[Explanations: Pink Cupcake. lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
The Virtual Pub Is Open
[Explanations: Pink Cupcake. lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
Books and Cupcakes and Shit
All right, you collection of tree-hugging limousine liberals, pinko Commies, dope fiends, queerbaits, ladyboys, fat chicks, feminazi castrators, and assorted freaks: Let's talk about books and cupcakes.
I don't know what you fairies have against Jack Ryan, but he is one of my favorite books. Now, normally, reading is for fags, but I make an exception for Tim Clancy Books. Because those are all about kicking ass and taking names, otherwise known as the things that make America the greatest country in the universe. YEAH!
My stepmom Cheryl keeps nagging me to read more, which is total crap because we had English together in high school, and she didn't read SHIT, but anyways, part of the reason I only read Tim Clancy is because he's about the only dude who meets Butch's Five Rules of Reading:
A. Only read books that ain't never been and ain't never gonna be on Oprah's dumbass book list.
B. Never read books that have a martini or a shoe on the cover.
3. Only read books by dudes who already have at least one book made into a major motion picture starring one or more Baldwin brothers.
4. I ain't getting a library card because I don't need some withered old bat telling me I need to be pipe down in the Tim Clancy section.
E. I sure as hell ain't gonna go in no Barnes and Freakin' Noble with all them coffee lesbos.
5. I pick up all my reading material at the gas station, 'cuz it's just about the only place you can find Oui Magazine nowadays, or at the pharmacy. Way I figure it, it if ain't for sale in the book aisle at Walgreens, it ain't worth reading. And it works out good because a book and a stick of Axe deodorant last me the same amount of time.
So those are the rules. And if you don't like Tim Clancy, you're probably queer.
Now, about cupcakes. I don't eat 'em. I mean, if you put some cake mix in a muffin tin and put some icing on that baby, I won't say no. But it better not have no goddamn Smurf on it.
Pornstache: Out.
[Previously by Butch Pornstache: Happy Taxes and Teabags Day, I'm a Proud Teabagger and Real American, Men and Trucks and Shit, Cats and Shit.]
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
Daily Kitteh
Cat in Hat
I couldn't stop giggling about how she looks like a little turtle here.
Awwwwwwwwww!
Tiger Woods
I couldn't care less about Tiger Woods' apology if you paid me; it's a physical impossibility for me to care any less about it and still be breathing.
Which doesn't mean I don't have an interest in the cultural narratives that play into many wealthy professional male athletes evidently regarding women as one of the entitlements and privileges of their success, or the way the media covers such stories, but apologies for infidelities that don't involve any kind of legal issue—creating a hostile work environment, for example—aren't my business.
Tiger Woods never took a vow to me to be faithful to his wife.
And there's seems to me something deeply disrespectful to Elin, his wife, when we clamor for him to give an apology to us, too. Especially after our usual months of speculation about how his infidelity was her fault. (With an added twist, this time, of falsely accusing her of domestic violence.) Now it's all, "Get in line, sister! We need to hear how sorry he is to us!"
And all the "well, he traded on a squeaky-clean image that was false!" in the world doesn't justify demanding some kind of public apology. That's between him and his sponsors, and if they want to drop his ass like a hot ton of bricks, so be it.
Speaking of which, it has occurred to me that he may well have been contractually obligated by one or more of his sponsors to make a public apology for breaching a character clause, which would make the whole thing even worse. Public contrition for cheating on my wife, sponsored by Nike!
Ugh. We're such a fucked-up country.
Tiger Woods is giving a 14-minute apology for marital infidelity, while, in other news, Roman Polanski's new film that he edited from jail is teh awesome!
I just...ugh.
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, proud distributors of Butch Pornstache's Cakes Baked in Muffin Tins. "They're NOT cupcakes, Cupcake."
