to "blackface" (or yellowface or redface or whatever other nasty replacement is happening).
We in the privileged seats have many, many options open to us: by far the majority of the roles continue to be given to people who look just like us, and even then, certain directors feel the need to "whitewash" their casts for the usual Hollywood bullshit reasons: that white fandom won't go see movies built around the lives and stories of POC, that there aren't sufficient quality actors of colour. This is the spurious and racist reasoning behind the horrendous miscasting of the live action version of Avatar TLA, or of whitewashing Ged and others from a broadcast of U. K. Le Guin's Earthsea.
So no, as I told my friend, though the character is delightful and I'd adore playing her, Liz 10 (and Zoe, and Tosh, and the few others) won't be someone I'll be cosplaying in this lifetime.
I hope no Shakers need to be told why it's not an equivalent problem if FOC decide to cosplay roles originally given to white actors.
For those wishing to educate themselves about the issues FOC face in being a visible and vocal part of greater fandom, I recommend a pair of LJ communities as a good start: foc_u - Fans of Colour United - and Racebending, the latter focused specifically on the travesty of the whitewashed cast of the live-action A:TLA (if you hadn't heard, this film will include one POC in the main cast of "good" guys, Dev Patel playing Prince Zuko - who starts out as a villain - while all the other POC in the cast are playing villains).
If we want to see a more diverse and representative fandom, as we claim, then we white fen need to shove over a bit, and make some room for FOC. And I think the most basic way we can start in doing that is to leave roles played by POC to be portrayed by FOC, and not appropriate them ourselves.
* Costume play - a form of fandom wherein the fen** dress in costumes to resemble the various characters of the fandom.
** Fen - a fan's name for fans as a group.
Question of the Day
Would you rather be a member of a world championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? Which sport would you choose?
[Taken from The Book of Questions, by Gregory Stock, PhD, published in 1985 and still sitting on my shelf looking pretty damn raggedy, because I've pulled it out at many a party for many a laugh.]
I would definitely prefer to be a member of a team—although only if I get to be the captain. *wink*
The sport would definitely be mixed-sex synchronized swimming, because Spudsy looks HAWT in a bathing cap.