Recommended Reading:
Fannie: Average Joe Fails to See Rape Culture, Doesn't Like "Tone" of Women Who Do
Andy: Gay Adoptive Parents Win Birth Certificate Case in Louisiana
Resistance: I Know
Renee: The Olympic Flowers Represent Women's Activism
Ezra: Is the public option making a comeback?
meloukhia: Why I Am Not Riled About Every Instance of Crip Drag
(I especially love this line from meloukhia's post: "I'm also curious to know why it is that social justice activists are constantly being asked why they aren't critiquing something while at the same time they are informed that they are 'just looking for a reason to be offended'." Too. Fuckin'. True.)
Leave your links in comments...
My Book Report
My book report is on "The Bear and the Dragon", by a man named Tom Clancy. I thought it would be a story about a bear and a dragon, and maybe how they became friends and had adventures and stuff, but it totally wasn't.
Instead it's about how this guy named John Ryan (but who people call Jack, it's kinda weird) who is totally not the author or anything becomes Partisan of America and lives in the White House, and how he goes around solving everyone's problems like Superman does or something, and he always keeps saying how he's so ordinary and normal.
And in it there's this guy who almost gets killed by a rocket, but it hits this other guy by mistake, and then they do this murder CSI thing for a lot of pages, and it turns out the guys who killed the wrong guy got killed, and then they found out that it was spies from China who made the Russian guy try to kill the other guy (this was all in Moscow or something).
Anyway, then a bunch of other stuff happens, and then...this takes too long. I'ma just, like, write it out in short words, okay?
America good! Communism bad. Socialism very bad. Men like guns! Women like cooking! Strong manly men good! Weak women bad, except for sex! Sex good! Whores bad! Mommies good! Babies very good! Abortion bad. Both religions good: Baptists and Catholics! Other religions bad and wrong.
Taiwan good! Hong Kong sorta good! China bad. Chinese people different! Talk different! Look different! Different bad! Atheism very very bad. Can cause feminism. Feminists go to hell! HELL!
Black people live in America! They are pastors and army guys and football players! See their dignity? See their very white teeth? Black women also exist! They are wives, and sometimes mommies.
Later, lying diplomats bad. Uncouth jackass good! Guns in China bad. Guns in America good! Gun-haters bad. Gun-lovers good! Liberals bad. Newspapers bad, except when good.
China small penis! America big one! Show it to you! Bow to big American penis! BOW! Not bowing makes you Hitler!
Also, some wars and junk, and then it finishes with Superman making the earth spin around backwards or something, I don't know, I got bored and put it down.
Is that enough words yet? I hate these stupid reports.
Oh, and there were NO bears or dragons, except this one guy kept, like, shooting bears, and we're supposed to think he's awesome cause he did it with this old rifle from, like, a hundred miles away or something. As if.
English class sucks.
This is a real thing in the world.
[Click to embiggen.]
The Butch Bakery, located in New York, is the brainchild of former Wall Street securities attorney David Arrick, who "felt it was time to combine a masculine aesthetic to a traditionally cute product—the cupcake. When a magazine article mentioned that cupcakes were a combination of everything 'pink, sweet, cute, and magical', he felt it was time to take action, and butch it up."
Since REAL MEN can't eat no pink and magical bullshit, the Butch Bakery sells cupcakes for men in tantalizingly butch designs of Woodland Camo, Wood Grain, Houndstooth, Plaid, Checkerboard, and Marble. (No, I am not making this up.)
Their website (screen-capped above), done in appropriate butch hues of black, gunmetal, and khaki, exhorts: "Butch it up, buttercup. These ain't your grandma's cupcakes." YEAH! GRANDMAS ARE FOR PUSSIES!
Also to be found on the front page of the website is the Butch Bakery's "MAN-ifesto" (caps original), not to be confused with one of those grody "WOMAN-ifestos," which reads: "Our objective is simple. We're men. Men who like cupcakes. Not the frilly pink-frosted sprinkles-and-unicorns kind of cupcakes. We make manly cupcakes. For manly men."
Let me guess: They're sold by the half-dozen but there are really only four to a box.
This is quite genuinely the most dismal display of insecure, patriarchy-approved masculinity I have ever seen. The Butch Bakery is the sad, testerical endgame in defining masculinity in contradistinction to the feminine: What makes me a man is simply not being a woman.
[H/T to Lauredhel, via email.]
Discussion Thread: Sci-Fi Heroines
Doing the open threads this week, I noted (once again) the difficulty of finding sci-fi heroines who are women of color, particularly WOC who are also main characters and not relegated to background dressing. The other thing that was really frustrating was finding images that weren't totally sexxxified. (And as Liss pointed out when I was griping about this to her, just try finding a fat sci-fi heroine.)
Who are your favorite sci-fi heroines who break the typical sexxxified white glamazon mold?
Headline of the Day
"Polanski Film Released in Awkward Circumstances." Awkward circumstances? Oh, okay.
It's Better Than Operation Red Dawn, I Guess
WaPo: "The Obama administration has decided to give the war in Iraq a new name—'Operation New Dawn'—to reflect the reduced role U.S. troops will play in securing the country this year as troop levels fall, according to a memo from Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates."
Open Thread: Plane Crash in Austin
David Neiwert: Huh? Since when is attempting to blow up a federal building NOT an act of domestic terrorism?
Max Bergmann: New MA Senator Scott Brown Yawns at Plane Attack on IRS Building: 'No One Likes Paying Taxes'
Use this thread for discussion and sharing links to other good info you've found.
Question of the Day
Suggested by Shaker JimmyJam696969: If you could invite six famous people to a dinner party who would you invite?
Hillary Clinton, Cornel West, Sonia Sotomayor, Eddie Izzard, Gabby Sidibe, and Kazuo Ishiguro.
What do you serve a politician, an academic, a jurist, a comedian, an actor, and a novelist? I'm not sure—but I would make it like 27 courses, so I could keep talking to them as long as possible.
So, Here's What I'm Thinking…
We just dismantle the entire American government as it now exists, and we hire American stage and screen actor Richard Kind to play a lovable benevolent dictator for awhile. I mean, technically he'll actually be the dictator of Rebootistan (which will be the USA's new name, and we'll Rebooties, and stop hogging "American" all to ourselves), but with the understanding that it's only a temporary part, like a Broadway Play, writ large, which will run until people who don't want to sell off this nation to the highest bidder figure out how to rebuild this baby from scratch. With a parliament. And run-off elections. And more than two parties. And national healthcare.
How bad could it really be?
Quote of the Day
Aren't liberals always talking about diversity? Well, where is it?! [applause] In reality, when liberals talk about diversity, they never mean offering students a wide variety of ideas, including conservative ones. Nope. Their diver—their version of diversity is, is bizarre.H/T to Shaker Ethan.
For instance, at the University of Michigan, students can take a class on [says this as if it's the weirdest thing he's ever heard] Native American Feminism. [throws up his hands; audience laughter] There is also Cyber Feminism at Cornell University. And, uh, maybe my all-time favorite, the class at Occidental College which deconstructs what it means to be a feminist new black man. [audience laughter] Now, if you're wondering what just exactly is a feminist new black man, [audience laughter] think of a crossover between Ru Paul and Barney Frank. [audience laughter and applause]
—Jason Mattera, "spokesman for Young America's Foundation, a conservative group whose mission is to inspire America's youth with the principles of conservatism."
How The Fuck Is This Even Legal?
Oh, yeah, it's not. Hence the lawsuit. According to Blake J Robbins v Lower Merion School District webcams on the laptops issued to student body were secretly activated by the schools' administrators to spy on students and their families at home.
The issue came to light when the Robbins's child was disciplined for "improper behavior in his home" and the Vice Principal used a photo taken by the webcam as evidence.What? The FUCK? I mean... Jebus... No, Christ... Wait... Just, no. Fucking no.
(PDF of the filing here.)
[H/T to Shaker EvilTammy.]
